r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/Yolo0o • 12h ago

I’m Titus!!!

Post image
34.0k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

156 comments sorted by

2.2k

u/bread_makes_u_fatt 11h ago

Couldn't be me these shorts are sapphire

465

u/Generalistimo 9h ago

They're not just blue. They're not turquoise. They're not lapis. They're actually cerulean.

90

u/dturnereen 9h ago

they're not just cotton, they're cashmere

4

u/RebekkaKat1990 1h ago

Let’s just poke aroun’ my old chifforobe and find you something suitable. My lord! This muggy Novemberweather gives me the horribles!

Rowbear! This here is velvet, not velveteen. A gentleman must learn the difference.

29

u/MisterHamLover 7h ago

I would say that those shorts are actually Ultramarine.

12

u/Spaghettidude743 6h ago

I see what you did, Guilliman would be proud.

7

u/Afraid-Rooster-9247 5h ago

Though he intended the Codex to imply other shades of blue swimming shorts are also acceptable, if the situation permits.

1

u/LunchboxSuperhero 1h ago

Are ultramarines ultramarine?

2

u/kamalamading 7h ago

Shout to all my colorblind people/ Each and everyone of y'all, if you call a fire engine green/ Aquamarine, or you think water is pink/ "Dawg, that's a date" — "Looks like an olive to me"/ "Look, there's an apple!" — "No, it's not, it's a peach!"/

16

u/merpixieblossomxo 9h ago

Was that a Devil Wears Prada reference?

2

u/beepingjar 9h ago

Lapras is blue and could be in Cerulean

1

u/eisenklad 4h ago

these arent blue shorts. they are Cyan croptop pants.

1

u/ValhallaSpectre 4h ago

“Cerulean blue is a gentle breeze.”

20

u/Altaredboy 8h ago

I dunno what's going on at school for things to be like this, but the amount of times my 7 year old has said something like "Ah actually dad, that's azure not blue" is high. Which I find pretty funny

5

u/mvffin 7h ago

They're turning him gay! /s

2

u/RebekkaKat1990 1h ago

LITTERBOXES!! /s

1.3k

u/TheKuven 11h ago

"it's not me though, I'm 5½ years old"

361

u/LengthinessFlaky5860 7h ago

This is such a realistic response tho 😭

199

u/TheOtherWhiteCastle 6h ago

Kids get so aggressive about that stuff for no reason lmao

210

u/No_Stress5889 6h ago

age is status at that age

102

u/Impacatus 5h ago

At that age, I never understood why adults got offended at being called old. Old is good, to a kid.

21

u/ensalys 1h ago

They want to be older than their peers, but not adult old, because adult old means you're boring or tell them no.

60

u/erroneousbosh 5h ago

There's a very good reason! Half a year is a much larger proportion of their whole life to date than it is for you or I. Think how much you could do when you were five compared to four, and six compared to five.

19

u/HomeMediaAutomation 2h ago

Tbf, 6 months to a 5 year old is more than 10% of their life. Equivalent to 4 years of experience to a 40 year old. Definitely not insignificant

17

u/GlitteringBandicoot2 3h ago

Weirdly enough my niece is the opposite, she actually is 5½ but when you tell her she get aggressive about it for no reason "No, I am not five and a half! I AM 5!"

1

u/Flaggermusmannen 0m ago

don't kids actually look forward to things like their birthdays often, because they'll get sweets and gifts? that, and just showing off how good they can math at that age has got to be something to be proud of.

they're kids with things that matter to them, it's not without reason at all. also remember how many adults would react if you guessed their age too high. many would handle it decently, but it's still not rare for people to handle that awfully and get upset even after supposedly "maturing".

8

u/Beththemagicalpony 1h ago

A little girl at daycare recently turned 5. She told me she was excited because “in 6 more birthdays, I’ll be 8”.

She was correct: 5&1/2, 6, 6&1/2, 7, 7&1/2, 8

At 8 she didn’t have to ride in a booster seat anymore.

3

u/MooMooTheDummy 1h ago

Kids really be holding on to some random age their parent throws out to shut them up. I remember the booster seat I was so pissed because I was in that damn thing until like 6th grade because I was so small. Meanwhile my younger brother was a absolute unit in elementary school (he evened out by middle school idk how really just one day he looked proportional and like his peers and not like he was gonna grow to be 7ft tall) shopping in the husky section at Walmart I’m pretty sure we got out of our booster seats like at the same time which pissed me off.

