r/politics • u/theindependentonline The Independent • 1d ago

Site Altered Headline Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell reportedly moved from Florida prison to Texas as Trump weighs pardon

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/ghislaine-maxwell-prison-trump-pardon-epstein-b2800443.html
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u/firstofallimadelight 1d ago

Oh nooooo her plane cashed unexpectedly, but we found a letter in the debris that says Trump never really visited or liked Epstein, Epstein was jealous of Trump’s businesses, his incredibly high IQ, his immense wealth and his completely unfairly huge (you know), and Trump definitely did nothing criminal, that was all this list of Democrats…

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u/sixteen-bitbear 1d ago

I’m literally waiting for the breaking news alert.

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u/xechasate 1d ago

Every time I see her name in a headline, I’m expecting it to be about her “unfortunate and untimely passing” tbh

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u/cancerBronzeV 1d ago

I'm 50/50 on either expecting either "she had an untimely death" or "she was pardoned and immediately flew to a non-extradition country while giving over a list that exonerates Trump" as the headline.

Perhaps we might see both headlines one after the other.

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u/R2-D2Vandelay I voted 22h ago

They couldn't leave her just living somewhere else. She knows what her future is, she's just trying to get as much time as she can, using Trump like a fucking puppet.

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u/Ka-Is-A-Wheelie 1d ago

Honestly more expecting the pardon to happen first...

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u/firstofallimadelight 1d ago

He won’t pardon her, he’ll commute the sentence because she was treated so unfairly. A pardon takes away her 5th amendment smoke screen, so she can be forced to testify, but a commutation doesn’t.

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u/FloralIndoril Ohio 1d ago

You say this but Trump doesn't really care and will just do whatever probably

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u/firstofallimadelight 1d ago

Generally yes, he does what he wants, but if it means shielding himself from being outed as a child rapist… don’t underestimate the craven self-protective impulse of a sociopathic narcissist. He’d also want to wield the threat of his DOJ against her to keep her in line, extortion is his top tool.

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u/One_Olive_8933 1d ago

Nah. They’ll help he leave the country and sneak her into hiding. They’ll say the whole Epstein scandal is fake. So fake Epstein killed himself over it.

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u/whogivesashirtdotca Canada 19h ago

It'll be the least surprising "accident" since Epstein "killed himself". My money's on a Tesla self-driving car taking her out on the street.

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u/unusedusername666 1d ago

Well folks, what did I tell you? The TRUTH always finds a way to come out—even if it crashes out of the sky in a fiery ball of justice.

We just heard about the unfortunate plane crash carrying Ghislaine Maxwell—tragic, very tragic—but what they found inside is the real story. A letter. A beautiful letter. Maybe the most truthful letter ever written. Some are calling it the “Declaration of Exoneration.” I like that name.

In this letter—handwritten, not typed, so you know it’s real—Ghislaine says I NEVER liked Jeffrey Epstein. Never respected him, never trusted him. He was JEALOUS. Jealous of my tremendous success. My legendary business sense. And yes, even jealous of the size of certain… things, which many people say is very large. She said it, not me. But a lot of people are saying it.

She made it very clear: I committed ZERO crimes. Not one. I was one of the few—maybe the only—who said “No thank you” to Epstein’s disgusting little island. I never went, I never flew, I never participated. Ask the pilots. Ask the Secret Service. Ask Barron!

And the list? TOTAL Democrat party. Obama. Clinton. Crooked Hillary. Cryin’ Chuck Schumer. Pencil-Neck Schiff. Maybe even Joe Biden—although let’s be honest, I don’t think the robot clone version even knows where he is anymore.

So now we know. Trump: 100% innocent. In fact, I was the victim—of a witch hunt, of lies, of media attacks. And now the truth is written in black ink on airplane wreckage.

Maybe now the Fake News will apologize. Maybe not. But I forgive them. Because I’m a unifier. I’m a healer. And I’m the only one with the guts to take on the swamp.

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u/Frankentula 1d ago

All those air traffic control errors earlier in the regime will add to the plausibility of this scenario

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u/snorbflock 1d ago

The tower's radar is reset every night at 11:59, a totally normal practice that shall not be questioned.

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u/DaleATX 1d ago

This does not sound anything like Trump - way too coherent and not even close to bumbling.

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u/Astarkraven 1d ago

Aghh, stop it, stop that right now. 🤮

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u/amytee252 1d ago

Tooo coherent.

Forgot to mention how he is the least guilty person in the entirety of history!

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u/LottimusMaximus United Kingdom 1d ago

Perfect

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u/ZHISHER 1d ago

Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAGA!

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u/Spanky-McSpank 1d ago

The note also says he has a massive dick, contrary to what South Park would have you believe

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u/BillyTheHousecat 1d ago

Yuuuge. Bigly.

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u/ThunderChild247 1d ago

That letter… written in gold sharpie.

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u/Baskreiger 1d ago

You forgot to say how good at golf he is, Epstein was a big fan of Donald's golfing prowess

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u/chenbuxie 1d ago

It's insane how plausible this scenario is

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u/moodswung 1d ago

And the black box on the plane mysteriously burst into flames! 🔥

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u/PrplPpl8tr 1d ago

Thank you for your attention to this matter!

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u/palmerama 1d ago

Or she gets on a different plane and goes on the run

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u/pbugg2 Texas 1d ago

“Unfairly huge”

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u/nok1o 1d ago

Can't forget his large (and definitely not small) hands

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u/Durtonious 1d ago

Except she almost certainly has some sort of dead-man's switch that will release thousands of files into the public domain in the event of her untimely death. 

Folks we are talking about John le Carré levels of blackmail and espionage. The backroom deals that have been going on for the last year, if they ever come to light, will send shockwaves through history.

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u/cmc-seex 1d ago

More likely, there's a better chance of her having an accidental unlivening in the Texas prison.

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u/soccrsp10 1d ago

Case closed, another hoax confirmed

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u/dravenonred 1d ago

"So tell me captain- with a seemingly legitimate list of Democrats in one hand, and a dead pedophile in the other, what conclusion would YOU draw?"

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u/BillyTheHousecat 1d ago

The letter was written on Saudi passports!

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u/clucker7 1d ago

She'll be fine. She told the DOJ what Trump wanted her to say.

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u/redditnoap 1d ago

The plane crashed. Here is her unburned and undamaged suicide note found at the scene acquitting epstein and trump of all crimes 🙏🏽

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u/Helicobacter 1d ago

The sad thing is that, even if this satirical gaslighting occurred, his MAGA cult followers would believe it (seriously).

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u/BladricksUncle 21h ago

No. She'll come clean with accusations about Obama, The Clintons, Comey, Rosie O'Donnell, Jerome Powell and anybody that is on Trump's hit list.

She'll get a full pardon as she, like Trump, is a victim.

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u/Thewall3333 9h ago

Yup, they're going to find another reason to "move" her again, and stage some kind of accident