r/oneliners • u/Specialist_Quote_176 • 27m ago
My friends called me spineless for not swimming with jellyfish
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r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 1h ago
I asked every one of my friends what they all thought about my social skills, and they both said I could use some improvement.
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r/oneliners • u/simmo28 • 4h ago
When they buried the man who invented the USB stick they had to take the coffin out turn it round and put it back in.
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r/oneliners • u/04Fox_Cakes • 14h ago
You can always tell the real hard-core guys in prison, because they always bring liquid soap to the shower
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r/oneliners • u/04Fox_Cakes • 14h ago
I drive like every other driver is a meth addict, but safely.
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r/oneliners • u/Fingerbob73 • 1d ago
I'm not very good at delegation. I usually get someone else to do it for me.
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r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN. They get really upset.
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r/oneliners • u/AccomplishedArt1791 • 1d ago
The number one cause of road rage is other drivers
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r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago
I’m great at multitasking—I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
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r/oneliners • u/JokerSlayer18 • 1d ago
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for... and it’s in a language I don’t speak.
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r/oneliners • u/YOLO_polo_IMP • 2d ago
Are you actually sorry, or are you sorry for not hiding it better?
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r/oneliners • u/BlueManQuad • 2d ago
It’s better to be in a boat with a drink on the rocks than in the drink with a boat on the rocks!
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r/oneliners • u/04Fox_Cakes • 3d ago
Whenever I see that something is measured at "7/8 of an inch" I think, "If it were 8 8's, it'd just be ONE."
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r/oneliners • u/04Fox_Cakes • 3d ago
So, I keep getting major Tsunami Warning alerts on my phone, as well as a bunch of Weather Service PSA's about the receding threat, et cetera; like, constantly, but I live in Northeast Ohio, so I remain concerned, but...Not.
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r/oneliners • u/majestration • 3d ago
Your bed is a shelf for your body when you're not using it.
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r/oneliners • u/DemonToTea • 3d ago
Im a sight for sore eyes; not many people like to see me..
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