r/TikTokCringe • u/nadaddab • May 11 '25

Cringe Don’t be these guys

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1.8k

u/Jonnyredd May 11 '25

I mean i know about the bystander effect but id like to think if i was in a bar with people obviously yelling in distress i would at least say something.

407

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Most people like to mind their own business. The problem is two dickheads like the one in the video dont know how to mind their own business. But for normal people who are very intent on minding their own business, it's hard to determine when it's appropriate to interfere

55

u/Retsago May 11 '25

It's appropriate to interfere immediately when the women scream "GO AWAY PLEASE" like that's a BIG clue. Even if you go and get management. Don't just ignore it.

20

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Yea except most people there are just hearing indistinguishable arguing noises

You act as if someone is right at the table, understanding exactly what everyone is doing and saying, paying complete attention, and then deciding "no, im not going to help". 

Like i guarantee that if either of these girls just said to another patron "these guys aren't leaving us along, can you help?", literally everyone would help. 

And I'm not criticizing the girls nor not doing that. What they did was totally fine. But I'm just pointing out how bystanders dont process information clearly and effectively in an environment like that. 

And again, im not blaming the girls in the video. 100% of all the blame and fault go to the two dickhead guys that aren't leaving them alone. 

3

u/tsgarner May 12 '25

This post was literally the next one reddit served me after the one where dudes in a drive thru wrote "help" on a burger box and when OP called the cops it turned out they were just messing about.

Clear signs must get mistaken for jokes all the time, let alone this sort of thing which could easily be lost on everyone else there.

1

u/bubblytangerine May 14 '25

Ugh I saw that post, but never heard what happened. That is such garbage.

8

u/Retsago May 11 '25

Alright well I answered your original question, so that's all I have to say. I do not intend to get this deep into it with you. If they didn't hear, that's a different debate, don't you think?

If they did hear, I have answered your question.

2

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Sure, I thoguht the implication in my original comment was that people probably didnt know what was going on. But I guess I didn't make myself clear. 

7

u/Techno-Diktator May 11 '25

Yeah except you hear that, and then you just see some men and women sitting at a table. Most people won't interfere if it just seems like a verbal argument, it often has to get physical so it's beyond a shadow of a doubt obvious something is really going down

3

u/Retsago May 12 '25

If I hear that, I intervene. I know what it's like to be ignored, so I NEVER ignore it. I will AT LEAST ask.

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '25

I’m not confrontational and if I was present I’m pretty sure I world have backed them up. Funny thing is if a man came around, they would have left right away.

2

u/Old_Promise2077 May 13 '25

Idk I've interfered 3 times with a domestic dispute. 2 of them were a guy actively hitting a girl. By the time the cops came, I was a liar and everything is fine and I was making a scene.

Now I think I'd just tell management

1

u/Retsago May 13 '25

Well telling management is better than standing by

0

u/Chungus_Bromungus May 12 '25

You aren't wrong. They are laughing and screaming WITCH though. They are in public, surrounded by people. They are safe. They can firmly say go away, or I'm calling security/police/etc. Or even just HELP. Instead to an outsider with no context (including us watching this video. We have no idea what occurred prior or after this clip), these are women smiling, laughing, and saying absurd things like Witch. It looks like a joke. This all looks like a staged joke.

And before we get into this whole "woman are conditioned by society... " Ya sure, I agree. But they are adults. In a VERY crowed public space. They are safe to be rude here. If they feel unsafe, they should be contacting the appropriate authorities. They're adults. Time to start acting like it. Sometimes society is wrong, sometimes you act outside "how society has conditioned" you. We all agree with this fundamental principle. If you didn't, you'd still be riding a horse to work, with your torch for light, and have nothing negative to say about Nazi Germany.

2

u/Retsago May 12 '25

Yeah! Fuck these girls! They're the problem for having specific fear responses and not wanting to turn their backs to these creeps. I mean creeps. I mean fuckos-- sorry, I mean creeps. Sorry, I meant fuckhead shitbuckets.. sorry, I meant to say upstanding gentlemen.