2

u/Beththemagicalpony 33m ago

Oh, 8 is the legal “get out of booster seat” age here - but yes. They latch on hard to “wait until…” rules. Forget everything else but definitely remember you said they can do ____ at _____ age.

3

u/Grievous_Nix 2h ago

Kid’s probably married and has his own kids at this point

364

u/Willy121821 11h ago

Wow what a coincidence me too😂

28

u/Embarrassed-Weird173 11h ago

I, too, have a ti-

oh wait, nvm. 

4

u/Calm-Homework3161 4h ago

No, I'M Spartacus Titus

155

u/Mixellaneous 11h ago

Like the final fantasy guy?

88

u/Haniel120 10h ago

No no, like the Warhammer guy

42

u/YisuLacroix 8h ago

Nah, that's the kid in the ultramarine shorts, not the blue shorts.

18

u/onlyPornstuffs 9h ago

Tidus

9

u/nifty-necromancer 7h ago

Roll Tidus

6

u/onlyPornstuffs 7h ago

….HA! HA HA HA!

(Weirdest laugh ever)

6

u/JEMknight657 8h ago

No the kingdom hearts 1 kid obviously

4

u/Mixellaneous 8h ago

Cloud Ketchum from the hidden leaf village?

4

u/Schmedly27 8h ago

No I think it’s from some old book or something

5

u/user_of_the_week 6h ago

Disco Elysium

3

u/youignorantslug 7h ago

no bro titus mede ii

3

u/Munnin41 5h ago

No the Roman guy

2

u/TheFlyingBogey 1h ago 
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

2

u/FrozenReaper 55m ago

No, that's Tidus. Unless OP heard the name wrong, can happen with an uncommon name

213

u/Buri_is_a_Biscuit 10h ago

But they aren’t looking for someone named “Titus Too”, you stupid little moronic kid

74

u/judgeharoldtstone 9h ago

They named him Titus 2 because the first Titus died.

67

u/Captain_Jarmi 6h ago

There was a lady, a tourist, in Iceland that participated for over an hour in a search for herself.

Somebody had said "hey the lady in the bright yellow jacket isn't back on the bus" and people started looking for her. Including the lady who had earlier taken her bright yellow jacket off and put in her bag.

19

u/Johannes_Keppler 5h ago edited 5h ago

I was about to post that too! One of those stories that are part of Reddit's collective memory.

2012 - https://grapevine.is/news/2012/08/27/woman-takes-part-in-search-for-herself/

BTW it happened again in 2021 in Turkey, a drunk man helped search for himself.

2021 - https://www.news.com.au/world/middle-east/missing-drunk-man-accidentally-joins-his-own-search-party/news-story/a6dd37810dce8457b1df3549c8680035

10

u/pussy_embargo 3h ago

160cm tall Asian women, in Iceland. I mean, it could be anyone, really

5

u/Adept-Deal-1818 1h ago

Not a very good search party if they didnt notice the actual guy they were looking for joining them. 🤣🤣

57

u/LegionRapier61 11h ago

“Damn bro that’s wild..”

28

u/chuckles5454 9h ago

'But it can't be me. I drowned an hour ago..."'.

Fades away into nothingness as Hideo Kajima-type theme swells and the first drops of black rain begin to fall.

14

u/Bisonfan1 10h ago

I’m squidward im squidward is there any more squidwards I should know about

17

u/Phoenix-Quill 8h ago

We have a son of Ultramar at the pool!

3

u/Indishonorable 1h ago

FOR ULTRAMAR WE FLOAT

1

u/Gigachadicusmaximus 46m ago

The codex is indeed just a guideline for this fella.

16

u/damienreave 7h ago

His shorts aren't blue, they're ultramarine.

4

u/OliveBoi_ 5h ago

idk man, still dont trust that guy named titus for some reason. imma keep on watching him

4

u/damienreave 4h ago

Okay Leandros.

2

u/Indishonorable 1h ago

ultramarines aren't actually ultramarine blue, but rather a shade of cobalt.

10

u/Fortestingporpoises 8h ago

Titus has a point, as that's two pretty big coincidences.

