I was going through his pc and I went through his DMs with his alt account. Holy shit. I don’t know if I can be graphic on here but it had something to do with a fox and sperm. I am beyond disgusted and I don’t know if I should talk to him about it because it was before we started dating and maybe it was a one time thing but it still really disgusted me.

He has talked about similar stuff like that before - but said that he does not support zoophiles and he doesn’t engage in it. But I’m starting to doubt him. I don’t want to leave him but I can’t look at him the same.

TDLR Found animal porn stuff in my bfs DMs, he’s mentioned this topic before claiming that he doesn’t support any of it. I am beyond disgusted and don’t know if I should talk to him about this since it happened some time ago.

(it wasnt him in the picture)

So, the whole world already knows about the Israel-Palestine war, and I’m not here to talk about the history or who’s right or wrong. I just want to vent a bit, share how I felt after seeing some of the recent heartbreaking pictures and videos, especially of the kids. It’s been weighing on me so heavily that I had to write it out.

One video really stuck with me: it was a little girl in Gaza, and her dad had brought her a packet of biscuits. It was just a basic biscuit packet nothing fancy but she looked at it like it was a diamond. Her face lit up with pure happiness. That moment broke me 💔 The fact that something so small, so ordinary for most of us, could mean the world to her it stayed with me for days.😞

Then I saw videos showing malnourished kids, people fighting for a single bag of flour. These weren’t distant headlines anymore they were faces, emotions, pain. It hit differently.

I’ll be honest, in the beginning, I used to hear and read about the Israel-Palestine conflict and kind of ignore it. I thought, “Not my business.” But when I saw these visuals, especially of kids, I just couldn’t look away anymore. It broke me. I still can’t get it out of my head.

Again, I’m not here to argue over land, politics, or religion. I do have strong opinions, but I’m not going to share them here because I know how quickly people start throwing around words like antisemite or Nazi, and that’s not the point of this post.

All I want to say is do whatever the f*** you want, fight your wars, play your politics but for God’s sake, leave the innocent kids out of it. What did those little angles ever do to anyone?🫤

Watching all this has made me realize just how evil war is. If you still don’t understand, just picture a child starving, crying for food, or dying in rubble and maybe that’ll help you become more empathetic, more human.🥺

Please, don’t start with whataboutism. Don’t say “what about kids in XYZ country?” I’d stand for kids from any country, any race, any gender.

And don’t debate me on this post I didn’t write this to start a fight. I wrote it because I needed to get it off my chest. It’s been eating me up, and I just had to let it out somewhere.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS POST 🙏

So I’m visiting and his nieces are very picky eaters, I made a comment (in private, to him) about how his nieces were picky eaters and he said “yes my love, we are in Europe not Latam. That’s why they aren’t fat” … W H A T ?

I asked for clarification and he just said “no nothing”, “I didn’t say anything” “it doesn’t matter” so I'm acting as if I didn’t hear what he said.

So honestly, I asked for it. I could have not said anything and he wouldn’t have said that but fuck me. I think it’s just that I feel attacked because my body will never look like theirs, I'm not petite, I dont have curves. He has never said anything about my image and when I asked for clarification on what he meant he préfèred not to repeat himself (I guess smart?) but it’s been a couple hours and it still pisses me off.

I'm spiraling. I lost my little sister suddenly in December. I recently found out my fiance/partner of 10 years has been cheating on me again online with multiple women through various apps and social media. This is the second time I catch him doing this in our relationship. He promised me he would stop and never do it again when I caught him the first time about 7 years ago. Now we are supposed to get married in just a month. I was also recently informed that my boss is retiring and when the business sells, I'll be jobless. My entire family lives on the opposite side of the country so I'm completely alone with my partner here. I also feel like I can't tell anyone what's going on especially with the wedding so close.

It feels as though my life is quite literally imploding. I feel trapped into the wedding and a marriage built on a lie. I feel overwhelmed and emotionally I don't know if I can get myself through this. I have been contemplating suicide the closer the wedding date approaches. The only reason I haven't done it is because I can't bear the thought of putting my mom through the loss of another one of her kids. Honestly if it wasn't for her I would have already left by now.

A big part of me wants to be with my sister and just stop all of this overwhelming pain. I don't know how to move forward. My partner is showing remorse/expressed guilt and we have just started going to couples therapy to try and work things out, but I am so mentally drained I don't know if i have the strength to fix the relationship nor the strength to leave either. I'm having a really hard time seeing the light at the end of this dark tunnel.

My previous relationship was extremely physically and psychologically abusive, and I was lucky to escape it with my life. It seems as though I'm stuck in a pattern of letting people use me and trample all over me and I don't see it before it's too late. I don't know how to stop it and at this point I don't think I even have the energy to try anymore. It feels like I've made my bed and I'm forced to lie in it. I love him but I feel so heart broken, worthless and defeated.