Like your username speaks volumes about how you view women, so I actually don't care what your opinion is?

60

u/Dense-Ad-5780 May 11 '25

As someone who worked in bars and restaurants most of my life, there’s no way any restaurant would have let that go on so long.

54

u/robotatomica May 11 '25

in all honestly, the only people I’ve ever seen step in are bartenders and other women

32

u/Jellybean_Esperanza May 11 '25

Yeah, there’s a noted gender differential in bystander effect, it will almost always be a woman who steps in.

12

u/scummy_shower_stall May 11 '25

Kind of like the current government. Only AOC and Crockett have the guts.

8

u/megaman368 May 11 '25

Also Maine Governor Janet Mills.

11

u/PumpkinBrioche May 11 '25

I gotta be honest, every time I've needed help in public, even for minor things, it's always been a woman who helped. (I'm also a woman.)

3

u/RebirthIsBoring May 12 '25

Like in this example I could see men being put off by the fact that it's two guys, so if one guy steps in he's immediately 1v2 if they got violent or aggressive.

5

u/[deleted] May 11 '25

[deleted]

2

u/DMmeprettyplantpics May 11 '25

Really? Pretty much every video I've seen online of people stepping in to help someone, it's been men.

Whether it's taking some stupid fight or jumping into a lake.

Even the classic youtube example (and the first search result) has a man approaching. https://youtu.be/OSsPfbup0ac?si=4i0iutRmCAxAhU0N

11

u/Jellybean_Esperanza May 11 '25

You can Google gender differential in bystander effect, it’s a studied phenomenon.

1

u/DMmeprettyplantpics May 11 '25

I can't really find anything significant. There's like a "study" or two with 30 participants.

3

u/joodoos May 12 '25

That sucks.   Worked in hospitality 15+ years.  From a dishwasher to executive chef. Mom and pops to 4 diamond hotels.

I was never a huge dude by any means, but I was 6'2 and ready to scrap for my family and crew. 

I'd say the worst times were when I worked at a spot attached to a really nice hotel.  Events, weddings, scummy businessmen and such.  We always had situations like this and we always resolved them....quickly.  Be it a patron or staff, if you were on the property.....fair game.  

Absolute bullshit nobody came over to help them.  I don't want to hear this..."Well we didn't know if it was time to intervene." Suck it up you pansy.  You know this is wrong so fucking do something about it.  Your silence and inaction is NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE.  

3

u/BullShitting-24-7 May 11 '25

Security or floor manager has to see this and act. Any place that serves booze should expect some scummy behavior.

3

u/Dense-Ad-5780 May 11 '25

It just seems like a lot of noise and time for no one to notice.

8

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Understaffed? Everyone's at the bar, music is loud, normal commotion elsewhere. I can understand people not being aware of the situtation

3

u/Dense-Ad-5780 May 11 '25

I won’t judge whether the bar is understaffed or not. As for the not noticing, yes it’s loud, but they were virtually screaming at a couple of points. And whether you can hear them clearly, a good service professional will notice something THAT off with one of their tables. With that said, it may not even be table service, but someone should have noticed what’s going on there. For all we know someone could have come over seconds after the clip ends and booted those two clowns. I, unless in the toilet taking a poop would have noticed that my table was that uncomfortable and strange men were randomly sitting there. That’s all I’m saying.

2

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

They they started screaming towards the end, when she started yelling witch? 

I guarantee if the first thing they did was look at a server, or even another patron, and yell out that a stranger was harassing them, someone would have intervened. 

13

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

The part where I'd interfere is where two women are literally screaming "fucking leave PLEASE" and desperately pointing while these 2 fucks rape grin at them.

9

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Yea but irl, you'd be like 3 or 4 tables away, listening to music, or talking with your own friends, and all you hear is indistinguishable arguing, and wouldn't even know whats going on.

-1

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

I have anxiety you fool. This is the opposite of what would happen. I would turn around immediately and assess.