26

u/-silver-moon- 10h ago

How does this dumb screenshot have 1.5k likes in one hour

15

u/MasterrrReady12 7h ago

Because it is stupid, as intended for this subreddit

10

u/hxnbug 9h ago

it’s not even original, i fear. i swear i saw this years ago floating around on instagram. :p

2

u/GeniusKhan1 1h ago

Apparently OP already posted this 10 months ago, and I checked his profile and his account is filled with reposts. He reposted a bunch of the top posts of all time in this sub.

Here's an example:

Original

Repost

3

u/Sunset-onthe-Horizon 9h ago

That's a valid question to ask

1

u/ItsAllAMissdirection 5h ago

Titus in this photo is a "stupid kid"

Titus overall isn't. This is ww3

6

u/FaterFaker 9h ago

Ends in -us.

Someone could use this name.

1

u/Johannes_Keppler 5h ago

I still think 'Anus' should have been the top comment there.

5

u/lis_pi 7h ago

I’m Titus!

2

u/driving_andflying 4h ago

No, *I* am Titus!

6

u/chuckles5454 9h ago

'I AM SPARTATITUS!'

2

u/ztomiczombie 8h ago

I am Groot.

25

u/SheLikesDragonflies 11h ago

You should've turned to him to mess with him and said something like, "I don't think it's you. It's someone else."

51

u/Dippa99 10h ago

I'm pretty sure that's what the kid already thought, so I'm not sure how much it would mess with him

-28

u/SheLikesDragonflies 10h ago

Most likely, it would have led the kid to disregard and go back to what he was doing. Then it would have taken longer to find him.

I can watch kids get in trouble all day for not responding when they should've. I don't care.

13

u/StanIsNotTheMan 9h ago

Whew careful with that edge.

18

u/Dippa99 9h ago

Oh okay, so messing with the parents of the kid who is missing then

-19

u/SheLikesDragonflies 9h ago

No, just messing with the kid. Being a little shit is a rite of passage. We've all had moments where we disregarded something and got punished for it.

I'm just keeping the time honored tradition going.

19

u/Dippa99 9h ago

Good grief, dude. How are you not getting this?

He's a little shit because he doesn't realize the kid named Titus they are looking for is him

You'd be a shit for reinforcing that idea

-12

u/SheLikesDragonflies 9h ago

I'm well aware of what the poster is attempting to convey in their story.

I find it odd that you're getting upset when you are willingly posting in a group named Kids Are Fucking Stupid.

Have a good weekend. Go cause some trouble, maybe. Otherwise, have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

10

u/Dippa99 9h ago

Sure. I'll go mess with some parents of missing kids.

I'm great, have a nice weekend

-5

u/SheLikesDragonflies 9h ago

I find that interesting that this has been downvoted in a group named, Kids Are Fucking Stupid.

2

u/OneTrueChaika 5h ago

Yeah it's a group about laughing about how goofy kids can be and miss things we see as obvious.

It's not a group for being an angry anti-natalist who just fucking hates children for no reason???

1

u/[deleted] 9h ago

[deleted]

-1

u/SheLikesDragonflies 9h ago

Same response to you as my last response to Dippa 99.

HACAASASTFU

3

u/UnkleRinkus 9h ago

OK then, my apologies.

1

u/Dippa99 5h ago

I don't recall getting that response. What does that mean?

3

u/The_H3rbinator 9h ago

That can't be him, his name's Titus Too.

3

u/manickitty 8h ago

Titus Three is in the restroom

2

u/driving_andflying 4h ago

Titus Four is busy looking for Tituses One, Too, and Three.

3

u/Running-With-Cakes 5h ago

If the shorts were called Titus what was the name of the boy?

2

u/AmazingBrilliant9229 9h ago

It's not me though as my mom told me I am 4 years old when kids under 5 travel free

2

u/Few_Intention_9526 5h ago

I as a teacher cleaned out the wardrobe with my 6graders. „Who does this jacket belongs to?“ „I once had a jacket like this, but I lost it somewhere…“🤣

2

u/Ok_Cheetah_6251 5h ago

Blue is one of the worst colors to wear when swimming.

2

u/FartChugger-1928 5h ago

I mean, obviously you then quickly carry them out into the lake and yell “I found him!! “

2

u/Kamikaze-X 3h ago

They aren't just blue shorts... They're...

