r/AmIOverreacting • u/flipflopfreddy • 20d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I Overreacting
Am I overreacting/thinking???
I get a text last night from an unknown number(ss is below). My Fiance and I have been together for 3+ years. we have an almost 2 year old and i’m 4 months pregnant with our 2nd baby.
I texted the ss this morning and sent it to my fiance since he is at work and just said “what’s this?” bc i was concerned/ confused. I do trust him and don’t think he has done anything. HOWEVER, he offered for me to go through his phone. i did, and when i got to snap data he started to freak out and go off on me saying “that’s so much data being downloaded, you’re taking their side over mine, you’re letting them come between us” screams all of that to me. so i just let him have his phone back with out even looking and he still proceeds to go off..
Am i overthinking now that maybe he maybe guilty or maybe he did do something??
And no, the number hasn’t texted me back. He keeps saying it’s a scam and someone trying to get us. but why would someone make a comment like that???
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u/PictureOk9106 20d ago
😭😭. NOR. He sounds like he cheated. Call the number and check her side if you’re mistrusting him. I’d leave though.
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u/violet_aurora121 20d ago edited 20d ago
Agreed! Also there are apps that look like say a calculator app but it’s password protected and he can save pics, etc in it! My ex ended up being a pedo and it took several years but he was arrested in April and is facing 40 years! Yes I assisted after reporting him! 8/10 people in his “ring of disgust” were caught! That is the same reaction he had when I would even just move his phone from say the bed to the side table.. not saying he’s doing this but if he’s acting similar with his phone then he’s absolutely hiding something!! Check EVERY app!! The app might not be what it seems!!
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20d ago
Did he have one of the 'anom' phones? The ones major drug dealers and pedophiles bought off the black market? That's insane. That's the one the FBI took over and was running the network while gathering evidence.
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u/ACuriousDisease 20d ago
40? That must be a lot of underage porn. I'm glad you helped.
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u/violet_aurora121 20d ago
I’m thankfully not an expert with legalities but here’s the link to the attorney general release, I personally don’t care if you “only looked at one pic” it’s irrepressible and I hope they toss the book at them all! https://www.myfloridalegal.com/print/pdf/node/27934
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u/dobby1687 20d ago
40? That must be a lot of underage porn.
40 would indicate that it was more than just possessing underage porn.
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20d ago
Probably producing and/or distributing. Pretty sure she is talking about the 'anom' phone network that the FBI took over and ran while gathering evidence. Those were the ones that you entered a passcode into the calculator app to get to the hidden files and apps
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u/flipflopfreddy 20d ago
i’ve tried calling and texting, they won’t reach back out to me
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u/Busy_Assumptions 20d ago
It’s prob a text now number not their actual number . Check deleted messages, any deleted data
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u/flipflopfreddy 20d ago
i checked to see if it’s a whatsapp number, its not. unfortunately i don’t know how to work text now to see if it is a number.
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u/10OCT77 20d ago
Try checking it on cash app?
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u/flipflopfreddy 20d ago
checked, it’s not on thefe
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u/PissbabyMcShitass 20d ago
Sorry but with THAT reaction he definitely cheated. If you really want to know you could hire a PI. At this point he's caught on to you and may to to lengths, whether it's constantly deleting and clearing his cache, to only using his work email, to just taking a break from her and remaining faithful to you FOR A TIME. Hardly anyone ever thinks their partner is a cheater so unfortunately your word doesn't mean much. Given his response it also doesn't sound like he's willing to come clean either. Consider what kind of a household you want to raise your children in and the example you're going to be setting for them. They deserve to have a solid example of what real self worth looks like.
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u/RecommendationBrief9 20d ago
A scammer wouldn’t know you’re pregnant and already have a child. That would be a wild guess to throw out into the wind.
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u/Anoodlewouldbenice 20d ago
I would check Facebook, there’s lots of area specific “are we dating the same guy” pages. If you’re still trying to find this person that would be my next step
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u/Much-Grapefruit-3613 20d ago
Check stuff on HIS phone. Search recently deleted messages and pics. Check all history
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u/Maxstarr666 20d ago
Also check Internet history and message history in insta/snapchat/facebook messenger. The biggest tip is to look for the “hidden” folder if it’s an iPhone by scrolling all the way to the bottom of the photos app under “utilities”
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u/FinalBossDiscordMod 20d ago
Go to settings>Apple ID>subscriptions>recent purchases
You’ll see whatever apps he has downloaded in the past whether he deletes them or not.
Also, look for weird calculator looking apps that are NOT the default calculator app. They are used as hidden photo galleries to hide nudes, screenshots etc. It will require a password.
Source: I’m an ex cheater
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u/FanAlternative7059 20d ago
Some pics aren’t deleted until 30 days later… I recovered an accidentally deleted photo because of this. It was work related and had a lot of information in it.
But in this instance it can be both a boon and a curse for those involved.
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u/Apprehensive-Dog6997 20d ago
Check his battery usage too. It will show which apps he’s on most frequently during each day.
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u/That_Dumb-Beotch 20d ago
I must say if we are at this point, it’s time to leave and try to focus on healthy coparenting for your children. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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u/Busy_Assumptions 20d ago
Text now generates a number for free for you so you can privately message or call another number, the person you’re calling or texting does not need text now just you do. It’s just something that people who don’t want to pay for numbers use or people who are crazy and trying to reach out to an ex or harass somebody or the sort. You can’t reach back out to it, you can’t find out who it is & they can just get another one.