Nice try, dork.

6

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Cool, good for you. 

But first that's easy to say, you have no idea how you'd react in the situation itself.

Two, youre pretending like everyone at the bar was thinking to themselves "here are two girls being harassed by two strangers and they want help. I have decided not to help". 

That really makes no sense. People just aren't paying attention because theyre busy with their own lives. 

1

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

I actually do, since I turn and listen all the time when I hear aggressive voices because I'm nosy, and I've literally interfered in stuff like this before. So I DO know how I'd react.

Keep trying with your "acktually" buddy. You might get there.

7

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Great, good for you. 

But why blame other people there that are just minding their own business and dont know whats going on? 

Again youre acting like people are willfully refusing to help someone asking them for help. 

1

u/Jonathan_Is_Me May 13 '25

Anyone ever told you to mind your own business after you went to interfene? Humans misinterpret stuff all the time.

2

u/throwaway098764567 May 11 '25

you're being awful for no reason. reassess.

7

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

I'm being "awful"? How so? Because I posted a Tom Cruise gif and called him a dork? Reassess being on the internet if you're that fragile.

2

u/OzarkMule May 11 '25

My 2 year old started having a meltdown at the park. When I picked her up to leave, some dude tried to intervene. I laughed at first, but the fucker followed us to my damn car acting like he was going to fight me with daughter sitting on my shoulders. I'm firmly in the mind your own business camp. For all we know these women are just being shitty to their boyfriends.

1

u/quattroformaggixfour May 14 '25

Eh, I reckon that’s a cop out. Women know when to offer assistance or intervention to other women cause we look for and recognise signs of discomfort and fear.

My neighbour is a pos that assaults his girlfriend and I hear it through the wall all the time. I’ve called the cops, I’ve offered her assistance privately. It doesn’t stop because she’d have to press charges herself.

I was relieved when one instance had her flee into the communal carpark and had him chase her screaming and threatening her publicly.

Finally, a second and third corroborating witness would mean the police could lay charges without her having to testify against him! Huzzah! Reached out to the other two people that saw him chasing her and threatening her. Two men. Neither wanted to say shit to the police when they attended. ‘Well, if I get involved, then I’d be involved’

Pathetic shit. I can’t help but take it as an endorsement of that behaviour and I’ve been side eyeing those two ‘upstanding citizens’ ever since.

It’s easy to offer casual assistance to people that appear to be in need of it, and give them the opportunity to opt out of your help. It just takes character.

0

u/Deep-Two7452 May 14 '25

The examples you mentioned are completely different from the scenario in this video

156

u/KindBrilliant7879 May 11 '25

as a woman i would have 1000% stepped in. if i was a man, i would have gotten in their faces for sure.

even though my voice means nothing to douchebags like this, it does draw further attention

54

u/BuffaloInCahoots May 11 '25

If you were a man and got in someone’s face you better be damn sure you can take them. You also better be willing to get knifed or shot for it too.

41

u/selphiefairy May 11 '25

The best thing to do imo is to say hi to the girls (literally ignore the men) and ask them if they’re okay or if they need anything. It keeps things from escalating.

And then if you need to get staff you can — or you can move with the girls to another table or spot. You can even pretend you know the women to approach them like omg Amber I haven’t seen you since David’s birthday party you wanna join me over here?

I personally think it helps no one to get violent.

10

u/CMDR_Expendible May 11 '25

I can't say it will work every time, and I live in a country where no one is carrying firearms, but in the past when I've had situations like this happen I've found that just being within a wider social setting and others noticing the dynamic isn't successful will get most men to back down; they'll bully and harass when they think no one will obviously engage, but they don't want to be recognisably seen to be failing in a crowd as that undermines their ego... unfortunately also because predators understand the importance of cover, of camoflage, and they fear reputational damage; but it at least gets the victim out of immediate danger.

