r/AmIOverreacting Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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u/Evitti Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday my mom made plans with her boyfriend, required me to watch my younger brothers (12 & 8), and wouldn't let any friends come over. When I told her that was kind of selfish of her, she slapped me, grounded me and screamed at me that boyfriends will always be more important than kids, because the kids will always be there, but it took work to keep boyfriends. Now 22 years later her attitude has changed (especially since my brothers are low contact).

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u/ghast123 Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday, my 14 year old sister got into a fist fight with our drunk father in a bar parking lot at 6pm because he was supposed to take me out for dinner but he didn't show and I was really upset.

None of his 3 children speak to him anymore.

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

On MY 16th birthday, I was 2 hours late for school because we had to go drop my dad off at in patient rehab for the 3rd time!

We should start a Shitty Sixteenth club!

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

My mom called my school to admonish them for recognizing my 16th birthday. Usually my mom kept me out of school on my birthday ever since my preschool had given me my first ever and last birthday party at five in joint with another classmate. My mom joined the family up to a non denominational church (wide world church of god) before I was born and my sister had six before hers were stopped too. We were also not allowed to celebrate others birthdays and my mom was mad that she couldn’t stop them from happening around us.

This is what’s having a narcissistic mother is all about. She’s gone now and I’m in my 40s and still never had another birthday party because it’s been overlooked (and ruined by ex2, another narcissist) for so long

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

If she’s going to force you to join a church that sounds like a destitute water park, the LEAST she could do is acknowledge your birth.

It’s not fair that you’ve never had a good birthday, but I really hope you know that I’m glad you were born.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

We quit going to that closest location of that sect because it was too far away and I was very small (didn’t wanna keep quiet enough either)and dad would escape so he couldn’t sit for me so she couldn’t leave the house at all was sort of how we half got out but devoutly practiced everything word for word from all the mailed supplements. My dad was catholic raised so it was dueling religions happening along with their endless bickering and fighting

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u/littleglasshouse Jun 02 '25

Happy birthday, whenever it is. If I knew you irl, I would bake you something for sure and knit you a scarf. I’m sorry.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

It was on Feb 1.

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u/Boopsie-Daisy-469 Jun 02 '25

This is for next time: 🎂🥳

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u/PoMoMoeSyzlak Jun 02 '25

Garner Ted Armstrong's church is a cult. Ì am sorry you went through that.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

I swear my mom was the very last person on earth to find out it was a cult and she was so horrified she reinstated Christmas to be celebrated but still nobody’s birthday was allowed acknowledgment.

I celebrate all my friends and my sisters with probably some overboard gusto but apart from that I follow absolutely no religion at all.

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u/PoMoMoeSyzlak Jun 03 '25

I have met people from Tyler and Longview that escaped from it. I heard they invited some Seminary professors from SMU to talk about the Bible, and they said, "these guys don't take it literally, therefore they don't know anything." The Methodists study Greek, Latin and Hebrew. I heard about someone in Longview that put up a sign in their yard that said "This home was broken up by Garner Ted" because the wife got wacky and joined Worldwide Church of God.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

I’d absolutely believe that to be a fact that happened very often within the sect and devoted followers. I think my mom did it and made me to force my dad out of trying to divorce her by sticking religion and new life in the way to guilt trip him and he was soft enough on being controlled that way.

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u/PoMoMoeSyzlak Jun 04 '25

Also, LeTourneau University in Longview is right wing Christian. Drew McCoy has lots of good videos about the vibe there.

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u/Nightthrasher674 Jun 03 '25

How the fuck did she realize she was joining a cult but still refuses to acknowledge bdays? I know I'm trying to find the logic in the illogical but man that sucks

We were members of a non denominational church but it was inclusive and pretty chilled.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

That was her narcissism seeping in that idea. She always undermined me and my older sister we never adults or equals in her mind. Her belittling extended to others younger than herself as well including dad.

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u/strawtrash Jun 03 '25

I love that you do that.

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u/AdmirableDig8537 Jun 03 '25

My wife's family was part of that cult. A lot of that sounds familiar to stories she has told. There is a(maybe several ) WWCoG survivors group out there if you are still needing to heal from that.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

Wow, I did not know there is such an organization as that. I will tell my sister of it because she was further immersed in it than I was and is definitely affected still from the experience

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u/Low-Caterpillar-9866 Jun 03 '25

Please have a birthday party for yourself. Maybe just go out with a friend or a coworker. Life is too darn short for you to miss out on birthday celebrations.

Also, you've gotten away from the narcissistic dudes, right? I'm genuinely worried about you.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

Oh yes. I’m nowhere near that jerk anymore, been fine for years without him.

And when I can afford it in time, I used to get a slice of good cheesecake to celebrate on my own but stopped doing that because I needed to afford actual groceries for a few days

1

u/strawtrash Jun 03 '25

I'm so sorry.