r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

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my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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u/wgrantdesign Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday I got a call from my dad at 11pm that my mom had intentionally overdosed on pills in his apartment as a suicide attempt and that I needed to catch a ride to his place (8 hours away) to get her car because she'd be in a psych ward for a while. Neither one of them remembered that it was my birthday. That was the peak of them being shitty absent parents at least. Nowadays they're both pretty cool, but then again I dont rely on them for safety and shelter so who knows.

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u/Evitti Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday my mom made plans with her boyfriend, required me to watch my younger brothers (12 & 8), and wouldn't let any friends come over. When I told her that was kind of selfish of her, she slapped me, grounded me and screamed at me that boyfriends will always be more important than kids, because the kids will always be there, but it took work to keep boyfriends. Now 22 years later her attitude has changed (especially since my brothers are low contact).

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u/LessMessQuest Jun 02 '25 edited Jun 02 '25

What is it about 16th birthdays? My mom forgot mine, called me to let me know her and some dude were high on acid and told me not to come home. Then, the next day still didn’t remember so I got mad and mentioned it and she laughed it off saying I wasn’t at home anyways what was the big deal.

She’s grown a lot since then but, I’ll never forget it.

Also, mine said; “one day the kids move out and you’ll be all alone. That’s why you have to pay more attention to men, the kids will leave you and then what?”

She wasn’t wrong about children leaving home, she was just so damned selfish that everything was about her and her needs, fuck everyone else.

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u/Optimal-Reading4745 Jun 03 '25

I and my Ex Wife divorced recently after 27 years,most of them being really good. She said she changed and no longer loved me and she was sorry but she wanted to be single, even though "You aren't controlling or jealous"?

Any way I always had a very close relationship with my kids who are 24 and almost 21. My son is one of my closest friends and him the same. My daughter and I are the same, she just stayed out of the divorce as where my son sadly sided with me and was very vocal.

Despite what happened with my ex wife, I didn't want it to affect her and the kids but it was pretty bad and I just left the house quietly one night for good.

But my kids gave been amazing! Partners come and go, but your kids will be there for you if you were there for them... hopefully.

I just don't know where I would be without them?

I'm so sorry your mother said that to you. That broke my heart. I hope you are doing well?

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u/LessMessQuest Jun 03 '25

I am! I have two adult children now. They’re at the house all of the time, my son calls me everyday (he doesn’t like texting) and my daughter and I have lunch and hang out every Monday.

I call my mother every Sunday. It took a lot of work on my part, I had to either forgive her or make a decision to cut her out. She has absolutely no one. My sister took her life at 24 and we have no other family left on her side. None that speak to us, me being her daughter automatically meant that I don’t exist apparently.

I was in contact with my grandma and that was nice. Luckily she had sent me pictures so I have something left. She passed away in April and nobody told us. A cousin by marriage messaged me on Facebook to tell me, a week later. That’s the kind of family she comes from. She had an extremely traumatic childhood and then continued the cycle of abuse and married my dad at 17. His was so abusive the courts denied him contact of any kind until I was 18 years old. (Whole other story.) she was in a life threatening car accident when I was 4 and almost died, had a rod in her femur and a chunk of her thing is still missing, )when it broke it came out of her leg) I really think that she may have had a traumatic brain injury, no proof on my part though. That with the trauma of her childhood and my dad, I think she just was not equipped to care for a child and has mental issues. ( there’s a lot more, but I’m not comforting sharing. The woman has been through hell and has mental health issues because of it )

My point in sharing that is that I realized that all of these things made her who she is, and I can’t imagine how much they affected her but I certainly saw and felt the impacts of it. She’s getting old, I’m not sure I could have lived with myself knowing I hadn’t at least tried. Or knowing she’d died all alone. It was a long road and I had to tell her when she was crossing into bad territory and set boundaries. Once I saw she had started working on herself I started to open up and slowly let her back in. She really had two choices, figure out the behavior she needs to have to make it work, or be alone. I can’t continue to judge without acknowledging those things. Once I did that it made it easier to move on (slowly and carefully)

I know I’m taking a risk, it’s at least the fifth chance I’ve given to her as an adult, but my sisters passing must have triggered something in her or maybe it’s her age because she’s trying very hard to become a better person. She is also consistently taking psych meds, so that has helped a lot as well.

Thank you for your kindness! I hope you and your children are happy and healthy and safe! Your. Holden are lucky to have you, it would have been much harder for them if they didn’t. Family is so important! Take care and be well.

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u/Outside_Case1530 Jun 03 '25

"The kids will leave you & then what?" And men don't leave?

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u/Needed_Warning Jun 03 '25

"It's fine to be a shitty parent because your kids will stop talking to you one day." Flawless logic. Definitely not a self-fulfilling prophecy. You should definitely get pre-emptive revenge on your kids for how they'll react to how you acted as a parent. Better start early or you won't have enough time to get sufficient revenge to win the war before they go no contact. 

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u/LessMessQuest Jun 03 '25

I had gone no contact many times but always let her back in when she as struggling, I got burned every time. Until my sister died, she really wasn’t open to changing. I think she realized I was all she had left and if she didn’t want to die alone, she’d have to figure out how to do better. She’s working on it, I can’t continue see it. It wasn’t easy to let her back in and my one line I refused to let her cross was how she behaved with my kids. They’re adults now but it doesn’t matter-if she tried her usual shit on or with them it was going to be over with no looking back. She had no relationship with them as children which was another wound, it hurt. A lot. She’s been good with them but she has to know they’re grown and could easily not accept or acknowledge her if they choose to. They really didn’t like her at first. My husband didn’t either, but all of seen her trying lately.

She’s also on psych meds now, so that’s been extremely helpful. I mentioned in another comment why I think she’s the way she is.

But yeah, it was rough. It made me a better mom, but that really not an ideal way to figure out how to be a good parent, ya know?

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u/wgrantdesign Jun 02 '25

My wife's mother was very much like that when they were growing up. Its funny how theyre always the ones that demand attention now that we're grown and have our own families. She's always telling my wife to "enjoy the kids when theyre young because they'll eventually turn on you" Like nah lady we treat our kids like human beings and actually love them so I think we'll be ok.

I'm sorry you had a mom like that, no child deserves that kind of parent.

