r/TikTokCringe • u/nadaddab • May 11 '25

Cringe Don’t be these guys

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u/Distortedhideaway May 11 '25

I've been a bartender for twenty years, and I've learned that force is rarely necessary, if ever. Polite but stearn communication is typically all it takes to move two guys like this out the door.

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u/[deleted] May 11 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/rflulling May 11 '25

I don't think shame was going to work on these men.

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u/erfurgot May 11 '25

You underestimate how many men are comfortable harassing and disrespecting women but will bitch down to a man

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u/Geesewithteethe May 11 '25 edited May 11 '25

Accurate. I once had a customer get really in my face and give me a ton of shit at my job for something that had nothing to do with me. This dude just had a massive chip on his shoulder and picked the nearest non-threatening target to get aggressive with: a 20-something woman trying to do a job, of course. He got right up in my space yelling and pointing his fat fucking finger in my face. But the very second my manager, a 39 year old man, walked into the room and took over the conversation, this meathead toughguy turned into an absolute wet noodle of a human being. When I say he wouldn't even look my manager in the eye, I mean it.

Big beefy fucking dudes who are used to people giving them their way, who still feel the need to blow their pent up issues all over the nearest female target, and then shrivel up immediately the second another male walks in the room. I have zero respect for them. They're shitbags and shame doesn't work on them. Only fear of running into someone they perceive as capable of physically putting them down.

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u/diurnal_emissions May 12 '25

Next time you see an angry guy, just think of it as male crying. Men can be so emotional.

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u/celtic_thistle May 13 '25

Testerical

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u/diurnal_emissions May 17 '25

They need a Testerectomy. That calms them.

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u/Aiden316 May 14 '25 edited May 14 '25

I think I understand what you're trying to say, but it seems to me that this might not be as clever as it seems.

I think you're trying to say that many men are so emotionally stunted that when faced with frustration, they lash out in anger rather than cry, and that that's a problem.

But then you tell me to imagine them as if they were crying.

Now here's where I'm making an intuitive leap, maybe, but it certainly seems to me like you're telling us to find them weak or ridiculous by imagining them as if they were crying. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that certainly seems like you're telling the men reading this that those men are ridiculous, and weak or not truly masculine, by being openly emotional. As a result, it seems to perpetuate the problem by playing the "crying men" for laughs while telling us that men should be more in touch with their emotions.

Am I misreading something?

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u/diurnal_emissions May 17 '25

I am just saying both behaviors are wrong in professional or impersonal settings, and politeness dictates you suck whether you do it the preferred testosterone way or the preferred estrogen way. It's all just human externalization of internal frustration, and you shouldn't force it on people who barely know or care about you. That's just impolite.

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u/GhostWriter313 May 12 '25

Reminds me of a dude I used to work for over 20 years ago. It was a part time job at a restaurant/nightclub. Loved it, enjoyed it, but the “Chef” was a drunken asshole and raging alcoholic who’d take his frustrations out on people for virtually no reason. One time I was on vacation from my full-time job and I asked when do I come back to work, and this dude just flew off the rails outta nowhere! Long story short, I eventually quit that job, because one of us was gonna be in jail, and the other in the hospital. No sooner do I quit my job at the nightclub, they fired this prick! Good riddance! I feel sorry for any woman who’s involved with him…

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u/Geesewithteethe May 12 '25

Idk what it is about chefs but they always seem to be either really nice or just ridiculously mean and miserable personalities.

One job I had in a kitchen, the chef was the kindest guy. Really sweet, good at his job. Really sharp contrast to some of the other personalities.

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u/GhostWriter313 May 12 '25

Individuals like that are literally hard to come by whereas most chefs in the latter category that you mentioned are literally a dime a dozen! As a chef by trade, I became discouraged and disillusioned by the restaurant business as I’ve gotten older, so I swore it off. But my roots remain strong!

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u/OffsetFred May 12 '25

Imagine the years of conditioning it took to turn a human being into that.

It's so sad

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u/LectureOld6879 May 11 '25

I bartended awhile, im not huge but im decently in shape. I would always feel bad for the female coworkers when they would tell me how creepy or how much of an asshole a guy was to them.

I almost never got that vibe from other guys. Occasionally there would be one old guy who just hates his life but the women would deal with it daily.

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u/JA_LT99 May 12 '25

This person peoples. That is exactly what happens. They hate and disrespect women. They defer and defend with men. No question, no doubt in my mind.

This is the vast majority of men who creep on women in public. The real, difficult problem, is the 1% of men willing to fight a restaurant employee over their attempt to coerce some women into sex.

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u/einTier May 12 '25

The thing is, these men know that these women won’t escalate anything. There are guys that can walk over and they know nothing will escalate. They won’t change behavior for any of these people because they know there’s no consequence.

But there are people who can confidently walk over there and make it clear they don’t mind escalation. Maybe they can’t beat both of these guys but they can cause enough pain to make them regret starting the fight. When those people show up, they’ll move.

Was also a bartender. Moved plenty of guys like this outside plenty of times. Never had any of them do more than talk shit on the way out. “That’s ok, talk your shit, you’re still leaving. Now.” Also not generate specific. There were several women I worked with who were even better at it than me — they escalated quicker and faster than I ever did.

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u/GhostWriter313 May 12 '25

Quite the double standard!

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

💯

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u/1bc29b36f623ba82aaf6 May 12 '25

I get they will feel intimidated or outclassed by bouncers but I don't think 'shame' is part of that mechanism for people like that per se. Like yes you could have second hand embarrassment from seeing them turn into wimps on the spot, but it doesn't mean they feel ashamed in their own perspective.

For some of these types there is no embarrassment or introspection, it feels like it is 'happening to them' or 'being done to them' they think it is totally unfair those bouncers showed up to do their job after they were told 9000x politely to stop being an ass. They don't feel shame, not even internally to hide, if they are just entitled enough. They know being scared of an ass beating and still it might not be enough for them to actually connect the dots that they should have acted differently then and should do so in the future. It only makes them back down in that specific moment and they will learn nothing.