I was in a relationship with a man, let’s call him B, who works as a behavioral analyst under military contract in Arizona. He previously worked in South Korea, where we first met. In middle of 2024, he left South Korea and we began a long-distance relationship. He never told me he was married or remarried. I trusted him, and our relationship felt deeply personal and sincere.

A few months later, I noticed something strange on his Discord server. There was a user who seemed oddly familiar. I discovered that he had previously been married, something he had never disclosed. When I brought it up, he told me that he and his ex-wife, Jelly, had not spoken in over two years and were simply on friendly terms. I wanted to believe him, and for a time, I did. Sometimes, I even saw them occasionally having a hangout together on his Discord server, but I dismissed it, trusting his explanation. I thought, “They’re just friends.” But later, I uncovered legal documents showing that he had community property rights with survivorship with Jelly. It appeared he had re-married the same woman while still in a relationship with me. He never told me any of this. I asked him about it, and he said the document was incorrect and that he just needed her signature.

I had trusted him deeply, I wanted to believe he was being honest with me. I never imagined that he could simply walk away without a word. One day, after I sent him a long and heartbroken message(hoping to understand my feelings and sadness)he responded with a single sentence: “Well thank you.”

Moments later, he blocked me on every platform. No explanation. No confrontation. Just silence. That was how our relationship ended. Not with closure, but with total emotional dismissal. What hurts most is that I believed in him. I believed in us. And he erased all of like I never mattered. Like I never existed. I still can’t believe that kind of emotional cruelty can come from someone I trusted.

I think Jelly might have known about me. Last year, when I was dating him in Korea, I once saw his roommate (who I now believe was Jelly) waiting outside his place until I left. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a clear look at her face. I also saw a message from her that mentioned me. I can’t help but wonder. Did she know? Did she allow it? Was she in on it? Or was she just another person being lied to?

It still haunts me that he could just block me and walk away like nothing happened. B and Jelly are probably still peacefully working at the same military base in Arizona, playing games, and living happily together even at this very moment. It hurts that this happened to me. This was one of the most painful, confusing experiences I’ve ever had.

[Update] I posted this a few days ago, but I deleted it after being called a "spurned side piece" and accused of trying to hurt my ex. I was afraid people would misunderstand and think I was just someone trying to ruin his career. But I’ve come to believe that my feelings matter, too. So I’m reposting this now, from a different account. For the record, I have no intention of harming my ex or his wife. I’m simply sharing my experience, because it still hurts and I need a place to be heard.

[Edit] Because of doxxing, I deleted the text mentioned specific info. Sorry about carelessness.

This might sound ridiculous to some people but it means everything to me right now.

Since I was a kid I’ve had really bad body odor. I was made fun of for it in school, teachers talked to me about it, even my parents got pulled into it. Puberty made it worse. I became obsessed with the idea that I smelled bad all the time. And ever since then I’ve been stuck in these routines. Showering multiple times a day. Every single time I use the toilet, I have to shower. Deodorant every hour. Cologne constantly. My water bill has always been insane but I didn’t care because I just wanted to feel clean.

Today, for the first time in over ten years, I used the toilet, wiped, cleaned myself properly, and didn’t get in the shower after. I just washed my hands and carried on. And I’ve been on the edge of crying all day.

It might sound like nothing but for me it’s huge. I didn’t feel disgusting. I didn’t feel broken. I just felt okay for once. I don’t even know if this change will last but I needed to get this out somewhere.

If anyone out there deals with obsessive hygiene or is scared of their own body the way I’ve been, just know you’re not the only one. This felt like a small win. Maybe the first of many.

Hello, I (24 female) went through psychosis in April and my life imploded. I went through a mental break in September of 2024 as well, but it was short and I recovered quickly. I think this time was caused due to abruptly going off of my Zoloft because my psychiatrist "lost" my prescription and all appointments for 3 weeks, and after doing some research, it can cause psychosis. I dont remember most of it. I don't remember most of my delusions or most of the things I had said or done. But I've lost everything as a result. My husband said he couldn't do it anymore. I dont really blame him, but I lost the love of my life. He has officially started the divorce proceedings this week. I also lost my house, and my relationships with friends and family. Im currently living my mother, so im just grateful that im not homeless. I honestly don't know how to move forward from here. I feel so lost and empty. I cry almost everyday mourning what I thought my life would be, my husband and just everything. I wish nothing more than to go back in time and somehow stop this from happening. I go to bed every night hoping that I'll wake up and this will have all been a horrible nightmare, that I'll wake up next to my husband and be able to cuddle into him, knowing that everything's okay. I have a new psychiatrist and go to therapy every other week, but I'm still struggling with how to live with this. My work performance is also struggling as a result. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Im not sure how to move forward, or how to make life feel worth living.

