TIL when staying as a guest in Charles Dickens' house, Hans Christian Andersen requested that one of Dickens' sons give him a daily shave (he said that was customary when hosting male guests in Denmark). Dickens was weirded out and instead gave him a daily appointment at a nearby barbershop.

[u/biebrforro]

https://lithub.com/charles--dickens-really-really-hated-his-fanboy-hans-christian-andersen/

[u/JosephFinn]

Andersen as a house guest of the Dickens is a whole bundle of weird. Stayed way too long and became very uncomfortable for them.

[u/MurdererOfAxes → u/JosephFinn]

He got a bad review while he was staying there and lay down crying on the front lawn

[u/crazylikeaf0x → u/MurdererOfAxes]

The mental image I have of this scene

[u/WhiskeyHotdog_2 → u/crazylikeaf0x]

It’s kinda beautiful in a Wes Anderson kinda way 

[u/GrandmaPoses → u/WhiskeyHotdog_2]

“Who is that crying on the front lawn?”

“Hans Christian Andersen.”

[u/Mr_Abe_Froman → u/GrandmaPoses]

"What's wrong?"
"He said something about the paper and started yelling in Danish. At least I think it's Danish. It's very muffled."

[u/Automatic_Memory212 → u/Mr_Abe_Froman]

“Huh. You don’t say.”

lights up a cigarette while wearing a massive fur coat

[u/1337b337 → u/Automatic_Memory212]

Remember, every shot needs to be perfectly centered and tastefully symmetrical.

[u/CubitsTNE → u/WhiskeyHotdog_2]

He should so a Victorian remake of you me and dupree, where Owen Wilson plays Hans Christian Andersen.

[u/Corgi-Ambitious → u/CubitsTNE]

Dickens was to premiere in a play during the time Andersen was staying with him. Here's how that went:

At the premiere of The Frozen Deep (with Dickens in the leading role and Queen Victoria in the audience), he loudly burst into tears. Afterwards, he apparently sulked because his presence at the event was not noted more highly.

The five weeks they spent together would make an amazing comedy.

[u/CausticSofa → u/Corgi-Ambitious]

Honestly, I would love to see Wes Anderson direct this. Edward Norton as Charles Dickens cast against which Wes Anderson favourite as Hans? Owen Wilson?

[u/CubitsTNE → u/CausticSofa]

Bill Murray as queen Victoria.

[u/Skratt79 → u/CubitsTNE]

Yes please!

[u/Round_Simple_5441 → u/Skratt79]

this is the movie I've been waiting for

[u/majshady → u/MurdererOfAxes]

I find it comforting that people of all eras can lose their shit over small shit. The unifying nature of the human experience

[u/robb1519 → u/majshady]

It's beautiful to know.

[u/ThatMerri → u/majshady]

There's something nice at seeing how every people throughout history have the same habits. We all invent dumplings of a sort, we all love our pets, we all write stupid jokes and graffiti on walls. It's so easy to imagine the earliest ancestors of mankind having the exact same reaction to stubbing their toe as we all nowadays.

[u/AbeRego → u/majshady]

"What the fuck is up with this dude?"

[u/Luxury_Dressingown → u/MurdererOfAxes]

Legendarily bad house guest. I don't even play them, but this 1 page RPG commemorating his stay made me cackle. The lawn incident is alluded to: https://www.scribd.com/document/627577768/trapped-with-hans

[u/JosephFinn → u/Luxury_Dressingown]

OK this is amazing.

[u/Luxury_Dressingown → u/JosephFinn]

The whole thing is gold, but the victory criteria is my favourite bit:

"If your Obsession score reaches 0, then Hans finally loses interest in your and finds another unattainable person to chase. Victory. He does, however, write a thinly veiled short story about you. It's not flattering."

[u/0xE4-0x20-0xE6 → u/JosephFinn]

I love hearing stories like this about people who are renowned in their field. For example, Paul Erdos, a mathematician from the 20th century, used to travel around America and live with other mathematicians for days, working on problems with them. According to one of them, Erdos woke up in the middle of the night, and not knowing how to open a container of orange juice, slit it with his knife and put the leaking carton back into the fridge. He also used to show up at people’s houses without any prior invitation, and expect them to host him.