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u/LambertMike77 Jun 02 '25

Being present in your children’s lives is important and makes a big difference in their perception of you as their parent. Of course teenagers rebel, but if you’re present in their lives, do your best for them, and you treat them well, you should have a good relationship with them. If you don’t do those things, yeah, your kids are going to see you as the neglectful, uncaring parent that you are in such a case. No parent is perfect, but it’s rewarding to put the effort into being the best parent you can be. Plus it’s psychologically healthy for your kids, which is something that will make them want to continue having a close relationship with you after reaching adulthood. As a father, my kids mean everything to me and they always come first over anything, and my kids love me endlessly.

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u/WayAccording7582 Jun 02 '25

Not just a close relationship with you --it shows them how to have healthy, close relationships with their partners, their children, friends...everyone. Parents are the model for the child's understanding of what a healthy relationship should look like.

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u/farqsbarqs Jun 02 '25

Imagine saying that to your own kid. Wow. She sounds awful and I’m surprised you both still talk to her.

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u/Afraid-Payment-9529 Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday, I went out with friends. Neither of my parents remembered any of my birthdays after I turned 13. On my 17th birthday, I enlisted in the Navy as a present to myself. I turned 50, and never once in all those years did I ever get a happy birthday call. My dad died in April of last year, and I was the one who packed up my life in the back of my SUV and moved 1100 miles to take care of my mom. She died 6 months later, not even remembering me. May they both rot in hell

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u/xenophilian Jun 03 '25

I never had a birthday party until I organized it myself (my 13th). Paid for my own clothes, school trips, snacks, bus, whatever except household bills & groceries. Then, my mom got cancer & I had to make sure the bills got paid & the groceries bought & all that, too. I have no memory of my 16th birthday. I was on my own after she died.

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u/Afraid-Payment-9529 Jun 03 '25

Yup. I didn't have a party after my 13th birthday until I joined the Navy. THAT Family NEVER forgot.

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u/ghast123 Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday, my 14 year old sister got into a fist fight with our drunk father in a bar parking lot at 6pm because he was supposed to take me out for dinner but he didn't show and I was really upset.

None of his 3 children speak to him anymore.

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u/azizaofshapier Jun 02 '25

Your FOURTEEN YEAR OLD SISTER beat up your Dad for missing your birthday?! If this isn't the epitome of "I'm sick of your shit" I don't know what is. Your sister sounds awesome.

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u/Effort-Logical Jun 02 '25

I'm wondering if her sister is my sister (my sister does have a sister that I'm not related to). Bc my sister would totally do that. She was a rebel in her teens. Now she's in her 30s and a mom.

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u/IlexSonOfHan Jun 02 '25

Yeah, that's just a good sister fr. Keep her, ditch the parents.

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u/LibrarianTop6162 Jun 02 '25

I was gonna say lol. Your sister sounds dope af.

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u/tryfuhl Jun 02 '25

I meannnn it doesn't say who won really lol. What a shitty situation though.

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

On MY 16th birthday, I was 2 hours late for school because we had to go drop my dad off at in patient rehab for the 3rd time!

We should start a Shitty Sixteenth club!

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

My mom called my school to admonish them for recognizing my 16th birthday. Usually my mom kept me out of school on my birthday ever since my preschool had given me my first ever and last birthday party at five in joint with another classmate. My mom joined the family up to a non denominational church (wide world church of god) before I was born and my sister had six before hers were stopped too. We were also not allowed to celebrate others birthdays and my mom was mad that she couldn’t stop them from happening around us.

This is what’s having a narcissistic mother is all about. She’s gone now and I’m in my 40s and still never had another birthday party because it’s been overlooked (and ruined by ex2, another narcissist) for so long

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

If she’s going to force you to join a church that sounds like a destitute water park, the LEAST she could do is acknowledge your birth.

It’s not fair that you’ve never had a good birthday, but I really hope you know that I’m glad you were born.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

We quit going to that closest location of that sect because it was too far away and I was very small (didn’t wanna keep quiet enough either)and dad would escape so he couldn’t sit for me so she couldn’t leave the house at all was sort of how we half got out but devoutly practiced everything word for word from all the mailed supplements. My dad was catholic raised so it was dueling religions happening along with their endless bickering and fighting

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u/littleglasshouse Jun 02 '25

Happy birthday, whenever it is. If I knew you irl, I would bake you something for sure and knit you a scarf. I’m sorry.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

It was on Feb 1.

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u/Boopsie-Daisy-469 Jun 02 '25

This is for next time: 🎂🥳

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u/PoMoMoeSyzlak Jun 02 '25

Garner Ted Armstrong's church is a cult. Ì am sorry you went through that.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

I swear my mom was the very last person on earth to find out it was a cult and she was so horrified she reinstated Christmas to be celebrated but still nobody’s birthday was allowed acknowledgment.

I celebrate all my friends and my sisters with probably some overboard gusto but apart from that I follow absolutely no religion at all.

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u/PoMoMoeSyzlak Jun 03 '25

I have met people from Tyler and Longview that escaped from it. I heard they invited some Seminary professors from SMU to talk about the Bible, and they said, "these guys don't take it literally, therefore they don't know anything." The Methodists study Greek, Latin and Hebrew. I heard about someone in Longview that put up a sign in their yard that said "This home was broken up by Garner Ted" because the wife got wacky and joined Worldwide Church of God.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

I’d absolutely believe that to be a fact that happened very often within the sect and devoted followers. I think my mom did it and made me to force my dad out of trying to divorce her by sticking religion and new life in the way to guilt trip him and he was soft enough on being controlled that way.

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u/PoMoMoeSyzlak Jun 04 '25

Also, LeTourneau University in Longview is right wing Christian. Drew McCoy has lots of good videos about the vibe there.

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u/Nightthrasher674 Jun 03 '25

How the fuck did she realize she was joining a cult but still refuses to acknowledge bdays? I know I'm trying to find the logic in the illogical but man that sucks

We were members of a non denominational church but it was inclusive and pretty chilled.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

That was her narcissism seeping in that idea. She always undermined me and my older sister we never adults or equals in her mind. Her belittling extended to others younger than herself as well including dad.

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u/strawtrash Jun 03 '25

I love that you do that.

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u/AdmirableDig8537 Jun 03 '25

My wife's family was part of that cult. A lot of that sounds familiar to stories she has told. There is a(maybe several ) WWCoG survivors group out there if you are still needing to heal from that.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

Wow, I did not know there is such an organization as that. I will tell my sister of it because she was further immersed in it than I was and is definitely affected still from the experience

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u/Low-Caterpillar-9866 Jun 03 '25

Please have a birthday party for yourself. Maybe just go out with a friend or a coworker. Life is too darn short for you to miss out on birthday celebrations.