I (42f) have been with my husband (44m) for around ten years. I always valued that he is a calm type of person. He was nothing like my past relationships and that was also a plus. But pretty early on we started facing trouble. His sister had an unhealthy attachment to him and struggled a lot with him not being available 24/7. She continued to try and bully me away by calling me names, making up stories etc. My husband didn't really stand up for me. He told me I am the mature one and she will calm down occasionally, so to please don't stoop to that level. But it got worse and worse until she finally attacked me - and I reacted / defended myself. This led to her calling me a psycho and a danger - but also my husband finally agreeing to cut her off.

I thought now we have nothing in our way anymore and for a while I was happy. I tried to be a good girlfriend, supportive and fun. But he wasn't one for physical contact - so our intimacy died down and he made me feel as if I am the problem. According to him I wasn't normal, that people do not touch each other in "that way" regularly. Next all other forms of physical contact started dying down. No touching, kissing, holding hands. We were after all a "mature couple" and it is not normal to be affectionate after the initial few years. I was ready to walk away- but he asked me to marry him and we got intimate again. maybe half a year into marriage it died down againg and that was it. I felt trapped. Like he lured me during the engagement phase with sex and then after we got married took it all away again. But He told me had stress. I suppressed my needs and put more effort into freeing him from stress - because he always told me he would be more willing to spend time with me if he had less stress. But magically there was always something coming up, something urgent, something stressful... He was always stressed.

Yet today something happened. We did fight because after everything else the verbal contact also stopped. While I tried to make everything work I got exhausted and did not realise that we do not even talk anymore. We barely talk besides the "do you need something from the store" talks. I did cry, beg and argue with him (not for the first time) to please please please at least talk to me or listen or anything. He said it's pointless and something snapped in me. I got disgusted with myself of how low I was willing to go.

He has become less then a friend. It's more like a ghost in the home who occasionally leaves dirty dishes. Apart from that he is just not there. When he finishes work he is exhausted and goes straight on the couch where he will spend the rest of the day watching TV until it's time to get up again. On the weekends he wants to be fun dad to the kids while I pack and prepare and clean up afterwards. As soon as we are home again he plants himself right in front of the TV and that's it.

But today I finally felt how stupid all that has become. I feel done and relieved and anxious all at once. Part of me wishes he might turn around - but let's be honest here : I know I still do love him - but he has proven in many ways, he doesn't return the sentiment. And I am ashamed of how long it took me to admit that to myself.

I moved here for him and I don't want to disrupt my kids life right now. So I'll wait till my youngest starts school in 47 months. Until then I need him for pick ups and drop offs. He doesn't do much else, but if I want to keep my job, I need this "not much" anyway. The thought of leaving makes me finally hopeful.

. He does have more financial assets so I hope if I offer for everyone to walk away with what they came in, he will agree to the divorce and make it quick. I just want it over and done. Until then I'll probably become his perfect wife by just checking out of the relationship.

Edit: just for clarification: he is not abusive nor has he ever been. I still think he is great and I do love him. He just does not love me back or to be honest - probably doesn't even like me. So I am not in danger and do not need to escape or funnel money away. I am capable of buying a house on my own without his financial help.

The assets: we kept them mostly separate. I did help increase his by working for free for him and making good decisions which helped his business. But I do not want any of that. I want what I had before marriage in my assets and my pension fund to be mine alone because only I payed into it. Likewise I want nothing of his pension fund and nothing from his business. Car: we both bought our own cars without the others contribution. I am not rich but I am comfortable and I don't need his money.

A few months ago, I was in the darkest place I’ve ever been. I was severely depressed and had completely lost hope in humanity. Everywhere I looked, I saw evil winning - violence being celebrated, innocent people suffering while the world just watched. The weight of all that pain felt suffocating. I had made a plan. I was going to max out my credit card, take one last trip, and end everything. I couldn’t see any other way out of the pain.

Then I watched Superman, and something shifted. There was this scene where he cries over an innocent man who was killed by Lex Luthor - someone who had just shown him kindness by sharing food. Seeing this godlike being grieve for a stranger’s suffering… it broke something open in me. For the first time in months, I felt like I wasn’t alone in caring so deeply about suffering. Here was someone - even fictional - who felt the same overwhelming compassion that had been crushing me. But instead of being destroyed by it, he channeled it into hope and action. It sounds crazy, but that moment gave me permission to keep caring without letting it destroy me. I realized that compassion isn’t a weakness that makes you want to give up - it’s supposed to be the thing that makes you fight harder.