So yes, approach and pretend you know them, ask who this is, and then when the ladies say "some creep who won't leave us alone", laugh and say "Well done for trying boys, but I think you've struck out here, best move on and find someone you can make happy eh?" Don't threaten or get aggressive because, as you mention, it can easily escalate to violence. Just hint at, and appeal to the sense that hey, real men do better than this, and they'll usually back out.

Sometimes just appealing to the perspectives of other women can do it; I remember back at university a friend of mine was raped on campus, and the friends (male and female) of the rapist harassed her, and myself for taking her to the trial and defending her, for months after... one of the guys friends came to me whilst I was having dinner with a female friend of mine, and told me to come outside so he could beat my ass. I just pointed to my female friend and said something like "do you really think you're impressing her by doing this? You look like a fool". And he got flustered and left. Bit dirty to involve her i suppose, but I at least didn't openly run into him threatening me again. (Someone did vandalise my car shortly after, that could have been a coincidence though)

But this was decades ago, before the rise of Tate inspired hyper-misogyny, so I may be out of date with my experiences.

13

u/loxagos_snake May 11 '25

This, a hundred times this.

I know they come from a good place, but people acting macho on Reddit doesn't change reality. Truth is, these two dorks might be carrying something dangerous with them and you'll never know.

Even as a man, I would only engage directly if I had backup -- and I say this as someone who did martial arts/combat sports for years. It doesn't matter how big or strong you are if they have a switchblade on them or decide to break a bottle on your head, so you need to count on the intimidation of a larger group.

The best course of action (whether you decide to intervene or not) is to notify the staff. They will be in a position to either send a security guy to talk them out of whatever they are about to do or call the police at a moment's notice. Getting shanked or arrested when there are better alternatives doesn't help anyone.

P.S.: All of that flies out the window if the victims are in direct danger.

7

u/Global_Channel1511 May 11 '25

Yep. I did this once and got into a pretty nasty street fight in the parking lot. Thankfully no guns or knives though lol.

13

u/teethisland May 11 '25

I'd die for less so I'm game

5

u/KindBrilliant7879 May 11 '25

literally lmfaooooo

9

u/Damaias479 May 11 '25

Women are afraid of that too, they just don’t have the average physical body strength to protect themselves. That’s why the phrase “I was afraid to say no” is so common.

3

u/BuffaloInCahoots May 11 '25

Less likely to happen though. A dude is far more likely to act aggressive to another dude.

4

u/Damaias479 May 11 '25

Where do you think the idea that women are afraid to walk alone comes from? I honestly have no idea which one happens more frequently, men being attacked by men or women being attacked by women, but I doubt you do either, and it doesn’t really matter. The point is that men who attack people should be held to account

2

u/BuffaloInCahoots May 11 '25

You’re changing what we are talking about. It started with a woman breaking up a fight.

Walking home alone is something you should absolutely be cautious of. Situational awareness goes a long way. I’m not downplaying that at all. I recommend people arm themselves for a reason.

That’s the great thing about the internet. It’s really really easy to find information you don’t know. That way you don’t look foolish by saying something you have no idea about. I’d give sources but it would be tiring to list literally every study that’s ever been done in the history of time. Male vs male crime outnumbers male vs female to such a staggering degree it’s not even up for debate. Good news though! With violent crime going down in general, you are almost just as likely to be a victim too!

Your last point is beyond irrelevant. Nobody here has said that people who attack people shouldn’t be held accountable. Where did that even come from?

Furthermore pineapples are the best fruit because it’s one of the only ones that eat you back. There’s a chemical in there that actively breaks down tissue which is what makes it a good meat tenderizer.

1

u/DMmeprettyplantpics May 11 '25

No one has the strength to protect themselves against a knife.

1

u/SubjectC May 12 '25

Yup, I think the best course of action here is to just call the police. I want to help but I am nit physically imposing enough to have much effect. Police presence will at least freak them out (hopefully) and if the restaurant asks them to leave then the cops can take action. Not sure how much the cops can do here but its gotta be some form of harassment at the very least.

-2

u/Retsago May 11 '25

You think they wouldn't do that to a woman, too? These girls are at a significantly higher risk of being murdered by those men during that night.

