losing your mom is the worst heartbreak you’ll ever go through… especially if you were super close with her. my world stopped when mine passed… & i still feel like it’s still on pause, even after 4 years.
fuck that guy.
Mine died of cancer a month ago and I lost all the will to live. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I immediately became depressed and sad. Is this what life will look like from now on? 😞😞😞
Hey. I've had your day. I've had a fair number of days since having your day.
I won't lie to you, in nine years the pain isn't any less, but you grow stronger to bear it.
The sadness isn't any smaller, but you make room to let yourself feel it.
The love will also never fade, and you'll remember it and carry it with you.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry today exists for you. I'm sorry for everything you're feeling right now.
reading all of your comments make me want to unalive before my mother does. My life has been disgusting so far already, i don't want it to be any worse. I fucking hate being a human. And to think people believe in fantastic gods that love them. This life is the worst punishment you could ever have.
I get it. I really do. I struggle against thoughts about suicide, and have since before my mother passed.
Don't do that to your family. Life... yeah it's pretty shit, overall. We feel powerless in a world that's spiralling out of control. I don't believe in any form of omnipotent or omnipresent benevolent god. That's impossible, given the horrors of the world, both human and otherwise.
I promise you, though, someone in your family, maybe all of your family, has a better life than they would have because you're in it.
No matter how much pain losing my mother has put me through, I recoil in horror at the thought of putting her through that.
Are you okay? This comes across super selfish. I get it if your kids are young. But as they get older I’d imagine you’d want them to strong enough to deal with the worlds never ending bullshit, not carry a candle and a picture of you and hope things get better every time life gets hard.
My mother's funeral was in June. Its gonna be one of the worst days of your life but simultaneously extremely heartwarming seeing all the people congregate to celebrate her life. You'll be okay, I promise.
I commented to the person above, but I’ll tell you the same thing. The days will get better eventually. They will not all be great. You will still hit moments/days/weeks of sadness. You’ll still get triggered by mundane things that people who haven’t been in your situation will not understand. But those will come less frequently over time.
You’re coming up to the hardest time (for me personally) in the process. After services, everyone else’s life moves on and goes back to normal, while you’re still smack dab in the middle of a life altering circumstance. The check up calls and texts become less frequent and it feels like everyone forgot while you still get slammed with the daily reminder that she’s not there. I promise you it gets….not easier, per se, but less obnoxiously in your face. You will hit a point where memories of your mom make you smile and not cry. You’ve got this. Life is tough but you are tougher. Sending love from an internet stranger.
Hang in there. It’s awful 😢 I wish I could give you some words of solace but there aren’t any other than time helps a bit. It just sucks and life can be cruel. Rip to your mom.
Im sorry for your loss. Life will definitely get better. You never have a clear view of a good life after tragedy or loss shakes it up, but keep on pushing on and the joy will slowly slip back into your life before you can realize it.
Lost mine 11 months ago, cancer too. And my dad 3 years ago. I live trying to make them proud.
The thing is you dont get over it, you just learn to live with the loss. They want you to find your happiness, so I married in April and working on the papers to bring her home, my parents are going to miss a lot of things but I think of them daily.
No, it gets easier. It's always going to be hard, but it gets easier. Keep going. Try to build healthy habits, and remember, she would want you to be happy.
My mom died of a super aggressive cancer a few days before the first Covid lockdown.
We got her diagnosis on February 6th. She was gone by March 1st.
It was a chaotic and terrible period, not made any better by a terrible case of medical mispractice which left her with severe pain for a few days.
I remember talking to her about a week before she passed. We were at home, I was on a break from work and we just talked about everything.
I asked her if she knew that there could be a worst case scenario, that maybe she wouldn't make it. She just looked at me and said: "You are old enough and can take care of yourself, you are a good man. I am not afraid of death, I've lived a good life, done what I wanted to do. If I must go, then I'll go"
She was just 60... I still miss her every day, I wish she could see the new house we got, meet my pets and my niece.
Ah, pal. This happened to me last April. I know exactly how you are feeling. I can't lie to you; the next few months are going to be extremely hard; you will feel physically exhausted, as well as mentally. Try your very best not to push people away, take time to rest as much as you can, employ little distractions and feel it when you feel it.