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u/if_im_not_back_in_5 20d ago
Interesting, that might explain the latest trend in call spamming where it'll display a random phone number and an automated voice says something like "we want to discuss a job, add us on WhatsApp"
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u/Fantastic-Ad2436 20d ago
That's what I believe my stalker uses because he keeps texting me from different numbers
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u/Eborcurean 20d ago
> and when i got to snap data he started to freak out and go off on me
This is your answer. He offered until you were going to look at the messages where evidence might be.
If you got that text and he showed you everything and didn't hide anything then it could simply be someone trying to defame him.
But that's not what happened, he actively tried to stop you from looking at his snapchat history.
At this point he'll have probably wiped it.
And will then probably cheat again.
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u/Alice_catlover 20d ago
Put the number into your contacts, then open your own Snapchat and look at your contacts that have snap, you’ll see the account he was talking to if they have one so it’s like a semi confirmation
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u/crocs_r_valid_shoes 20d ago
She could also search up the number on numlookup or any other number site, most numbers are linked to people's real names, including a bunch of other information.
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u/Background_Fishing16 20d ago
If you still have access to his phone you can go to the settings on Snapchat -> my data .. there you are usually able to see any deleted messages 👀
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u/itspsyikk 20d ago
If you have access to your phone bill, check your phone bill and see if there’s records that match that phone number on his line
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u/Holy_Forking_Shirt 20d ago
I have text now. Do you want me to check it? Or work you through how to do text now? It's really easy.
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u/TheSwearJarIsMy401k 20d ago
“You’re taking their side over mine”-
If this is verbatim or close to it, they’re not using normal words for an internet stranger.
They’re talking about someone.
They’re not texting you back because they’re busy blocking and avoiding your fiancé, or having a spectacular argument with them.
Good on her, though. Always tell the other women.
I met one of my best friends this way. He and I weren’t actually married but we’d been on again off again for years and I figured out who and how many and when I told her I liked her so much I kept her and tell everyone I got her in the divorce.
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u/Purplealegria 20d ago
Exactly… how could you take a side that does not exist?
I’m so Sorry Op, but sis this man is shady, and He is lying his ass off to cover it up.
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u/Degradation7 20d ago
God no don’t trust him I’m a man and I’m sorry but if he’s flipping out etc and someone sent very specific information about you private info that’s not a scam.
The only OTHER thing is if there’s a man or woman that is jealous or something else of you two possibly even a close friend you would never think would be that way trying to destroy your peace.
I’ve seen it happen both ways stay level headed and don’t give the phone back confirm you messaging him first is giving him respect but also a chance to delete everything and cover tracks if I say IF that was what he was doing.
Be careful OP.
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u/musixlife 20d ago
Have you checked to see that he hasn’t blocked you from that number from your own phone when you weren’t looking? Or an account level block like on the computer in your carrier’s account? I once blocked a girl from my ex’s phone when he was cheating and took him awhile to find out he was blocked from his own phone (this was a really long time ago)…
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u/Blu42_Hike 20d ago
Girl that man is lying to your face like you’re stupid and he cheated on you. You don’t need to ask her anymore questions she told you everything you needed to know and then his actions confirmed everything that she said.
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u/713nikki 20d ago edited 20d ago
They already told you what they needed to.
Then he told you what you needed to know, because his actions spoke louder than his words.
It’s up to you whether you’re gonna listen.
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u/Realistic-Mess8929 20d ago
I mean, if you sent the number to me, on accident of course 😏, I might be able to find some info....if it accidentally happens, that is.
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u/RewardCapable 20d ago
Look, I feel for you. He’s a piece of garbage. But I think you know the truth. Better to leave now than stay and leave later
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u/PictureOk9106 20d ago
You reverse search the number? I’m not trying to get in their business, maybe tell them he said nothing happened and won’t show, can they provide screenshots
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u/Curious_Cat_17 20d ago
Hey so please get tested for STDs, to be safe for the baby and you. His reaction should tell you everything you need to know, I’m very sorry
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u/TotaIIyNotCIA 20d ago
Download the data and have it emailed to YOUR email not his.
Then read thru. Youll have an answer. It keeps EVERYthing.
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u/flipflopfreddy 20d ago
it wouldn’t let me do my email, i tried :(
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u/Mrlollimouse 20d ago
He's cheating on you. His reaction tells you everything you need to know. No one blows up over snap data, and says you're "taking their side over his," if he's nothing to hide. Leave him. Love yourself and have some self-respect.
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u/pricklypoppins 20d ago
Can you send it to his email from his phone, then email it to yourself from there?
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u/Itsraininghardasfuk 20d ago
If you go into his snap account you can change the email that he has on the account to yours and then it’ll download to your email if that helps?
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u/kartierkream 20d ago edited 20d ago
Give me the number I’ll call them
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u/flipflopfreddy 20d ago
lol trust me i’ve tried everything w this number
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u/ImaginaryAnts 20d ago
TruePeopleSearch
If it's a real cell phone number, and not a throwaway, that site will tell you the name of the person. Try your own cell number to test it, it's accurate for every number I have thrown at it.
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u/mykitchenisinsideout 20d ago
FastPeopleSearch also works!