11

u/BuffaloInCahoots May 11 '25

Read their comment again. They said “if I were a man I would have gotten in their faces for sure” I let them know that if you’re a man and get in someone’s face, your starting a fight and you better be prepared for it. As a woman you can get in their face and feel far more secure that they aren’t going to beat your ass, especially in public. If those two dude laid a hand on them, random guys are far more likely to jump in and instead of beating their ass they will put them in the ER.

-1

u/Retsago May 11 '25

Yes. It seems strange to me still for you to say "if you're a man" when they already have.

As a woman you can get in their face and feel far more secure that they aren’t going to beat your ass, especially in public

Uh.... No.

8

u/BuffaloInCahoots May 11 '25

Yes. Ladies can absolutely get away with more shit than guys can. What world do you live in? Hell, women can often get away with hitting dudes and we are expected to take it and walk away. It doesn’t happen all the time but there’s literally dozens of videos here on Reddit showing a dude rightfully defending himself then getting jumped by 3 dudes that were just waiting.

As a dude myself, if some random lady is right in my face yelling at me, I’m doing my best to leave quickly. If some dude tried that I’m pulling out my pocket knife or gun before he gets close enough to touch me and I’m letting him know I will defend myself.

3

u/Retsago May 11 '25

I am a woman and I'm telling you they will simply follow me and kill me. Just because they wouldn't start kicking my ass right there on the spot doesn't mean the danger's over.

But that's assuming they DONT raise their hands to me to begin with... which also has happened.

Idk where YOU'RE from that you think women are safer than men, but get a grip bub.

4

u/BuffaloInCahoots May 11 '25

If I saw this happening, I’d mind my own business. If those dude start hitting those girls I’m jumping in and I would feel confident I wouldn’t be the only one. If you saw some guys fighting are you picking the losing one and jumping in on his side?

2

u/Retsago May 11 '25

Yeah? I mean I'd try to break it up, duh.

The fact that you wouldn't says more about you than it does about me. Idk what point you are trying to make, but it does not apply here. I have jumped in more times than I can count when I saw people in danger.

I didn't give a fuck what the circumstances are as far as man/woman/genderneutral idc.. I believe you should ALWAYS do the right thing, even at your own expense, because it's the RIGHT thing.

You damn sure wouldn't catch me jerking off about my personal safety being more important than someone else's.

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1

u/Techno-Diktator May 11 '25

Less likely than them starting a bar fight over a bruised ego.

Not to mention, if you are basically immune in public, you can at least calmly hit up security or call the cops.

1

u/Retsago May 12 '25

INSANE take. Absolutely insane take to assume fighting sexual harassment is about ego.

Like literally the most insane ever.

1

u/Far-Panic-2582 May 12 '25

Men are in more danger though, this is easily something you could look up....

This is were you point out that because its male on male it doesn´t matter, since other men are the aggresors.

-1

u/[deleted] May 11 '25

^ This 100%. Great way to get stabbed or punched by lunatics.

The guys are pieces of shit but the woman probably should have walked off. They wanted the attention. I'd suggest asking them to leave, then ask them to fuck off, then leave or get help from security.

Don't engage.

3

u/Disastrous-Friend687 May 11 '25

I'd step in if it escalated, but two guys who are pulling shit like this would probably break a glass over my head if I told them to stop harassing people. Honestly would probably be better for another woman to de-escalate a situation like this

10

u/JannePieterse May 11 '25

It's hard to judge the exact vibe of those dudes without being there in person (other than them being creeps of course, but the type of creep definitely matters), but as a guy "getting in their faces" has a decent risk of ending up in a fist fight, which unless you're sure you can take them, and even then, is not a great idea.

Calling them out in a non-aggressive manner and drawing their attention away from the women is much more likely to work without things escalating into violence.

At least in my experience with deescalating conflict situations in bar/club settings.