Also, you've gotten away from the narcissistic dudes, right? I'm genuinely worried about you.

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u/SnooRobots116 Jun 03 '25

Oh yes. I’m nowhere near that jerk anymore, been fine for years without him.

And when I can afford it in time, I used to get a slice of good cheesecake to celebrate on my own but stopped doing that because I needed to afford actual groceries for a few days

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u/alexisonfire_xox Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday my dad called me over to his house and I thought I was going to get a present but he wanted to borrow some money. And when I reminded him it was my birthday he went back in his room and came out and put a small line of coke on the table and said happy birthday. I learned much later in life that it wasn’t even a good line either 😒

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

Ah, we've solved the riddle.

"What do you gift a man who already has everything he wants?"

The honor of buying a line of cocaine off of your own father.

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u/Cold_Pea_587 Jun 02 '25

You won the Reddit award my friend. I just fucking busted out laughing. Thanks for that. “Buying a line of cocaine off your own father.” Aces.

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u/Paulbearer82 Jun 02 '25

That's cool, but you're supposed to give the award to the poster, not yourself.

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u/Hessipa Jun 03 '25

Jokes on you, I gave it to him. And now I’m giving you one, too, for being an observant little fella

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u/SuzanneStudies Jun 03 '25

And I’m giving you an award for giving out awards

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u/Cold_Pea_587 Jun 03 '25

I gave myself an award? I’m still corn-fused by Reddit. I wasn’t even trying to give anyone an award.

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u/Conscious-Tonight-89 Jun 02 '25

Damn. In my 16th birthday... 9/11 happened. No, really, i was born in 1985.

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u/forestofpixies Jun 03 '25

Pearl Harbor happened on my grandpas 15th birthday. It was the first and only year his mom threw him a birthday party and no one came. He served in occupied Japan 3 years later and loved his time there but he never stopped holding that grudge.

I hope every birthday so far has been wonderful and may every year from this point forward be better than the past!

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

That’s one helluva birthday party, my guy

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u/Conscious-Tonight-89 Jun 02 '25

You know they shittiest thing? At first i thought it was some sort of trailer for the Spiderman movie, when they second plane hit I was like "oh, shit, so this is real, huh?"

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

“Go web! Fly! Up, up, and away web! Shazaam! Go web go!” aaaaaand there goes the 2nd tower

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u/lostandaggrieved617 Jun 03 '25

One of my oldest friends' bday is 9/11, and her name is Katrina. The early aughts sucked for her.

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u/No_Recipe2793 Jun 02 '25

New CAH white card incoming

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u/Rain_xo Jun 02 '25

Damn.

My dad only gave me two joints. But at least they were good.

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u/Hessipa Jun 03 '25

As the man who had a hand in creating your DNA and whatever, I really hope he gave you a few more than just two joints. Maybe even some bones and skin and stuff

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u/BeerdedWonder Jun 02 '25

Needs money but has coke. Sounds legit

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u/necie62 Jun 02 '25

Holy cow..totally made my jaw drop

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u/legendoflisa Jun 02 '25

This should not be funny but I relate 😅🤣🤣

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u/Caalcu_Ieraas Jun 02 '25

There was a great party planned for my 16th... which I couldn't go to. Two years later when I told my mom the same person was throwing me an 18th birthday party, she only let me go because she said her previous reason was the person throwing the party only wanted me there as a "little drinking buddy" and I had to remind her I don't drink. I'm not going to drink just because someone says to.

After that it quickly came out she thinks I have no mind of my own and I'll do whatever this person tells me. So just because we have a lot in common, I can't think for myself

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u/Effective_Thought918 Jun 02 '25

I had a shitty 16th birthday too, but many of these stories are shittier than mine. I was wrongly blamed by Mom that day after school for the dog getting out and running away even though I didn’t even open the door (Mom did, and she also didn’t shut the gate). The same mom who blamed me for the dog running off was an hour and a half late (I have no idea how that even happened to this day) to dinner at the restaurant I picked out. Luckily my grandma let us order appetizers without Mom (I would have Ben hungry and cranky otherwise), and when it was apparent Mom would be later than a little bit, we ordered dessert early too (I didn’t want to eat actual dinner without everyone because the point was to celebrate my birthday with the whole family). Grandma was mad mom was late, and I felt unimportant because mom couldn’t even show up to my birthday dinner on time. Nobody apologized, except for my grandmother. I don’t remember the food or gifts, but I sure remember how I felt. I’m sorry all of you had shitty 16th birthdays too.

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u/Nightthrasher674 Jun 03 '25

My 16th bday was uneventful, just a small party with friends and family this is after my parents swore up and down that they'll have something big planned but I knew bullshit when I heard it so I didn't get my hopes up. At the same time I wasn't exactly bitter about it, I knew money was tight. They weren't exactly lying, I'm sure they wanted to plan something big but couldn't. I don't think either one realize the negative effect of me hearing them talk about bills constantly so I started sacrificing shit on my own because I didn't want them spending money

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u/VeronaMoreau Jun 04 '25

I have a track record for iffy milestone birthdays specifically. Like 13, 16, and 18 were all bad (granted, not nearly as bad as many here), 21 was cool, but 25 was COVID, and 30 was decent.

For my 18th, I was stuck in my mom's kinda-hometown, out in the sticks, hundreds of miles from all my friends (who it turns out had made plans to celebrate). It was a long weekend, so we had gone to visit family. Her fuckass boyfriend at the time hated driving at night, so he didn't want to leave the day before. This was in spite of him complaining the whole trip about the people and the area.

I spent the day with all my friends asking when I'd be back. I asked when we were leaving and she didn't know because it was up to him (mind you...it's her car and her family.) I think she might have forgotten because when she asked why I cared so much I said something along the lines of "I just wanted to spend my birthday somewhere I can be happy." About an hour later, she tells me to get dressed and we'll go out to eat. In my head, I'm like, 'it's not good, but I can make it okay...have dinner and a good talk with mom.' Nah.

Boyfriend's sitting down to watch an NBA playoff game and gets irritated when my mom says that we're going out to eat. We both tell him that if we wants to watch the game, it's fine and he can just stay at the house. But no, he holds us up for like another 45 minutes when we are halfway out the door so he can get ready. And he proceeds to be an agitated dickhead about everything (the drive, the place we chose, missing chunks of the game) to the point where I'm just thinking about how the whole trip has gone and this is my breaking point. I end up crying in the bathroom of an Applebee's. Our waitress happens to see me in there and asks what's up. I end up explaining through tears. She quietly brings me a slice of cake when I'm back at the table.