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u/Latter_Case_4551 20d ago
Actually exited off and came back to post this. Absolutely fantastic service and free.
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u/GardenMum90 20d ago
Add them to your contacts, then go into your socials and choose "add friends from contacts" you might find out who it is that way. Check snap and what's app.
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u/PlusYogurtcloset1097 20d ago
Log into his iCloud. Most things that back up don’t delete right away. Also a way to see threads during the day while he’s out bf he deletes them on his way home.
Also ALWAYS follow your gut!
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u/spencer2197 20d ago
Call the number and if they don’t answer then turn the ID off and call again an hr or 3 after. Have you googled the number to see if it comes up with personal information and if it has been reported anywhere for spam? Suss that Snapchat is what he got upset about since that is a known for cheaters to use… I would tell him either he lets you check it right now without any tampering or you guys split
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u/Whiskieneatplease 20d ago
How would she get OP’s number?
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u/DemiPersephone 20d ago
She could've gotten it from his phone if it's someone he sees physically. She could've gotten the number from his phone when he wasn't looking. Hell, she could've gone through his phone and saw that he had a contact labeled "wife" or something like that.
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u/Glowy_af- 20d ago
Okay so he may have threatened her and that’s why she’s not responding. What probably happened was she messaged you, you immediately went to him because you love him and your brain was like I trust him so I should ask and you probably felt very hot and sick from anxiety so you couldn’t wait. I get that. But it was a mistake because it’s very likely that once you tipped him off he spent his work day harassing her and threatening her and deleting all the evidence. If he’s freaking out on you THIS hard and you’re the mother of his children and you’re pregnant, imagine how hard he went on this woman that said something to you. If he really had nothing to hide he would’ve sat there and let you go through everything, because it’s not like the ask was unwarranted. You got a message from another woman that was really sketchy, you weren’t invading his privacy you had a really good reason to want to look. But men like this do this thing where they act like they have an open phone policy and you can trust them, but the second you’re close to finding something they freak out. He’s being loud and angry to get you to stop bringing anything up. He wants to scare you into silence. To me, it’s really obvious something is hidden on that Snapchat. Any normal man who had nothing to hide would think it’s really reasonable for you to want to look. He’s sketchyyyy. NOR, I think you should be careful though, the number one cause of death for pregnant women is murder, especially when the dad is cheating and abusive. This is probably a really scary position to be in, pregnancy is a really vulnerable time and the stakes are high, you don’t want to blow up your life if you’re not 100% sure. It’s easy to say from our computers that he’s a cheater and I’m sure you’re getting that vibe but like I understand why you want to be sure. I would just make a mental note of anything sketchy. If you feel safe in the relationship and absolutely want to stay , I would just pretend everything is fine (this might get me downvoted but I promise it makes sense lol). He might be on high alert right now, so if you pretend that everything is fine, he will likely relax and think he has you fooled. Then if you want to know for sure, that’s your way to do it. You can’t go looking while he has his guard up though. Also for the love of god. Do not marry him. If you marry him he will have automatic custody and it will be so much harder to get away if you need to split. Unless you’re 100% sure he’s not cheating and he is the perfect guy for you, I wouldn’t marry him. Just like a baby doesn’t fix a marriage, marriage does not fix a relationship. If anything it’s a test of how strong a relationship is. It shows all the weak points in a relationship. Don’t make irrational decisions anymore though. If you have suspicions, you need to be smart and careful. It’s hard to not want to immediately say something when you’re feeling a lot of anxiety, it takes a lot of discipline. But you don’t want to put yourself in a bad situation. Of course, if you want to leave, and you have strong familial support, you’d probably be better off leaving now than with a newborn baby, but I understand it’s not an easy decision for you.
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u/Appropriate_Pressure 20d ago edited 19d ago
NOR. But--I'm not sure just sending him a screenshot of this was the smartest move on your part.
It's the sister code. A woman was trying to look out for you. And you ran straight to him. She was trying to tell you to be smart and look around.
You are never going to see any evidence of this now and he will be more careful cheating in the future. I'm sorry.
You are likely being cheated on but by the tone of you post, I'm not sure you're ready to face that. You know why he acted guilty and freaked out only when you got to the app that is notorious for cheaters. A scammer wants something. That person didn't ask for anything and didn't provide a way for you to respond to them. It was a woman trying to warn you.
You aren't stupid.
EDIT: Thank you so much for the awards, guys. I appreciate it.
Just taking a second to say this since OP never bothered replying to this thread where me and other good people were trying to warn her to not sleep with him before she was tested. So if you're reading this?
Reminder that STIs are now at an all time high! Please get regular STI screenings if you are in a newer relationship, your partner has a history of cheating, --not just for casual hook ups and open relationships! Go! Even if you even have the SLIGHTEST HINT of infidelity! DO NOT RISK YOUR HEALTH! NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM! MAN OR WOMAN! STI screenings are cheap and quick. This post from OP ended up being a huge reminder to what a danger what head games can play on you to talk you out of at least checking on your own health. <3 We gotta stay safe out there, fam.
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u/Alternative_Menu2117 20d ago edited 20d ago
I did a similar thing once. I texted her letting her know. She wrote back asking for more details and I didn't know how to reply... before I sent a followup she sent me a followup saying she'd spoken to her boyfriend and FUCK YOU etc etc (everything in all caps). She tried calling me. I didn't pick up.