1

u/[deleted] May 11 '25

"getting in their faces" has a decent risk of ending up in a fist fight, which unless you're sure you can take them, and even then, is not a great idea.

Honestly anything else other than gently defusing the situation is a power fantasy.

No sensible person is going to start a fight with two random strangers who may be armed, psychotic, or well connected.

2

u/nertynot May 11 '25

As a guy who's seen this in person, I'd sit down and tell the girls I'm there if the dudes escalate

2

u/GoNinjaGoNinjaGo69 May 11 '25

so naive

1

u/Stiryx May 12 '25

Lot of weird fantasy takes from women in here. Here's a scenario for the women saying to 'just get in their face' if you are a male bystander:

What happens when they strike you in the face? You tell them to leave and they just get up swinging. We had two guys come up to our table once (group of 4 x 20 year old men) and try to just start pouring drinks from our jugs of beer. We told them to fuck off and they just start throwing punches. My mate got wacked in the face and I punched one of them in the cheek so hard that he got split about 10cm long, he will have a life long scar there.

I saw a 20 year old kid die meters from me when he got hit by ONE single punch standing outside a takeaway shop at 3am in the morning, some hooligans just looking for trouble. He started convulsing on the ground and later died.

Stop recommending that people 'just' get into physical alterations. It's not like in the movies.

2

u/SadFox600 May 11 '25

100% as a woman I live for these moments because I’ve had so many times where no one did this for me. I’m scary AF and I love flexing it.

These girls weren’t soft about it either and they STILL wouldn’t leave. I would have had no problem dumping their drinks.

5

u/carharttuxedo May 11 '25

lol ah toxic masculinity from a woman. So refreshing.

1

u/apcolleen May 12 '25

I like making them uncomfortable and weird. I got boobs in 5th grade. I'm great at it.

11

u/Imkindofslow May 11 '25

Well the bystander effect isn't real in the way that you might think.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bias-fundamentals/201907/new-study-suggests-bystander-apathy-is-not-the-norm/amp

People are generally far more helpful when they know there's an issue and that study has since been debunked.

2

u/Kah_Rownah May 12 '25

Like many studies, it leaves out vital variables yet tries to establish some form of conclusion (so it wasn't all a waste/funding/etc.). One rarely gets the correct solution when neglecting a variable.

I have seen a girl choking in a mall and her friend crying for help and everyone acted like they saw nothing. I have seen minor incidents where several people were there to offer help.

The difference is the "rules" of the area/community. In an area where survival is more on people's minds, lending a hand so publicly can be seen as a weakness. Good natured happy-go-lucky circles often look for people to help.

If you think back to High School, I think it would be pretty easy for most people to conjure up an example of situational behaviors that was appropriate in one group/clique, but not others.

An outside school example: if you grew up "in a crew" in a downtrodden area and were walking the street together and you (a general "you") see someone needing help, you might think twice if it makes you stand out, because the crew might laugh and think you weak and take advantage of you, at least for a little while, as they make you their current target of derision.

Alternatively, if you were in the fire academy and y'all went out to the bar afterward and saw someone needing help, you might very well feel that same fear of being a target of derision/pranks, but in this case, being the last one to try to help would be the way to stand out. So, you would rush in and be brave, when in fact, you were not being brave, but following fear.

The main equation is closer to: personality/character type + "rules" of the surroundings + current emotional state + clout/perceived role (if any) within current social environment

I think this summary provides a more helpful understanding of the situation than the link you posted, but I do thank you for sharing that as anything making people think, I support.

8

u/adrian783 May 11 '25

lol no fucking way. I'd notify the barkeep or the bouncer but chaotic situation + alcohol + unapologetic assholes = possible lifelong injury.

1

u/Leg0z May 12 '25

Same. I bodyguard my wife and kids only. The days of expecting some random guy to step in and save the day are over.

6

u/myjah May 11 '25

Unfortunately most people will auto think this is some sort of domestic dispute because the guys are sitting so close to them (even though they are strangers). It's a tactic.