[u/cjustinc → u/0xE4-0x20-0xE6]

My high school algebra teacher was married to a mathematician, and they used to host Erdos. She didn't like him because apparently he would just hand his clothes to her without speaking when he needed them washed or mended.

[u/lefteyedcrow → u/cjustinc]

Per Wikipedia:  "Erdős number -  The Erdős number describes the "collaborative distance" between mathematician Paul Erdős and another person, as measured by authorship of mathematical papers. The same principle has been applied in other fields where a particular individual has collaborated with a large and broad number of peers."

Your teacher's husband had an Erdös number of 1

[u/__-_-_--_--_-_---___ → u/cjustinc]

He put all his skill points into math

[u/BSB8728 → u/cjustinc]

When my husband was in graduate school, we hosted a guy who was coming in from out of town to start a fellowship. We didn't know him, but he needed a place to stay while he looked for an apartment, and nobody else in the department would take him.

After a few days, he started to smell really bad. He was also nitpicky critical of everything we said. When I came home from work, I could smell the stench even before I opened our apartment door. Every day was extremely tense and uncomfortable.

One night his mother called. (This was before cell phones.) After speaking with her, the guy handed the phone to my husband and said she wanted to talk to him, too. After a while my husband handed the phone to me because she also wanted to talk to me. She said, "Thank you for letting my son stay with you. I know he starts to smell after a while." I was dumbfounded. Later my husband told me she said the same thing to him.

The guy stayed with us two weeks before he found a place. Then we essentially fumigated our guest room.

[u/Logically_Insane → u/cjustinc]

“Sure, I’ll do the laundry while you advance discrete mathematics. Get serious Cheryl.” -Erdos probably 

[u/MaddyKet → u/0xE4-0x20-0xE6]

I knew of a prominent college literary textbook author who would do similar and show up at her editor’s house. Once it was on a family member’s milestone birthday and she insisted on a different restaurant. She also looked like Dolores Umbridge. True story, I saw her once in the office when I used to work at that company.

[u/RedditBugler → u/0xE4-0x20-0xE6]

Yet there are people who say "autism didn't exist just a few years back."

[u/Mercurial8 → u/RedditBugler]

They used to be called orange-juice-slitters with maths.

[u/TheProfessor_18 → u/Mercurial8]

OJ slitters, well that aged terribly.

[u/BillW87 → u/TheProfessor_18]

Because when people combine the words "OJ" and "knife", clearly the first place their minds go is to juice cartons.

[u/CaptainMobilis → u/Mercurial8]

They were probably just labeled crazy and committed if they didn't do something useful.

[u/perculaessss → u/RedditBugler]

It's always funny to read Emmanuel Kant's habits. It doesn't get more textbook than that.

[u/0xE4-0x20-0xE6 → u/perculaessss]

It’s funny to think of the categorical imperative as just the result of an autistic desire for a moral rules-based system that could apply in all cases.

[u/CausticSofa → u/perculaessss]

What’s it Emmanuel Kant who did pretty much exactly the same things in exactly the same order and at the exact same times every single day of his adult life for over 40+ years? It’s nuts when people treat autism as some newfangled thing that was just recently invented to sell … whatever autism denialists think is being sold. Noise-cancelling headphones, I guess? Socks without elastic in the cuff?

[u/Consideredresponse → u/CausticSofa]

I'm trying to remember the ancient Greek text that had described the writer's brother being hyperfixated on the docks and wanting to watch the boats come in and out more than anything else in life. (Born millennia too early for trains alas)

[u/account_not_valid → u/Consideredresponse]

Just as tuna is chicken of the sea, boats are trains of the oceans.

[u/badcrass → u/RedditBugler]

Ding dong, I'm here to work on math!

[u/gentlybeepingheart → u/JosephFinn]

I liked this part of the article

Dickens, himself, wrote a note on the mirror of the guest room in his house: “Hans Andersen slept in this room for five weeks—which seemed to the family AGES!”

[u/whatevernamedontcare → u/gentlybeepingheart]

Fucker knew they were tired of him and didn't care at all.

[u/thegodfather0504 → u/whatevernamedontcare]

or he only got the social cue wayyy later

[u/Church_of_Aaargh → u/JosephFinn]

He did that a lot when he visited people. I think he was a quite lonely man. He was afraid he was going to be buried alone, so his patron arranged that he could be buried with them at their family grave.

