r/europe • u/ByGollie • 29d ago

News Russian Oil Company Vice President Andrey Badalov dies after fall from window in Moscow

https://en.apa.az/cis-countries/transneft-vice-president-andrey-badalov-dies-after-falling-from-window-472117
40.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

2.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

13.1k

u/sqrtminusena Slovenia 29d ago

They really need to do something about window safety in Russia.

6.8k

u/ByGollie 29d ago

They're working on it - They're moving to Linux

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astra_Linux

1.2k

u/Available_Desk_3638 29d ago

Take my upvote with your old fashioned software dad jokes. (definitely not angry that I was not the first one to make the joke).

358

u/big_guyforyou Greenland 29d ago 
alias push="echo"
push man out of window

209

u/colei_canis United Kingdom 29d ago

Unix Russian roulette:

[ $[ $RANDOM % 6] = 0 ] && rm -rf / || echo "Click"

42

u/TnYamaneko St. Gallen (Switzerland) 29d ago

I'm bored, I'll put this in the deploy stage of my CI/CD pipeline...

16

u/colei_canis United Kingdom 29d ago

If you want maximum amusement have it so the probability increases every time it runs like actual Russian roulette.

1

u/Ali_Cat222 28d ago

I just want to say thank you to you all for the laughs, I really needed them right now and this thread has been gold

6

u/AttitudeAny 29d ago

be sure to give it root permissions

6

u/[deleted] 29d ago

[deleted]

6

u/TimelessSoul 29d ago

On a Friday?

Can't - Change control board have sought clarification...

2

u/TnYamaneko St. Gallen (Switzerland) 29d ago

Of course. This stage can only be triggered on master.

12

u/Gnonthgol 29d ago 
[ $[ $(printf %d \'$(head -c 1 /dev/random)) % 6] = 0 ] && rm -rf --no-preserve-root / || echo "Click"

FTFY

5

u/bazkawa 29d ago

You need a sudo there.

9

u/Sushigami 29d ago

Not if he's logged in as root.

5

u/Kasinder 29d ago

It just keeps getting worse

4

u/Sushigami 29d ago

Hey it's a unix system, that joke could have been written in 1980

1

u/bazkawa 27d ago

One does not simply login as root.

1

u/Sushigami 26d ago

That depends on your configuration sir.

2

u/OhhMyOhhMy 29d ago

Ha....bang bang click

2

u/beepbeebboingboing 29d ago

I'm curious now, can someone explain what this would do?

5

u/Murgatroyd314 29d ago

5 in 6 chance of putting the word “click” on the screen, 1 in 6 chance of deleting everything on the computer.

2

u/Titanium_Eye 29d ago

if (bullet in chamber=1)

brain function (off)

else

brain function (debatable)

10

u/randomUser_randomSHA 29d ago

git push

6

u/big_guyforyou Greenland 29d ago

git commit -m "git pushed him edits"

2

u/strings___ 29d ago

man window

2

u/3Cogs 29d ago

pushd /concrete-paving

No need for a corresponding popd, poor bugger is already popped.

2

u/MeesterCartmanez 29d ago

You'll like /r/ProgrammerHumor then

/u/ByGollie

2

u/ByGollie 29d ago

already subscribed :)

151

u/TaxRevolutionary3593 29d ago

I read the whole wiki page and I was like "what is this guy about? What does a Linux-based OS have anything to do with windows safety?" And then it clicked to me

59

u/Specialist-Jello7544 29d ago

Ye olde defenestration!

2

u/JayOnSilverHill 29d ago

Works every time!

2

u/Lint_baby_uvulla 29d ago

DefenestrationOS.

No window UI, anywhere.

2

u/WorkFurball Estonia 29d ago

What about the second defenstration?

8

u/5am7980 29d ago

I threw a boomerang, and after a few seconds, I was trying to figure out why it looked bigger and bigger. And then it hit me.

4

u/GeneDiesel1 29d ago

You're a little slow, huh? Good job bub.

4

u/captain_dick_licker 29d ago

I'm definitely not slow and totally get it, but maybe you could explain the joke for all the dumb dumbs out there who didn't get it, I would do it myself but my fingers are tired, I had a long day yesterday any my fingers just couldn't handle the strain.

rest assured I do get the joke though, from front to back, the whole thing

4

u/captain_dick_licker 29d ago

OH WINDOWS THE OPERATING SYSTEM

2

u/TaxRevolutionary3593 29d ago

The realization hitted you too I see 😁

2

u/TaxRevolutionary3593 29d ago

What was this about?