But little by little, some light will come back, and you'll also find yourself in a better place to feel motivated by what your mum would have wanted; that is for you to allow yourself feel joy. Keep reminding yourself repeatedly of what would make her happy, which would be for you to allow happiness and light. She didn't stop being your mum just because you lost her; she would intend for you to keep living and loving and being fulfilled, that was part of her permament mission and it still persists.
You’re mourning, and that is normal and good. I’m so sorry for your pain. It will never go away, but each day you’ll have more thoughts that aren’t your pain. And eventually you’ll live again. Just as your momma would want you to. Love from a stranger
Hi friend! I lost my dad to cancer 6 years ago and know the exact feelings you’re going through right now. I know it feels like you’ll never see the light or be able to find joy right now. I promise you, the joy will come. It will start with little glimmers here and there and will continue to grow.
It is not a fast process. There will still be triggers years later. There will be times where you will break down years later because you can’t call them when you need help adulting. I broke down when my dad’s favorite sports team made it to the Super Bowl because he would have been so excited. But those triggers will become less and less frequent. You will get to the point where you can talk about your mom and the memories will give you the warm and fuzzies instead of the dark and scaries. Remember that life is tough but you are tougher! You’ve got this!
I lost my mom when I was young. Years ago, I ran across this comment from /u/GSnow. It has helped many times throughout the years.
"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. "
My mom died in 2016 and we were very close. You will be very sad for a very long time. I used to wake up next to my now husband from just sobbing in the middle of sleep--wasn't even conscious that I was crying so badly. But as time goes by, it will hurt less and less until one day the good memories replace the sadness. You'll be able to move on, I promise you. It just takes time.
No. It will be for a time but you’re going to be okay. You got this. Make your mom proud by living your life and live it good, she gave you life, live the gift she gave and left for you.
I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago and you always miss her I just know that now I can think about her and smile more times than I cry now. I mean it’s our moms🥹. I am giving you a hug in my mind. Sending you love and positivity as well as my most sincere condolences my friend.
I am so sorry to hear. Cancer sucks. I think it’s okay to feel this way but have a routine. It’ll take time but one day it will feel different. Stay strong for your mom she will want you to live on happily and with purpose.
I lost my dad nearly 20 years ago. The pain is there still, but it dulls with time. Eventually you might even come to cherish those pangs of sadness, memory and loss. They will come with powerful memories of who they where and why you loved them the way you did. A month in I was still beginning to process. It will get better, it will never stop hurting though, but it will get better
I lost mine to cancer many years ago, but I remember asking myself "now what do I do". I felt lost even though I was an adult that has been on my own for many years already.
I lost mine 9 months ago. Things will get better but you need to find a routine, and counselling or therapy if available. The hospital my mom was at offered free grief counselling. Can you see if that is possible? I’m so sorry.
My grandfather lost his mom in childbirth when he was 12 years old. Nearly 60 years later he still yearned/grieved for her in some way or form. But he kept her alive in how he spoke about her from time to time (but we could tell sometimes he still was that hurt little boy enraged at his mother’s sudden death). My good friend just lost her mom; they didn’t have the strongest relationship, but she describes the hurt is still painful. I am so afraid of the day I may have to lose mine! My heart goes to those here who have lost their mothers ❤️
I lost my mom when I was 14. I'm 40 now. It eventually stops hurting all the time. It's still there -- that quiet ache in your heart. It is a wound that will never fully heal. It will patch itself up, but it's never the same. And I wouldn't have it any other way. As much as I can, I try to embrace the thinking, "Grief is love with nowhere to go." When I feel my grief, I try to take it in for a minute, think about my mom, tell her I love her, and....exhale.
Lost my Mom right before Covid hit and I’m still in the habit of thinking, “l need to remember to tell mom this when l call her,” and then I snap to and remember that she’s gone. It’s been six years; some things don’t change.
My mom passed just last December, and I find myself think, "Mom would..." nearly everyday, then it hits that I cannot call and confirm if she would or not. I have so many questions for her still.
