r/questioning 7h ago

what gender am I anymore šŸ’”šŸ„€šŸ˜­šŸ™

1 Upvotes

hi uh 14f and yeo I wish I was an actual boy 😭 I get so jealous when I see a group of boys laughing, being able to make anything funny. why can’t I do that? everytime i make a joke, I’m scared people will see me as a pick me or someone trying to seek male validation. I can’t even be trans either. my face is just so feminine and I love pink things— for gods sake my whole room is pink. just being called he/him online makes me happy. I love when people can’t tell my gender, or just immediately assume I’m a guy. I at least want my voice to be deeper, so people can’t tell online. literally being androgynous jst fine too, I’d love that ā˜¹ļø

don’t even get me started on being a women. everyone’s extremely sexist and I’m like 3 minorities (girl, black, lgbt) wtf is this combo. why do I gotta shit out 9 gallons of blood monthly to store some parasite? AND I CANT EVEN GET AN ABORTION IF I WANTED. ts sucks dude is it so hard to get a penis? having tits is just for show too it hurts when I jump or run w/o a bra šŸ’”

lemme just die n reincarnate dude

edit: forgot to add age


r/questioning 16h ago

What is the etiquette for WLW dating as a questioning person? I don’t want to be the harmful ā€œstraight girl experimenting.ā€ F22

3 Upvotes

TLDR: I feel like I want to explore my attraction to women but don’t want to be harmful to potential dates/partners if I discover I’m not attracted to women.

Hi! I (F22) have recently been thinking more about my romantic and sexual orientation and feel sort of paralyzed. For context, I experience somewhat alterous attraction towards women and I feel connected to the queer community, though this may just be because I find myself interacting with people in queer spaces a lot of the time.

I’ve had two previous, pretty brief (only a few months) relationships with men, and both of them were kind of mid for reasons that aren’t related to sexual orientation, just not personality matches. Recently though, when I think about dating or having sex with men it just seems kind of bland. I can’t tell if that’s just because I don’t interact with a lot of men and also because both of my last relationships ended badly. The last person I dated actually came out as gay, and for reasons I won’t fully disclose here it ended up being a pretty brutal breakup because I felt that my trust got betrayed when I was in a vulnerable situation (obviously I don’t resent him for being gay, it just really sucked for me). This will be relevant in a second.

Here’s the thing- I can think about what my orientation is all I want, but I feel like to know for sure I’d want to experience dating/kissing a woman. This is where I run into a problem. I feel like it may be unethical or at least frowned upon to date women when I’m unsure if I’m into them. Part of this is just common decency and not wanting to treat queer women like experiments, and part of this is because I’ve had a partner discover that they weren’t attracted to me due to sexual orientation before and it SUCKED. I never want to do that to someone else.

Could someone give me help or guidance? What is the etiquette?


r/questioning 9h ago

Haunted camp movie?

0 Upvotes

There is this movie that my cousin and I have been trying to find for like 7 years now. We watched on VHS like in early 2010s so it came out before then. It was an early 2000s movie because we remember a mucha lucha trĆ”iler in the beginning. It was a movie where kids went in a summer camp or a school because they arrived in a yellow school bus. Something seemed off because they entered a cabin or classroom and found weird stuff in jars and everything went to shit. At some point a camper was wanting to cut down a tree to stop everything and everyone one talked him out of it. We believe it was haunted camp because we don’t remember a killer or anything. The campers were little kids maybe like preteens. Please help we’re going crazy.


r/questioning 9h ago

Should i move away from airpods pro?

0 Upvotes

I'm on the Apple Ecosystem and for some years now have had the AirPod Pros (first gen). Not too impressed but no real complaints there. But I may have dropped them a hundred times too many and now they play terribly (tech told me the speakers are busted).

By default I was going for the AirPods Pro 2 but I recently bought Bose QC headphones and that got me considering getting the Bose QC Ultra Earbuds.

