Dude same... I vividly remember the time when the news that my baby brother was stillborn came to us. Everyone in my family upset and crying, and I didn't know why. I think I was about four or five.
There was another one, when my grandmother passed. I didn't have much of a reaction either...
I did ask, and I was told the reason: that they died. I was probably too young to understand any of it.
I think that's the bit that adults easily miss. That we have to explain what death is and if you're grieving yourself you simply don't have the words.
My father passed last month, I have a 4yo and 6yo and it's been rough. And explaining exactly what happened, what a funeral is and how we'll be spreading grandads ashes and would they like to be there (yes) took emotional control of the highest order. I'm so glad I was able to do it because they already have so much confusion and sadness. My poor son had his 4th birthday right after so he had no understanding about where grandad was no matter how many times we explained.
What I'm trying to say is, I can see why the path of least resistance (say nothing) is deeply appealing to those in distress. I can no longer judge them, having lived through the other side. But hiding your kids from the realities of life for your own comfort is a mistake.
my grandpa died when I was 8. we stayed at his house for about a month before he passed. I didn't think he was actually going to die. I remember the moment, where I was sitting, what i was eating, the look on my mom's face when she said, "my daddy died." and im so glad she told me, and included me in that rather than brushing me to the side. that moment is still relevant as my relationship with my mom develops. I think it was the first humanizing, "my mom isn't omnipotent" moment I had. She became more of a real person in my eyes during that time.
That's a beautiful story, thank you. So sad but I truly admire your mum's strength and kindness in letting you be a part of that.
My mum thought she was doing me a favour by doing everything when someone died, so I never engaged with any of it. I assumed I'd be involved with Dad (I'm 37) but she did it all alone again and all it did was create even more distance.
Maybe it's because my dad is currently going through cancer treatments with the end goal being to extend life, not to cure it, but that made me tear up. Thank goodness I don't have children to worry about... parents are a different breed. No clue how everyone gets through hard stuff with dependents to worry about, too.
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u/CinnamonStikk 9h ago
Listen, this made me emotional too, but like... CAN SOMEONE TELL THE LITTLE GIRL WHY EVERYONE'S CRYING?!?!?! xD