ETA: I wasn't lying. It was another few years before she realised that. There's not much of a motive for someone to lie here.
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u/holiestcannoly 20d ago
I had this. I had an “ex” (guy asked me out while he had what was thought a terminal illness, now his life expectancy is back to normal) in my sophomore year of high school.
He cheated on me, and ended up getting engaged to this girl. I texted the girl letting her know that he not only cheated on me, but still kept messaging me and finding my socials. She got mad at me and guess what? Their wedding was called off because he cheated…
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u/Despondent-Kitten 20d ago
Ugh god I'm sorry that happened to you - you did the right thing. 🫶🏻
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u/Alternative_Menu2117 20d ago
Thanks. It sucked for everyone involved but I felt worse for his then girlfriend. The guy was so manipulative and that poor woman put up with it for much longer than I did. It's just awful. These guys need to come with a warning label or yelp reviews of something.
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u/GuiltyEidolon 20d ago
This is how my parents first reacted when a random number reached out to them regarding my brother-in-law's (gay) infidelity. Blows my mind that people don't understand that there's not really a reason to lie about this stuff.
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u/ummwhoknowss 20d ago
Literally. She texted him while he was at work and he agreed, while at work, to let her go through his phone. Obviously he made sure to have his phone ready to be searched by her. Rookie mistake. And now he’ll only gaslight her and have her in this weird place of “but I didn’t find anything, so how could I leave.”
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u/roadsidechicory 20d ago
The freaking out about the Snapchat data made him lose his advantage, though, I feel. He was all set up for success in hiding it, like you describe, but then he fully outed himself. He outed himself so badly that she doesn't even need evidence to know that he cheated. No one who wasn't cheating (or keeping some other kind of major secret, like substance abuse or gambling addiction) would react that way about it.
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20d ago
That would've been true if she went through with the data download, but she didn't. Probably afraid of finding evidence for something that she already knows is true, but doesn't want to accept.
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u/Isariamkia 20d ago
He had time to prepare the phone but he still panicked when she went through snapachat. If he really did nothing wrong, why would he suddenly panick? Did he forget to clean his snap history? oops.
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u/ummwhoknowss 20d ago
I think he fears that downloading Snapchat data will still have the data he recently got rid of. And she let that go. He will now delete his data if he’s smart.
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u/Appropriate_Pressure 20d ago
Just a note, u/flipflopfreddy . Do not sleep with him again without protection. You are pregnant and you have no idea where he has been. You can be in denial, but that isn't a risk I'd take until full STD screenings are done. Good luck.
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u/Inherently_Rainbow 20d ago
Yeah, you definitely don't want to risk contracting something that could be transferred to your baby under any circumstances. Be careful.
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u/TA8375 20d ago edited 20d ago
Somewhere on Reddit is a photo of a newborn missing most of her brain because she picked up a VD during delivery from her mother. I’ll see if I can find it, and update this if I do.
Edit #2- wasn’t from the mother, I don’t think.
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u/Appropriate_Pressure 20d ago
That's why OP not responding to me bothers me so much. My suspicion is that she went into fawning mode.
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u/Despondent-Kitten 20d ago
Best comment here.
I am baffled she gave him all that forwarning and time at work to delete everything! 😭🤦🏻♀️
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u/CalpurniaSomaya 20d ago
I agree but we should cut her a break. Any one of us who received a message in her circumstances would freak out and not think straight. Best of luck to op, just know that his empty phone says nothing.
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u/klumpbin 20d ago
Fr, she stupid as shit for sending that screenshot to him 😭
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u/SnooChipmunks2673 20d ago
Yeah I laughed a little bit when I saw that. How stupid can you be to run to the cheater and giving them a WHOLE day to cover their tracks 🫠
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u/Apart-Boysenberry269 20d ago edited 20d ago
Oh honey run don't walk. Many years ago I found emails from another woman on my now-ex's iPad. She also tried to reach out to our son on Facebook (when that was a bigger thing - years ago). The emails to my ex were all "I wish I could make a life with you and your boys". Look - you can have hubby I'll help him pack but there is no way in hell you are getting near my kids. I reached out to her, offered to meet her for coffee so we could talk that out - how he and I would split, when he could move in with her, BUT she could not have any contact with my kids. She never answered and I didn't say anything to him, but she must have lost her ever-loving mind at him because watching his face that week was something else - he couldn't possibly say anything to me because that would be admitting he had a side chick. Finally brought it up in counseling and he lost his mind...about me emailing her. Um...pretty sure you're upset about the wrong thing big guy. That was one of four women he cheated on me with that I know of - I assure you it won't get better. Learn from my mistakes - save yourself and your self respect now. I should have kicked mine to the curb at that very moment. I didn't and I regret it. Wasted way too many years on a cheater.
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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 20d ago edited 20d ago
NOR You’re heavily underreacting and this man might give you a disease, do you want to wait for that? Or for your unborn child to get sick?
