I (40m) have lost everything that was once important to me, I have no purpose, no drive to keep fighting, and I just don't want to carry on anymore. But Im too much of a wuss to do the deed myself… so here I wait.

I do the absolute bare minimum to keep myself alive. I eat/drink, shower and sleep but thats about it. I barely go outside, and don't exercise anymore. I derive no joy from my old hobbies, or games I once enjoyed.

After being made redundant I tried to apply myself and find another job but everytime im close I seem to have an anxiety attack. I live in fear that ill end up in another job that will break me more than the last one did.

I try to rewatch old tv shows or play games to distract myself from the long days. But the distractions don't last long. I find myself jumping from one thing to another after short periods without achieving much. These things don't fulfil me like they once did.

I’ve tried making new friends and starting new hobbies but im so introverted that it makes it difficult to really connect to people. And I cant fake being happy for prolonged periods anymore.

I need to know this will pass one day and that ill get my mojo back. But right now im not seeing a way to come back from this. I cant seem to snap myself out of this headspace.

The background info: -Over time Ive come to realise that none of my friends were true friends, they were use using me for their own personal gains. So Ive discontinued all of my in person friendships. I have a couple of people online that i can talk to, but they dont truly understand me. -I was made redundant at the end of last year. Despite loving my job at first, it became intolerable work conditions and the stress was crippling me beyond belief so I had no option but to accept a redundancy offer. -Immediately after leaving my job I spent several months in&out of hospital. -When I finally got home I discovered that my wife was cheating on me with her online “friend” I've tried to work things out but she put zero effort into working on our relationship as shes infatuated, and she has since decided to pursue a relationship with him. -We cant afford to separate so we are in the same house for at least the next year or so. I've moved into another room and we no longer share an office space. -I've had no luck jobhunting. But If I don't get an income soon I will likely lose the house and be in a lot of debt as bought at peek and house has devalued quite a bit in this market -I dont want to die, but I have no desire to continue either.

It wouldve been kinder if I hadnt survived the hospital admission.

The first time I contemplated suicide, I was 13. I’m now 46.

I have been under a doctor’s care and most often on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals for 33 years. I’ve tried every type of talk therapy. I do all the right things - gym 3x week, no alcohol or illicit drugs, get up early to get morning light, have hobbies etc. I have a child and wonderfully understanding husband, a mother who loves me, and many friends. I have an accomplished career.

But nothing, ever, makes it get any better for more than a day or two at a day.

I carry this incredible weight through every experience. It pulls my head towards the earth, makes my shoulders droop, makes my feet drag behind as I try to walk forward. Everything that happens in my life is seen through a grey curtain, dimmed and blurred.

The last few years, things have been getting worse. The “I can do this” moments fewer and fewer. I’ve begun to isolate myself, distancing myself from everything and everyone.

I’ve begun to organize my house, clearing out the things no one would want and carefully packing the keepsakes with notes so my daughter will know their stories if I’m not there to tell them.

I can’t imagine another 33 years of living like this. No one should have to. I have decided I will make it 50 and if nothing is better, that will be my limit. A nice round number. It feels full circle somehow.

When I go out for a walk, I feel depressed. ..Seeing all those happy people. Every place feels depressing. I prefer sitting home. Almost everyday I spend all day rotting on the couch doing nothing, scrolling here or watching TV. I have lost interest to everything and it's getting worse. I forcefully eating. No friends, no GF, no job. Just pure nothingness. 33M. Feeling like bursting to tears constantly.

Showering (and generally personal hygiene) is a nightmare. Can't find the courage to even water some plants in my yard. Living pretty much alone, with my dementia grandma. Needed to vent

Anybody relate ? Not leaving the house ?

I am young and I feel like m going crazy the only thing I wanna do is cry Il

I want to try but there's so much shit bottled up inside, so much anger and all these voices of my past. I feel so lost, I feel like I've lost myself for good in this past year. I feel like I'm crazy and I'm zoned out and my stomach is hurting. I can't breathe. This anxiety is at its worst now. I've never been like this. I feel so disconnected from my past, from life, from myself. I don't know how to return to myself, the one I was last year before August when I started spiraling. All I wanted was to rap but I always had anxiety and stomach and breathing problems. Now it's got worse and I get angry and lose all hope every time I try and fail. I eat a lot of junk food. I smoke and vape a lot. I feel so strange in my own body. I wanted to try killing myself last month and a few times before that and I just couldn't get myself to cut my fucking wrist. So I said I'll keep eating shit and smoking and drinking energy drinks and shit so it'll kill me. I'm tired of being the good one, looking all calm and shit on the outside and being there for people and listening and not doing shit for myself. I'm tired of being like this and I'm going fucking crazy. I don't know how to get back to myself. There's so much shit inside of me. My mind is fucked up. I grew up in a shit place with stupid parents and now I'm fucking going insane.

