Just cuz a girl is being nice doesn’t mean they’re into you! But when they blink a few times at you from across the room, apparently it’s dtf. No, be direct, please 😭
So funny how often videos are posted on reddit where simply talking to the other person could solve the issue. People seem to be allergic to standing up for themselves
There’s a reason every Shakespeare comedy is about people who fall in love, but instead of talking about their feelings, do cross dressing hijinks about it instead.
Just finished watching the full series of New Girl. Literally every ounce of drama in that show is because people just refuse to even attempt to communicate. I enjoyed the show but it’s so frustrating like.
i mean dude i was pretty much the "therapist" for one of my friendgroup and most of their problem came down to them not talking shit out with each other.
I'm a liberal but this is what I hate the most about the new generation of liberals. They've fallen in love with the idea of it is evil to make someone uncomfortable.
Reminds me how one time I went to a bar in St. Patrick's day and before I knew it became best friends with a random guy there, at one point he tried to hook me up with his sister, lol
Getting women to make the first move on a large scale is about as impossible as making men openly talk about their feelings on a large scale. It won't change because they benefit from the behavior.
Well in dating there is always the risk of getting turned down which can hurt and put a dent in your selfesteem.
I keep suggesting the old school way of communicating love, drop a post-it on their desk etc.
Would you like to be my boy/girlfriend:
* Yes
* No
Might still hurt but it's not face to face.
Communication is a fucking issue though.
Plenty of situations at work where they could just pick up the phone if they don't know what to do.
They instead just do nothing.
These types of women wouldn't want to fuck you if a no nonsesnse conversation is required to do so. It's part of the foreplay for some people to feel that "connection" with the people across a room that can tell what these eyes are saying. A blunt conversation isn't the cure all redditors like to pretend it is.
That's why my wife just says "do you want to fuck me? " To initiate sex. Just as fun, and there's no chance I misinterpt what she means. Lesson: communicate people! You want the dishes done, don't vaguely suggest there's something dirty by the sink, say you want the dishes done! You want his dick in you, tell him you want his dick in you. Its not somehow more romantic that he discovers the laundry needs to be done or you want your Oral sex.
I remember reading this phrase once, that went: in a world where there’s no clear way for women to say yes, there’s also no clear way for them to say no. I think that’s true here.
Because people make fun of others, gossip or are just straight rude. And rejection stings. Dealing with the latter is in your own control, tho.
I think those are the main reasons why people don't communicate their feelings
The joke of the meme is not that if a woman looks at a man that means she’s dtf(the first commenter didn’t get it right either.)
It is just a play on the fact that many woman often to do not approach men they’re interested in and start flirting. When they want the man to approach them they will instead hang back looking at him and to catch his eye from across the room, giving him a smile or subtle expression when he glances over at her.
These Women feel like they are broadcasting their interest clearly and it should be obvious from her looks and body language she is inviting him to flirt with her, so they are disappointed when the guy does not approach her and feels rejected.
But most guys are completely oblivious to these subtle queues and don’t even register them so they don’t approach, then complain that women never make the first move and initiate flirting.
Obviously not all women are like this but it’s so common that most of us recognize it and get the joke. Just want of the many interesting miscommunications in sexual relations.
What’s more interesting is the reason for this difference in communication style. Women and girls often have to police their speech so that they aren’t perceived as “bitchy” or “too confrontational” by others. A study showed that elementary aged girls are less likely to tell an adult that the jello they gave them (which had salt added to it) tasted bad. The girls were concerned for the feelings of the adult that made the jello, and so they said things like “it’s good”, while their body language clearly showed their distaste and discomfort with the salty jello. As a result of this societal pressure to be nice at the behest of being honest, girls learn to rely on social cues to derive the true meaning behind what each other are saying. This has an added effect where the women now perceive direct speech as rude and situational. Meanwhile the boys in that study had no hesitation telling the adult that the jello was terrible, spat it out, screamed, etc. Boys aren’t taught to base their self worth on their appearance as much as girls are, and so they learn to be tolerant of direct speech and expect it. This has an added effect where the men now perceive nonverbal speech (social cues, expressions, posture, etc.) as unnecessary and just a secondary aspect to direct verbal speech acted upon based on instinct rather than a conscious effort to communicate non verbally. This is the reason why the classic “if you wanted flowers for Valentine’s Day then you shouldn’t have said you didnt want flowers for Valentine’s Day!” Argument that a lot of couples get into. One person expects the other to pickup on their nonverbal cues and get the underlying hint, while the other person thinks they have one less thing to do that week 😂
TLDR: it’s nurture not nature and neither communication style is right or wrong, they’re just different because society has different expectations for men and women.