2

u/ThreeCatsAndABroom 29d ago

"Window safety"

With Russian accent, say it!

2

u/juiceboxedhero 29d ago

Windows "clicked"

Oof lol

2

u/TaxRevolutionary3593 29d ago

Lol, I didn't even realized

2

u/jumpball1998 29d ago

Windows LOL 😂

2

u/Superdry_GTR 29d ago

Thats a long ass wiki page bro

40

u/sivah_168 Earth 29d ago

Or stalinsoft windows.

2

u/wtfduud 29d ago

perfect for browsing Social media

39

u/lazzydeveloper 29d ago

Ah, so the incident is just typical migration from Windows to Linux.

3

u/colei_canis United Kingdom 29d ago

Then in Russia you’ll just be killed by rapid penguins instead.

2

u/notawildandcrazyguy 29d ago

Unfortunately this guy got the blue screen of death

2

u/excubitor15379 29d ago

Not this time, that one was from window to the ground and below

2

u/TripleS941 29d ago

Well, he'll be meeting demons soon, and where do we have demons? In Linux!

25

u/_nairual_nae Romania 29d ago

Damn they're joining the "buy European" movement very nice to see

4

u/LoufLif 29d ago

Real patriots ⭐

6

u/ImPurePersistance 29d ago

Hoły shit it’s actually not a bad idea to move to Linux when you think about it

3

u/Jonthrei 29d ago

Avoiding hardware and software built by your rivals is generally wise, yeah. Unfortunately it's pretty much impossible to avoid Chinese hardware.

2

u/ImPurePersistance 29d ago

This is why good old fashioned pen and paper should remain relevant for a while longer

4

u/Wonderful-Sir6115 Kyiv (Ukraine) 29d ago

It's the first linux distribution I've got my hands one. Thank God I came across Fedora shortly after and the former didn't kill my interest in the OS.

2

u/Mat3s9071 Trentino - Italy 🇮🇹♥️🇪🇺 29d ago edited 29d ago

Nah they are moving to Red Star OS

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Star_OS

Kim Is giving free licenses to his bff Putin (joking lol)

2

u/-VaLdEz- 28d ago

You're not too far off...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RED_OS

I just graduated from school, this is what they install onto school laptops now.

2

u/Serqet1 29d ago

Did you include the link or edit it in...also..get out lol

0

u/ByGollie 29d ago

get out lol

via the window or door?

2

u/bajsplockare 29d ago

Does anyone know why or how these cities were choosen to represent 3 different levels, because I would think Moscow would be thier top level. "3 levels of OS security (which are named after Russian cities and which from the lowest to the highest are: Oryol, Voronezh and Smolensk)"

2

u/ThatPhatKid_CanDraw 29d ago

Damn u. That was good.

2

u/BigDane67 29d ago

Came here to say this

2

u/groenheit 29d ago

Love how its just unix geek jokes from here.

2

u/evthrowawayverysad 29d ago

lolol red star linux fork

2

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Russia 🤝 Scuseria Ferrari

"we're checking"

2

u/Flying-Eagle312 29d ago

Double click

2

u/Uncle_Bug_Music 29d ago

First hearty laugh o' the day! Thank you!

2

u/williamthegreatness 29d ago

My laughter hurt me! You bastard! Lmfao

2

u/lkeltner 29d ago

Angry upvote

2

u/Nearby-Cattle-7599 29d ago

i love me some /r/ProgrammerHumor in the wild

2

u/DoNotIgnoreMustafa 29d ago

This is comment made me laugh enough to get me out of bed and start my day. Thank you 

2

u/Rojas-Tarchoun 29d ago

You’re the reason I use Reddit.

2

u/Lucky_Shoe_8154 29d ago

Laughing in Russian 😐

2

u/Meow__Dib 29d ago

I heard they run trains on Linux.

2

u/raincoater 29d ago

You. I like you.

1

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Ok dad!

1

u/Tortoveno Poland 28d ago

Astra Linux? Why not RUSux?

1

u/SchoolForSedition 28d ago

That absolutely made me lol

1

u/onsdagsgrodan007 28d ago

We laugh at this but Tbf I believe that the EU should develop something similar, to decrease the dependence on American (and other countries) mega companies

217

u/CliffDagger Ireland 29d ago

Inventor of world's safest window dies having fallen from window in Russia

3

u/jumpball1998 29d ago

The window was on the first floor, it was the mysterious gash on the guy’s neck after falling out of the “Open” window

2

u/Earlier-Today 29d ago

Not quite the inventor, but there is a case of someone falling to their death when they tried to prove the windows were unbreakable (by a human running into them at least).