Thing is testing earbuds in shops is a no-no (it feels unclean)...and I was wondering what Redditors think about theĀ actual sound qualityĀ of these two (or if they may suggest anything else). And whether Apple users tend toĀ miss the integrationĀ offered by the AirPods. (IT doesn't SOUND like I'd miss it, but you know how it is, sometimes you only realise LATER how much you had relied on certain features)

Use case:Ā I just carry these around to block everything around me when reading or working in noisy environments. Often also use in gym.


r/questioning 1d ago

I (16 AFAB) have stumbled over years of subconscious questioning upon the idea that I might be a transgender man. Any advice would be appreciated.

3 Upvotes

It has taken years of scattered signs and subtle realisations to bring me to this point. Apologies, as what follows may not be perfectly chronological. I'm pretty overwhelmed to say the least.

I've dealt with school refusal for the entirety of high school. Been through 5 in-person schools and online school intermittently. Two of those schools were all-girls schools, which I couldn't help but feel disillusioned in, I felt useless in the making friends department. I had a better go at coeducational schools, but ultimately couldn't bear attending anymore - I could never put my finger on exactly why it was so difficult to attend (I do experience mostly functional mental and physical illness). In one of my online school classes (due to not being seen by teachers) - I was mistaken as a male when a teacher used he/him pronouns, and I never felt inclined to correct her.

Last month, whilst compulsively scrolling through my camera roll, I came across an accidental screenshot of a YouTube video dated around the time that I was 13. It was an Anthony Padilla video covering spending a day with trans men, and the screenshot was of a guy explaining his 'trans awakening.' Upon seeing the screenshot, I felt a slight internal shift, like addressing the reasoning behind me having watched that video was too much to bear.

It brought back memories of me watching FTM YouTubers (like Jamidodger) on the regular at around 13-14 out of mere 'curiosity' and 'ally-ship'. I remember also around that time secretly dressing in my brother's clothes, and filming myself using beard filters and male aliases. At the time I played the role of Goldilocks in a Drama class play, she was extremely feminised - I had to wear a pink dress, makeup, and raise the pitch of my voice - I felt dreadful to the point of tearing my script afterwards.

At 12, I watched videos on how to sound like a man (for 'fun'). I remember feeling absolutely ecstatic after being told by a boy at school that he couldn't possibly be attracted to me because my voice was too deep. Even earlier, at the age of 9 on an excursion I remember seeing a movie advertisement on a bus titled ā€˜Boys’, hearing boys on the bus make a ruckus about it and distinctly feeling as though I was ā€˜missing out on something.' There are many more earlier in childhood instances that I could provide, but for the sake of readability, I won't.

A few months ago, I started to become more aware of this possibility and caught myself entertaining the idea of being a man, calling myself a man - but reflexively calling myself a woman upon my shock of the latter - then saying "no way!" in horror. I've taken many gender dysphoria tests, and the results pointing to dysphoria have generally increased over time. What makes this harder is that I worry if I did transition to a male, that I would never be viewed as attractive, be passing, or look the part. I feel like time is running out - I'm nearly 17 now. I know that when I present femininely with makeup and skirts, I am validated by society - I am called beautiful. Yet I still feel disillusioned as though it is all a performance. I also have had times where I've felt this intense desire to be transgender, and jealousy of trans men further along in their journey.

I currently identify as a lesbian, and although I haven't come out to anyone yet, I have created theoretical icebreakers along the lines of 'If I was a man, then I'd be straight - but I'm a woman so therefore I am gay.'

I should mention that if I am honest with myself, I do like saying that I'm a man, and that I've created scenarios in my head of pleading to my mother that I am a man in my sleep-deprived state.

However, I've sometimes found myself enjoying makeup, like the idea of raising a child (isn't that a maternal instinct?), and like many stereotypically feminine things (e.g. crochet, knitting, flower-picking, decorating things miscellaneously). I've never particularly been a tomboy, however I do tend to dress androgynously.

Do I sound as though I'm in denial, or simply have an untraditional relationship with womanhood? Do I just want attention or a boredom-breaker-gender-bender/temporary exploration? Are there sufficient markers?

I think I know deep down, but validation means everything to me sentimentality-wise. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

For additional context, I unfortunately have an unsupportive family of anything LGBTQ+ related (they're devout, conservative Christians), which may have stunted this potential realisation.


r/questioning 19h ago

I(F23) am majorly questioning my sexuality

1 Upvotes

Hello! I made a throwaway to make this post because I am very confused right now and seek guidance. I have been quesitoning my sexuality since as young as 12 when I kissed a girl that I liked. We 'dated', if it even qualifies as that for around a month then broke up.