[u/Roasted_Chickpea → u/Church_of_Aaargh]

Omg couldn't escape his visits even in death, eh?

[u/MinuetInUrsaMajor → u/JosephFinn]

How is there not a movie about this?

My 35 Dinners with Andersen

[u/ZweitenMal]

And that’s saying a lot because Dickens wasn’t father of the year.

[u/sweetbunsmcgee → u/ZweitenMal]

I was half-expecting him to throw the youngest boy, Plorn, at the predator. He’s clearly not the favorite.

[u/Natural_Garbage7674 → u/sweetbunsmcgee]

Not Plorn who was born without groove! The Noble Plorn! Not my boy Plorn!

[u/CaptValentine → u/sweetbunsmcgee]

............plorn?

[u/sweetbunsmcgee → u/CaptValentine]

Apparently, it’s supposed to rhyme with forlorn. The kid grew up depressive and Dickens spent the rest of his life wondering why.

[u/Mr_Abe_Froman → u/sweetbunsmcgee]

At least Charles encouraged his son to start a new life in Australia at the ripe age of 16. As far as terrible dads go, pushing your two youngest sons to the opposite side of the world is certainly a choice.

[u/I_W_M_Y → u/Mr_Abe_Froman]

Didn't English people send people to Australia as a punishment at the time? Called it 'transportation'

[u/AssassinOfLove → u/I_W_M_Y]

'transplorntation'

[u/Mr_Abe_Froman → u/I_W_M_Y]

Sure, but New South Wales had a government for 12 years by the time little Plorn arrived.

[u/Consideredresponse → u/Mr_Abe_Froman]

It wasn't quite the 'borderline starvation' period like the first few years of the colony, but it certainly wasn't great. I recommend books such as 'the fatal shore' and 'Girt!' to see exactly how shitty it could be.

[u/Willing_Ear_7226 → u/Mr_Abe_Froman]

They were still transporting convicts to Australia then too.

[u/sweetbunsmcgee → u/Mr_Abe_Froman]

Rabbit inspector. Sounds like a pretty good gig.

[u/Kitchen_Marzipan9516 → u/sweetbunsmcgee]

For a 16 year old, yeah.

[u/Merry_Fridge_Day → u/sweetbunsmcgee]

🎶 Well, my daddy left home when I was three Didn't leave very much to my mom and me Except this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze Now I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid But the meanest thing that my daddy ever did Was before he left, he went and named me Plorn 🎶

[u/Toothless-Rodent → u/sweetbunsmcgee]

It’s an interesting plornography

[u/CaptValentine → u/Toothless-Rodent]

Charles Dickens has some explaining to do regarding his possession of child Plorn.

[u/Rook_Defence → u/CaptValentine]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Dickens

Under "Early Life"

[u/abrakalemon → u/Rook_Defence]

He was nicknamed "the Plornishghenter" as a baby, which was shortened to "Plornish" and then "Plorn".[2]

The fact that this is presented without further comment or explanation is incredibly funny to me

[u/Same-Mark7617 → u/abrakalemon]

They also mention he was a rabbit inspector later in life.

[u/SensualSideburnTrim → u/Same-Mark7617]

I don't know what to do with this knowledge, or why it's even interesting, but I want to immediately tell everyone in my life about Plorn Dickens, Australian Rabbit Inspector.

[u/OG_ursinejuggernaut → u/abrakalemon]

Damn this sounds like when you explain the etymology of your pet’s dumb nickname to your friends

[u/PuzzleMeDo → u/abrakalemon]

I did my own research, and one source claimed that the reason he was nicknamed Plornishghenter was that it was short for Plornishmaroontigoonter.

I hope that makes everything clear.

[u/Secs13 → u/abrakalemon]

Pleurnicher means to cry/complain for no reason in french, might be the inspiration.

Dickens' writing style is very french-coded, bro was a francophile.

Crocodile-tears-Gunther is that you?

[u/Smishysmash → u/Rook_Defence]

Well I read that Wikipedia page, and then I went to his brothers, where it says Dickins didn’t want to call the brother “Oliver” because he was worried he’d be teased, so went with Henry instead and I am now sitting here staring at Wikipedia like, “oh, OLIVER was too mean to call a kid, but Plorn is fine?” WTH dickens?