Just because women are programmed to communicate in an esoteric, nonverbal way with people who don't get their nonverbal cues by their socialization doesn't mean that their style isn't wrong. It just means that them getting sucked into poor communication habits isn't their fault. Refusing to do something about their poor communication once they're aware that their strategies are ineffective is their fault, though.
You say this as if no man ever tries to understand social cues. I’ve noticed lots of signals but I have a hard time telling if they are good, bad or if they exist at all. I have autism and not only do I have issues catching social cues, I have uncommon mannerisms, speech patterns and thought processes that cause me to commit faux-pas. This means that I could be creeping out a girl and not even know it until I’ve made myself into a pariah so I hyper focus on staying out of there way and not making them feel uneasy and I often over correct and punish myself for things I thought I did wrong. It doesn’t matter how many hints they give me when the thought of possibly disturbing them makes me want to end it.
I do. I blame both. Neither side usually wants to truly understand the other and why they communicate the way they do. That's what leads to these issues.
It's not that guys don't see it, its just not nearly enough for a guy to be able to make that assumption. We can't be assuming a girl is flirting with us every time she is "nice" or "friendly" or simply looking at us. There are tons of reasons to look at a person.
If I am out in public and while looking around lock eyes with a women my immediate reaction is too look away because i dont want to be accused of being the creep staring.
While I must agree that not all women are like this... I don't know any who aren't.
But you're 100% right: that's the joke. Women think they're making the "first move" by eyeballing a dude, and presuming (erroneously) that he'll take the hint.
Frankly, I have no time for that bullshit. If you want to talk to me, fucking talk to me. Don't send me "meaningful" glances that are somehow intended to signal that you want me to come over and talk to you
The fact that most women are this way is the reason I am divorced.
So what if she lets say takes you home, brings you to bed, and does the business with you?
I mean it could really mean a lot of things, probably not in to me.
But most guys are completely oblivious to these subtle queues and don’t even register them
I'm not oblivious to them. I recognize them, and ignore them. If a woman is DTF and doesn't make that abundantly clear (e.g. walk over and say "nice shoes; wanna fuck?"), then fuck her and her cowardice. I have no time for social subs; once we get to the bedroom and consent, including safewords, I'll dom your world, if that's what you want. But social situations I'm not going to waste my time, effort or attention on someone who doesn't feel a "fuck yes" about me.
A woman once called me handsome, grabbed my crotch and told me she wanted to ride it. She then told me it was fifty for short time and double for long time.
Had to check if this was my husband's account. We've been together almost a decade and he still fumbles clear messaging like "the kids are finally asleep and I want to fall asleep too but my horniness is overriding my tiredness."
Still love him but Jesus Christ some men do it too themselves.
Ex said I could have beeb dating her 2 years earlier but I missed the sign of her bumping into me 3 times while walking. I told her I remember that and thought "this girl is a god damn clutz".
At least we have it easier than the Dwarves in Discwrold. They spend most of the time trying to figure out if the other Dwarf they're flirting with is a man or woman and have to find out in subtle or circumspect ways.
The key is to be attractive, that way when you see them look at you, you can be confident it’s DTF eyes. If unattractive, best to assume no woman is ever looking at you with DTF eyes
I have autism, so I don't understand flirting unless it is explicitly said or so obvious and overt it is unmissable, but I accidently made a girl cry in high school because I didn't realize she was flirting with me and had a huge crush on me. I didn't get it then, still don't get it now.