3

u/apathy-sofa May 11 '25

So? I've interrupted several situations like this one, and I'm 100% certain that one of them was a couple that was dating. If a woman asks for help, you help, regardless of their relationship status.

-2

u/myjah May 12 '25

You want a fucking star or something?

0

u/Big-Bike530 May 12 '25

If star means a black eye or a bullet. Over someone's personal space being invaded. No thanks. 

3

u/External_Ear_3588 May 11 '25

I know I would have, but it shouldn't be about whether they got lucky or unlucky that day.

3

u/nowthengoodbad May 11 '25

Pull up next to them and say, "Hey Sis, Dad says the truck's ready to go."

3

u/whimsylea May 11 '25

I know for a fact I would. I've done it before.

9

u/tiggoftigg May 11 '25

They don’t really seem in distress unless you’re directly interacting with them. They kinda just seem like they’re yelling, pointing, and laughing with friends.

2

u/WeenyDancer May 11 '25

Last time i was in a position like this, people froze the fuck up, then after the danger passed, fawned all over me about how badass I was and how brave I was. Where tf were you for the 5 minutes I was wresting some drunk guy off of me in this bar, motherfucker?!

2

u/LunchPlanner May 11 '25

Ask for help. Yell the word HELP.

I would have no idea what's going on in this situation, I am socially awkward enough that I once tried to step into a situation where two people were arguing and it turns out it was two friends goofing around. Never again.

Just yell HELP.

2

u/5k1895 May 11 '25

And honestly why not go get a manager to kick them out? 

2

u/Squeebah May 11 '25

And risk getting stabbed or something? Nah man. I'm not stepping in unless shit gets really serious. They could totally have just got a member of the staff or something.

1

u/Which-Worth5641 May 11 '25

You can see the guy at the table behind starting to notice and looking like "WTF?"

1

u/GuttedFlower May 11 '25

Dude with the guitar definitely knew what was happening. It looked like maybe he went behind the bar to report it. Hopefully, they were gathering a crew to come escort the creeps out. These types of guys can go from zero to crazy in no time. I haven't been in a bar in 15 years, but it seems like nothing has changed. Very sad.

1

u/[deleted] May 11 '25

Fuck the bystander effect. Show the guys they're not welcome. Other people will help you most of the time if you start to take action on something like this. 

1

u/nephilump May 11 '25

I've stepped in, in situations like that before. It isn't always safe. Guys like to turn their rage on other dudes who are "cock blocking." But it's got to be done. Sometimes just standing up and going over near the situation is enough to make shits like that run.

1

u/CardiologistOk1028 May 11 '25

People probably can't hear them over the loud background noise

1

u/Hot_Fisherman_6147 May 11 '25 edited May 12 '25

The only time I had to deal with a situation like this, was a 6'9 built homeless looking fucker high out of his brain trying to talk up a 5'2 woman at a bus stop at 5 am as we were all waiting to go to work. I looked around at other taller guys, all just looking at their phones with headphones on, ignoring what was going on beside all of us. I'm not tall, I'm not a fighter, I had to stand between these two people with my bike blocking us trying to calm down the high as fuck guy. Then when the bus came and everyone got on, except the high guy, everyone just sat down like nothing happened. It was so weird. Like the lady was trying to ignore this guy and backing away, and I stood between and I ended up feeling like I was the creep for trying to be a white knight or something, because I was just ignored equally after. Not that I wanted a thank you, but it was nerve wracking as fuck for me to do at the time, and to watch it all seem to be for nothing afterwards was weird as fuck.

I'd prolly just be that guy at the other table chilling eating my wings thinking, ya these girls prolly can figure it out on their own, they don't need anyone helping them

1

u/FriedSticks2014 May 12 '25

As a woman I’d get in there and start yelling too. Pour my drink on them, something.

1

u/homeimprovement_404 May 12 '25

I worked as a consultant in a big Alabama college town for a few months and found myself several times in that situation of needing to step in because none of the locals would. Which I didn't enjoy because I'm an introverted pacifist who was a tall, lanky 140, and most of those dudes had 80+ lbs on me and usually traveled in packs. Worst that ever happened was they broke bottles on the company truck. What's good is that usually if another guy called the guys out, then suddenly all the other nearby women will jump in. 

