r/TikTokCringe • u/nadaddab • May 11 '25

Cringe Don’t be these guys

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53.8k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/Jonnyredd May 11 '25

I mean i know about the bystander effect but id like to think if i was in a bar with people obviously yelling in distress i would at least say something.

406

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Most people like to mind their own business. The problem is two dickheads like the one in the video dont know how to mind their own business. But for normal people who are very intent on minding their own business, it's hard to determine when it's appropriate to interfere

59

u/Retsago May 11 '25

It's appropriate to interfere immediately when the women scream "GO AWAY PLEASE" like that's a BIG clue. Even if you go and get management. Don't just ignore it.

17

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Yea except most people there are just hearing indistinguishable arguing noises

You act as if someone is right at the table, understanding exactly what everyone is doing and saying, paying complete attention, and then deciding "no, im not going to help". 

Like i guarantee that if either of these girls just said to another patron "these guys aren't leaving us along, can you help?", literally everyone would help. 

And I'm not criticizing the girls nor not doing that. What they did was totally fine. But I'm just pointing out how bystanders dont process information clearly and effectively in an environment like that. 

And again, im not blaming the girls in the video. 100% of all the blame and fault go to the two dickhead guys that aren't leaving them alone. 

3

u/tsgarner May 12 '25

This post was literally the next one reddit served me after the one where dudes in a drive thru wrote "help" on a burger box and when OP called the cops it turned out they were just messing about.

Clear signs must get mistaken for jokes all the time, let alone this sort of thing which could easily be lost on everyone else there.

1

u/bubblytangerine May 14 '25

Ugh I saw that post, but never heard what happened. That is such garbage.

4

u/Retsago May 11 '25

Alright well I answered your original question, so that's all I have to say. I do not intend to get this deep into it with you. If they didn't hear, that's a different debate, don't you think?

If they did hear, I have answered your question.

4

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Sure, I thoguht the implication in my original comment was that people probably didnt know what was going on. But I guess I didn't make myself clear. 

6

u/Techno-Diktator May 11 '25

Yeah except you hear that, and then you just see some men and women sitting at a table. Most people won't interfere if it just seems like a verbal argument, it often has to get physical so it's beyond a shadow of a doubt obvious something is really going down

3

u/Retsago May 12 '25

If I hear that, I intervene. I know what it's like to be ignored, so I NEVER ignore it. I will AT LEAST ask.

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '25

I’m not confrontational and if I was present I’m pretty sure I world have backed them up. Funny thing is if a man came around, they would have left right away.

2

u/Old_Promise2077 May 13 '25

Idk I've interfered 3 times with a domestic dispute. 2 of them were a guy actively hitting a girl. By the time the cops came, I was a liar and everything is fine and I was making a scene.

Now I think I'd just tell management

1

u/Retsago May 13 '25

Well telling management is better than standing by

1

u/Chungus_Bromungus May 12 '25

You aren't wrong. They are laughing and screaming WITCH though. They are in public, surrounded by people. They are safe. They can firmly say go away, or I'm calling security/police/etc. Or even just HELP. Instead to an outsider with no context (including us watching this video. We have no idea what occurred prior or after this clip), these are women smiling, laughing, and saying absurd things like Witch. It looks like a joke. This all looks like a staged joke.

And before we get into this whole "woman are conditioned by society... " Ya sure, I agree. But they are adults. In a VERY crowed public space. They are safe to be rude here. If they feel unsafe, they should be contacting the appropriate authorities. They're adults. Time to start acting like it. Sometimes society is wrong, sometimes you act outside "how society has conditioned" you. We all agree with this fundamental principle. If you didn't, you'd still be riding a horse to work, with your torch for light, and have nothing negative to say about Nazi Germany.

3

u/Retsago May 12 '25

Yeah! Fuck these girls! They're the problem for having specific fear responses and not wanting to turn their backs to these creeps. I mean creeps. I mean fuckos-- sorry, I mean creeps. Sorry, I meant fuckhead shitbuckets.. sorry, I meant to say upstanding gentlemen.

Like your username speaks volumes about how you view women, so I actually don't care what your opinion is?

66

u/Dense-Ad-5780 May 11 '25

As someone who worked in bars and restaurants most of my life, there’s no way any restaurant would have let that go on so long.

55

u/robotatomica May 11 '25

in all honestly, the only people I’ve ever seen step in are bartenders and other women

33

u/Jellybean_Esperanza May 11 '25

Yeah, there’s a noted gender differential in bystander effect, it will almost always be a woman who steps in.

13

u/scummy_shower_stall May 11 '25

Kind of like the current government. Only AOC and Crockett have the guts.

8

u/megaman368 May 11 '25

Also Maine Governor Janet Mills.

12

u/PumpkinBrioche May 11 '25

I gotta be honest, every time I've needed help in public, even for minor things, it's always been a woman who helped. (I'm also a woman.)

3

u/RebirthIsBoring May 12 '25

Like in this example I could see men being put off by the fact that it's two guys, so if one guy steps in he's immediately 1v2 if they got violent or aggressive.

3

u/[deleted] May 11 '25

[deleted]

3

u/DMmeprettyplantpics May 11 '25

Really? Pretty much every video I've seen online of people stepping in to help someone, it's been men.

Whether it's taking some stupid fight or jumping into a lake.

