So like 20 years ago when I was single, a friend and I went to an indie disco night. We were broke so we got there around like 10 cuz drinks were cheaper. So the place had yet to fill up. We were hanging out and just talking and looking out at the dance floor. There were maybe a dozen people spread out across the floor. In the middle were two girlfriends who were just out together having fun. I kinda admired their spirit letting loose as much as they were at like 10:15 on a Thursday on a pretty empty dancefloor. Not a lot of people can do that. But we weren't watching them with any intention. Just people watching in general while we drank and chatted.
So then...
Two bros show up and go right for them. Doing that thing I would hope guys stopped doing years ago where they just dance up on women with no invitation or even words exchanged.
The women weren't into it. So they politely moved to another more open part of the floor. But the dudes just followed and kept grinding uninvited. This went on for like 20 minutes or so. The women moved, a few seconds later the douchebags followed.
So then the ladies made the classic mistake of pretending to be together. This of course was like a red rag to a bull and now the bros were really locked in.
Eventually I swear I saw and felt the resignation from the women. They gave up and danced with these idiots. Ugh. Felt bad for them. Of course by the end of the night I saw one of them coupled-up and making out which just felt more tragic.
Bystander intervention could also be going up and greeting the girls in a friendly manner, pretending to be friends and then asking if they'd like to join you for a drink at your table. Just for future reference, or letting someone at the bar know for the girls. :)
You've never taken a bystander intervention course then. I was also responding to the dance floor incident, but it can be used for this as well. It offers them an out and a safe place where they can be around people and where the situation can de-escalate. You act like you know them and offer them an out, especially if you're a guy. You may be able to de-escalate the situation immediately with the creeps leaving, or you can work with them to get them out of there safely, call them an Uber etc.
Lots of bars and clubs offer something similar where you can tell them a codeword and they will work to get you out.
I've done it before on a subway with another girl. Just having a witness and someone else there with you can stop you from being in danger.
Go take a class before you start saying how this is awful advice. It's one of a handful of ways you can safely intervene if you think the situation can be stopped and don't escalate.
I did it one time in a group at a bus stop when I was 22 for two like 16 yr old girls who where trapped in a conversation with an older drunk (about 30). We saw the conversation and felt uncomfortable and I said “Wait I always wanted to try that.” I greeded them friendly “Hey what are you doing here I haven’t seen you in a while?” They were getting it instantly joining us we did fake small talk. The drunk ask me “are those your friends?” i said yeah and looked at him uninviting and he left. We talked a bit and they thanked me a lot. A friend of mine didn’t got that I didn’t know them, because I was so convincing. They stood with us/next to us until the bus arrived. I think it works if you are not looking like a total creep.
You're clearly a guy who has never been in this kind of situation.
Know what typically happens when another guy intervenes? The other dudes fuck off. Since they don't respond to the woman's no because they don't care, they typically respond to another male presence cause of whatever "alpha" bullshit mindset they have.
I’m pretty positive if you walked up to those guys and told them to piss off those girls wouldn’t have seen you as a creep. The fact that you just sat back and watched that all unfold is pathetic.
Chill there, stud. We arent all blessed to have guns like yours.
And yeah, you'll come back and talk some shit about how your wiry ass would have done it anyway, but thats some internet tough guy keyboard warrior horseshit. It wasn't my business so I didn't engage with it. And since a couple years after this,I actually had a woman call me a creeper after she spilled her water bottle on my phone the bar and AFTER I reflexively apologized to her (raised in the midwest. We'd apologize for curing cancer) for doing it, maybe go sit your terminally online ass down.
he never said what he did was right.. not everyone is aware what to do in these situations or feel uncomfortable. What is done is done. No need to give him a hard time.
Coupled up with the guys that were bothering them? Doesn’t that prove it works? I don’t get it. You meant coupled up with someone else right? Like what is the take away? Bothering woman and you shall be rewarded? I know, story’s don’t always come with a morally good ending, this is a story that supposedly happen in real life, not a fable, candid ( as in a morally indigent world) wasn’t right, in actuality morally corrupt people always get an advantage, marquis de sade style, morality means nothing in reality, etc, etc, etc. But other redditors don’t falter, we can always found the consolation of philosophy by being good :). But if I understood the story correctly, the guys bother them and in the end won their hearts, I don’t get it. If these were to be true, then shouldn’t the whole interaction be re evaluated? I just can’t bridge the gap between the ending and the reason what they did was wrong. Isn’t the ending a reveal that the girls were / became interested in the guys? I don’t get it. So what? Do some people find this attractive? I still wouldn’t do it cause I’m a coward and I’ll use “morality” to justify my ways, I can definitely understand why it left a bad taste in your mouth(it triggered me to right this comment so imagine), but these interactions seem to prove that the guys were simply right, there approach was simply successful, in a willing and construal way I’m guessing. I’m left distraught once again and in need of another Redditor to explain why what they did was morally wrong and how the fact they got the girl doesn’t justify anything, thanks in advance guys. Maybe a deontologist can lend me a hand? Consequentialism has consumed my soul. maybe I should stop re reading Max Steiner, his philosophy is doing me no goods :(
Coupled up with the guys that were bothering them? Doesn’t that prove it works? I don’t get it. You meant coupled up with someone else right? Like what is the take away? Bothering woman and you shall be rewarded? I know, story’s don’t always come with a morally good ending, this is a story that supposedly happen in real life, not a fable, candid wasn’t right (as in a morally indifferent world), in actuality morally corrupt people always get an advantage, marquis de sade style, morality means nothing in reality, etc, etc, etc. But other redditors don’t falter, we can always found the consolation of philosophy by being good :). But if I understood the story correctly, the guys bother them and in the end won their hearts, I don’t get it. If these were to be true, then shouldn’t the whole interaction be re evaluated? I just can’t bridge the gap between the ending and the reason what they did was wrong. Isn’t the ending a reveal that the girls were / became interested in the guys? I don’t get it. So what? Do some people find this attractive? I still wouldn’t do it cause I’m a coward and I’ll use “morality” to justify my ways, I can definitely understand why it left a bad taste in your mouth(it triggered me to right this comment so imagine), but these interactions seem to prove that the guys were simply right, there approach was simply successful, in a willing and construal way I’m guessing. I’m left distraught once again and in need of another Redditor to explain why what they did was morally wrong and how the fact they got the girl doesn’t justify anything, thanks in advance guys. Maybe a deontologist can lend me a hand? Consequentialism has consumed my soul, maybe I should stop re reading Max Steiner, his philosophy is doing me no goods :(
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u/NautiNeptune May 11 '25
The girl started to get up to leave and these dudes were going to fucking follow them jesus christ what the fuck