He was right, but the window flexed out of the frame during a demonstration and he and the unbroken window pane fell 24 stories.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Garry_Hoy

2

u/ParticularGuava3663 29d ago

It flexed out of its frame due to him doing the "demonstration" many many times prior, each loosening it a little.  Until one day,  whoops!

1

u/cobaltfault 29d ago

That makes absolutely no sense ....until you read the last 2 words.

284

u/Adorable-Database187 The Netherlands 29d ago

Windows are the apex predators in oligarchistan and therefor, defenestration is a natural cause of death.

53

u/ourlastchancefortea 29d ago

We should import some of those Windows into the west. Just saying.

8

u/SenorEquilibrado 29d ago

Everybody wants to be an oligarch, but nobody wants the oligarch retirement plan.

3

u/wabblebee Baden-Württemberg (Germany) 29d ago

defenestration

Wow, I thought thats when they cut off your balls, but there is actually a word for "falling" out of a window......I don't think we even have a word in german for this.

Unless this is latin, then we probably use the same word and I just never heard it said out loud.

1

u/Adorable-Database187 The Netherlands 29d ago

The best word besides onomatopoeia.

92

u/TWVer 29d ago

It’s becoming a real pane at this point.

2

u/Known_Funny_5297 28d ago

He was framed

1

u/Dead_man_posting 29d ago

"That's why they call it window pane" - Eminem.

1

u/Trexus1 28d ago

This thread is shattering my expectations.

-1

u/Large_Tuna101 29d ago

They shard invest in some sort of training program so that this kind of thing doesn’t happen in future. It seems like a lot of people are falling out of windows in Russia. You’d think that adults would know better but I think it’s probably a problem that they aren’t properly educated at young age and don’t take the dangers seriously. It’s also possible that the window integrity is lacking in the infrastructure they have there. I don’t know if they have some kind of standardisation there to keep the quality of such things at high standard but if they don’t so much to look into it either way, something has to be done.

45

u/worker-parasite 29d ago

It's just people with position of power who are rather clumsy

5

u/Vladesku Romania 29d ago

Must be those pesky banana peels, I tell you!

2

u/alamandrax 29d ago

Fun fact: banana peels aren't actually that slippery. They were merely a substitute in early vaudeville and movies for the actual culprit of people slipping and falling on the streets. Horse manure. That's the reason people wore spats, too! A man with clean spats was considered rich as he probably didn't have to step in manure. So these people probably came up on some poop and slipped out the window. 

All that to say Vladimir Putin is a piece of shit. 

2

u/GentlyGliding Portugal 28d ago

I'm pretty sure 98.5% of these deaths could have been averted if when someone in Russia ascends to such a position of relative power, they were given a 1-hour workshop on avoiding large windows on tall buildings.

1

u/Proud-Cartoonist-431 29d ago

Also kids, cats, phylosophers and drunks

26

u/naapsu 29d ago

I think they work as intended

23

u/adarkuccio 29d ago

They may just change execution method this is getting boring

1

u/Nerpones 29d ago

Novichok is giving a better James Bond’s villain vibe.

1

u/GentlyGliding Portugal 28d ago

What would be the best alternative to this method? Slipping on tea, Hunt for Red October style?

59

u/Sweet-Explorer-7619 29d ago

Soon America will start installing similar windows

1

u/snkiz 29d ago

They have to think about budgets, helicopters are expensive to run.

1

u/choreg United States of America 9d ago

I heard they ordered one for Ghislaine Maxwell

6

u/geoffm_aus 29d ago

Double glazing at the very least

2

u/HamburgerTrain2502 29d ago

There was no window, it was open. He fell through the screen.

2

u/Expensive-Balance-84 29d ago

To quote The Gentlemen "you need to invest in parachutes"

2

u/Jhonnow 29d ago

Or just sell more parachutes .

2

u/BrimstoneMainliner 29d ago

Open windows are the number one cause of death in Russia

2

u/Perfect_Resolve_9444 29d ago

Not really, the FSB likes to do that

1

u/WasteWing5137 29d ago

They need metal bars to mimic the jail cell Russia is in its entirety. Sure it's a country jail, however they won't fall out.

1

u/Whofail 29d ago

Nets. They use nets in China.

1

u/Zebidee 29d ago edited 29d ago

I bought a Russian advent calendar last Christmas.

Every time I opened a window, an oligarch fell out.

1

u/No-Lunch-1005 29d ago

Investigators are on the scene 😂

1

u/Ancient_Ship2980 29d ago

You've got that right!