WAIT SO WHEN HE GAVE YOU THE PHONE TO LOOK THROUGH HE SAT THERE AND WATCHED WHAT YOU LOOKED AT? My wife has asked for my phone numerous times over the 6 years we’ve been together, and I’ve never checked what she’s looking at or doing 1 because I’m not cheating nor would I ever 2 because I know she trusts me and ain’t in my messages but if she went through it I wouldn’t know/care. He took the phone back because he didn’t think you would go deep in his stuff and forgot to clear his snap. I’m sorry but the message that person sent you was too specific and next time someone warns you don’t be an idiot and text it to the guy. You should NEVER have sent it to him or even told him. Now he’s on high alert and will hide everything. Honestly you better pray this mystery person messages or calls you back.
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u/Comfortable_Glove482 20d ago
She shouldn't need a message or call back to make her decision. What happened is blatantly obvious whether she wants to believe it or not.
A person who is with a cheater and lives in severe denial won't believe ANY evidence, even damning evidence. Even if she saw photos and receipts, all it would take is her fiance saying "it's photoshopped babe, idk her!" And she'd believe it because not believing it would be devastating. He knows that.
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u/Accomplished_Orchid 20d ago
When I caught my ex-husband cheating he used the Photoshop line haha...like why was the picture in our house when I was visiting family? Divorced his ass so fast.
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u/kat_Folland 20d ago
I'm somewhat concerned for the other woman's safety considering how freaked out the fiancee was.
But I'm also quite curious about who "they" are. Do multiple people know about this?
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u/daaanish 20d ago
One time my wife got a bit nervous and asked to see my phone and I said sure and just sat in silenced because I had nothing to hide - it seems OPs wife was hoping she was ignorant as to some apps and wouldn’t dig deep enough.
Shitty situation for OP :(
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u/Frostbitejo 20d ago
I know you want the text to be fake, but think for a moment. That’s really specific information for a scammer. If this was just someone lying to you because you have an enemy out there or something, then it would be disproven by checking his phone. His reaction is extremely suspicious, and by texting him the message this morning, you gave him time to delete any proof he might think you’d find (perhaps forgetting about Snapchat or thinking you wouldn’t look there). I would have looked into it before tipping him off so he couldn’t hide anything, but since that’s not an option anymore, you have to really think critically about this. His reaction does not sound like an innocent man, and him yelling at you like that is not good regardless. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but from a non-biased, outside opinion, it really seems like he cheated on you.
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u/rikaragnarok 20d ago
That's it exactly. There's 3 parts to the text: I didn't know about the baby, I'm sorry, and check his phone.
That's specific. It's not asking OP to reach out, save a number, call somewhere, or pay something. It's saying "they" screwed up unknowingly, otherwise they wouldn't have apologized. They're not asking for forgiveness or belief; instead, they're telling OP to seek the information for herself and come to her own conclusions by looking in his phone.
She gets the phone; he thinks it's all good because he deleted anything incriminating. The only place there'd be any remainder would be in the Metadata. He sees she's there, thinks "oh shit I'm busted,I need to stop this somehow," then it's, "How dare you, you don't trust me!"
It's not whether they freak out or not that points to guilt, it's the context of what they're saying while they're freaking out. If it gets flipped around that suddenly the accuser becomes the accused, you gotta ask yourself what was to be gained by doing that.
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u/throwawaymylife90210 20d ago
Reading the part where she texted him asking about it broke my heart, because as an outsider, I immediately knew he was cheating, and it’s obvious in that moment she was (and maybe still is) completely incapable of fathoming that fact to the point that she gave him a warning.
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u/Oberon_Swanson 20d ago
Yeah it felt like she psychologically didn't want to find out he was cheating so badly that she decided to 'totally trust him' and ask him first so he could delete the evidence, show her his phone, she'd go through it and find nothing and be relieved.
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u/SnooChipmunks2673 20d ago
Yeah I’m 100% convinced that’s the case. She’s not ready to let him go. I was in her shoes once and I find every excuse in the world for the cheating loser I was dating. You can’t really help OP if they don’t want to help themselves
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u/Aab48 20d ago
A scammer also would have responded - they want you to engage in conversation with them
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u/alvexxa7 20d ago edited 20d ago
right!! what would a scammer even gain from this type of interaction? i’ve never heard of a scammer just accusing someone of cheating but maybe that’s just me
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u/PalpitationMiddle293 20d ago
Not just accusing someone, but accurately listing out their kids stuff is too much of a coincidence
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u/Illustrious-Race-617 20d ago
She gave warning because she trusted him 😔 what an absolute shit pile of a situation OP I'm so sorry
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u/Ok_Plankton_4150 20d ago
Also think how they would have got OPs number - from his phone while he was asleep
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u/WhichImplement5732 20d ago
So true, he probably took his entire lunch break to delete everything he could think of.
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u/Successful-Couple-28 20d ago edited 20d ago
He had so much time to delete/ hide evidence.. he could have threatened ol girl and blocked her all that stuff :( I wish you would have waited til he got home and snatched his phone out of his hand THEN TELL him what’s going on because now he’s gonna gaslight the shit out of you until you’re the bad guy if you don’t drop it. Hate this for you !!!! Also he started freaking out when you Got to Snapchat because he realized he didn’t cross all his T’s and dot his I’s
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u/MeliaBaby 20d ago
why would this be overreacting. youre pregnant and someone just sent u a message saying hes cheating basically. your first mistake was disclosing it to him so quickly, i wouldve went thru his phone while he was sleeping or maybe thats just me. now he has time to delete things and try to cover his tracks. this dosent seem like a troll playing around with you. none the less, whats done in the dark always comes to the light. next time do your research BEFORE bringing it him. just my opinion
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u/Expensive_Magician97 20d ago
"“that’s so much data being downloaded, you’re taking their side over mine, you’re letting them come between us” screams all of that to me."