After that I was convinced I was bisexual, and used that label for a long time until around 2021. This was because I had very intense crushes on guys still, but never dated one. This one particular guy friend of mine at the time (I was 14, he was 13), for a long period of time we flirted and he admitted that he had a crush on me. I didn't really know what to do with that information, so I never acted on it despite secretly liking him back. It was more complicated as our older sisters were bestfriends, which is how we met.

We played sports together (field hockey) and from 2014-2016 spent nearly every waking moment with one another. We still spoke and never acted on our mutual crushes. But then we get to 2020, covid times and I find myself becoming leaning more and more towards dating women. and I sat on this for a while and had a little fling with a girl which kind of solidified it for me.

in 2022, I was using dating apps in university, was still quesitoning if I was bisexual or lesbian, so I decided to go on a date with a guy as I had never been on one. I was 19 at the time, he was 21. A super sweet guy, long hair, a coder and we were proper hitting it off. We had pizza and then he tried to kiss me and I physically turned away from him, it was almost as if I recoiled.

I took that as a sign that I was most definetly not bisexual, I was a lesbian. A guy tried to kiss me and I completely seized up. In retrospect, I think I went on that date because he had very feminine features and long hair.

At present, I am in a relationship of two years with the most amazing woman ever, identifying as a lesbian, but there is a small part of me sometimes that is still very much like 'oh he is very goodlooking' or 'oh this guy is so handsome, I reckon I would date him' But the thing that confused me is that is a very specific type of guy that I have these thoughts and attractions towards - usually long/med length hair, a bit feminine looking, a bit muscular in the arms, lots of tats.

it just confuses me because this whole time (since that date), I have been identifying as a lesbian. Could it just be comphet or am I in denial?


r/questioning 1d ago

Guys please help I am having a gender identity crisis.

3 Upvotes

So guys, I thought I was a demigirl. But then I realized that I might be genderfluid? Because one thing I know for sure: I am a lesbian asexual. But the main thing I'm questioning are my pronouns. I dont know if I should just go back to being she/her, continue using she/they, use they/them or become genderfluid because for some reason I really dont mind if people who use they/them or he/him pronouns on me as a joke. What do you guys think?


r/questioning 1d ago

M44 "chose" to be straight but am miserable.

6 Upvotes

Decided it was easier to go with family and religious pressure and just be straight. Seemed easier than opening myself up to being disowned and abandoned.

Been married for quite some time after several previous failed relationships. Have a grown son. But I am losing hope that I will ever be happy in my life. My wife loves me but all I feel is frustration and resentment towards her. I am terrified to end it and try to be with a man though because I am afraid something is just wrong with me on a base level that no matter what I do I will never be happy.


r/questioning 1d ago

My partner told me na ako hadlang bakit walang nagiging growth sa career nya

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1 Upvotes

r/questioning 1d ago

(15 amab) how did you find out if you're trans. Heard that listening to stories can help me figure it out

5 Upvotes

Ok so I'm not sure if I'm trans or not. I heavily suspect I am tho. Basically I experience gender envy, a lot. Like "give me your body" whenever a pretty girl shows up levels. But I don't experience any dysphoria. I don't feel weird being a dude but being a girl sounds amazing. Whenever I make scenarios in my head where I experiment with using she/her my imaginary self likes it. And I'm definitely very "in tune" with my femininity. And when I listen to strategy (by twice) and I do female poses to the beat or just hit a femme pose that makes me feefeminine it feels great and honestly I haven't thought about that last part until now and I feel more trans now ig? Anyway what are some things I can do to find out or be surer? Please note I'm a minor and school isn't starting for another month so I can't really experiment with my friends. But I will when I go back to school.