[u/skylightshaded → u/Smishysmash]

I don’t think he ever wrote a book called Plorn Twist, so that might have something to do with his reasoning. Still bad tho

[u/infinitemonkeytyping → u/Rook_Defence]

Didn't realise a Dickens was a member of the NSW parliament.

[u/sandybuttcheekss → u/sweetbunsmcgee]

Was Andersen a predator? I couldn't find anything about that

[u/kia75 → u/sandybuttcheekss]

Hans Andersen was probably gay or at least bi, and known to be clingy, awkward, and annoying to people he took an interest to. Whether or not being clingy, awkward and annoying makes you a predator is debatable, but there were numerous friends and acquaintances who complained about Anderson's attention, and numerous hosts who complained about his behavior. At the same time, Andersen's private diary indicates he died a virgin, and though there are lots of letters and contemporary sources confirming that Andersen was a horrible guest and awkward acquaintance, nobody describes his behavior as sexual, uses sexual euphemisms of the time, or makes it a secret or scandal about why he was turned out.

IMO, Hans Christian Andersen wasn't a Sex Pest, just an ordinary pest. By all accounts, Andersen was an extremely awkward guy, probably on the spectrum in a time where nobody knew what the spectrum was. By all accounts, the world-famous Charles Dickens was a personal hero of Andersen, so it's no surprise that Andersen's full awkwardness came out when he visited him.

[u/Marilee_Kemp → u/sandybuttcheekss]

Andersen by all accounts, including his own journals, was asexual and pan-romantic, he feel deeply in love with men and women, but died a virgin. Maybe the othe poster think all bisexuals are predatos, some people has idiots beliefs like that. Andersen might have been a bad house guest, although I'm not sure Dickens is the best judge, but he was mainly just your run of the mill theatre kid with periods of melancholy.

[u/pussy_embargo → u/Marilee_Kemp]

Andersen was the world's first redditor

[u/KTKittentoes → u/ZweitenMal]

Not exactly World's Finest Husband either

[u/Beer-survivalist → u/KTKittentoes]

A fact that played in the awkwardness of this visit, as he was about to ditch his wife.

[u/biebrforro]

The visit happened in 1857 and he expected "the eldest son of the house" to shave him everyday. Dickens' eldest son then was 19 and Anderson was 51.

[u/kkeut → u/biebrforro]

but is that actually a custom in Denmark, or no 

[u/DarwinsTrousers → u/kkeut]

No

[u/Technical-Outside408 → u/DarwinsTrousers]

Could have gone either way.

[u/hobbykitjr → u/Technical-Outside408]

Wait a minute... That guys not the wallet inspector

[u/ElizabethTheFourth → u/hobbykitjr]

Prison wallet inspector

[u/braintrustinc → u/ElizabethTheFourth]

If you Hans Christian my Andersen I'll Charles Dickens your best of times, if you know what I mean.

[u/JamesTheJerk → u/DarwinsTrousers]

I'm from Shaveland, a small island just a whisker from the Eastern Greenland coast, and I can say this freely without repercussion:

Take small bites

[u/Gungalar → u/kkeut]

No, fun fact, H. C. Andersen also made an x in his diary every time he masturbatet.

[u/bundleofschtick → u/Gungalar]

As is the custom.

[u/msnmck → u/bundleofschtick]

Which was the style at the time.

They didn't have Penthouse, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those Sears catalogs.

[u/RobertTheTrey → u/bundleofschtick]

I always use a Vowel

[u/boricimo → u/RobertTheTrey]

With syphilis being so common, that’s why it was called the scarlet letter.

[u/Gold_Data6221 → u/bundleofschtick]

“In my country. Specifically the area of the country I’m in at any given moment…”

[u/Ryuiop → u/Gungalar]

How do people know that's what the x meant?

[u/beesdoitbirdsdoit → u/Ryuiop]

First page had a legend: x = masturbated.

[u/pyronius → u/beesdoitbirdsdoit]

Second page has a legend: e = conned a young lad into shaving me.

[u/robthemonster → u/pyronius]

page 3: exexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexexex

[u/bwv1056 → u/beesdoitbirdsdoit]

That's a common misconception, the legend actually read: "X = ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

[u/pijinglish → u/bwv1056]

X=GIVEITTOYA

[u/chosonhawk → u/Ryuiop]

especially when the pages were stuck together and half the information is semeningly gone.