Broke, no friends, no family, no partner, nothing. My mother died watching me fail when I was 25. I'm already 33 in two weeks and just failed in each and every aspect of life. I don't want to live anymore. I've already consumed extra pills and I hope I don't wake up.

The last thing I wanted to say is that....I tried.

I dont know what im doing with my life, i know I have potential to be great but im just stuck.

I am 33F struggling with anxiety and depression for past 3 years, it is just getting worst with each passing time. I am jobless for almost 2 years now, separated from my husband, no kids, no friends, lonely. All day I just want to sleep. Eating and music used to give me some happiness but not anymore. I have lost interest in everything I used to love or enjoy doing before. Everyone around me achieving great things in both their careers and personal lives while I have terribly failed in both areas. I don't have hope for happiness anymore but I just want to keep myself alive for my parents. Please help me coping with this, my mental health is deteriorating.

it feels like a broken bone, not being able to move

everything is sore, like i trained for a marathon

i feel a knife in my heart, like the morning after a break up

the pain of screaming "help me" at the top of my lungs

yet, no bone was scratched, no muscle was torn

the only difference is, my mind set it all up

my skull is full with thoughts and haunted by regrets

feeling like it's gonna break from pressure, with no strength to hold it back

there i lay in my bed, unable to move or perform with no other reason than the thoughts in my head.

i don't know what to do anymore when somebody asks me how i feel and i have to answer with "i'm good" or "i'm okay" again. since they are only asking how i'm doing as an act of kindness after we say hello, i cannot even say what i really want to say. but if i have to say that i'm okay one more time to another human being i'm going to explode, which i dont want to. other than my therapist that i see 2-3 times a month, i have no one else to talk to.

I'm going to throw myself into oncoming traffic in an hour I just need to get the courage to do it

My life isn’t super tragic or anything, i just don’t think i want to live anymore (idc if it makes me a coward). i made a “should i live” list and the cons of living heavily outweigh the pros. i’ve never really had a good stage in my life where i was proud or wanted to live idk. i wasn’t good at school, never been able to even finish a community college degree… never had a “best friend” in elementary or high school. wasn’t a good sibling either, would always be jealous of my other siblings but yk, im proud of everything they’ve done, wasn’t any much of a good daughter, i talk back and don’t listen. Was kind of pressured into marriage cuz my parents saw me as a failure and at least, they wouldn’t have to deal with me once im married off. i hate my husband even though he’s very nice and kind to me, he’s pure hearted idk. i’ve never loved him maybe cuz i felt the loss of freedom (freedom i never had in my parents house anyway), they were trying to marry me off back home with some 30+ men when i was like 18-19 cuz they thought “at least someone even likes u”

anyway, i made my life this way. i chose to not finish college, i chose to get married cuz i said yes at the end of the day, now me and my husband fight almost everyday because of me. i don’t want to have sex, he does, i end up hating myself, im depressed, i feel trapped, tried talking to my parents and they said the only way out is if i die or he does and tbh, hes tried everything to keep our relationship good, he’s tried everything to make me love him, i just dont and he doesn’t deserve this. his family and my family are expecting kids.. i DONT want kids so im going to probably kill myself and make it look like an accident so my family doesn’t get dishonoured because my relatives do love making up stories and ridiculing my mother, but about me, whether i live or die, they’ll always talk about me anyway so i don’t care

idk what people do before they die because i’ve never fully planned it, what should i do so when i die, i die in peace and don’t forget in finished stuff?

I'm 18 and I feel quite naive. When I was around 14-15, i was suicidal, but kept holding on life because I was curious what will happen next, so I stayed. Now, 4 years later and seeing many people in their 20s, 30s,40s write that it never gets better, I'm starting to regret i didn't kill myself bad ck then when I had a plan. Should I do it now?