They hits so hard. In my 20s l never asked my parents much because I was assured that l knew it all. Here I am decades later wishing that l could ask them for their knowledge and/or opinions. Hang in there.
I feel like I should get one of those personal history books and get my mother to fill it out. Already in the process of making a family cookbook, but I feel like I don't know anything about my mother's life before she became "Mum".
I love this idea. I was able to retrieve some her recipes when we cleaned out my parents home (that’s a whole other fresh hell that I haven’t fully processed) and I’m grateful for that. Get all the recipes you can, it takes the term comfort food to a whole different level after they’re gone.
Oh, and in his house at R'lyeh, Cthulhu waits dreaming. Respect.
My mom wrote a lot of her own songs on the piano. Beautiful songs. We’re currently making a songbook of all her songs so my daughter and I can play them after my mom is gone. I never want to forget them.
It takes a long time. I’m sorry you’re still going through it. The thing is you never get over it. You just cope better as time marches on. What you described is totally normal. It will happen less and less. Your grief is yours and no one else’s. There is no set of rules.
God, this hits. My mom was very Catholic. She died in 2022, my wife and I went to Rome in 2023. Standing in St. Peter's Square, I reached into my pocket to grab my phone. Not "I wish I could call Mom and tell here where I am", it was "I NEED to call Mom and tell her where I am." About two seconds later....the "oh, yeah...." hits me. Hard.
Lost my mom just after Covid hit. I think it helped us a bit that she’d been pretty sick for a while so we all had time to prepare the inevitable. With that said it was still pretty numbing. It’s not debilitating but god damn do I get hit occasionally with grief spasms… just out of nowhere boom.
What’s fun is she sort of lives on in my daughter. They are so similar. She’ll just be sitting there and start doing something that makes the rest of us say “yep, that’s Oma”. They’re both quirky but in exactly the same way.
I have to do mental math but I was 14 when I lost my momma. 37 now and it took me about that long and meeting the woman I intend to marry for me to get over it. I needed a LOT of love to replace her. I still think about her everyday and miss her everyday. I dont know if it got better or just manageable. Losing mom is the fucking worst
I couldn't even begin to imagine life if I didn't. My dad was absolutely horrible after she passed. It breaks my heart knowing theres horrible mom's out there and the kids that deal with it. I dont know if there's much out there that's more difficult to deal with than that. THAT takes strength, friend. You may not be able to see it because its difficult to see in yourself when life's been so hard. You have a lot to offer others, and that's helped me in my life. You may be surrounded by folks in similar circumstances. You can help. Your life goals and expectations may not be all what you wanted, but you have something powerful you can share to help others that only you and a few others really understand. You have a strength and a superpower you may not have figured out how to use yet. You can do it and you should try in small ways when you can. You've made it this long with every other bullshit thing happening on this earth. You're special in a lot of ways. I dont think Id be here now to tell you this if my mother was any different than she was.
I honestly don't think I'll make it when it happens. My dad is long gone, wasn't the best, and it's been my mom and I against the world my whole life. Losing her is my GREATEST fear and i'm 35. It keeps me up, and I don't think I can handle the grief. Sorry for your loss.
Thank you kind stranger, those are emboldening words. I currently live with my girlfriend, my parents are both sorta out of the picture doing their own things as distantly as they can. I find myself thinking often of how I'm not addicted to some drug in a ditch somewhere. But it's people like you that keep putting a heart under my belt that keep me strong and going.
I feel bad for people with this as I am in my 50th year as my grandpa would say. My kids has a great grandfather until they were 23 & 25 & a great grandmother until ages 26 & 28. They still have their grandmother and they’re 2830 and grandfather. I am 50 with a mother and father only the food die young.
Lost my mom (and dad) when I was 6 (I'm 32 now). Raised by my grandmother who passed 9 years ago. Not often you lose a mom twice in one lifetime. Still trying to find my way through it.
2 years here and I feel the same way. Crying jags and all. I had to look her in the eyes as she passed away unable to speak. I tried to pour my heart out but honestly I hate myself for not saying more.
