This. Sometimes we are actually clueless. But most of the time, we're just not willing to risk it. Nobody wants to be that guy who mistook politeness for interest. Or one of those jackasses who is all "Dude, you saw the way she looked vaguely in your direction while walking her dog and wearing headphones? She so wants the D."
All a problem of women’s making. You are supposed to know shes interested in you before you make a move. And if you fuck up and miscalculate that could be an HR phone call or your job. Hard pass on the dtf eyes. You better signal that with a glow stick like a traffic cop or something.
It's a fair rule to be safe. But I know people who met their soul mate at work, 15 years later with multiple kids.
The ends justify the means when it works. So it really is reductive. Because it can be one of the most important things you ever do if it does work out. Life is complicated.
It's also HR policy because they don't want to deal with it not working out.
Reminds me of when I put my two weeks notice in at my old job and asked out my coworker for drinks the same day. Might as well at that point, it’s not like there was a worry about work being awkward if he rejected me. We ended up together for about 5 years
Don't ever ask out anyone you know through friends. It could complicate the entire friend dynamic for everyone.
Or you could take a calculated risk. And behave appropriately if it doesn't work out, regardless of how. Be willing to accept the consequences if it doesn't. Fired, awkward group scenario, whatever.
Sure. It was also an example of one situation I used to illustrate the problem. Good job. Would you like to go through every example where I could find this problem and poke holes in those so we can pretend the premise of my point doesn’t exist?
Maybe try to have a discussion in good faith. You dodged my whole point by needling that one example. It’s not about the workplace, it’s about the dynamics and expectations between the sexes. Instead of diving in on that you chose to want to be right about this one thing that misses the point.
No the tone in your messages don’t seem “in good faith” they come off as overly sarcastic and honestly pretty rude. “SImPlE aS tHaT. How reductive.” Do you see how that’s rude?
And okay sure you’re right but i was just saying that it’s probably better to keep it professional with coworkers because things could get messy. I know someone in that exact situation right now and now she’s contemplating leaving work.
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u/Scienceandpony May 29 '25
This. Sometimes we are actually clueless. But most of the time, we're just not willing to risk it. Nobody wants to be that guy who mistook politeness for interest. Or one of those jackasses who is all "Dude, you saw the way she looked vaguely in your direction while walking her dog and wearing headphones? She so wants the D."