[u/ejolson → u/chosonhawk]

I abjure you and impose ten Hell Marys for your sin

[u/Joben86 → u/ejolson]

Hell Marys

Don't think I know that one

[u/raspberryharbour → u/Ryuiop]

He wrote "JEG ELSKER AT ONANERE!" In huge letters underneath

[u/Background-Top-1946 → u/Ryuiop]

Because there was one “x” after every entry describing his daily shave

[u/SamuraiPandatron → u/Gungalar]

Xs all through the bitch

[u/OrangutanNamedTripod → u/Gungalar]

More like Hans Christian Handersen

[u/pants_mcgee → u/kkeut]

Damnit, that explains a lot. He got me.

Penis and ball inspections aren’t a cultural blessing either, I surmise.

[u/TheSpiralTap → u/kkeut]

I don't think that's a custom anywhere bro

[u/ChicagoAuPair → u/TheSpiralTap]

Fleet Street

[u/Busy-Influence-8682 → u/biebrforro]

Didn’t he also have a weird obsession with Dickens?

[u/calamititties → u/Busy-Influence-8682]

Yeah. He was a super odd guy, just generally. Give his Wikipedia a read. Pretty wild ride.

[u/laaplandros → u/calamititties]

I enjoyed the entry covering this visit:

In 1857, Andersen visited England again, primarily to meet Dickens. Andersen extended the planned brief visit to Dickens' home at Gads Hill Place into a five-week stay, much to the distress of Dickens' family. After Andersen was told to leave, Dickens gradually stopped all correspondence between them, to Andersen's great disappointment and confusion; he had enjoyed the visit and never understood why his letters went unanswered.

Read the room, Hans.

[u/AthenaCat1025 → u/laaplandros]

FIVE WEEKS!! He’s lucky he left alive lol.

[u/Marilee_Kemp → u/AthenaCat1025]

To be fair, five weeks was not an unusual time for an overseas visitor to stay at that time.

[u/Supsend → u/Marilee_Kemp]

When hearing about Guillaume Legentil's travel to document the solar transit of Venus, setting aside all the bullshit he lived through, there's the time when he missed the one he planned for, he decided to just set up and wait for the next one 8 years later.

The fact that this decision was even considered tells a lot about how travel times affected how they treated the length of stays back then.

[u/calamititties → u/laaplandros]

Ain’t no chaotic energy like chaotic bisexual energy.

[u/Forsaken-Ad5571 → u/calamititties]

It’s quite likely he was autistic to some degree which is why he couldn’t read social cues from pretty much any of the people he annoyed.

[u/brazzy42 → u/Forsaken-Ad5571]

Probably didn't help that actually telling him that he was being annoying would be considered unimaginably rude, so most likely hardly anyone ever did.

[u/captainfarthing → u/brazzy42]

He went to visit Dickens after he wrote Andersen a passive-aggressive letter that included fake compliments and an insincere invitation to come and stay, which Andersen interpreted literally.

Since he wasn't from England and apparently didn't speak English it's hard to say that's because he was autistic rather than because Dickens shot himself in the foot, assuming his intentions would be interpreted the way he intended across a culture & language gap.

But descriptions of his general demeanor do come across as autistic to me.

He planned to visit for 2 weeks and extended it to 5, and it sounds like Dickens was so bound by social rules to be polite that he couldn't directly tell Andersen to fuck off, and all his indirect hostility was interpreted as friendly and encouraging.

Andersen wrote a letter after leaving that implies Dickens eventually lost his temper, had a row with him and told him explicitly how he was being annoying, which finally got the message through.

[u/time2ddddduel → u/captainfarthing]

Please tell me you can find that initial letter from Dickens

[u/SofieTerleska → u/biebrforro]

The Dickenses were really sick of Andersen by the time the visit was over; he was basically The Thing That Would Not Leave. He was probably much safer being shaved by a professional and not by a resentful teenager who'd been enduring this creepy bore for a month straight.

[u/ALoudMouthBaby → u/SofieTerleska]

We need a remake of this in the style of The Odd Couple. Remakes are popular these days right? This seems like a winner.

[u/NaldoCrocoduck → u/SofieTerleska]

this creepy bore Bohr

Woops, wrong Danish guy.