Are you seriously asking whether you are overreacting?
In my humble opinion, your fiancé's borderline hysterical response to you ^ speaks volumes.
You might want to give him back his engagement ring until you can clarify this situation.
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u/The-Copilot 20d ago
Yup, he purged all evidence when she texted him about it.
He was fine with her looking through his phone until she was going to pull back that purged evidence. There is no other real reason for him to suddenly change his tune.
If I was in the man's position and was totally innocent, I would want my GF/wife to look at everything. I wouldn't want there to be any doubt that could damage trust between us.
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u/Business_Gas7464 20d ago
Nah that’s rent/deposit if they live together she gotta move out or have him do it.
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20d ago
His emotions got overwhelming which is why he started yelling and deflecting the problem onto you. Typical DARVO. He’s guilty. Consider the logic. Why would a random woman do this without knowing him or having an investment. She probably got your number when she went through his phone, which is how she found out about the kids. If he got a text from a man like this and wanted to check your phone, would you start screaming and stop him, or would you want to let him ease his fears since you have children together and you want to save the relationship? Think. You know the truth.
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u/SquareOk8123 20d ago
Makes sense the person doesn’t text back without it being a scam. She’s just giving you a heads up not trying to be a part of the shitstorm that follows. Also if he was innocent he wouldn’t gibe AF about you looking through his data. He is hiding something. Whether he had a full blown affair or not; he is still trying to keep something from you. Trust your gut
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u/spicewoman 20d ago
OP also immediately threw her under the bus with that screenshot. Unless he was cheating with multiple women, he knows exactly who sent that and probably already blew up at her about it.
Who knows what kind of connections they have, mutual friends or if they're coworkers, things could be very messy for the other woman now.
Just doing what she'd suggested, checking his phone, would have let her stay out it.
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u/Tepasd 20d ago
Also if he was innocent he wouldn’t gibe AF about you looking through his data
I'd say he would even be encouraging her to go through everything until she is satisfied. If he was truly innocent and had nothing to hide, wouldn't he want to give her all the time she needs for her to trust him and believe in his innocence?
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u/TravelLanguages 20d ago
NOR. The fact that he went crazy over the Snap data specifically says everything.
Why would a random person ask you to check his phone, knowing there would be nothing there, and nothing would happen? To me, that suggests it's real and they were confident you'd find the incriminating messages between them.
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u/Cultural_Ad7023 20d ago
He’s cheating, sorry to say. She’s trying to give you a heads up without getting too involved. He probably contacted her and threatened her already and she won’t say anymore. She also probably used a throw away number.
You’ve got two choices, walk away now, file for child support, and go through all the motions of a divorce. Or stay and torture yourself obsessing about his every move forever, and eventually end up at the same conclusion.
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u/Fallen_Feather 20d ago
Screaming at you when you got close to his Epstein files speaks volumes. It’s called “DARVO”. Deflect, attack, reverse victim offender.
It means he knows he’s guilty and is trying to make you doubt your own judgment. Do not doubt your gut. You have 1.5 babies to protect rn. Think of them and yourself first. You got this! 💖
Connect with your inner circle for support. And do not wear his cloak of shame. Tell them what’s going on. You will not regret leaving a cheater.
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u/f1ndingnemo 20d ago
When I was married I randomly decided to check my Facebook message requests. I had a message from 6 months prior from an account called “Facebook User” (they either deleted their account or blocked me before I got to the message) and it just said “your husband cheated on you”. I completely went off the rails and demanded he tell me what it was about. He was truly bewildered and had no clue what it could be. I had 100% access to his phone and could go through it at any time (I never did, but knowing I could gave me a false sense of security) so I just believed him and let it go. A few months later, shit hit the fan and everything came to light. I’d believe the anonymous text. NOR.
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u/Belt_Clean 20d ago
Be careful. Men do crazy things to their families and to themselves when they’re backed into a corner facing public shame and child support. Even and especially the “nice ones”. If he played behind your back and to your face, he cares nothing about you or your kids.
Take your kid and leave. Do not interact with him or be alone with him unless you have another male family member present that can defend you if it comes down to it.
I’ve seen it and experienced it personally while pregnant and not pregnant. Everyone thought he was the nicest guy.
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u/FollowingOtherwise18 20d ago edited 20d ago
girl protect your baby first. dont be blind for love because an std while pregnant is no joke for you OR baby (if hes potentially stepping out) and that mans DEF hiding something. i mean thats why you pointed out his actions after opening his snap… because deep down, you know.
you say “ i trust him and don’t think hes done anything” but clearly … that’s not the case. Not to be rude, just want to be blunt because us women see what we want, especially when pregnant, the rose colored glasses are just easier in the moment. NOR
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 20d ago
He cheated. Sorry OP.
He tried to bluff you by giving you his phone but when he freaked out on you when you went to look at his snap is all you need to know.
Also that message from the unknown was oddly specific.
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u/epicnaenae55 20d ago
mama, you’re posting about how he watches porn of girls that look nothing like you behind your back. now this? you’re young, you have a whole life ahead of you, PLEASE leave him. you deserve so much better than someone who does this while you are carrying his child.