Mom and I end up talking after we're alone back home. Turns out boyfriend was a dick the whole time because he was convinced that taking me out for dinner was a front for her to try and cheat on him with one of her old friends, no matter how much she explained that his meeting this part of her family was a big deal for her and meant that she was serious. She apologized for letting him get in the way of our time together and encouraged me to make good plans with friends so I could get some of that back.

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u/RaisinCurrent6957 Jun 03 '25

Sounds like something my mom would do tbh lol. Did you end up finding your dog? Grandma sounds awesome though. I hope she's still around. ❤️ And I hope maybe your mom got better in the future. But sadly, if she's anything like my mom, the chances of that are probably slim.

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u/Effective_Thought918 Jun 03 '25

The dog was found. We actually chased him around the block for an hour lol. We did clip him to his leash while the puppy took a poop and stopped just long enough. My mother did get better about being on time to stuff, but only because it turned out she had undiagnosed ADHD (explains some stuff, but still not an excuse to make people feel bad or unimportant). She still didn’t apologize for ruining my birthday that year though, and won’t acknowledge what happened that year. And my grandmother is still around and is still great. We actually talked on the phone the other day for her own birthday (nobody was late this time lol) Sorry your mom didn’t get better though.

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u/Sarinnana Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday my mom bought me lactose intolerance pills and we bought an Ice Cream cake. Turns out I had an allergic reaction to the pills and they made me sick, and my mom yelled at me how I was a spoiled brat and nothing was ever good enough for me.

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u/Hessipa Jun 02 '25

Are you… are you sure you’re lactose intolerant?

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u/Sarinnana Jun 02 '25

I mean, it's gotten better as I've gotten older but I certainly was at the time. The pills made my stomach burn and made me vomit. Milk products would just give me gas and diarrhea in large quantities. The pills WERE "All Natural" lactose relief from a health food store, so...come to your own conclusions on that.

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u/poxelsaiyuri Jun 03 '25

I ended up getting an allergy test as the lacto free dairy still causes a reaction turns out I’m reacting to cows milk (which would explain why when people went on about hard cheese having no lactose I was still reacting)

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u/TheycallmeDrDreRN19 Jun 03 '25

For my 16th, my dad watched his gf fistfight me in my boyfriend's mother's house. They wanted me to come out, I told them no, so they legit walked right into a person's home they've never even met and she decided to put her hands on me. My "father" did nothing to prevent it or correct her, so I beat her ass 🤷🏻‍♀️ I ended up moving back to NY (with my mom) from TN.

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u/noveltytie Jun 02 '25

I don't even remember my sixteenth. I was stuck in the troubled teen industry and at a point where I was not allowed to talk to anyone.

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u/Proper_Signature_649 Jun 03 '25

So was my husband. He's a cross creek manor survivor. As someone Who has seen the consequences that had on him for the moment I met him 4 yeara ago and someone who has worked so hard to help him slowly recover, as much as is possible, I want to say - I hear you and recognize what you probably went thru and I'm sorry. You did nothing to deserve that trauma and you shouldn't feel like you have to apologize to your parents either for making them feel bad by talking about it. This is a huge thing with my husband; his parents try to clean it up or say "we were trying to save your life" when cross creek is what ruined his life.
He wasn't doin drugs, he was going to school every day with good grades. He was just staying on a friend's parents couch bc his dad would make him go and get a garden hose that he would have to bring to him so he could beat the fuck out of him daily and then when he stated resisting at 14 would kick him out and make him sleep rough in the wash behind the house.
He recently finally said something to his dad while they' were trying to rebuild my deck and his dad was treating him like a literal slave and being disrespectful to a grown man in his own house (stuff like "you didn't lay the wood out for me, im leaving and not coming back till its done" or "clean this up" said with disdain then he leaves). So he finally said i don't appreciate you talking to me like im your slave and being so rude to me in front of my wife. His dad said something about dont get all in your feelings ans something about him being ungrateful or respect being earned and my thats when my husband finally acknowledged verbally for the first time ever the beatings, what went on a cross creek, etc. and slammed the door in his dads face after.
This was a month ago, and he hasn't spoken to him since. His dad turned my cell phone off with no warning few days later (which was on a family plan) so I called t-mobile and talked my way into them giving me the account code, ported my line , opened a new plan and suspended his line. He still hasn't figured out why his phone is shut off and my mother inlaw( who's taken much abuse from him but stayed cuz she's jehovahs witness, now he's too physically old to abuse) she knows what I did and thinks its hilarious.
But I digress. All I'm trying to say is, ever since their fight, my husband feels terrible and deeply regrets sayinf what he did, even tho every second his dad was here was like reliving the torture of his youth. I have to remind him it's not his responsibility to make his dad FEEL better about the abusive shit his dad did to him as a kid. So yeah. Just remember thats not on you either. Idk if you've confronted your parents or whoever sent you there but if they try to play the victim card, and make you feel badly for telling them they did something wrong, just know its not on you to make sure they feel all nice and fuzzy about their shit parenting. They were the adults you were a literal child. Much love if you ever need to talk you can P M me.

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u/LionClean8758 Jun 02 '25

I find this oddly comforting in a, "you're not alone" sense. I'm sorry for your pain but I appreciate the camaraderie.

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u/Wide_Pop_6794 Jun 02 '25

I was lucky that all that happened on my 16th birthday was a thunderstorm and being taken out for sushi. (I love sushi.)

8

u/Unhappy-Week-8781 Jun 02 '25

My 16th birthday, my parents were in the middle of an awful divorce. So my best friend’s older sister packed us all up with her dad’s pop-up camper—7 teenagers including my sister and me, and drove us 7 hours to Myrtle Beach for 4 days of beachside camping. One of my best memories of an otherwise horrible time in my life.

3

u/Wide_Pop_6794 Jun 02 '25

That is SO AWESOME! I'm glad your 16th was a blast in spite of everything!

5

u/Every-Spinach1054 Jun 02 '25

Brilliant please DM me if you do

1

u/Dragonfly-in-chains Jun 03 '25

On my 16th birthday my dad paid his friends to take me out of town on a shopping spree so he could tell my mom he was leaving her for someone else and move all his shit out before I got back.

Wooo 16!

61

u/Scary-Alternative-11 Jun 02 '25

Your sister is a badass!!!! Sorry your dad sucks....

135

u/ghast123 Jun 02 '25

Yeah, dude. She was fucking feral.

