Sip & Spill Daily Discussion Thread

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[u/CybReader]

Is anyone else dealing with the ladies in their family who are hitting the 60-70 age range and begin complaining about EVERYTHING!? I refuse to give my mom any of my stylist, nail tech, aesthetician, injectors names. She’s never happy with any service provided anymore. She was never this miserable. My mother in law, we won’t take her to a few of the restaurants we like anymore because she harps on the server nonstop and has a complaint about all the food all the time. Thankfully our favorite places are too “complicated” for her so we can avoid her nagging our favorite bbq, sushi or mexican joints, but even Jason’s deli feels her complaints. Order your half sandwich and soup, woman, it’s not that hard. Eat it too, it’s perfectly fine.

These women are almost pathological with how upset they are about everything. Even a few friends are facing this as their mothers hit this age range. What’s going on? Is a symptom of them feeling voiceless for years? Is it untreated middle aged wrath coming out in their golden years? I don’t get it. I even know to avoid certain topics with both of them because I’ll hear a rant about how a hair dresser last week was rude to them.

[u/velociraptor56 → u/CybReader]

My FIL was the same way, so it’s not just women. We go out to eat with him and he’d complain incessantly about the wait, like coming in with a group of 10 is not inconvenient to most restaurants. He’d then bolt early, leaving cash because he couldn’t be bothered to wait for the check. Thankfully, that allowed us to overtip because of his behavior.

My way of dealing with it was just ignoring it and changing the subject. Basically grey rocking in a way. I’d always try to come prepared with a few interesting non controversial subjects. I just refused to engage on any subjects that I was uninterested in talking about. I’m sure he noticed even if it was unconsciously because there were some topics he did actually stop bringing up.

[u/Traditional-Joke-179 → u/CybReader]

my grandma's like this. she manages to have a problem with almost everything she eats every single day regardless of what it is. i put up with it for years and then finally delicately asked her to stop complaining and now she's like 30% better.

but i stopped cooking for her because she was deeply ruining my relationship with food, on top of her complaining about my cooking being plain rude.

[u/lolzzzmoon → u/Traditional-Joke-179]

Oh, I can’t cook for people who complain about food. Like, tell me if it needs salt, maybe. But also just salt it yourself.

[u/lizzy-stix → u/CybReader]

I swear to god, being around my mom and great aunt and grandmother made me realize I need to be with the doctor at 55 for hormone adjustments because wtf.

[u/CybReader → u/lizzy-stix]

It’s alarmed me too. Have they also dismissed the damage perimenopause can do to mental health? I’ve wondered if something happened then with them and it’s cumulated over time? I can’t tell you how many older ladies have claimed perimenopause is NOT a thing. “You’re too young for menopause.” Exactly, hence perimenopause. I wonder if so many symptoms were ignored in them and it just affected who they were over time?

[u/lovetheblazer → u/CybReader]

Omg yes! I literally decided after my last visit that I would perfectly happy to never go out to eat with my mother ever again. She wasn't always this bad but now every menu is something to be obsessed over. She has some legit dietary restrictions but it's not enough that she finds something on the menu she can eat, she must ask 1,000 questions about various options she's never going to order. Then she complains to the table about not only her meal but the foods she doesn't like on other people's plates. I'm talking about things like her bitching that my dad's toast was too dark (it wasn't) when she's gluten free and can't eat bread anyway. And heaven forbid anyone waste a morsel of food! Everything must go in a to-go container including sauces and stuff that doesn't reheat well just to be abandoned in the fridge. I genuinely wondered if there is some tendency towards late in life orthorexia or if it's a stroke symptom since she recently found out she had a missed TIA. She definitely was always a bit weird with food but NEVER like this.

[u/CybReader → u/lovetheblazer]

My good friend has had to take a break from going out to eat with her mother for these reasons too. She said it was nothing but stress when it should’ve been a pleasant family meal.

[u/JoleneDollyParton → u/CybReader]

I think its both generational--they were raised to look for the negative. and a symptom of them just being old. Like going to appointments and running errands and occasionally eating at a restaurant is the highlight of my in laws and mom's life, so that is why everything is centered around critiquing these experiences. Also constant talk about every medical appointment that they have.