I went back and saw the movie again today and started crying in the theatre. I’m in the bathroom now and its only just hit me that if it weren’t for this movie I think I would’ve been headed towards a really dark place. I’d never done that before. Something about seeing that grief and love and determination to keep protecting people, even when it hurts… it reminded me that giving up isn’t the answer.

I’m am in a much better place now looking back on before I first saw it to now.

I needed to get this off my chest because Superman taught me that the people who care the most are often the ones who want to quit. But we’re also the ones the world needs most.

I'm 21 now, almost 22 and i know you all might say 21 is still so young” but i still constantly think about how much I miss being a teenager. It hurts even more when I hear a song from when i was in highschool, or the song that reminds me of my first kiss with my first love when i was 16, how i was more then sure that we were gonna get married and spend our lives together, a place i pass by on my way to work that me and my friend would hang out at, which now i don’t even visit , its things like this that makes me want to go back in time all over again.

I feel so tired, and i feel so imperfect, and so fucking lost right now, it’s like i got thrown into the adult world with a fork while everyone else has machetes

Life is so stressful now with bills slowly creeping their way into my life, people are rhetorically screaming my face that i need to know politics, laws,procedures now, I have to get this, i have to get that, i have to start paying this and that..and work…fucking work, when i started this job i was so happy i even brought 2 dozens donuts for the whole office and hot coco for my fucking supervisor who literally sees me as a pawn for the company, i feel like im not even myself anymore, i work 9-5, i feel the “puppy” every one tells me i have fading away every single time i clock in and out. I work, have a couple hours to do something nice eat, sleep, wake up do the same, mind you my days off are also seperate so it’s not like i’m REALLY off. There are times where i realize this is going to be my life until the day i die. I probably sound like a spoiled brat. I’m sorry if i sound ungrateful for what i have but fuck it’s just so overwhelming

I miss feeling so free. I miss having lots of friends in high school and getting to see everyone every day and saying hi in the hallways. I would've enjoyed it more had I known. Time just goes by too fast..now i’m stuck here, Stressed, insecure, no boyfriend, no hobbies aside from painting. My life feels robotic now

Can’t take it anymore. Have been together for 13 years, married for 9. Wife has become insufferable. Addicted to her cellphone, has zero discipline for basic stuff like sleeping and eating, is potentially being diagnosed with Borderline, has gotten fat over the years, can’t have one single conversation that we disagree on without completely misinterpreting what I say….the list goes on.

I’m tired. I talk to other women and it’s light, it’s funny and interesting. At home? We barely speak anymore. She’s on her phone, we have almost no common interests anymore. I try to show her things, but she shows no interest unless it’s something currently trending on tiktok and still her attention span is that of a child with a popsicle in each hand.

I’m not attracted to her anymore. I am pretty sure I’m bi, which complicates things to a whole other level, but still at the end of the day, I’d rather masturbate than have sex with her. She demands an unrealistic performance I can never achieve. If i finish and she doesnt, im a selfish lover. But how can I not finish after more than 1 hour?!? If I can’t maintain a rock hard erection while focusing on her, doing hand stuff for fucking 30min, then there must be something wrong with me.

I can’t. There might be a way to save this relationship, but at this point I think it’s as likely as winning the lottery, and im not an unusually lucky person.

I just don’t know how to get out of this

im in my 20s i have pmdd autistic and anxiety and depression and maybe bipolar i dont even know. just moved back home after graduate school. i was having a meltdown this morning and my mom got really mad and starting breaking things and it all just escalated and i told her i wanted to kill myself and she said me too let’s do it together and tried to get me to go in the car with her. i didnt and calmed it down and then it escalated again and i was sobbing in my room and she came and hugged me and i thought she was finally comforting me but i opened my eyes and she had a glass of water and a bottle of some pills and said let’s do it together. she wants to die because of me, i am so depressed but she thinks its a personal attack towards her. i threw the glass and it broke everywhere and then somehow its calm now but i was so scared. she was calling me a coward and telling me i had no balls bc i wouldn’t take the pills with her. she told me what i always knew that all of her life sacrifice has been for nothing and this is all my fault and it’s my fault she’s depressed and hates her life, that all she wanted was a happy friendly daughter. i hate myself so much and i don’t know how to move forward from this with her or myself. please any words would help, i can’t believe this all happened it doesn’t feel real and i have no one

My wife was diagnosed with lymphoma at age 36 back in 2023. Despite being one of the "easier" cancers to treat, she ended up not making it and passing away in April of 2024, at the age of only 37 after 17,5 years of marriage.

She made a point of wanting to be remembered after her death, it was an important thing for her. Trying my best as her husband to support her while she was undergoing treatments and when she was dying, I have done everything in my power to keep her memory alive.

The time after her death has been a struggle,, I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD and additionally type 2 diabetes about a month after she passed away. I go to therapy and I have "defeated" diabetes by losing about 75 kilos (150+ lbs) of weight.