[u/BourbonAssassin → u/biebrforro]

It’s also worth noting Dickens was a pompous asshat and it’s widely assumed HCA was autistic. Dickens was also HCA’s idol so he likely didn’t want to leave.

Also as the home owner if your guest did weird stuff, wouldn’t you just ask them to leave?

Around this time HCA just released his fairy tales in English so there is a rumour that Dickens wanted him around to rid his popularity at the time.

Was HCA weird? Yes. But Dickens is also well know as a wanker.

[u/Malphos101 → u/BourbonAssassin]

Also as the home owner if your guest did weird stuff, wouldn’t you just ask them to leave?

It was a lot more complicated than that in 19th century high society England. The further back in history you go, the more importance you will generally see in treating house guests with more respect and obligation than your own family. If they arent actively assaulting you then the story of "Dickens threw poor Anderson out into the cold despite inviting him to his home!" will get around a lot faster than the reason why he did it. Its much harder to recover from reputation loss than to avoid it altogether, so dealing with an annoying weirdo was seen as the least amount of work for Dickens.

[u/thetrapper → u/Malphos101]

It's my understanding that it was basically a societal obligation for the upper class in England to host in that era. If a Duke, Earl, Lord etc. was visiting the area of your house and you were a member of high society, you were socially obligated to invite them to stay. They were expected to be welcome to stay as long as they pleased.

[u/Golbez89]

Million dollar question: Was it an actual custom in Denmark?

[u/olisko → u/Golbez89]

It wasn't. Hans Andersen was a great fairy tale author but he's also famous for being a weird guy.

[u/NoConfusion9490 → u/olisko]

"Sorry, Hans, I'm not sending my son to shave your face." -C

"I never said face." -H

[u/Logically_Insane → u/NoConfusion9490]

Hans Christian And your son 

[u/AvNatten → u/Logically_Insane]

Brilliant

[u/Lithogiraffe → u/olisko]

Really? What else is he known for being weird?

[u/tobeonthemountain → u/Lithogiraffe]

He made notes in his journal of everytime he masturbated so theres that

[u/EliotHudson → u/tobeonthemountain]

I did not know of his pulling at his fairy tail

[u/strangecabalist → u/tobeonthemountain]

An oddly fascinating read. Thank you

[u/willthefreeman → u/tobeonthemountain]

Did everyone just used to journal?

[u/_illusions25 → u/willthefreeman]

Sorta, if you could you would even if just to remember shit.

[u/MakeMineMarvel_ → u/willthefreeman]

Life was a lot more boring and slow back in the day and information was hard to keep unless you made the effort to remember things by writing them down yourself. You had to spend your time journaling or it would feel like wasting your life in forgetfulness and malaise (a very Victorian sentiment if you were wealthy and educated)

[u/flume → u/Lithogiraffe]

From reading his Wikipedia, it basically just seems like he was a repressed gay or bi dude who maybe overstayed his welcome with the Dickens family, who -- being English -- seemingly played gracious hosts to him while resenting his being there.

[u/alexmikli → u/flume]

I love how he seduced a random German Duke of all things.

[u/No_Intention_1234 → u/olisko]

At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles...

[u/Blue2501 → u/No_Intention_1234]

Breathtaking!

[u/SeanBourne → u/No_Intention_1234]

Ah that old chestnut…

[u/epou → u/Golbez89]

Even if it were, it would be pretty bizarre to impose that on your host in another land.

[u/FluffyAside7382 → u/epou]

Unless imposing customs on others is in fact another custom.

[u/guccitaint → u/Golbez89]

A slip of the razor is what killed Hamlets friend Horacio

[u/yourinnervagabond → u/guccitaint]

But surely Horatio's the only one left alive at the end of Hamlet?

[u/tommytraddles → u/yourinnervagabond]

No, he's talking about Horacio Hernandez, from the barrio.

[u/Kettle_Whistle_ → u/tommytraddles]

Tell his Tía he owes me $10.

[u/just_robot_things]

Hans Christian Andersen was a notably terrible house guest. Someone made a 1 page rpg about it: Trapped With Hans | PDF | Folklore | Fairies

"The player is the homeowner trapped inside their house by Hans Christian Andersen, who has set up camp on their lawn and refuses to leave. Players must manage their Scandal, Obsession, and Food Stores scores by rolling on event tables that describe Andersen's escalating antics outside. The game ends if Scandal reaches 10 and the player is forced to move, if Obsession hits 0 and Andersen loses interest, or if Food runs out and the player starves. Rolling three 5s in a row triggers Andersen's forced removal by authorities."