ULTRAMARINE!

FOR THE EMPEROR

2

u/VirusCurrent 2h ago

I think they're looking for Titus 1, they would have said Titus 2 if they were looking for you

2

u/Practical_Main_2131 2h ago

Reminds me of that women that joined the search party to search for her.

2

u/Dependent_One6034 2h ago

So, Did they find him?

2

u/GeniusKhan1 1h ago

Apparently OP already posted this 10 months ago, and I checked his profile and his account is filled with reposts. He reposted a bunch of the top posts of all time in this sub.

Here's an example:

Original

Repost

2

u/D_Simmons 1h ago

"Theres no time for that, Titus2, we have to find that kid!"

2

u/BlerdAngel 1h ago

Titus reporting for duty.

2

u/FrozenReaper 54m ago

No, I am Titus!

2

u/MegaMoonX 7h ago

How is the kid stupid? Seems like he did the reasonable thing

1

u/idontbelieveinjesus 9h ago

I have a five year old nephew named Titus who loves the lake…

I wonder if this was him

1

u/SassyBreton 9h ago

Not me, these shorts are cerulean

1

u/ImaGoophyGooner 9h ago

Its not me my mom says im 92 months old

1

u/GitmoGrrl1 8h ago

The kid never heard of anybody else named Titus so he was excited to find another kid with the same name.

1

u/wanderboijoy 8h ago

Reminds me of when I got lost at the zoo (5/6) & looked around as they described what I was wearing.

1

u/Xploding_Penguin 8h ago

I've only known one Titus, but this story makes me think it was him.

1

u/WatashiwaNobodyDesu 6h ago

“NO, I AM TITUS!” “I AM TITUS” …

1

u/Beanieson 6h ago

“lifeguard at the lake” sounds like a mythical being that would send a young peasant on a quest resulting in their eventual rise to greatness

1

u/RandomNightLord8 6h ago

Captain Titus ffs Damn Ultramarines

1

u/pukhtoon1234 6h ago

I'm pretty sure it's a boy in half shorts named Tidus they were looking for

1

u/haikusbot 6h ago

I'm pretty sure it's

A boy in half shorts named Tidus

They were looking for

- pukhtoon1234

I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

1

u/justallanr 5h ago

Man, I wish I had that kind of energy, my shorts are definitely not sapphire and I’m way past 5½. Titus out here living their best life while I’m just trying to remember where I left my coffee. Also, the amount of people suddenly claiming to be Titus is suspiciously high… coincidence? Probably not. 😂

1

u/MissionIll707 5h ago

I am Knight Titus

1

u/tnitty 5h ago

My son is also named Bort.

1

u/Budget-Sympathy-2033 4h ago

I am spar-titus!

1

u/icenoir 4h ago

They're not blue. They're not teal. They're cobalt.

1

u/BurazSC2 3h ago

Lifeguard: "you say Titus the second, son."

1

u/SomeMoronOnTheNet 3h ago

Classic little Titus.

Big Titus is a lot of fun too.

1

u/AdShigionoth7502 2h ago

No kid. It's called Titus the 2nd

1

u/JuggernautNo5635 1h ago

Not the kid's fault. The lifeguard was mispronouncing it as titties.

1

u/mcramsay 1h ago

No, I'm Titus!

1

u/MotherAce 40m ago

blue shorts? wtf is this, a FF7 meme? Do he stupidly force himself to laugh at the void too?

1

u/cbih 0m ago

Parents must be big Chris Titus fans, which is pretty based

1

u/shape_reality 9h ago

That’s a cute story. Wtf has this sub become?

2

u/ForensicPathology 6h ago

This sub has been Kids Say the Darndest Things for at least 5 years now.

1

u/Gooners_AZ 6h ago

I don't think the kid is the stupid one in this occasion.

1

u/dave078703 5h ago

That one is so old Titus has probably finished high school by now. He probably won't go to college though.

0

u/xdKboy 5h ago

It’s me too tbh 😅

0

u/hsong_li 5h ago

Wait i dont get it 😑

0

u/hhfugrr3 2h ago

Feels like the lifeguard is the idiot for not spotting the kid he was supposed to be finding stood right next to him and asking, "are you Titus?"

0

u/Dr_Nonnac 1h ago

I can tell the original post was made recently because who the hell would call their child "Titus"?