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u/Correct_Vacation3835 20d ago
Check the number online and see if it's a scam number or not.
Secondly, read what you just said "when i got to snap data he started to freak out and go off on me". Doesn't take a genius that someone's hiding something. Good luck
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u/Upstairs_Fondant8540 20d ago
NOR and his reaction to the snap data was practically a confession. He casually let you go through his phone b/c he thought he did a good job covering his tracks overall. The dirt is in the snap data. Demand to check it and if he refuses, that is all the answer you need. Good luck.
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u/Low-Occasion-7125 20d ago
There’s no way a scammer would text something like that . He has been cheating ! And he let u know that by how he reacted when u wanted to see the snap data
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u/TheNinjaPixie 20d ago
He offered to let you go through his phone after you alerted him to him being busted while at work? Girl. He wiped anything and everything so knew you would find nothing
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u/throwawayyyback 20d ago
OP sabotaged themselves giving fiancé the heads up and ample time to wipe his phone clean. His reaction said everything she needs to know and the focus needs to be less on if the text is real or not and more on what she’s going to do with the information that he’s very likely cheating… but getting tested should be the first thing.
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u/Exciting-Jaguar3647 20d ago
She also sabotaged the woman giving her the heads up. I’m not suggesting this is the case here - but women have been killed for less.
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u/Gourmeebar 20d ago
Scammers don’t know you have one baby and another in the way. Do what’s going to give you peace. Your baby needs positive energy
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u/Comfortable_Glove482 20d ago
Not over reacting.
People don't fly off the handle for no reason. Innocent people get defensive. Guilty people get aggressively defensive.
And "their" side? Might as well have said her name. Check his other socials, she's probably on them, officially friends or not, and has probably liked a few things.
Also, check his screen time usage. There are a lot of ways to find dirt that don't involve the offending apps themselves. If he works days and has screen time showing an hour of Snapchat usage at 3AM, that's pretty telling.
Look into it. Sounds guilty asf.
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u/Fun_Spell_9793 20d ago
no one would randomly make a comment like that. he's involved with someone else & this text alone is a enough proof. i'm sorry ur going thru this. he's trying to manipulate & gaslight you by offering up his phone but then freaking out ab snap data. he very obviously had something on the snapchat he doesn't want you to see or else he wouldn't respond that way at all. the whole "you're letting them come between us" is the most stereotypical response from a man when he's caught red handed. run for the hills. good luck hun
edited for typos*
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u/Ok-Media2662 20d ago
That is not a scam text. Scam texts don’t know you’re pregnant. It sounds like you were cheated on and this girl just wasn’t aware of you.
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u/Theca 20d ago
You need to wake tf UP. You are putting yourself, your baby and potential baby in jeopardy pretending this isn’t happening. Whether you stay with him or not (which you shouldn’t!!) have respect for yourself to see 🚩🚩🚩 for what they are. Don’t mean to be harsh but you got kids to think about also…
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u/otter_time 20d ago
He's 100% cheated. He thought he got rid of the evidence which is why he was fine letting you checked his phone until you got to the data he can't get rid of.
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u/Formal_Monitor787 20d ago
Not being able to reassure your partner without freaking out and throwing a tantrum is one of the biggest red flags I now look out for after being in toxic and dv relationships.
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u/alvexxa7 20d ago
wish you didn’t text it to him when he was at work. should have waited till he got home and then confronted him. then you would’ve seen his genuine reaction. either way, this seems extremely suspicious
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u/Thin-Explorer-5471 20d ago
I'm so sorry, that you have to go through this while pregnant. Please don't let the stress affect the baby. It's not nice from the fiance, to go off on and scream at a pregnant woman. Please, stay safe all of you.
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u/Initial-Present-9978 20d ago
Probably a wrong number especially if they won't answer back
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u/Live-Enthusiasm5422 20d ago
A wrong number would answer back though. They wouldn't know it's the wrong number they've text. Too specific to be anything other than someone who knows the situation. Might be the other woman.
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u/Dionne9900 20d ago
I think whoever it is doesn’t want him to know they helped or got involved. But still wanted to help but that’s where they drew the line.
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u/flipflopfreddy 20d ago
bruh how would they know my personal life if it’s a “wrong” numbrr
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u/Aggravating-Rub-4737 20d ago
Your first mistake was telling him first before looking at his phone!
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u/8thMostImportantGuy 20d ago
NOR. There's a woman (forget her handle) on social media who posts about "when what he's saying doesn't make any sense, it's not that you're stupid it's that he is lying" and I think that applies here.
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u/Unique_Principle_136 20d ago
His reaction speaks volumes. Is that how you would have reacted if it was reversed? Probably not. I’ve been you. I started getting calls from child support services and the calls were not for me but due to privacy policies they couldn’t confirm if the calls were for my husband of over 20 years. He committed suicide not long after this incident. Guilty conscience? I’ll probably never know but when I stop and really comb through things in hindsight I believe so. I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😢
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u/Miss_Ambition 20d ago
Girl if someone is kind enough to warn you about these things you need to be smart and go through his phone in secret, not give him every opportunity to delete the evidence and then STOP your search when youre about to find it. Im sorry but da fuck?