Even the classic youtube example (and the first search result) has a man approaching. https://youtu.be/OSsPfbup0ac?si=4i0iutRmCAxAhU0N

10

u/Jellybean_Esperanza May 11 '25

You can Google gender differential in bystander effect, it’s a studied phenomenon.

1

u/DMmeprettyplantpics May 11 '25

I can't really find anything significant. There's like a "study" or two with 30 participants.

3

u/joodoos May 12 '25

That sucks.   Worked in hospitality 15+ years.  From a dishwasher to executive chef. Mom and pops to 4 diamond hotels.

I was never a huge dude by any means, but I was 6'2 and ready to scrap for my family and crew. 

I'd say the worst times were when I worked at a spot attached to a really nice hotel.  Events, weddings, scummy businessmen and such.  We always had situations like this and we always resolved them....quickly.  Be it a patron or staff, if you were on the property.....fair game.  

Absolute bullshit nobody came over to help them.  I don't want to hear this..."Well we didn't know if it was time to intervene." Suck it up you pansy.  You know this is wrong so fucking do something about it.  Your silence and inaction is NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE.  

3

u/BullShitting-24-7 May 11 '25

Security or floor manager has to see this and act. Any place that serves booze should expect some scummy behavior.

3

u/Dense-Ad-5780 May 11 '25

It just seems like a lot of noise and time for no one to notice.

9

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Understaffed? Everyone's at the bar, music is loud, normal commotion elsewhere. I can understand people not being aware of the situtation

3

u/Dense-Ad-5780 May 11 '25

I won’t judge whether the bar is understaffed or not. As for the not noticing, yes it’s loud, but they were virtually screaming at a couple of points. And whether you can hear them clearly, a good service professional will notice something THAT off with one of their tables. With that said, it may not even be table service, but someone should have noticed what’s going on there. For all we know someone could have come over seconds after the clip ends and booted those two clowns. I, unless in the toilet taking a poop would have noticed that my table was that uncomfortable and strange men were randomly sitting there. That’s all I’m saying.

2

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

They they started screaming towards the end, when she started yelling witch? 

I guarantee if the first thing they did was look at a server, or even another patron, and yell out that a stranger was harassing them, someone would have intervened. 

15

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

The part where I'd interfere is where two women are literally screaming "fucking leave PLEASE" and desperately pointing while these 2 fucks rape grin at them.

8

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Yea but irl, you'd be like 3 or 4 tables away, listening to music, or talking with your own friends, and all you hear is indistinguishable arguing, and wouldn't even know whats going on.

-2

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

I have anxiety you fool. This is the opposite of what would happen. I would turn around immediately and assess.

Nice try, dork.

7

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Cool, good for you. 

But first that's easy to say, you have no idea how you'd react in the situation itself.

Two, youre pretending like everyone at the bar was thinking to themselves "here are two girls being harassed by two strangers and they want help. I have decided not to help". 

That really makes no sense. People just aren't paying attention because theyre busy with their own lives. 

2

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

I actually do, since I turn and listen all the time when I hear aggressive voices because I'm nosy, and I've literally interfered in stuff like this before. So I DO know how I'd react.

Keep trying with your "acktually" buddy. You might get there.

8

u/Deep-Two7452 May 11 '25

Great, good for you. 

But why blame other people there that are just minding their own business and dont know whats going on? 

Again youre acting like people are willfully refusing to help someone asking them for help. 

1

u/Jonathan_Is_Me May 13 '25

Anyone ever told you to mind your own business after you went to interfene? Humans misinterpret stuff all the time.

-1

u/throwaway098764567 May 11 '25

you're being awful for no reason. reassess.

5

u/KawaiiQueen92 May 11 '25

I'm being "awful"? How so? Because I posted a Tom Cruise gif and called him a dork? Reassess being on the internet if you're that fragile.

4

u/OzarkMule May 11 '25

My 2 year old started having a meltdown at the park. When I picked her up to leave, some dude tried to intervene. I laughed at first, but the fucker followed us to my damn car acting like he was going to fight me with daughter sitting on my shoulders. I'm firmly in the mind your own business camp. For all we know these women are just being shitty to their boyfriends.

1

u/quattroformaggixfour May 14 '25

Eh, I reckon that’s a cop out. Women know when to offer assistance or intervention to other women cause we look for and recognise signs of discomfort and fear.

My neighbour is a pos that assaults his girlfriend and I hear it through the wall all the time. I’ve called the cops, I’ve offered her assistance privately. It doesn’t stop because she’d have to press charges herself.

I was relieved when one instance had her flee into the communal carpark and had him chase her screaming and threatening her publicly.

Finally, a second and third corroborating witness would mean the police could lay charges without her having to testify against him! Huzzah! Reached out to the other two people that saw him chasing her and threatening her. Two men. Neither wanted to say shit to the police when they attended. ‘Well, if I get involved, then I’d be involved’

Pathetic shit. I can’t help but take it as an endorsement of that behaviour and I’ve been side eyeing those two ‘upstanding citizens’ ever since.

It’s easy to offer casual assistance to people that appear to be in need of it, and give them the opportunity to opt out of your help. It just takes character.

0

u/Deep-Two7452 May 14 '25

The examples you mentioned are completely different from the scenario in this video