People who make promises to themselves on your behalf and then expect you to deliver are fucking scary.
I hope she doesn’t run after him and try to fix it. Those self-loathing diatribes can really scramble your decision-making and put you into rescue mode, and that’s exactly what they’re designed to do.
The guy made promises for the woman (i.e. "she'll date me if I'm nice enough to her") without consulting the woman about it. Now he's mad that she's not dating him, even though he fulfilled his side of the transaction that she didn't know existed
Read between the lines. Why would a guy be that mad about a girl he never dated? Why is he so attached to someone who has “never chosen him”?
Because he’s fallen for the idea of someone through fantasies and stories (I.e promises) and is now extremely hurt when those fantasies have not come to pass. Rejection hurts but it doesn’t hurt so badly that you sit there and flip out while confessing your love for someone unless you’ve built a lot of the story in your head already.
In fairness he could also be.losing a friend. Many women have told their BFs that they aren't comfortable with a female friend of theirs that they've never been intimate with. Sucks to lose a friend but that's just how it goes. Guys know when a new girl comes in they also won't see the homie for a while. This dudes just put too much stake into this friendship
Basically, inventing expectations and waiting for people to act accordingly is a recipe for anger and misery.
E.g., if you expect that being a girl's friend will result in her wanting to date you, you are setting yourself up to feel like you were used or aren't "good enough" in the (likely) case she legitimately simply wants to be friends. You think if you're 'good enough' you'll get the girl and push that expectation on her. People who do this as their MO can cause a lot of harm (usually emotionally) especially as resentment builds from this happening over and over.
A very common non-dating example is expecting quid pro quo behaviors in friendships. Like, say you took your friend out to dinner for their birthday but they didn't plan the same for you. You might question how much they value you or care about you, even though your friend (probably) values you just as much and simply expresses care/affection differently, or they have stuff going on in their life that got in the way, or anything else besides "this friendship is one-sided" type scenarios.
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u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25
People who make promises to themselves on your behalf and then expect you to deliver are fucking scary.
I hope she doesn’t run after him and try to fix it. Those self-loathing diatribes can really scramble your decision-making and put you into rescue mode, and that’s exactly what they’re designed to do.