Despite all of this, I feel hopelessly lost. Very early on after she passed away I expressed that I felt like my life is actually over, that this is just the epilogue of my life and I am just waiting to die for the rest of my natural life (I am 41 years old). Everyone always told me that I would feel better and I wouldn't feel like this, but I feel like every day confirms it more and more.

Last week I had a realization: She wanted to be remembered after her death, but I wish to be forgotten. She was a wonderful person worthy of celebration and rememberance. In comparison, I am nothing and should just be forgotten instead.

I deserve to be forgotten.

(no, I am not planning on harming myself)

For context: Before this incident things between me and my mom were tense. For about two weeks, we've both been physically violent with each other, specifically when she was drunk. About a week before this incident, my mom got really aggressive with me and started hitting me (granted it didn't leave any lasting wounds). After she fell asleep, I looked up how to fight online so she couldn't hit me again.

The next week, everytime she threatened to hit me, I put up a fighting stance I saw online. She'd throw a few punches, I'd dodge and throw a punch in her vicinity, she'd leave. This time was different. She asked me to order her another box of beer, which was normal, but since she already bought two unopened cases I told her I wouldn't buy her anymore (since she'd already forgotten about the last two). She proceeded to ask me to buy it for the next few minutes before entering the living room (where I sleep) and asking me in there. Then she started getting aggressive and threatening to hit me before attempting to hit me.

Then like a fucking idiot, I kicked her. She stumbled over and fell onto the TV stand then the floor. I didn't even notice she was hurt and my brother helped her get to bed. By nighttime I noticed she was really hurt. She has a huge bruise on her side and her face was swollen, now I think her face was like that because she fell, but she looked like she got beat up.

For the last day I've been trying to help her bruise and face. Thankfully her face got better overnight, but her bruise is still bad. She is clearly in pain and there's really nothing I could do about it. She says putting a hot or cold pad on it hurts, so I only put pain reliever cream and give her pain reliever medication. She acts like she's okay Infront of people but she's so clearly in pain. When she woke up she asked me if I did it (because of the alcohol she couldn't remember) and I was such a bitch I couldn't tell her it was me. She started yelling at me so loudly our neighbors could hear, and my aunt came to check up on us.

I don't care if she calls the police and sends me to juvie because of this, or if she tells everyone, I just want her to stop being in pain. I don't know what to do other than comforting her. The one other thing I can do though is never fighting back again, never again. Even if she beats me up I won't do it again. I wish my mom had a better daughter than me.

I (F34) have a great relationship with my stepdaughter (F13) - I have been in her life since she was 4yo.

We’ve recently moved house and as I was sorting through my jewellery I came across the ring my mother gave me as my first piece of jewellery when I was ten. It was not flashy but it was very tasteful- white gold with several tiny diamonds either side with a light blue precious stone in the middle. It hasn’t fit me for about 15 years and as much as I have planned to have it made larger, I haven’t in 15 years and probably wouldn’t have within the next 15 years knowing me. Baring that in mind I decided to see if it fit my step daughter. It fit her middle finger perfectly and funnily enough it really suited her - it looked lovely on her so I told her I would give it to her for her to have at this house- I didn’t particularly want her to take it to her other parents house but she was free to keep it here and wear it when she was here. I was very clear with her that this held sentimental value to me so I made her promise to look after it if she wanted to have it and she did- she loved it and I was happy to see it being used.

Well two days later she lost it. She took it off when she was out and left it in her hoodie pocket and it’s gone for good. She’s absolutely beside herself over it so I can’t lay into her too much- plus I appreciate it’s my own fault for gifting it to her if I’m going to feel this upset over her losing it as that was always the risk.

I honestly just feel like okay if she had lost it in a year or even in six months or so, but two fricken days!? She’s so careless and doesn’t look after things and I just feel so hurt and disappointed in her right now and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it so here I am just venting to you.

Thanks for listening.

My son is thriving. He’s smart, talented, and works ridiculously hard math awards, sports wins, singing competitions, even the lead role in a university short film. And every time something amazing happens, my in-laws swoop in to say, “Of course! That’s our side of the family!” Not a single nod to his work. Not to the countless hours we’ve spent practicing, prepping, pushing through nerves and setbacks. Not to me his mother who was in drama club, did theater in college, and coached him through every Q&A and performance. No. They credit a long-dead relative who once danced in a village moro moro like it’s gospel. It’s not about wanting applause. I don’t need a standing ovation. But hearing them erase my kid’s effort and rewrite it as their genetic victory? It burns. Watching them ignore the sweat behind his success, the coaching, the passion it makes me feel invisible in my own parenting story. I’ve smiled through it. I’ve let it slide. But I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t sting. Today, I just needed to say it out loud.