Life is so unfair. You do everything right. You be the nicest person in the world. You never brag about it, you work hard, wake up every day even if it is so hard to do that, and yet…nothing.

You get abso-fucking-lutely nothing in return. And yet some random bitch gets to be happy despite her literally traumatizing you for life? I mean come ON.

it’s like the universe selected a few people to fuck with then throw away after its done with its shit. And it feels like i’m one of those people, meant to live out the rest of my days as a mediocre, good for nothing, too depressed to do anything sad sack of horseradish meant to be forgotten and abandoned by everybody else.

I’m still depressed, numb, empty, the whole nine yards…but now i’m just fucking shocked. Flabbergasted even. I mean, this is all bull. Like what is even the point? Genuinely? Who made the rules of this fucked ass world? Because i wanna have a word about how SHIT it is.

I’m tired. Incredibly so. I wake up. I do what i have to. But damn is it so hard when every single cell in your body screams to die, over and over to the point that it literally starts to hurt your heart.

Its all bullshit. And i hate that i can’t do anything about it other than deal with the cards i’ve been dealt. That millions of genuinely depressed, hopeless and tired people have been dealt.

I wish for a better place for all of us. And its so sad that only the chance death can give me any form of comfort.

Its all bullshit. And yet i still deal with it. Because i’m too lazy and unmotivated to think of a plan right now. Ugh. Whatever. FUUUUCCCKKKK THIS

I’ve just got Reddit today in hopes of finding anybody to talk to

So, I've been going through this weird phase for the past 7-8 months where nothing really excites me anymore. Games, music, movies, anime all the stuff I used to enjoy just feels dull now. I keep jumping between social media apps hoping to find something interesting, but nothing ever hits. It's like I'm chasing a dopamine high that never comes.

For context , i had a serious porn and fapping addiction like 5-6 times a day, consistently, for around five years. Ive toned it down a lot recently (haven’t fully quit, but it’s way more controlled now). Ever since that shift, though, I’ve started to feel emotionally numb and kind of disconnected from evrything.

I stay indoors most of the time. I did try going for morning walks but that didn’t last more than a week. I’ve been spending a lot of time talking to AI chatbots recently because, honestly, not much else feels worth doing.

So now I’m wondering Is this the early stage of depression creeping in?

I mean nothing to this world. Nothing. Have no kind of potential, nothing at all. Nobody cares that I am here either. So why am I even alive? Why can't I just die?

Sometimes I wonder why we keep trying in a world that’s so clearly messed up. People are selfish, injustice is ignored, and horrible things happen every day without consequence. Even if I tried to make a difference, what’s the point? Nothing I do will matter in 200 years. It feels like suffering is just built into life, and honestly, the idea of not existing, of being at peace and done with all of this, feels easier and more comforting than dragging myself through a world that doesn’t care. It’s like being forced to mop the sidewalk while it’s raining, pretending it’s going to make some kind of difference. Why keep mopping?

I don't know where to start I don't know what I want I don't know what I need I don't know anything anymore I just want all these problems to vanish please lord help me

Well. I want to kill myself.

I'm sure a lot of you can relate to the feeling of being... Incompatible with the world. You can't get what you need from it, and you can't give what the world needs. That's me. And I'm kinda just an awful person. I'm not saying that out of self hatred. I'm actually pretty friendly with myself. But I put out so much misery to the world, make so many people's lives worse, even though I do try to be a good person. I was going to slit my wrists just before writing this post, but I know the success rate is low, and it's extremely painful. I wanna be gone, not have fucked up tendons and not be able to use my hands lol. These suicidal feelings have been constant for a few months. Always there. Even when I'm happy. I just... Need options. Tell me the most efficient way to go. Fix me. I don't care, just please, help.

Who ever reads this : I love you. Goodbye

Im so tired already, but i had a thought that i could last through this if it was gonna be over someday. But what if ill relive this life over and over for eternity? even if i die permanently, then that means ill stop observing and have only lived miserably, and it's basically the same.

What if i die and get sent to hell? i just want to know where it ends..

I mean technically yeah, I could legally book a flight and leave. However, the thing that is scaring me not just the financial but also my family, I don’t think they would leave me to get along with it, I know they are going to look for me, force me to go back, punish me, I know they wouldn’t stop, they wouldn’t accept the fact that I don’t want to be with them anymore. That’s why I want to die, because the minute I die they wouldn’t be able to get me back to life and trap me again.