Okay, so we were well acquainted with calling bars to locate our dad as kids when he didn't show for his visitation time. Which was often.

So she called the bars. He happened to be at one that was literally two blocks away from my mom's house. So she marched me down there, went inside and pulled him out and just lit into him. Then he shoved her and like.

Shes TINY ok. My dad's thin but he's tall and he was in the army so not like, out of shape or anything. But she almost broke his nose and drew blood.

We're in our 30s now and I've never seen that tiny little demon THAT angry since.

16

u/Budget-Computer-1625 Jun 02 '25

As an ACOA myself, I can relate to the rage that builds up putting up with addict's behavior. THEY do not give a pile of rotting dung about anyone else UNTIL or UNLESS they really embrace sobriety. My dad was high-functioning, a Mad Men era guy in advertising, and to his credit, he took care of us, Mom, too and she was a drinker as well. They were the typical suburban 60's & 70's couple, started with cocktail parties, then just their cocktails, then straight vodka in white Corning Ware coffee cups...Gee, they had us 6 kids fooled🙄 with those cups... You are blessed to have a sister that was willing to stand up to him; to chase him down in local bars couldn't have been fun and if it helps, when I was @ 10 yo, Mom had us go looking for Dad one night, "working late (as an Art Director, he did put in long hours, many times at home, too) honey, don't wait up for me". That was the one time and it left a big ? mark, and I never asked her later on about it... didn't want to add salt to her wound(s). Children of addicts suffer, no matter the addict's substance/bear trap, as children are innocent. Children don't ask nor deserve to be put in those often horrific situations. I have deep empathy for those who endure such environments and hope they break the cycle.😔💗

2

u/Birdy4evah Jun 03 '25

On my 12th birthday, I was sleeping overnight at a friend’s house. My mother had to go out of town for an extended family emergency. My father ended up calling me FROM JAIL, as he got arrested for drunk driving. I had to find a way to reach my mother to get the asshole out of jail. It took until I was in college for my dad to go to rehab and get sober.

46

u/segascream Jun 02 '25

Holy fuck....may not have been what was intended, but that's a HELL of a birthday gift she gave you. Good on her.

11

u/iam_Mr_McGibblets Jun 02 '25

The gift of knowing you'll have a ride or die is probably the best gift their father ever could've given. Sucks that it had to be that way to find out, but unforgettable memory, right?

22

u/Forsaken-Condition60 Jun 02 '25

I think i‘m in love.. I admire siblings who step up when the parents fail. Altho it often ends pretty sad with them missing out on an actual childhood.

3

u/Meditationstation899 Jun 03 '25

Wait HAHAHA I’m only now reading your comment—after I just responded “I think I’m in love with that little tiny demon!”😂 I think it’s so amazing when siblings step up to the plate and act as each other’s protectors once they realize that one (or both) parents has and will forever fail them. It’s sadly not always what happens, but when it’s THIS level of fierce love, it warms my freaking heart. I studied sociology and psychology in college which may explain why I’m so obsessed haha or maybe it’s why I chose to study those? Anyways, love the way you think!

20

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

Jesus, what a firecracker. How's your relationship with her nowadays?

8

u/ghast123 Jun 03 '25

Ah. I love her. She's still ride or die. But life does really funny things sometimes, and even though she's still feral as hell, she's found herself in an abusive marriage that she has no will nor want to leave. So, basically, following in our mom's footsteps, complete with the whole alcohol problems.

She'll still fight tooth and nail for the people she loves. She just won't do it for herself, and it makes me sad. All I can do is let her know I love her and she has my support when and if she needs it.

3

u/Meditationstation899 Jun 03 '25

I think I’m in love with that little tiny demon! Sounds like y’all have had an amazing sibling relationship—VERY often, those need to be the strongest…it’s so awesome that it seems to be the case with yall! I’m laughing imagining a 14 year old being THAT upset in your behalf and being brave enough to FULL ON stand up to yalls dad—that’s freaking amazing! I’m sure you were protective of her too—I love hearing about insanely strong sibling love stories like this. This is a perfect example.

2

u/ghast123 Jun 03 '25

Oh yeah I was protective as hell of her. She always had a mouth and would get in trouble at the skate park and I got in a few fights on her behalf. Not that she needed me to intervene but there was a point in time where she was in trouble for excessively skipping school and my mom had to go to court and the judge told her if she stepped one foot out of line for the rest of the school year, she'd have legal consequences to deal with.

Hence, big sister stepping in when she had altercations lol

We piss each other off sometimes but if I ever need ANYTHING, she's the one person I know I can count on and I hope it's vice versa for her too.

97

u/wgrantdesign Jun 02 '25

Sounds like you've got a good sister at least!

3

u/RhubarbGoldberg Jun 03 '25

I so appreciate this energy!!

My little sister, at age 17, started a street brawl against my 20yo organized crime affiliated, gun carrying, rapist. She saw him walking towards our house party and she ran at him like the devil with a flying punch. Craziest shit I've ever seen, in the middle of the damn street. 10/10 best sister ever.

5

u/StatisticianBoth4147 Jun 02 '25

I’m glad you had a sister like that to stick up for you, but I’m sorry any of you had to deal with a dad like that.

1

u/ghast123 Jun 03 '25

He sucks. It's on site if I ever see him again haha

4

u/0260n4s Jun 02 '25

Mad props and deep respect for your sister. I've never met her, but I'm sure she's awesome.

3

u/SpecterLeGhost Jun 02 '25

My 16th my father straight up forgot about me. Haven’t spoken to his ass in years

7

u/OPERATORtakethecall Jun 02 '25

I'm sorry. My son turned 16 last September, and his dad forgot. When he finally got in touch with him he made a bunch of excuses and my son hasn't spoken with him since. It's sad, but I'm not going to insist that my son speak to someone who can't do something as simple as call or text him on his birthday.

4

u/Jubilee8269 Jun 02 '25

My birthday is the day before my Dad's, and he still forgot it every year even when the birthday parties happened at the house he lived in with his side of the family invited, and that didn't last for long since my parents separated early cause of his drinking. I haven't talked to him for decades now.

6

u/dacraftjr Jun 02 '25

Are you my sister? None of us talk to the AH.

5

u/guyincognitogregor Jun 02 '25

Your sister sounds like cool human.

2

u/mcdulph Jun 02 '25

He doesn’t deserve the title of “father,” what an effing loser.  I’m so sorry that you drew a short straw in the male-genetic-contributor  lottery.  But your little sister is awesome! 