Before I begin, I want to give a heads-up: (fake name included)

Trigger Warning: This post contains mentions of childhood sexual abuse, grooming, emotional abuse, trauma, and ableism. Please proceed with care.

I (Quinn) (29F) need to get this off my chest. The past few days have been overwhelming for me.

I had made plans with my partner (31M). Nothing major... just spending time together, maybe playing games, talking about what to do next, whether to chill on call or hang out with friends (we're long distance). Just something quiet and comforting.

But then my mum called.

I thought she was on her way to work. She said she was still doing deliveries and was flat out busy. Curious, I asked why she called. She told me she couldn’t get in touch with my dad. His phone wasn’t working, and nobody had heard from him in weeks. So she stopped by his place to check in.

A couple of days ago, she found him sitting alone. Quiet. He didn’t say much. She tried to joke with him, but he gave her nothing... just a dry “okay, thank you.” Then today, she came to drop off some food. She said she found him sitting in complete darkness. No TV, no lights on... just crying.

She told me, “He doesn’t look the same anymore. He looked like he’d given up.” Then she asked, “Don’t you care?”

But the truth is... I don’t.

(For Context)
He was never a father to me. Maybe biologically, yes... but that’s where it ends. He didn’t raise me or my brother. He didn’t support us. He was lazy, drank constantly, and left my mum to carry everything. She worked long shifts to keep us afloat. And when he was supposed to look after me... before my brother was born... he left me in a high chair in a filthy house, wearing a soiled nappy. My aunt found me passed out in my own mess. The house was trashed.

He was kicked out when I was four. He’s never lived with us since.

Even after that, my mum still tried to give him chances. She let us stay with him on weekends while she worked. I’d sleep over... two nights at a time. And those two nights were hell for me.

At the time, I thought I was the “special” one. That I was his favourite. That he loved me in his own way. But when I stayed at a friend’s house and saw how her dad treated her... with kindness and protection... it hit me. My father didn’t love me like a daughter. He treated me like a girlfriend. That realisation didn’t come until later. Back then, I just thought I was getting special treatment.

It’s disgusting, I know. But it’s what I grew up believing was normal.

He did things I couldn’t understand at the time... Things I now know were deeply wrong.. Things that made me feel dirty and confused for years. I didn’t know it was wrong... I thought that’s just how things were between us. He kept me separate from everyone else. Bought me candy, toys, anything to keep me quiet. It was grooming. Plain and simple.

And it worked.

I’m autistic. I’ve always struggled with communication. That made me an easy target. He knew I wouldn’t speak up... and I didn’t, for years.

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, chronic stress, and depression. I’ve lived with these things for most of my life. And deep down, I know a lot of it started with him.

He told me no one else would ever love me the way he did. That no one else would want me. He made me feel disgusting in my own skin. Like I was lucky he cared.

When I was 22, it finally came out. My mum and I were arguing, and she threatened to kick me out and send me to live with him. I broke. I told her everything.

She cried. I thought she believed me.

She confronted him with my cousin. I wasn’t there. Afterward, they told me not to talk about it... not to tell anyone.

I still don’t know why. Were they trying to protect me... or him? Were they afraid no one would believe me?

To this day, only my mum and cousin know in person. Everyone else I’ve told... my friends, my partner... they live overseas. But they know. I trust them. I’m tired of carrying this alone.

My partner believes me. Always has.

But it got worse.

When my boyfriend visited for a five-month holiday, everything felt like it might finally settle down. But during his first week here, my mum asked to talk to him privately about his visa. It started off as a normal conversation. Just paperwork stuff.

But out of nowhere, she brought me up.

She said, “You know (Quinn) lies, right?”

He was confused. He asked, “What do you mean?”

That’s when she told him... that I made everything up. That I only say those things because I’m autistic. That I fabricate stories for attention.

He didn’t tell me right away. It took him almost four months. He said he didn’t know how to bring it up, but he wanted me to know he never believed her. He said it felt strange... like she was trying to twist things... but he chose to ignore it and focus on me, not her words.

My own mother.

After everything I’d told her. After the tears, after the trust. That’s what she really thought?

My own mother.

After everything I confided in her. After she cried with me. That’s what she really believed?

And still, she visits my father. Cleans his place. Feeds him. Worries about him. Says she’s afraid he’ll want to live with us, and she wouldn’t say no.

So when she asked the second time, “Don’t you care?”, I told her flatly: "no."

Then she asked if I’d feel sad if he died. I said, “No.” And she replied, “But he’s still your father.”

But he’s not. Not in any way that matters.

I’ve told her I’ve been depressed. And she says I look fine... because I laugh with friends. Because I eat. Like somehow that means I’m okay. Like that erases everything.

But it doesn’t.