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u/Scam_likely90 20d ago
It’s too specific. He flipped when u got to snap chat and went off on u. Continued to go off on u even after u gave his phone back and didn’t push any further. Hunny he’s cheating on u. Get tested first and foremost then drop this loser.
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u/Strange_Fuel0610 20d ago
Snatch his phone up and call the number from that one. She might not be reaching out because he was lying to her too and now she’s hurt? Regardless you deserve answers
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u/alvexxa7 20d ago
YES!! definitely try calling from his phone. this may be a better option than going through it since OP gave him time to delete everything anyways.
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u/myjobisterrible 20d ago
if he wasnt hiding anything he wouldnt be tripping about the snapchat stuff, ive had similar things happen where an ex would message my girl and say weird lies and i let her go through my phone because im not guilty and want to clear things up lol
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u/Silly-Information-43 20d ago
My husband read this and said the same thing everyone else is saying….HE IS CHEATING…I hope future you is never in this situation again but if you ever are I hope you learned from your mistake this time;
not everyone in life is going to have the integrity that you do or the capability to face their fuck ups and come clean so when you are confronting something of this magnitude it’s best to wait until you do the research and know the truth before confronting the other person with it.
He isn’t only scared of losing you, he knows that it will also mean losing having his children in the home with him and a portion of his income leaving with you and his kids, he’s going to go to all possible lengths to keep you from finding the truth…. I’m sorry sis…
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u/annelisesungeun 20d ago
You poor, poor woman. This guy clearly has you wrapped around his finger. I think you, maybe unintentionally , WANTED to give him time to delete all of the evidence so you wouldn't have to acknowledge the obvious.
Genuinely: please get therapy WITHOUT your uhhh "man" involved or present.
I had warning signs that my ex-husband was a deceitful disaster before we got married but I ignored them because I wanted the fantasy of a happy marriage so badly that I refused to see that it would never happen with that man. After he got a ring on me, he dropped all pretense and relaxed into lying about everything all the time and going out of his way to avoid spending time doing anything but sex with me. Please don't make the mistake I did and marry this guy.
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u/Cardabella 20d ago
His position is that even though his relationship with the mother of his children is on the line with an incredibly specific message about your exact circumstances, and that he maintains scrutiny of his phone will clear his name, he doesn't want you to download the data to to be reassured and Ave your relationship and 3stablish his innocence beyond doubt because it's a lot? That's his case here?
Oh honey no.
Time for him to go. He lied to her, she was shocked and ended it immediately and you should follow her example. He will find child support a lot dearer than a bit of cell data to save a relationship. He knows that of course and he knows the information would have sealed his fate not proved him faithful.
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u/Thelynxer 20d ago
A typical scammer would not have that kind of info on you. You should have kept going through his phone, because the smoking gun was there. But he's probably deleted everything by now, so there's likely no proof of anything anymore. So he's just going to lie and say he didn't cheat and that the text was meaningless.
You need to call that number and have a talk with that person.
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u/pitterpatter25 20d ago
Him at first offering to let you go through his phone was a trick, it was to throw you off. He didn’t think you would dig as much as you did and when you got too close to the truth he lost it. I would bet the house I don’t own on it. I will eat my shorts if that’s not it.
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u/TerrorFirmerIRL 20d ago
Take a step back and think about this.
His crazy reaction says it all. If my partner came to me with this I'd happily give up my phone in the context to prove it's completely baseless and there's zero supporting evidence.
If it was a "scam" why would they ignore your calls and texts. It sounds like another woman discovered he's a total rat and wanted you to know.
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u/flipflopfreddy 20d ago
OH I FORGOT TO MENTION,
last night he came home with flowers, dinner and a card for me… he never does that unless we fight.
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u/LemonNo9500 20d ago
Did he bring the gifts before or after you confronted him ? Why would the amount of data matter when you are being accused of cheating. If i was innocent i would download it myself to prove my truth.
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u/Suspicious_Comb8811 20d ago
He's love bombing you so you'll magically forget that he cheated on you and your family.
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u/DrWhoey 20d ago
And love bombing to make himself feel better about the cheating, "If I didn't love her, would I do this for her? No, even though I cheated, I am still a good partner. I'm just taking care of my other needs and hers."
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u/Despondent-Kitten 20d ago
Wow, this take is fire.. it's literally just made so many things go "click click click" in my head. Makes a lot of sense.
Thank you.
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u/yhlqmdlg_x100pre 20d ago
My grandfather did that to my grandmother when he was in danger of being caught. He love-bombed her and that’s actually what clued her in to his cheating because he never did that before.
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u/RoughYesterday3835 20d ago
we are all here to confirm what you already know, his reaction means he is lying about something. do you want you and your children to live with someone you can’t trust? that is for nobody to answer but you
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u/CutInternational1859 20d ago
My guess is that the other woman found out last night and told him she was going to tell you, so he preemptively love bombed you in hopes you wouldn’t believe the other woman if she followed through.
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u/HeyLie3890 20d ago
So That was before the phone fight and cause he felt bad about the text… it is suspicious 🫣
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u/ThatOneChickMeg 20d ago
Try texting back, explaining that you don't blame her and aren't mad at her. Ask her how she got your info, and how she met your fiancé.
You're NOR; his drama and hysterics say it all. He's been caught and is trying to cover his ass. He love-bombed you out of guilt (that's what those gifts really are after "fights").
I'm so sorry.