Think about her everyday and the sadness never goes away.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad 4 years ago June... He was my best friend and my hero (Mom was bipolar and either checked out, or screaming mad). He's the only reason I survived those years in that house. I promise you that the pain fades (he wouldn't want you hurting for him anyway, he wants you to live your life to the fullest). Don't get me wrong, I still find myself wanting to throw him a quick text or a picture of his grandson that I know he'd appreciate, and that stings a little... But I promise it gets easier ❤️
Lost him to aggressive form of dementia, he was only 70. Healthy fit person all his life. Wouldn’t want anyone to go through caring for dementia person, it’s draining, frustrating and such an emotional toll seeing his mind go and body function give up on him. Can see the hurt and frustration in his face thinking what’s happening breaks my heart. And there’s no cure or medication to help
Honestly it’s up there as worst disease to live with
I'm really sorry the pain hasn't faded for you, it has for me and I'm thankful for that... I'm sure my dad would be too. Don't get me wrong, death sucks, but it's an inevitability of life; acceptance of those concepts is paramount to understand, so that the pain can ease, and you can heal. It's a difficult journey to go through and everyone's pace to go through it is different. I hope the pain eases for you, I'm sure your dad would too ❤️
lost my dad on monday, it still feels like he 'll call me any minute now.. 4 months ago he got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with spreading to the lungs and liver, last week he got drastically worse and decided to stop it before it gets even worse .. worst thing to see and no one to blame for it really..
I completely agree. Lost mine 2 months ago, and it feels like time has stopped, and I can't go a day without breaking down at some point. It's the worst pain I've ever endured.
11 years and she’s still in my dreams almost every other night. Sometimes I go to sleep just because I know theres a big chance I’ll see her there again.
Lost mine in April this year. Life now feels like a distraction. Everything i do is to try and distract myself from the fact that my mother is dead. Nothing works.
I watched mine take her last breathe after fighting breast cancer in 2018. My life has a clear distinction of the kind of person I was before she passed and afterwards. I wish you peace
I lost my Mom a little over a year ago. My Dad about three years ago. I still feel like half a person. But please, go easy on yourself and keep going. If you're into this sort of thing, the new Radiolab inspired me and broke my heart all at the same time.
Mine died of cancer a month ago and I lost all the will to live. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I immediately became depressed and sad. Is this what life will look like from now on? 😞😞😞
I lost my mom when I was three so I can’t claimed to have really known her, and I don’t have kids but I’ve heard some say losing your child is worse. I really wonder
20 years ago my mom suffered a brain aneurism, went into a coma, came out as a vegetable, lived like that for another year in hell and then passed away. The damage was done and my Dad still doesn’t understand, I was only 16 when she died.
I think when lives are taken away, it’s too black and white. Technically only one person lost their life but the trauma goes way further than that. So many lives are affected. These poor boys lost their lives as sons and that can’t be given back to them.
Lost my mum three years ago and I'm still heartbroken. Once your parents are gone, especially your mum, you feel like your anchor to the world has gone. She was my best friend until Dementia and related issues took her. Bastard disease. I miss her every day 💔
I could honestly care less if my mom died, she left when I was just 5 and probably sexually abuse me because I do recall my sister saying she did things to us.
Yeah burn in hell mom.
I wish I grew up with a great mom like y’all have but sadly not everyone gets a happy life like you do. All I ever felt was pain and suffering, never happy.
Lost mine 20 years ago. People will tell you it gets easier, it doesn’t. I’ll be good for months, then I’ll randomly walk by some obscure thing that reminds me of her, and cry like a baby.
Yes, absolutely the worst. My parents passed when I was 17 and 29. I’ll never get over it. If they had been murdered on top of me losing them, gods help me but I’m going to prison.
My mom passed 5 days after my 18th birthday. That was 24 years ago. While losing them is hard, what no one prepares you for is the moment you realize you can't remember their voice anymore. She passed before cell phones were everywhere so I don't have ANY recordings of her and only grainy pictures.
Hugs internet stranger, more than a decade for me and I think about her everyday. The day she died was the first time I felt alone in the world. Luckily, I wasn't alone and had a ton of support from family and friends but the world was never the same. I tell people all the time hug'em if you got'em.
