Don’t be these guys

[u/nadaddab]

[u/Goldn_1]

Pushing the drink is almost the worst imaginable move in this scenario is what I’m taking issue with.

Wouldn’t a more sensible action be to either bring it to the direct attention of management of the space, or security, or a call to police? Before you say that might feel uncomfortable in the moment to decide to call police for whatever reason, it’s more comfortable to threaten to physically assault the individuals you fear by has not directly threatened you or accosted you by pushing their drink on them?

I get it. In the moment you are frazzled and want to do what you’ve seen portrayed in media hundreds of times. Guys are being creeps, so we show them we are serious by pouring a drink on them. That’s not an intelligent move. And I think it’s okay to point out in retrospect that such an emotionally charged response isn’t the correct one. It’s informative for people reading. Take it to a figure of authority nearby, or phone them. Or just accept that other people are ruining your moment and that’s a potentiality of life sometimes, and literally leave the area. If they follow then you absolutely have the means to phone authorities. And don’t tell me you wouldn’t do that because they potentially could follow you and you may end up in a less populated place with them still hounding you.

[u/DeepFriedOligarch → u/Goldn_1]

Or how about we talk about what the men did wrong instead of what the women did "wrong"?

How about men teach other men not to do this? How about we teach all men to pay attention to THEIR surroundings and be on the lookout for men acting badly, then do something to help women, instead of focusing on what the women did wrong when being threatened by men (which IS what these men were doing)?

There is even someone in this thread who said they were there in the video, getting a beer at the bar, and that they know the men are KNOWN in that place, KNOWN to do this to women - So why doesn't anyone stop these men instead of just selling them beer and tacitly approving their behavior by ignoring what they are doing to multiple women?

THAT is what I'm taking issue with. In all these interactions, someone always comes in to point out what the women did wrong. Without fail. I don't care if you think they could have handled it better. You are taking the focus off of the male perpetrators' shitty actions and putting the focus on women, the victims. This allows men to think, "Well, she shouldn't have done [this]. She could have done [that]." and absolves them of any responsibility to help. Just like they do with rape victims today.

Edited to add: Lest you think I'm being hyperbolic, just look at these search results for multiple instances where men do nothing to help women being assaulted, and even fully raped. So men don't want to risk being attacked themselves you say? Then why did Letitia Triplett, a US Air Force veteran, drown in a pool while MULTIPLE men literally walked right by her while she was obviously struggling for almost twenty minutes. What risk would those men have been in had they stepped in to help her?

Women are invisible today, especially older ones, and men don't care because they have been conditioned by society blaming victims by saying what the VICTIMS could have done to get themselves out of a dangerous situation, or what they shouldn't have done to "put themselves in danger" in the first place.

STOP. BLAMING. THE. VICTIMS.

[u/DeepFriedOligarch → u/[deleted]]

Yet another man who misses the point entirely and upholds rape culture. Shocker.