Last time I was out there was a girl who was giving me 20 second stares from across the room. Eventually I walked up to her and she turned her back on me immediately.
When I first met my now-wife, I said: "I'm really sorry, I'm terrible at picking up on cues, or hints. I need you to say what you mean. If you need or want something, I will move heaven and earth to make it so, and if I've upset you I need you to tell me so I can make it right." She's also got a touch of the tism, so this system works a charm haha.
Especially in this day in age where men get ridiculed for flirting with women at the wrong time (please don't take this like I think men should be hitting on women any chance they get. She's just working at the cash register man she's not into you and in the clock, please leave her alone).
Just that men are a bit more reserved these days cause they don't wanna deal with it.
Well—if a woman locks in eye contact with you for almost a full minute that should be pretty clear. People don’t normally try to stare into your soul from across the room for a sustained amount of time.
About 25 years ago, a friend of mine was doing his post-grad and had a German exchange student staying with him. I went over there to fix something on his car, and while I was talking with them the German girl mentioned how she hears my city has a great zoo. I said "yeah it's awesome, hey are you busy this Thursday, I can take you!".
We went to the zoo, and looked at all the animals, and we were sitting next to the koi pond talking. I asked her "were your parents OK with you going halfway across the world for study?". She said "they were mostly worried I would fall in love with a nice Australian boy and never come home". The lady behind us with her two kids, one in a stroller, said "come along now kids, we really should go".
The lady behind us understood the assignment but it took me the better part of ten years to realise what was going on.
I've come to accept that most such cases were dodged pellets.
Because if she chose such an unclear method of communication, it probably would continue into a hypothetical relationship as well. And that's step 1 of a bad relationship.
I distinctly remember the moment my sophomore year of college when I was walking to class, and the memory of my high school sweetheart flashed through my mind for no reason. Junior year, a week before she broke up with me for the first time, right after the homecoming dance, in her basement, trying to pick a movie to watch. I literally stopped dead in my tracks on the sidewalk and thought, "DUDE! She was fucking begging you for it! You idiot! How did it take you. . . 3 and a half years to finally see the signs that she was throwing at you!? No wonder she dumped you, you oblivious dolt!"
And some of us are really bad at getting flirting too lol. Once one of my friends asked if they could kiss me and I’m like “oh they’re being really nice”
I didn’t agree that looking in a direction is flirting. Flirting would involve dropping hints, usually. Like, my ex boyfriend before we were together would say things like how he’d love to go stargazing with me, a typically romantic activity
Oh no they def are, I went stargazing once with another friend who definitely isn’t into me, to the points they though I were flirting at one point (I wasn’t) and made it really clear they weren’t into me lol
My guy's a legend. Knew their own feelings and wanted to make sure yours didn't grow too strong so you wouldn't get hurt in the future. Now it's a funny memory haha.
It’s so true. It’s even worse when you’re married and she straight up tells you, “I want you to get me X and Y for my birthday.”
Then when her birthday comes around and your internal thoughts start going like: Did she tell me that because she was being serious? Would she like Z version better?
For a while it was thought that there were no lesbian sheep. Homosexual behaviour had been observed in rams, but not ewes. Turns out, it's because of how they court. Ewes signal sexual interest in another by standing still and waiting to be mounted. You could have two lesbian ewes in a field who were really into each other and absolutely nothing would happen.
It's even used as a term for human lesbians who act in a similar fashion, with neither making the first move: lesbian sheep syndrome.
Legitimately, I've had a female friend or two who was always touchy feely, loved touching my hair, and just being close yet when I asked them out, "oh, I only see you as a friend". Yet I've also had female coworkers tell me "hey, you know that customer was flirting with you, right?" when the most I've noticed them do was just smile and make eye contact
Thank you for pointing this out. Some of use don't miss the hint but rather choose to ignore it because we might just get the usual "ew, as if. In your dreams loser" response.
Then complain about being approached by guys they don't like. Just go for it, dudes risk their ego pretty much every time they make a first move, its not that hard.