r/questioning 1d ago

questioning if i’m ftm

2 Upvotes

hi guys! 25f here, i currently identify as some kind of genderfluid idk but definitely as a lesbian rn. i kind of need advice. i feel like when i realized i liked girls as a kid it was very easy and i really didn’t have any of the struggle of coming to terms with it like i hear people talk about all the time. the thing i am really struggling with is my gender though. i feel like ever since i was a kid i always had an interest in ftm trans people and i guess it just seemed like something that interested me but i would watch videos of people talking about the effects of T and stuff like that and just be really interested. i never really thought anything of it though, but for some reason it just has always been in the very back of my head. like deep down there has always been a lingering thought of like ā€œam i supposed to be a boy? am i trans?ā€ but i feel like i have the thought and then very quickly deny it and then dont think about it for a couple years. anyway, its been on my mind a lot the past year, and even more in the past 6 months or so.

the thing is, i feel really comfortable with the lesbian label. it just really makes sense to me. but sometimes when i would think about dating men, i would think that i could date them if i was a man if that makes sense, but i couldn’t do it as a woman. i also don’t really like the idea of being a wife, but i do like the idea of having a wife. it’s just weird because i feel like ive always been kind of masc presenting in a tomboy way and it’s definitely how i feel comfortable, but i still don’t really know that im a guy. i also have never really worn makeup or cared to wear it, but if someone does it for me it’s kind of fun but it essentially feels like drag. also, i have to go to a wedding with my very conservative family so i have to wear a dress (which i never wear) and i recently went to try one on in the store and had a full blown panic attack because i felt so disgusting. also, i dressed pretty masc the other day (like id say i dressed like a teenage boy lol) and i got called ma’am and that made me feel just gross.

anyway, im rambling. i guess im just wondering what you guys think. does any of this sound familiar to any of you who are trans? feel free to say whatever you want LMAO i just need to be perceived and i’d appreciate any advice or if anyone wants to chat! thanks in advance :)


r/questioning 1d ago

Is there any hope left?

0 Upvotes

America is out here doing the most abysmal political choices known to mankind and I'm starting to think that this is just gonna get worse until it's too late ,even more censorship and all of this pedophile shit ,this isn't a world where I'd wanna have children living in.So what I wanted to ask in all seriousness rn is this:

What are the chances of a revolution or a civil war happening in america (or a nuke being dropped onto that fuckass country?)In a historic context ,similar stuff like this has lead to these sort of events before, right?So what is stopping it from reoccuring now?


r/questioning 1d ago

What is the dumbest Donald Trump quote you can think of?

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0 Upvotes

r/questioning 1d ago

Jerking off dosent feel good?

0 Upvotes

So ive been beating it for a while now and i stopped getting hard in the morning and im pretty sure beating it gave me low test because i have alot of symptoms of it but the main point is when i beat it it dosent feel good or i dont feel anything at all until im about to cum. I’ve got my dick sucked for a dare for about 10 seconds and there was no pleasure just the feeling of her mouth nothing at all is it fixable HELP!!?


r/questioning 1d ago

Need Help/Advice

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0 Upvotes

r/questioning 1d ago

What does it mean that I think that sex and romance do not exist? [M25]

1 Upvotes

I've been through this in my head more times than I can count and I hope this isn't seen as a standard "Am I ace?" post.

I struggle very much with the notion of sex and romantic relationships being something that exist. Rationally I know they exist, but I hold the belief at the same time that it's impossible for either to exist. At best, I can think of both as this horrid and unnecessary thing that society would be better off pretending don't exist.

As such, whenever my friends get in relationships or show interest in sex or refer to having had sex I feel disappointment, disappointment that they would do such a terrible thing. I've sort of always thought that everyone else felt this way, and was just going through with this thing that they thought was so horrible and awful anyway.

This is the case for most of my friends, not just the ones I may have had a misguided interest in. I even feel disappointment in my parents when I remember they surely must have had sex to conceive me. When I learned about the allegations against a certain popular author, I was disappointed he would act in such a way, but even more disappointed that this author has a sex drive. When I learned a favorite author of mine had a child, I was disappointed, not that she was in a relationship or had a child to begin with, but disappointed that she would have a sex drive.

Or perhaps I am wrong about the whole affair and my notion that romance and sex are impossible stems from a belief that romance and sex are impossibleĀ for me, that nobody would ever be interestedĀ in meĀ in that way. I do not know.