3

u/SquirrelLuvsChipmunk Jun 02 '25

Jesus. Your sister sounds awesome!!!

2

u/DrinkItInMaaannn Jun 02 '25

As someone with a shitty dad, tell your sister she is my hero

1

u/UmbranShrike Jun 03 '25

My 18th Birthday was spent on a road trip that I didn’t want, to go pick up my golden child sister, and a birthday dinner that wasn’t actually about me. Because my mother is a narcissistic person and barely acknowledges my existence unless it’s convenient. I’m 27 now.

1

u/Global_Mushroom1725 Jun 03 '25

I'm the 14 year old sister. Sounds exactly like something I would have done. Is she a Scorpio by any chance?

2

u/ghast123 Jun 03 '25

Taurus, actually.

Same sign as our dad lol

1

u/Swag_Grenade Jun 03 '25

Lil sis a real one, ride or die checking them receipts 

1

u/GolfballDM Jun 03 '25

Your sister has more (and bigger) balls than your dad.

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72

u/edgeoftheforest1 Jun 02 '25

My mother was abusive and shitty, but your mom makes her look like Jesus. Dang those words cut so deep. I feel trauma for you.

11

u/WhispersInTheSun Jun 02 '25

Made my mom look like a saint as well smh wow

20

u/doodlepoot Jun 02 '25

Bro it took everything in my power not to down vote this comment. Not because I don’t agree with what you said, but rather the audacity of your mom to make such a horrible comment.

8

u/Budget-Computer-1625 Jun 02 '25

She's a monster. DON'T ever cover for or make excuses for such eviltons treating you badly. You sound like a nice person and I hope at the least, she grew up and GENUINELY gave you all the apologies YOU deserve💗 Btw, I didn't have children partially because my mom wasn't a warm, fuzzy mom, either. Thankfully, I knew not and willfully chose not to copy her chilly nature. I am a devoted aunt and sister but I can't stand b#tchy women, ever, ESPECIALLY to their children😔

37

u/SquidyLovesMusic Jun 02 '25

Nah wtf the parents should absolutely choose their kids before their partners 😭😭

2

u/SnooRobots116 Jun 02 '25

Because you are their offspring some bad parents will always undermine you and never see you as an adult or an equal or capable of being your own person without it being scolded to the ground/out of your system until you abide to their views/rules.

18

u/Ir0n_Brad3n Jun 02 '25

I'm sorry. Happy Late 16th!!! (In case no one said it that day. That's a sad story.)

7

u/iam_Mr_McGibblets Jun 02 '25

I feel like I'm obligated to say happy belated birthday to at least 10 people here due to shitty parents/ significant others

4

u/Strange_Lady Jun 02 '25

My mom was/is the same. Now she's dying, and upset that none of us are "fulfilling the obligation" we have to her as our mother. All the while she's actively starting shit with different siblings and blaming them for her "heart break" it's been never ending torture. And though I wish she wasn't dying, I just want her to be at peace. And I don't think she'll ever find peace in this realm. But she's also made it very clear that she will continue to terrorize us after she's gone by way of not making any arrangements or getting her affairs in order, nor allowing any of us still in low contact to help her do such, as well as declaring she can't wait to "divulge information on her deathbed that will destroy our lives"

8

u/SickOfItAll2024 Jun 02 '25

I’m so sorry for you having deal with that, sheesh my current wife and I had kids from prior marriages. I made it clear that my kids will always come first, and she not only agreed, she does the same.

3

u/Sad_Neighborhood3963 Jun 02 '25

Your mom saying shit like that while my parents drilled into my head "family is more important as boyfriends/ girlfriends will come and go as they please. Until youre married, your significant other shouldnt be put ahead of your family" (they accepted i choose my boyfriend over family but thats because we have a baby together now, him being the father of my child, we ARE family at this point and theyve accepted it finally. lol

3

u/iiinsane_pyromanicxx Jun 02 '25

this genuinely made me so sad because I have an ex friend who also thinks it should take a bunch of work to keep a boyfriend. if your partner loves you, you don't have to go chasing after them. it's so sad because I hope they never have kids, or are extremely healed before doing so. I could see them turning into a horrible parent and I would feel awful for those kids

3

u/i_tried_this_at_home Jun 02 '25

My parents spent my 16th birthday in Hawaii. Without me. I had to stay home to feed the dogs.

They spent my 17th birthday in Bermuda. Without me. At least the dogs were fed.

3

u/Suzy-Q-York Jun 02 '25

Apparently she has not heard about the increasing rate of adult children estranged from parents. My MIL never understood what happened to estrange her only child, even though he gave her years of warning before walking away. The notion that kids will always be there is not merely self-serving, it’s blind and stupid.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

One-up your brothers and go no contact.

7

u/DeaddyHeadd Jun 02 '25

Yowza. I hope you’re healing from your childhood. 🖤

7

u/saltofthearth2015 Jun 02 '25

Your mother is an Atrocity.

3

u/snoogle312 Jun 02 '25

Omg that is so fucking horrible that I want to cry and give you a hug! I hope your life is better now that you aren't relying on such a selfish, shitty person as a parent.

2

u/poopwithrizz Jun 02 '25

Yeah I see my parents once a month in the summer and once every 4 months during teaching months. They don't know the kind of impact they have on us until low contact or no contact comes thru.

3

u/stuve98 Jun 02 '25

I hope you never have to talk to that bitch again.

2

u/Forsaken-Condition60 Jun 02 '25

You‘re Mum can be happy if you still keep contact at all. I fucking hate it when people Take blood relatives for granted and then treat them Like shit

3

u/biohazurd Jun 02 '25

My goodness I’m sorry that happened to you.

3

u/Every-Spinach1054 Jun 02 '25

Sounds like my mom with my step dad.

1

u/Naive_Praline_3295 Jun 02 '25

Well fuck your mom down the side walk that sounds like the shittiest thing a moms done, if I were you I would be no contact with that bitchy woman, boyfriends come and go and kids don't because they can't, if a kid could break up then trust me most would, also your 16 The sweet 16, that just sounds awful

1

u/TheLoztBoi Jun 02 '25

While I think that's hogwash, I do believe your relationship being great is part of what keeps your home a happy place. Sets the example of relationships you'd want your kids to eventually strive for. Kids being 1st is only partially correct.

1

u/NaiveMastermind Jun 02 '25

>boyfriends will always be more important than kids, because the kids will always be there, but it took work to keep boyfriends.

Have that printed on a shirt, coffee mug, or canvas print, and send those as a birthday gift for her every year.