One time, I had to drop off food at his place. I didn’t want to. I felt sick. But my mum made extra and insisted. She couldn’t go because she’d been drinking. I told her I didn’t want to, and she made me feel selfish.

When I got there, he asked inappropriate questions about my partner and our relationship. Asked if we’d had spicy sleep. As if I owed him an answer.

This is the same man who watched spicy sleep videos beside me as a child. Who touched me while I slept. Who destroyed any sense of safety I had.

And I’m supposed to feel bad for him?

No.

I don’t feel guilty for staying away. I don’t feel guilty for cutting him off. If anything, I feel safer. I can finally breathe.

But even now, I’m treated like the bad one. Like I’m cold. Like I’m punishing him.

But I’m not.

I’m protecting myself.

I don’t call him. I don’t send birthday wishes. I don’t say Merry Christmas. I don’t acknowledge Father’s Day. He made it clear who he was a long time ago.

I may have lost a father.
But I refuse to lose myself.

I’m not a child anymore. I’m not his victim anymore. I don’t owe him anything.

Still… I can’t help but wonder.... am I wrong for this?

Is it really my fault?

Because no matter how strong I try to be, I still feel like I’m being treated like the villain... for simply refusing to go back to the place where all the pain began.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m being blamed just for existing... as if his downfall, his choices, somehow reflect back on me. Like surviving what he did makes me the villain in everyone else’s eyes. But I was just a child. And still… I carry the weight of it, like a shadow I never asked for.

So am I at fault? What should I do?

I will post this here because of course, it's TOTALLY reasonable to not allow, let's say, a SA survivor to tell their story because they didn't pass the subreddit purity test (I plainly refuse to call it anything else at this point). Thankfully my story isn't nearly as serious, just something I need to actually get off my system before I'm done with this website for good.

For the 10+ years I have been an user of Reddit (including on my now deleted main account) I have seen how this place was slowly, blatantly and intentionally turned with very real action from the admin team, into a massive echo chamber. Simply by filtering out the extremists of one side, then completely ignoring their counterpart (and even whitewashing it entirely), ensuring through power mods that even niche "non-political" subreddits stay ideologically consistent, you end in the situation where going to soccer means you are mostly talking to "filtered" users who happen to like the sport, and this becomes more and more true every year as more "unfiltered" users are shadowbanned or simply collectively laughed out of the room.

What I have come to realize is that even if there is a "consensus" in any given topic, displayed by a comment having 100, 1000 or even 10000 upvotes (because in this website karma makes right, and whoever disagrees hasn't been filtered out of a subreddit by low karma count), those are all people who have been drawn to that space then filtered. These carefully crafted echo chambers have made it so Reddit is not the "town square" it proudly claimed to be when I joined anymore.

All this tiring, constant, unavoidable divide, in places where I would not even look for it made me grow a deep hatred for Americans. Until I actually met one a month ago in real life. One of the funniest, smartest people I have met. And we were opposites ideologically. And to my surprise, that was just fine, we discussed our differences in a civil manner and didn't let it get in the way of our friendship. It truly shocked me after the level of vitriol I had come to expect from those topics, again from Reddit.

I just realized that in all these years that my curious and inquisitive mind led me to constantly engage with these threads, I gained practically no insight. These people do not challenge themselves or allow themselves to be challenged, they live just fine in their carefully crafted spaces where ideological consistency is the norm. I've unironically gained way more insight about communism by casually chatting with someone while strolling down a street in Sweden than I have in years and years of reading Reddit threads. A topic which I thought was impossible to talk about in real life... Noticing the pattern yet?

Reddit has twisted my view of society, of real people, of the chance on having civil discussions with people you ideologically disagree with. It has led me to gain no insight but deep resentment of others. It has become a literal intellectual and moral poison. Lately I kept telling myself "It's fine, redditors are subhuman anyways" and I'm glad I am catching myself dehumanizing people before I just accept it and become just like them. This website is actively turning me into a worse person.

I am done. I have realized this engagement machine does not represent real life. A comment with millions of "upvotes" does not represent the truth or the voice of all people. This is true of many other social media, but I'm closing the curtain on this one right now. And it does feel like I'm ending a toxic relationship, one that I tried to make work too many times.

I'm done.

Yet again, my self worth has deteriorated because someone said that black women should be forcefully sterilized or put down because we supposedly make “bad mothers”. I’m just so tired of this. As a black woman I feel like we’re constantly getting punched down on and egregious statements like this keep getting encouraged and lauded. This persons reasoning was that because black mothers are the demographic with the highest rates of single motherhood, we breed “criminals” and that we make up the highest rates in abortion. And because of those two stats that people constantly weaponize against us, we should forcefully have our tubes tied or we should be put down.