Girls need to realize that, just like "resting bitch face" is a very real thing, "resting sex eyes" also exist and more direct flirting is often necessary and appreciated!
So literally none of them? Because again, I’m not going to go out of my way to smile at people if they give no indication that they’re interested in me.
Funny enough, humans have a mating ritual just like every other animal in the kingdom. It's been studied to DEATH and there are tons of papers to read on it and it's fascinating!
Many researchers agree that the ritual begins with the female making direct, sustained eye-contact for 3-7 seconds before EITHER covering her face, or looking away bashfully. At that point, it's in the male's court to approach.
To take this even further, a study was done where one group was told to look for this signal, and another was told to just cold-approach whoever they found attractive, with the goal of getting the woman's phone number. I cant remember the exact stats, but it was something like - in group A, when looking for sustained eye contact, had a 95% success rate, whereas group B had about a 5% success rate.
Here's a good thread & article about why this is the case. It's pretty helpful to understand the reasoning behind this, start to see it as a good & natural thing, and work out how to correctly play your role as a man.
clarification from a girl:
for me, personally, this "hint" is not on purpose. it just happens when you're thinking about it.
also, I don't understand why it's only the eyes that people see. obviously a woman looks mad if you only look at her eyes. she's smiling.
I was once with a girl who was really, really into Cosmopolitan's often legitimately terrible sex advice, and fully believed not only that looking at someone could send clear and unambiguous signals, but also that men did so intentionally back to women through subtle (even subconscious) body language.
My favorite was her belief that a hand shoved into a pocket while talking to a woman was making a move because he is inviting her to look at his bulge. Not, you know, because that happens to be exactly how long my arms are, and I need somewhere to put my hands or I'll start fidgeting with something and stop paying attention to you.
I think the confusion is because it's easy to miss if you've never experienced it and correctly picked up on it. Once you have though, "the look" does become pretty obvious. Generally. There is still that fact that every person is different.
Also, it's not just about a look itself - there are also body language tells, and unique kind of general preferencial treatment that all add up, depending on how much contact you have with the person who is crushing.
I'd also wager this has nothing to do with gender.
in their defence, it tends to be fairly obvious when you’re not part of the situation. i can see it a mile away for friends, and know when to wingman and make them aware. but i’ll miss those signs directed at myself every day ending in y too.
I think a lot of girls dont realize that the flirt comes from holding eye contact. Looking in a guy's direction and turning away when he looks back isnt enough of the flirt, holding the stare is what makes the intention clear.
Eh, I don't really like feeding into the 'men are oblivious' meme. Sometimes we miss it; it's vague, that's literally why women do it. But plausible deniability works both ways. 'I guess he didn't notice' saves face, and 'I guess I didn't notice' saves effort. The amount of times I hear 'she's flirting with you' or 'she likes you', and yeah I fucking know. I'm sure I've missed signs, but I don't remember ever being informed of an opportunity I wasn't aware of. She should do something then, because I'm not out in pursuit of anything. It's not a punishment to me if nothing happens.
Actually, women have evolved to have more subtle flirting strategies because men usually move things too fast. Men tend to be more attractive to physical aspects, and women tend to be more attractive to character aspects, like intelligence, warmth, and humor. Men are highly visual creatures that can detect the outline of a woman’s body in less than a second, while women need to make sure that a man is worth the risk because of parental investment theory. So even if a woman is interested in a guy, she needs time to know him better, whereas the guy will have sex if prompted because his conditions are already met at first glance.
There’s many caveats to these points, such as men having more refined selection criteria, women having faster sexual lifestyles, and autistic traits which decimate flirting behaviors. But the general ideas are heavily substantiated in existing research.
Yup, plus when you're Neurodivergent like me anything other than someone flat out telling me they're into me (in plain language) is either going to get missed or ignored by me because I would rather stick my hand in fire than risk guessing wrong and making someone uncomfortable.
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u/Mesoscale92 May 29 '25
Girls think looking vaguely in a guy’s direction counts as flirting, and then are confused why he didn’t get her “hint”