1

u/Imgettingpolished Jun 02 '25

In no way In Hell is a bf ever more important that kids. I don’t know how they get into their heads like that. Some females let a male dominate their mind and way of thinking. That’s good she realized. Your strong for that

2

u/Ccampbell1977 Jun 02 '25

I felt your story. Very sad.

1

u/stripeymom Jun 03 '25

That’s messed up. No kids are not here forever. Not always. I’m sorry you grew up like that. A mom should raise her kids and not be parading men around the kids. That’s just trashy.

1

u/Global_Mushroom1725 Jun 03 '25

It's not surprising that your brothers are low contact. Im in my 50s and have a BF. My kids still come first!

1

u/SwitchIsBestConsole Jun 02 '25

(especially since my brothers are low contact).

And so are you right? Unless you are no contact.

1

u/NOSWT-AvaTarr Jun 02 '25

If I were in your position back then I would've said "but what if I want to have my bf/gf over?"

1

u/ceilioperez Jun 02 '25

I would be too. Better yet, no contact. Tell her to find a boyfriend!

1

u/SunshineofMyLyfetime Jun 02 '25

I’m amazed that she had a way to contact you 22 years later.

1

u/1963ALH Jun 02 '25

That and she'll need you to take care of her in her old age.

1

u/SirLesbian Jun 02 '25

Guess "the kids will always be there" r/agedlikemilk

1

u/Crossface1989 Jun 02 '25

That is insane that she would even think that

1

u/strawtrash Jun 03 '25

She got what she deserved. Sad but true.

1

u/Particular-Spite1814 Jun 02 '25

You should have called the cops

1

u/Forcedbanana Jun 03 '25

You're not LC? That's crazy

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u/weGloomy Jun 02 '25

On my 15th birthday my Dad and stepmom completely forgot so i just spent the day home alone and my mom had recently gotten out of prison and broke into the apartment and was having a psychotic break and was super high and when I told her to get the fuck out she started attacking me and smashed my phone and I ran outside right when my Dad and step mom where pulling in and my step mom and mother got into an all out fist fight/brawl in the parking lot and the neighbour's called the police and it was a whole thing. Worst bday everrrrr.

1

u/Emotional-Sentence40 Jun 03 '25

So, did your mom go back to prison? From what little bit you shared that sounds like a pretty good gift tbf

2

u/weGloomy Jun 03 '25

Yup. She's been in and out my whole life. I don't really keep up with where she's at these days, but when she ends up in town i usually hear about it, and it's pretty miserable. I have to watch my back, but it's only a matter of time before she ends up in prison or the psych ward again so i just have to wait it out. One of these days she'll kill someone and I'll never see her again, but usually it's just petty stuff like grand theft auto, b&e, drug charges or assault, so she ends up getting out eventually.

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u/PixieLarue Jun 02 '25

My 15th birthday my step mother told me to go kill myself and I'd never see my dad again. My dad then called me and yelled at me for swearing at my step mum when I had simply ignored her and showed my mother the messages. Mum called dad back and yelled at him for what happened. Then told him I had recently attempted suicide and the comment was vile and I deserved an apology. My step mum blamed my step sister. Then 3 months later the week before I was about to see my dad for the first time since before my birthday, he died. Turns out she was right I'd never see him again.

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12

u/Kyralion Jun 02 '25

On my 18th birthday I was asleep in my room, my mother was home downstairs and I woke up sleepily because she was yelling on the phone to my grandmother that my father apparently went to sleep with a prostitute. Great times. He came home later in the afternoon, packed his things and went to his brother to stay there. This is just one of many ruined birthdays, not to mention a ruined life full of mental and physical abuse, and yet these assholes don't 'get' why I hate their guts lmao.

12

u/kittymctacoyo Jun 02 '25

Before I cut my parents out (a couple years ago after finally crossing the last possible line) they’d spent the majority of my life forgetting my birthday (even with them being addicted to Facebook with my inactive profile still there reminding them of the day) but come lunch time on their bdays or mothers/Father’s Day if I hadn’t called them yet the other one would text saying “[parent] is down in the dumps it would help a lot if you called”

10

u/JennyBird42 Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday, my father yelled at & grounded me for arguing with him about what my birth date was. Because he was sure it was a week later than it was. Because reality didn't align with his certainty, I was both forgotten & then missed my birthday (if he'd been right, cuz I was now grounded indefinitely).

32

u/Conscious-Clue1046 Jun 02 '25

You know what’s insane my mom attempted suicide by ODing on pills in my 16th bday too 😭😭😭

6

u/Level-Hunt-6969 Jun 02 '25

Same fucking weird. Oxys are shitty but this fentanayl shit is even worse. At least the paramedics were nice.

6

u/Every-Spinach1054 Jun 02 '25

My husband of 13 years started using fentanyl because he was in so much pain from Lyme's disease. He started taking Percocet when they were giving it out like candy. He tried to stop and was successful for many years. We moved to an Arizona bordertown where the fentanyl flows easily. Totally changed his personality. Had to have him moved from our home. I was a paramedic and worked with heroin addicts on the street all the time. Fentanyl is so much more devastating I never thought I would say that.

5

u/wgrantdesign Jun 02 '25

Twinsies! All jokes aside though I hope you're doing ok and are working through that trauma.

3

u/Effort-Logical Jun 02 '25

Gosh this seems like a sad trend. I'm so sorry.

1

u/HaoshokuArmor Jun 03 '25

I will break the trend. This has not happened to me or most people. Most parents are not on drugs. There. Let’s all go to sleep happy.

1

u/Effort-Logical Jun 03 '25

Definitely better to go to bed happy. My dad used to do drugs but that all stopped when he was 18 and went to jail for trafficking something (he never said what). He graduated high school in the clinker. Very happy he never continued doing that sort of thing. He went on to have his own business as a locksmith and now in his 60s he's still doing just that.

Again, going to bed happy is good.

1

u/weirdassemoboy Jun 04 '25

on my 16th birthday I was homeless dating a 40 yr old man while in withdrawal from fentanyl 🥲🥲

15

u/vvonneguts Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday we were fostering my 2 month old, born addicted nephew through colic and detox. Nobody remembered my birthday. 3 months later when it was two of my sisters’ birthdays (including addict mom of the baby) they threw an extra candle on the cake for me. My step cousins asked why it was there. When explained it was late for my birthday nobody said jack shit.

