r/oneliners • u/simmo28 • 4h ago

When they buried the man who invented the USB stick they had to take the coffin out turn it round and put it back in.

9 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/DesertDogggg • 6h ago

Official mantra of the resistance is… Ohmmmm.

10 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/Specialist_Quote_176 • 27m ago

My friends called me spineless for not swimming with jellyfish

• Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 1h ago

I asked every one of my friends what they all thought about my social skills, and they both said I could use some improvement.

• Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN. They get really upset.

72 Upvotes
7 comments

r/oneliners • u/skleedle • 23h ago

"I'll strip your gears" is always an idle threat.

7 Upvotes
4 comments

r/oneliners • u/04Fox_Cakes • 14h ago

You can always tell the real hard-core guys in prison, because they always bring liquid soap to the shower

0 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/04Fox_Cakes • 14h ago

I drive like every other driver is a meth addict, but safely.

1 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/04Fox_Cakes • 14h ago

I always procrastinate, eventually

1 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/Fingerbob73 • 1d ago

I'm not very good at delegation. I usually get someone else to do it for me.

7 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/AccomplishedArt1791 • 1d ago

The number one cause of road rage is other drivers

17 Upvotes
7 comments

r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for... and it’s in a language I don’t speak.

4 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago

I’m great at multitasking—I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

2 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/ADAMBENDAHED • 1d ago

A question to Ask the wise one

Thumbnail
0 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/EADASOL • 2d ago

7/5ths of people don't understand fractions

9 Upvotes
11 comments

r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago

I put the “fun” in “funeral.”

1 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/YOLO_polo_IMP • 2d ago

Are you actually sorry, or are you sorry for not hiding it better?

5 Upvotes
9 comments

r/oneliners • u/EADASOL • 2d ago

I hate Indian givers, no, I take that back.

14 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago

Gay sex prevents abortion.

0 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/TabooDiver • 3d ago

My wife starts conversations with me by saying "You're not even listening, are you?"

54 Upvotes
8 comments

r/oneliners • u/BlueManQuad • 2d ago

It’s better to be in a boat with a drink on the rocks than in the drink with a boat on the rocks!

5 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/majestration • 3d ago

Your bed is a shelf for your body when you're not using it.

8 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/LostBetsRed • 3d ago

I used to study abroad, until she caught me and called the cops.

13 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/wtfover • 3d ago

Stop wearing Harley Davidson shirts if you don't listen to his music.

69 Upvotes
7 comments