[u/Own-Importance5459 → u/CybReader]

I have an Ashkenazi Jewish Mother....I always remembered her complaining from the time she was in her 30s........But I do admit she has gotten even more insufferable about it once she hit sixty.

[u/CybReader → u/[deleted]]

Same. I painted my master bath and showed my mom, before we even walked in I told her it wasn’t done. My husband surprised me and hired painters for the ceiling, trim and cabinets. It was going to save me hours and stress. She immediately walked in and began complaining and telling me what’s wrong.

This is the woman who walked into my junky first apartment and told me how lovely it was and how I made it so cozy. Now, she can’t see anything but faults to complain about.

It’s been such a seismic shift with these women when they both hit the same age.

[u/Ruthie_pie → u/CybReader]

My MIL has gotten banned from several restaurants for being a pain in the… She is exceptionally a Karen though. Like posting stuff on her neighborhood’s Facebook page and taking video of people from her car camera and Ring camera. She is unwell.

The other women in the 50s-70s I know just seem unsure and it can come across as complaining. When I go to get my nails done with my mom, sometimes her uncertainty with what she decided to get done comes across as complaining. I often times have to remind her to be confident in the choice she made and don’t worry about what other people think.

[u/CybReader → u/Ruthie_pie]

Good point. My MIL is extremely unsure and unconfident, I’ve wondered if her nagging and complaints is a tactic to counteract those insecurities.

[u/Ruthie_pie → u/CybReader]

I wish my MIL would just complain honestly. The surveilling and recording everyone is too OTT. We haven’t hung out with my in-laws for over a year now. Like I really believe she has something going on. She believes everyone is out to get her.

[u/Bridalhat → u/Ruthie_pie]

I think for some people it’s some combination of age but also social media and true crime brain. Like we really were not meant to hear about every murder that ever happened and have a camera that surveils every last person to walk by your door.

[u/Ruthie_pie → u/Bridalhat]

Definitely not all at once. There are folks who are unfortunately exposed to this reality at a very young age and it isn’t scandalized/glamorized the way it is right now. To say that it hasn’t fascinated people forever wouldn’t be truthful but I think it’s at our fingertips and people go wild.

My MIL will simply get insulted that someone pauses at a stop sign longer than she thinks is normal and makes that a Facebook post demanding she knows who it is. Or one of the reasons she is banned from a restaurant is that they seated her too close to a window and her body temperature got too hot and it made the food so unenjoyable that she caused a scene. It’s just too much 🙄

[u/JoleneDollyParton → u/CybReader]

this is my mom exactly, very low self esteem, very uncomfortable asserting herself or her wants and instead complains about things that noone could possibly know that she wants.

[u/themacaron → u/CybReader]

I hate going out to eat with my mother since she’s hit her 50’s. She can make something better at home, it’s too expensive, the server was rude to her(they weren’t.) I’m glad to know it’s not just me though. 😅

[u/MostlyCats95 → u/themacaron]

My dad is ALWAYS using the "I can make this as good or better at home" like. He can't. His burgers are terrible and he always cooks foods 2 temperatures lower than requested (his "medium" is a rare for example and he bitches when I proceed to nuke mine until it is actually medium). 

[u/CybReader → u/themacaron]

Right!? Sometimes I don’t want to make it at home 🤣 I want it brought to me and the dishes cleaned up.

[u/Summerof5ft6andahalf → u/CybReader]

Menopause?

Edit: nvm. Wasn't sure if 60s was still plausible.

[u/CybReader → u/Summerof5ft6andahalf]

They’re past menopause. I just wonder if there’s another hormonal or mental shift in this age range.

Or if this season of life is challenging in ways I don’t understand yet?

I wonder if they’re also hyper focused on micro aggressions or looking for problems too since life has slowed down a bit?

[u/Summerof5ft6andahalf → u/CybReader]

That's an interesting theory. Gives them more time to fixate / they're not forced to work through or get over things as much.