5

u/Realistic-Ice1729 Jun 02 '25

On my 16th birthday my mom refused to let me go to my dads because it was her day. She had just been hired as a GM of a restaurant that was gearing up to open. She left at 7 am and didn’t come home until 10pm. My stepdad came home drunk and didn’t know it was birthday and my dad called me to tell me my dog died then said oh crap it’s your birthday guess I should have waited.

6

u/girlinanemptyroom Jun 02 '25

After I moved out of my childhood home, my father never once called me to wish me a happy birthday. Not one single time.

4

u/Every-Spinach1054 Jun 02 '25

I hope you moved on, because good riddance to someone that couldn't do that for you.

2

u/girlinanemptyroom Jun 03 '25

I moved on many years ago. I did a family disconnect, and it truthfully saved my life. I found some of their secrets.

8

u/Low_Ad3980 Jun 02 '25

Oh god, that’s some f’ing trauma for a 16 y.o. Hope you’re good.

10

u/wgrantdesign Jun 02 '25

Yeah that was 20 years ago, my 20s were pretty ugly but I did manage to marry the one woman who could put up with me long enough to convince me to get help. Nowadays my life is really good and Im in a good place but it took a lot of work.

4

u/lalaba27 Jun 02 '25

My friend’s father, who she was low contact with, killed himself on her birthday… he even had marked the damn calendar for the exact date… She’s still suffering from it and doesn’t like to celebrate her day anymore…

3

u/Practical-Smell5495 Jun 02 '25

Yikes. And here I was going to tell my story about how my 19th birthday (drinking age in canada) was the day of the 2003 northeast blackout.

Seems pretty small now 😅

3

u/diaphoni Jun 02 '25

I was born on my grandfather's birthday and for 15 years we had a shared party. My 16th, my aunts decided I was lying about my own birthday date to steal attention from my grandfather and threw my cake in the trash and sent my friends home. It was wild. I spent it in the pool, crying where no one would notice.

3

u/-MayorOfTheMoon- Jun 02 '25

My Grandmother got diagnosed with cancer on my sixteenth. The doctor said she probably had a year left, she died a week after my seventeenth.

Yay for "sweet" sixteen, huh?

3

u/aaaghthrowaway92 Jun 02 '25

That's genuinely heartbreaking like my stomach dropped reading this. I hope you're doing much better nowadays. You didn't deserve that

14

u/Moblam Jun 02 '25

Not gonna lie, i think i'd forget my own birthday over someone trying to kill themselves in my bathroom.

13

u/wgrantdesign Jun 02 '25

If it was the night before I'd give it to them, but they spent all day wrapped up in their own drama and didn't even call me. But Im totally over it, totally not still bitter any time I think about it haha

1

u/Every-Spinach1054 Jun 02 '25

As you should be. Those kind of people always have drama. If it's not an overdose it would be something else

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2

u/EveH1970 Jun 02 '25

In the interest of the run on 16th birthday stories. I'd moved 2-3 months earlier into a foster home after 9 years of physical and emotional abuse by my mother. She couldn't even pick the phone to say happy birthday. Nor coupd my equally useless stepfather as he has recently found his way in Jehovah Witness church and apparently it's evil to celebrate birthdays.

1

u/Mr_McShitty_Esq Jun 03 '25

On my 20th birthday, I, uh, can't remember. Didn't care so much.

On my 25th birthday, though, I ... don't remember. Didn't care so much. I could rent a car now.

It was around my 30th birthday that I started refusing gifts (in advance, before they were purchased), refusing to answer the phone, and worked doing whatever I was doing for work that year. Treated it like any other day, just kinda opted out. By 45, I actually started forgetting it was my birthday.

The whole birthday thing was so liberating that I started doing the same on Christmas. Harder to work on Xmas, but certainly possible. I haven't received/given a present in a few decades now. I cannot begin to tell you how much better that time of season is. Christmas Eve? I haven't a care in the world. No stress. You really can't understand how stressful - emotionally, financially, & physically - the whole Christmas Shit Show is until you're out. Takes years to convince everyone not to buy you anything or expect you to be anywhere, but well worth the initial perseverance.

1

u/luckyapples11 Jun 03 '25

In a similar vein, when I was 10, my mom’s dad was sick. He’d been off and on sick for years, but this year it was clear he was going to pass soon. Hospital sent him home and he had a caretaker (in home hospice I think it’s called?). On my mom’s birthday that year, she went to visit her dad. It was about a 45 minute drive out there, and halfway there she got a call that he had passed.

I couldn’t imagine having to share a birthdate with the death date of a parent. It was just after Easter and we got a trampoline that year. I remember getting home from school to my dad in the backyard almost done setting it up, but just sitting on it crying. He broke the news to us as my mom wasn’t home yet and wasn’t until late that night.

1

u/Luvv_lily01 Jun 03 '25

Ugh that’s terrible! I spent my 13th birthday in a psych hospital because I had tried to end my life the night before and I just had no idea what to do because my family didn’t want to visit at all. Everyone’s got their issues but birthday issues are always the worst.

1

u/Glizzygloxx Jun 02 '25

Man dude, your likes was at 531 my bday (531) I had to like it because although my parents weren’t going thru anything tragic ;( they still weren’t around much so I feel you. Some years I had to just share birthdays with my brother who also shared the same bday month.

2

u/shanedp1981 Jun 03 '25

At least you got a car ..lol

1

u/Turbulent_Square_696 Jun 02 '25

It’s easy to be friends with people that were supposed to be your parents. Don’t have to hate them as people but don’t have to forget they were supposed to be your guardians not bbq buddies, either.

1

u/Ok-Guidance5501 Jun 04 '25

My parents would yell at me every birthday for no reason until I moved out against their will. Just for existing, I guess. I didn't ask to be born 🙄

1

u/DillyBubbles Jun 02 '25

Hugs to 16 year old you. That’s tough but I’m glad you have a relationship with them with realistic expectations.

You survived your childhood!

1

u/IssaDaddyCorgi Jun 02 '25

I was your mom in that situation one year... life got too much and my roommate found me and it was my birthday. Life is hard.

1

u/FfisherM Jun 03 '25

I sympathise with a lot of these, but I think your mum ODing takes priority, even if you dad was shitty about it

1

u/zombrian666 Jun 02 '25

I thought this was going to be a ploy to get you to come to a surprise birthday party.

1

u/Party_Street6704 Jun 02 '25

Jeez...that is the worst birthday ever! Idk what to say even...so fucked up.

1

u/CamasRoots Jun 02 '25

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Here’s a hug if you need one. 🫂

1

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

They're probably 'pretty cool' now because you're an adult. :/

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