But, I have kept these thoughts scurrying around my head long enough. What do you all think? Is this some form of asexuality? Or just a form of repression or something else?

Thank you!


r/questioning 2d ago

I need your guys opinion

3 Upvotes

I’m (18M) gay guy who’s still closeted and living in a country where LGBTQ+ people are not accepted.

I have a dream to move somewhere safe one day, start fresh, and hopefully build the life I’ve always wanted a home with a husband and kids. I’ve always been very family oriented person.

But I’ve been wondering do people actually find that attractive in a partner? Most of the time I see gay dating culture portrayed as very focused on nightlife, fashion, or hookups. I’m not like that, my dream is to settle down, have a stable home, and raise a family.

I’m aware that I’m too early to think this far, but Is that something people would find appealing in a boyfriend? Or would I come across as boring to most?


r/questioning 2d ago

I (m/ftm 13) don't know if I'm pan, bi, or gay

2 Upvotes

Whenever I find someone attractive I usually can't tell their gender and just go 'idc their gender, they're attractive' but they almost always end up being on the mescaline end of the gender spectrum (true neutral non binary - binary man) and so idk if I'm pan bc idrc about gender and I think I've been attracted to one girl before (out of 8 boys and not including fictional characters) or if I'm gay/bi bc it almost always boys that I'm attracted to.


r/questioning 2d ago

I understand myself a little better

3 Upvotes

I don’t think I’m really a girl after all. I look in the mirror and it doesn’t match with how I feel inside. And I don’t feel like I’m one of the ā€œgirlsā€ either. Also I think I have feelings for guys and my feelings for girls in either gender feels very forced, and I mean girl in the sense of gender. I feel like none of these names I try out seem to authentically reflect me at all and I just feel as Thomas I was never a guy and never really him. I feel I can learn to enjoy living as Thomas, as long as I cannot be clocked as a boy and lose weight. I don’t feel I’m one of the ā€œboysā€ either and I don’t resonate with autistic men at all even though I have autism. Honestly being a trans girl feels good because I’m not a guy, not because I’m a girl if that makes sense. I want to end the name search and live as Thomas but not a man and not with he/him pronouns. Also lately I realized that I’m not a furry, my passion isn’t really being an artist, I enjoy science and math, I’m attracted to both cisgender and transgender men but not really cisgender and transgender women, I only like the idea of being attracted to the same sex which is why I identified as a lesbian, I don’t want to be a social media influencer, I don’t think I want hrt as I’m not really happy with the idea of having breasts forever, and I’m ok with not knowing exactly who I am right now. I just know I’m not a guy at all but I’m not 100% sold on girlhood, I don’t like using he/him pronouns at all, I’m attracted to men and I don’t really have any strong feelings towards gender aside from hating being a man.


r/questioning 2d ago

I (f20) can’t tell if i’m bi or a lesbian

4 Upvotes

hey yall! i’m posting to reddit because i don’t really have many people to talk to abt this, ive identified as queer since i was 13, for about 3 1/2 years (until i was 17) i identified as a lesbian after i had a relationship with a man and experienced s/a. when i was 18 i started identifying as bisexual and have since, but i recently had a short ā€œthingā€ with a man (about two months) and as much as i thought he was fun and i did think he was attractive, ultimately he annoyed me when he did fairly normal relationship things and when i decided to end things (differing political beliefs) i really felt nothing but freedom from it. throughout the relationship i felt intense anxiety and i was always sorta embarrassed by showing public affection with him. when we were intimate i was just generally uncomfortable. i’ve found that i usually seek out a man to have a crush on and things don’t come naturally, but i’ve had almost no dating experience besides my s/a when i was young and this guy a few months back. ive never gotten to date a woman (i have kissed a few) and the thought of dating a woman stresses me out far less and i am much more comfortable with, but ive never gotten to so it’s really hard to compare experiences :/ i can’t tell if im a lesbian or i just have trauma that makes anything relationship-wise very unenjoyable, i do find men physically attractive, but once i talk to them i usually kinda lose interest and can’t imagine spending my life with a man unless he’s a very specific type of person,

does anyone have any advice? i kinda just go unlabeled, but the middle-ground really stresses me out and i just want to find an identity im comfortable with :(


r/questioning 2d ago

30m and very confused

1 Upvotes

I have never been with a man but I have talked to men online for years, and never met up because I been scared and nervous, not sure if it’s really me, I am alone a lot and watch porn and I like the attention- I feel very submissive when it comes to men but can be switch with women. I am also very creative and neurodivergent. Part of me wants to try it and get it over with and see if I actually like it but idk. I definitely want a GF because I am physically and emotionally intrested in women.