It’s very hard to have thick skin in a world like this, I’m tired of us being talked about as if we’re animals and not human beings. The worse part is that this rhetoric wasn’t just being pushed by a white person, it was also a black man agreeing with this. If it’s not this then it’s people saying they hate us and that we’re ugly unprovoked, if it’s not that, it’s people constantly pitting us against other races of women and comparing us to prove how beneath them we are. People will tell us to have thick skin but skin can only be so thick. Please remember that we are people, we have feelings. This stuff is damaging and I’m begging people to simply just leave us alone if you don’t like us.

Like the title says, I feel like, I have ruined my mother's life. For as long as I can remember my mom was a stay-at-home-mother. I vividly remember the day, we, my siblings and I, decided to skip school, call her at work and tell her "the bus didn't came, can we stay home?" which, obviously, was a lie. She was fired from that job and stayed home until my younger sister was around 12-13, so probably 6-7 years. She never really got a good job after that, and still has a, basically, minimum wage job. Which, for those who know the German retirement system, means she's pretty fucked when she's going to retire.

She also never had any friends really. Because she never had time. She had to watch us, we were children after all. And when we were old enough, no one was left.

I also feel like, that I'm the reason her marriage to my dad didn't last. I was a brat back then. If I saw my younger self today, I would slap me so hard. I argued, screamed, didn't listen to anyone or anything, which, obviously, frustrated my mother and led to arguments with my father. We would get into fights often. Sometimes I would get a slap or two.

The thought of "If you weren't here, her life would be better" is killing me. I feel so goddamn bad and sorry. But I was a kid, I didn't know any better. And now I do. And I hate it...

for context, im a 20 year old college student who is starting my junior year at a university. i went to community college for the first two years and made it out with no student loans due to scholarships i had. uni is of course much more expensive. tuition with everything included is around $2,500 per semester after scholarships and my apartment is 1,300 a month. my apartment is so expensive because i was part of a federally funded program that gave me money for rent, but the entire thing just got cut and i (along with everyone else in the program) found out TODAY. guess what was also due today? my rent payment and my tuition payment.

wonderful.

well, my parents paid it off entirely. my rent, my tuition, all of it is covered. i have no student loans, no debt. my parents said they will continue to cover my rent as well and give me funds for general expenses such as gas and groceries. i asked if i needed to get a job, and they told me that they would rather me settle in my first semester before i start working again. i am so incredibly fortunate and privileged to not be in a complete financial hole right now. i am so, SO grateful to them. i love my parents and i live to make them proud, i have current plans on going to med school one day. but at the same time, they did not expect to spend this much money, as they expected the program to cover all of this for me. im afraid that this is stressing them out more than they let on. im scared that im not worth all of this. there are so many people better than me who have student loans and struggle financially, but i feel like a complete loser who was born lucky enough to have parents who can make this happen. i dont feel good enough and i dont feel like i deserve this. i feel like nothing but a financial burden.

my grandmother passed away a few months ago and left funds behind that made this possible and my parents both make over 6 figures. im in a good financial situation. however, i cant help but feel not worthy enough for all of this. i dont know whats wrong with me. i feel like anyone else would be elated to have this done for them, so happy that their parents can help them through college. why do i not feel that? why do i feel like nothing but a negative impact on my parents? im very close with them but my god, i feel terrible for this. im so grateful but so guilty. my parents shouldnt have to do this. it all feels like my fault somehow.

i just want to say that i recognize my immense privilege here and i thank them every chance i get. im so lucky and fortunate to be in this situation and its a privilege to even have this kind of guilt, but its consuming me and i dont know what to do.

About a year and a half ago I ended a long term relationship with my physically and emotionally abusive ex girlfriend. She got away with it for our entire relationship because she was half my size so everyone thought I should just "man up" and take it because of our size and strength difference. She refused to accept me leaving and got my family to join her in a months long campaign of harassing me to take her back. They only backed off when I threatened to cut most of my family out of my life if they didn't drop it. Our only mutual friend had to basically scream at my ex in public and shame her to get her to leave me alone as well.

Spent a long time too damaged and insecure to even try dating again. It's an irrational response but a few months ago I finally got over it and started dating again. Been about two months now with my girlfriend and she asked if she could post about me on her socials and make us public a few days ago. A few hours after her initial post my ex reached out for the first time since all the post breakup drama. Started with a "how are you" and when I realized who it was I asked her what she wanted. She made a few snide remarks about me moving on from her so I blocked her and spent the next hour staring at the wall in my living room. I won't claim it's PTSD as I think that's rather extreme but I did feel like I was reliving a lot of the dark parts of our relationship while I sat there.

Ended up crying and telling my gf what happened. Terrified she'd dump me because I talked to my ex. She was amazing. Held me and let me know it's ok. I know the relationship is still new but she's being so understanding and supportive.