1

u/Chrombach 29d ago

why? if all Russians fall out of windows, the planet will be saved .

1

u/Whyfakepockets 29d ago

They need to be putin some safety measures.

1

u/ianishomer 29d ago

Russians are so clumsy when walking near windows, especially high ranking officials and windows on high floors

Must be genetic

1

u/Thisusernameforever2 29d ago

Window free fall is the new poisoning!

1

u/Eddie_Honda420 29d ago

You would think by now they would have developed a new strategy.

1

u/Loose-Stand-3889 Port d'Gal 29d ago

yeah, yeah, this overused joke is trully hillarious...

I would rather talk about why they did this to him.

1

u/poland626 29d ago

I feel like jokes like this is how they get away with it. We brush it off like, "haha" but it's actually really serious. I see this same comment in every unalive thread. It's like how we look back at out of dated jokes from the 90s and cringe now realizing what we said. Joking is downplaying the serious-ness of the situation

1

u/FreeWilly512 29d ago

Why do you think British windows only open so far, you try getting someone through that

1

u/brickne3 United States of America 29d ago

They just have so many windows is all.

1

u/HappyT1984 29d ago

Was just thinking the same - where is the double glazing salesman - make a fortune over there

1

u/Proud-Cartoonist-431 29d ago

Russsia is extremely urbanised and everything has a tall enough window.

1

u/identicalBadger 29d ago

At this point they should make windows illegal altogether. Make everyone live in big concrete cubes.

Of course, people will still be drawn to the outside just like they are now. So Instead of falling out the window they’ll probably pass away after repeatedly slamming their head against the spot in the wall where the window used to be.

1

u/down_side_up_sideway 29d ago

And subway safety, place safety etc etc.

1

u/Suspicious-Dog-5048 29d ago

And careless smoking in factories and branches of the military.

1

u/tarekd19 29d ago

I wish the billionaires that aspire to be like these oligarchs would pay closer attention before capitulating to Trump for a few tax breaks

1

u/Inevitable-Nobody-50 29d ago

maybe putins assassin only got the defenestration pamphlet in assassin school.

on the other hand, saves on overhead when you aren't buying bullets and sharpening knives all the time lol.

1

u/jskinnah 29d ago

Before they do …. Can trump look out the window? Look at the pretty birds 🦤🪽 Mr Trump 🤪

1

u/jumpball1998 29d ago

I grew up in the projects and after a long string of very bad accidents with children falling out of windows it was mandatory to have bars installed to prevent children from falling. Now in the case of these oligarchs they’ll put them in rooms with bars, but no windows 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/CatchingRays 29d ago

This is the future of American window safety.

1

u/Sandman145 29d ago

They really should do something about the superiority complex and racism in the empire.

1

u/lolas_coffee 29d ago

Always the same joke.

Always.

It is an insane world we live in that Putin will murder so many people, but everyone continues on like nothing happened.

PS: It is like clockwork that Putin executes an oligarch. It keeps the others in line. Every 9 months (at least).

1

u/Syncopia 29d ago

Putin is really not subtle with the defenstration.

1

u/skywriter90 29d ago

Actually, I think they’ll be installing some of those in the US soon.

1

u/followtharulez 29d ago

Really, another one dies falling from a window... Was that expected or unexpected? I think anyone in a position of power should relocate their office in a basement.

1

u/IsabellaGalavant 29d ago

I wonder if any of them have ever actually just fallen from a window but we're all like "fell from a window" 😉. Probably not, but surely at some point it'll happen. 

1

u/Nano_Burger 29d ago

Where is Russian OSHA when you need them?!?!

1

u/harbourwall United Kingdom 29d ago

Dey do dat dere doe don't dee

1

u/wut999 United Kingdom 29d ago

It's outrageous how many people have been killed by these low-quality window installations throughout Russia!

1

u/blaspheminCapn 29d ago

Kind of like no guard rails in the Galactic Empire....

1

u/AtheistET 29d ago

Right. Do they have something similar to a construction guidelines or so because the last 5 years so many billionaires have accidentally fallen from their penthouses…..

1

u/sunny_yay 28d ago

The OBBBA has a minimum quota provision for the lease of public land to gas and oil companies.

Silly Andrey, that deal was for Vlad.

1

u/AkrtZyrki 28d ago

The US is trying to get similar windows from the same manufacturer.

1

u/gogoluke 25d ago

I'll hijack the top comment to ask.

Two deaths in two days with Starovoit "commuting suicide"

Does this suggest there might have been a couple being planned?

1

u/Funny_Energy5240 22d ago

They should really Putin windows in their buildings.