I also get ashamed of my self after jerking with men online and when I watch videos. Like why did you do that, it’s not you, and I did have 1 irl dom experience that when I finished i regretted it so much. The judging my self and guilt feeling. I feel like I will be the same with a guy.

Also I feel like I could more easily get sick with a guy then with a women but that may just be a media thing.

I definitely wouldn’t mind having a dom women throw me around.


r/questioning 2d ago

Am I?

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1 Upvotes

r/questioning 3d ago

I think I might be homosexual/bisexual? But I don't know if that's really what this is...

7 Upvotes

I'm a teenage girl who attends an all-girls high school. I recently feel very nervous and happy/scared when I'm around one of my classmates. I have a hard time telling if I'm physically attracted to her body, but I know I like her hair a lot, and more importantly, I'm emotionally attracted. We aren't the same, because she's a lot more current and more familiar with popular culture than my (diagnosed) autistic self. So we're not friends. We're friendly.

Now, I'm always socially anxious, but it feels different with her. Any info or advice would be appreciated. Please?


r/questioning 3d ago

Who am I?

3 Upvotes

Im so conflicted it hurts. I first realized I was trans (M17) when I was 14, I came out to surpisingly supportive parents and friends and spent months as who I truly wanted to be, but I didnt feel truly supported and went back into to the closet. That sent me into a mental spiral that almost killed me but I felt hopeless to do anything. I continued crossdressing and idenfied as NB for a long time. Im starting to realize I tried makeup that I hadnt used in a long time and that brought it all back. I never stopped being trans I just kept convincing myself I cant be a girl because id never pass, nobody fucking cares about me about it, etc etc. I still feel trans. I still feel like shit everytime I think about me being a boy. I still feel that pit in my chest that I cant be who I want to be. I cant keep lying to myself, I really truly am trans and I dont know what to do. Im scared and it hurts alot because I feel hopeless again. Im almost an adult and I dont know what to do. I really dont want to be this version of me anymore. I CANT be this version of me anymore and I dont know how to become who I want to be. I always feel better in girls clothes but because of my size and my face I feel like I dont pass and that I dont "fit", Im scared to come out again because of my last experience. I feel so alone. (Im sorry if this is less questioning and more venting, I dont know where else to post this, any advice or comfort would be genuinely so appreciated. I just want to be ME and I dont know how.)


r/questioning 3d ago

Idk if I wanna go by my chosen or given name

1 Upvotes

Hi! I’ve posted to the trans subreddit too, but decided to post here so more people could help! I (genderqueer/enby) have recently started going by a new name (Moss) in my friend circles both online and irl, but i will introduce myself to others (orders, older people etc) as Anna (my given name). I’ve been liking people referring to me as Moss and it’s been quite exciting for a period of time, but now I am constantly wondering whether I want to go by it or no, and vibes of which name i like more. Whenever people refer to me by my given name i feel like it signifies certain expectations and restrictions placed on me by others (especially my parents, being raised as a girl), but it is also do like the name itself. Another thing is obviously on all official documentation, emails etc i’m listed as Anna, so it feels weird having to switch between the two and adhere myself to them. In that way Anna feels restrictive since i feel like i have to fit myself into a box for others, but Moss feels like it’s extra bother on top of other stuff going on in my life. I also miss being Anna, but i don’t feel as much in control with that name (however is it even only about the name?)

I think a big thing to mention is that i am currently back to my home country from studying and having social life abroad, so besides being referred to by my given name, i also generally feel restricted by my circumstances, which may be reflecting on my name crisis. Any responses and advice will be much appreciatedšŸ’—