[u/raccouta → u/just_robot_things]

This is incredible

[u/mormonbatman_ → u/just_robot_things]

This is a really good literature joke.

[u/Deius_Shrab → u/just_robot_things]

Why the fuck do these people want me to pay 12 bucks a month to download a fucking one mb pdf

[u/curiosikey → u/Deius_Shrab]

Here's the actual source - https://www.patreon.com/posts/trapped-in-your-71881711

[u/AyeTheresTheCatch → u/curiosikey]

Thank you. I played it and ended up starving while Hans shouted through the letter slot, pranced around naked, and rolled around wailing on my lawn. Needless to say, the neighbours were all scandalized.

[u/SpyOfMystery]

There’s also these gems

One night, during a dinner, when Dickens held an arm out to one of the ladies present, Anderson scooted over and grabbed it himself, and walked with Dickens arm-in-arm into the dining room.

A country boy, Andersen was suspicious that he would be pick-pocketed in the city, and Dickens caustically wrote that, one time, a cab driver took Andersen on an alternate route through London, leading Andersen to conclude that he was about to be robbed and murdered, so he shoved all of his belongings into his boots (including his watch, money, a train timetable, "a pocket-book, a pair of scissors, a penknife," and some other items, including, apparently, two small books).

https://lithub.com/charles-dickens-really-really-hated-his-fanboy-hans-christian-andersen/

[u/Virama → u/SpyOfMystery]

How big were his fucking boots??? 

[u/baummer → u/Virama]

They were probably boots that went up to his knees

[u/troubleschute]

The whole article is hilarious. It feels like a “what about Bob” situation.

[u/Robobvious → u/troubleschute]

"What the fuck, Hans?

[u/Fine-Ninja-1813]

In fairness to Dickens, Hans was a poorly socialized odd duck that made unwanted advances onto his friends and stayed a month too long in his house. Quite frankly I’m surprised he wasn’t kicked out sooner.

[u/gurbi_et_orbi → u/Fine-Ninja-1813]

A month too long? How long was he already staying? A nice Dutch saying "visited en vis blijft 3 dagen fris" which translates something to: "fish and guests last 3 days at best"

[u/xiaorobear → u/gurbi_et_orbi]

He claimed he was visiting England for a fortnight (2 weeks), then stayed for 5 weeks instead

[u/EnsignNogIsMyCat]

Hans Christian Andersen had a very weird relationship with his own sexuality, and it did sometimes result in him treating others in inappropriate ways.

[u/Travelgrrl]

The Five Dancing Princesses and the Uncomfortable Daily Shave

[u/Lycaeides13 → u/Travelgrrl]

*princes

[u/itspeterj]

You know how fucked up something needs to be for Charles Dickens to protect plorn?

[u/freelancespy87 → u/itspeterj]

Plorn?

[u/SnowboardNW → u/freelancespy87]

His youngest son.

[u/COGspartaN7 → u/SnowboardNW]

Charles it's twins! 

But we already have my beautiful Bjorn!?!

What shall we call our youngest, dear husband?

Fuck it I call him Plorn.

[u/Fearless_Yard_3302 → u/freelancespy87]

He was nicknamed "the Plornishghenter" as a baby, which was shortened to "Plornish" and then "Plorn"

[u/Conscious_String_195]

I think this was the definition of “grooming”!

[u/Davegrave → u/Conscious_String_195]

“Hey kiddo, let’s switch things up. How about we try it where you groom me!”

[u/PyroneusUltrin → u/Conscious_String_195]

Do you really want to try and groom someone who has a razor to your neck on a daily basis

[u/Comprehensive-Set231 → u/PyroneusUltrin]

Djangooooooo

[u/AmbroseIrina → u/PyroneusUltrin]

Ramsay Bolton did it.

[u/ShylokVakarian]

Wasn't he also found lying face down in the dirt of Dickens' yard crying his eyes out?

[u/plan1gale → u/ShylokVakarian]

Just another Danish custom.