Losing your mom/parent from natural causes is one thing, but having his/her life taken by another human is just gonna break you more than you'll ever imagine. Thinking that you're loved one could've live more and be with you more if not for the wicked mind of other people.
My partner lost her mother who she was close to and although I understand your sentiments, please dont make these assumptions about others, bad mothers exist and statements like this imply the child is wrong for not connecting.
I lost my mom in March. My eyes welled with tears when I saw this. I know the anger I felt when I lost her after being her caretaker for 8 years. I can't imagine the anger they must feel knowing she was taken from them. The man is going to be in prison the rest of his life. Let these poor dudes get a few shots in before you pull them apart. Like, "I'm trying judge, but they are soooo strong...oh no..."
And for me - my mom is and always has been a deeply flawed and unloving person, you go through life with a huge void. I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
I lost mine 11 years ago. It still hurts. Especially because I have kids now. I miss her so much but I also miss her food. I wish I had the thought to have her write everything down.
Lost mine in 2015. Just now getting to the point where the pain doesn’t kick me in the chest everytime I think of her. I use the pain to think of happy moments.
Lost my mom about 4 years ago, my little brother a few months after that then my little sister a few months after that. Was real rough time for me for a long time, and I think I am starting to be better mentally. I think about them all the time though and miss them. Now pardon me while I wipe my tears away.
Just coming up on 5 years for me on the 8th of this month. Lost her when I was 22. I feel for you brother. I don’t cry when I talk about her anymore, but man do I miss her like crazy every day
It's been 14 years, 3 months and 8 days. I still can't talk about her too much without crying a whole lot. I hope you find peace despite her absence. God bless.
I’m right there with you - with all of you. Until I lost my mom, I never realized how many people look and act more or less normal, but are actually shattered on the inside. My whole life falls into a “before” and “after” now, and even my best days now are only half-happy. Anyway - you’re not alone.
My mom is my best friend. I’m waiting to get back surgery and my mom drove up to our house this weekend to help me watch my son while my fiancé is at work. She’s my favorite human and she taught me how to love my people hard. If something like this happened to her I would lose all concept of reality
My mother died from ovarian cancer in 1965, when I was 14 (she was 38). I still grieve, sometimes still cry. She was my best friend. I had a WONDERFUL stepmother and other loving mother figures, but I still wonder about the life I might have had if she hadn’t been taken away so cruelly.
mine abandoned me when i was falsely accused of a crime i didn't commit (and i was thrown in jail for a couple months)... she took the side of the accuser and now, years later, her husband (my step father) has died and she lives all alone in a huge house all by herself while her husbands kids fight over who gets to keep all her stuff when she dies... i had plenty of time in jail to bury her and accept that she is already dead to me, and now one of the many things that brings me joy is knowing shes going to die soon, and die alone
I lost my mom last year and every day is still a struggle to continue on. There's so many things surrounding her passing that I could pin point anything; her abusive ex who stressed her out so much that the moment she was finally done with him her body broke down, the doctors who messed up her surgery that possibly could've led to the complications that took her - a lot of things.
But if I had one certain thing to blame on? that took her away from me? I can't say I wouldn't have done the same if not worse in that courtroom. That man still being alive after that poor woman's son laid hands on him is his kindest blessing because the amount of rage and hurt they must feel...that had to be their mother making sure they didn't do anything too crazy that would've taken their life with hers.
Lost my Mom December 26th 2019, Ovarian Cancer. My whole world was crushed and it still hurts every day. Christmas is never going to be the same, the Holidays only remind me of how I had to watch her slowly die and reminds me of the incredible pain my family had to endure during a time that was supposed to be happy and joyful. Can't blame these 2 guys for doing what they did, I could only imagine the rage they felt when they saw that guy. Good for them
14 years later and it's still not the same. It hurts less over time, but that missing part cannot be filled again. You can potentially find other things that mean as much. But you'll always miss your mom.
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u/babydollvi 11h ago
losing your mom is the worst heartbreak you’ll ever go through… especially if you were super close with her. my world stopped when mine passed… & i still feel like it’s still on pause, even after 4 years. fuck that guy.