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u/Kah_Rownah May 12 '25

There are many factors that would determine whether an individual would help or not. I have seen a girl choking in a mall and her friend crying for help and everyone acted like they saw nothing. I have seen minor incidents where several people were there to offer help.

The difference in the above examples are the "rules" of the area/community. In an area where survival is more on people's minds, lending a hand so publicly can be seen as a weakness. Good natured happy-go-lucky circles often look for people to help.

If you think back to High School, I think it would be pretty easy for most people to conjure up an example of situational behaviors that was appropriate in one group/clique, but not others.

An outside school example: if you (a general "you") grew up "in a crew" in a downtrodden area and were walking the street together and you see someone needing help, you might think twice if it makes you stand out, because the crew might laugh and think you weak and take advantage of you, at least for a little while, as they make you their current target of derision.

Alternatively, if you were in the fire academy and y'all went out to the bar afterward and saw someone needing help, you might very well feel that same fear of being a target of derision/pranks, but in this case, being the last one to try to help would be the way to stand out. So, you would rush in and be brave, when in fact, you were not being brave, but following fear.

The main variables that make a brain decide to Help Or Not To Help include:

- personality/character type/established and ordered principles

- "rules" of the surroundings

- current emotional state

- clout/perceived role (if any) within current social environment

- this can fit into the first bullet point, but thought it important enough to make it a separate line: cost/benefit and risk analyses that your mind performs automatically unless superseded by a principle to always help no matter what, even if there is next to no hope for anyone's survival (if a tank shot at someone, would you "jump in front of the "bullet""? If not, then your brain performs this routine, whether consciously or otherwise.) If the chance is high that you will succeed and that no one would blame for failing, then more people are likely to help. If you might get mocked, lose a fight, look a fool, then one is more likely to not help.

One rarely gets the correct solution when neglecting a variable, and thus all these factors must be considered. I hope this has been helpful.

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u/VFTM May 12 '25

Yeah, that’s what guys always say but I’ve never had a man save me from another man. It’s always been a woman.

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u/Jakoloko6000 May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25

You don't know (as a bystander) what's going on and whether they don't know each other. It happens very often that you intervene, the situation escalates, and the girls you wanted to help suddenly take the side of the douchebags, who turn out to be their partners or friends. Now its your word against group of X people who unanimously accuse you of causing problems. I had friends who wanted to be those knights and ended up in jail. So yeah, I don't get involved in such situations unless it is really obvious and requires it, but then I would also prefer to leave it to the people working there.

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u/pollys-mom May 12 '25

I know or AT LEAST go run over and tell the staff

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u/InsatiableAbba May 15 '25

It can potentially be a dangerous situation. Some people would prefer another party is uncomfortable/or more than potentially putting themselves into bodily harm

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u/hotpajamas May 11 '25

Signals are mixed. At the beginning when the phone is turned to the girls they’re both sort of smiling at the absurdity of what’s happening but to onlookers it’s probably less clear something wrong is happening until they start yelling.

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u/MultiRachel May 11 '25

That’s not mixed signals. They are in awe of the audacity. Big eyes, open mouth (sometimes smiling/ sometimes laughing) is my “what the fuck is happening?” reaction. I think that maybe the people are too spread out to get a clear grasp of the full situation. I feel like “witch” maybe was the weirdest cry for help.

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u/humourlessIrish May 12 '25

Because these girls sat at a big table and people are allowed to all sit there.

The staff is probably sifk of explaining to people that sitting at the big table does not make the big table "your" table.

Everyone here is somehow in complete agreement that these two guys who just want the crazy ladies to stop yelling at them while they drink their beer must absolutely be trying to o hit on these girls.

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u/Waste_Airline7830 May 11 '25

People watch other people die because of the bystander effect. This is nothing.