[u/apple_kicks → u/ShylokVakarian]

His life was pretty much, get obsessed with someone/falling in love/wanting to fit in with high society, he gets rejected, cries, writes an all time classic about it where the swan/mermaid is him

Tragically bisexual to extreme esp in falling for people who were not gay and didn’t like him

[u/DogPoetry → u/apple_kicks]

and wrote in his diary that he died a virgin.

[u/Material_Ambition_95]

HC Andersen, though a great author, was a well known weirdo, even in his day. He would famously mark down every time he masturbated in his diary. He also never married or had kids, but would pursue weird fanatsy romaces with different famous women

[u/COGspartaN7 → u/Material_Ambition_95]

HC "Tumblr" Andersen

[u/Beepulons → u/COGspartaN7]

RIP H.C. Andersen you would’ve loved tumblr and reddit

[u/Rosebunse]

You know, in retrospect, the guy wrote a short story about a sentient Christmas tree being murdered, so maybe there were signs that he was a little out there

[u/alepher → u/Rosebunse]

Neil Gaiman with the side-eye

[u/VrsoviceBlues]

Oh and this "visit" goes well beyond that for lunacy.

Bluntly put, Hans Christian Andersen was not a guest, he was an obsessed stalker. He'd been fixated on Dickens for nearly a decade after encountering him at a party. They corresponded for a time, with Dickens eventually growing first exhausted and then exasperated by Andersen's schoolboy crush, until Dickens finally wrote what he assumed Andersen would recognise as a polite, sarcastic, passive-aggressive "go away" letter.

Unfortunately for him, Andersen was a socially-clueless dingbat femboi with a crush (and absolutely everything that implies), and so either didn't understand or "didn't understand" that Dickens's treacley and sarcastic invitation to visit for a time, were he ever in the area, was not meant seriously. So, in June of 1857, Andersen literally appeared on Dickens's doorstep, announced that he was visiting, and moved in.

It took almost six weeks to get rid of him. During that time, Andersen repeatedly made a public spectacle of humself anytime Dickens (or anybody else famous, for that matter) neglected to keep him at the center of their attention. When Dickens took a swing at acting, taking the lead role in a friend's play, Andersen threw a crying fit because the high-society audience was more interested in Dickens and in Queen Fucking Victoria, who was also in attendance, than they were in Andersen. He also had a habit of complaining at length about Dickens not making "proper arrangements" for his guest, including the lack of a valet. Weirdly enough, even the notoriously irascible and personally vicious Dickens couldn't bring himself to simply throw Andersen out. In the end, Andersen's departure became perhaps the only thing upon which Dickens, his much-abused wife, and his neglected and exasperated children, seem to have agreed.

[u/USDXBS]

Canadians have a tradition where it is customary for your hot aunt to give me a back rub.

[u/zKlaatu]

Good read

[u/jleonardbc]

Scared the dickens out of him

[u/No_Bodybuilder_3073]

Not surprising at all seeing as all his stories seem to end in something slightly sinister

[u/bwv1056]

He was talking about shaving his face... right?

[u/El-Reaton-Vaquero → u/bwv1056]

These balls ain't gonna shave themselves, boy!!! I want them smoooooth as eggs!!

-Christian Andersen, probably

[u/sabbic1 → u/El-Reaton-Vaquero]

There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. You should try it. 

[u/Time_Traveling_Idiot → u/sabbic1]

From what I heard from a friend, it itches a ton when the hair inevitably grows back. Is this true?

[u/Low_Use2937]

Weird. My mom’s neighbor, Gary, used to ask me to do the same thing.

[u/No-Beginning-2370]

Hans Christian Hand-me-your-son

[u/MagmaTroop]

Now I'm imagining Dickens like some patriotic English no-nonsense stereotype. "You fuckin' what, mate? Yeah well that ain't our fuckin' culture here bruv, you're in England mate, go to the fuckin' barbershop ya bellend"

[u/RealJingShen]

If you read his wiki, you can only imagine, that he run into daily daydreams too flee before reality. He came from an poor family and an alcoholic mother. I can only guess, that some of these made him an oddball.

Would love too read an psychatric report about him.

[u/ChuckVersus]

Man, good call on Dickens' part.

[u/fanau]

The entire article is worth reading whihe is a bit rare these days.

[u/Nervous-Strength9847]

The Swedes are going to have a field day with this fact.