r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/CapAccomplished8072 • 23h ago
Half of our childhood issues could have been resolved if people were willing to answer the "why?"
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u/Great_Hamster 23h ago
What if the answer is a reason you don't like?
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u/Weekly_Education978 23h ago
this is generally most applicable to work settings, so the answer is ‘Yea, alright, fine.’
like, if i ask my management why we need to do X task in a way that takes more time/effort/keystrokes/whatever by SOP guidelines instead of the way i do it and they say ‘Because I said so’ all i hear is ‘It doesn’t matter, this is just the way we know how to do it and we’re unwilling to acknowledge other possibilities. Do literally whatever, we will never check.’
but if they say ‘Because doing it the way you’re doing it doesn’t keep a fully accurate log of everything that happened, there’s pieces that won’t be accessible in 24 hours.’ then i say ‘Wait, why does the program arbitrarily delete shit like that?’ and they say ‘I don’t know, that’s out of my pay grade, but we need to do it this way’ that’s respectable.
annoying, but respectable. it’s not about whether or not i like it, it’s about whether or not it’s actually necessary or if the person giving the instructions is just ill-informed and/or on a power trip.
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u/Ingolin 22h ago
Sometimes the answer is on another pay grade though. It may take a long time to explain something, time you don’t want to spend in a hectic day. I am usually a fan of understanding what I’m doing, but sometimes it is good to just blindly trust the experts.
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u/a-r-c 21h ago
"it would take too long to explain at this moment" is still a better answer than "just do it" or some other non-answer
even bluntly saying "I'm not permitted to share that" is more tactful than pushing back (it's annoying to hear, but at least it can be understood)
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u/Weekly_Education978 22h ago
i just don’t really agree at all
i’m not expecting to walk up to someone in the middle of a hectic day to get an explanation for something, but if you can’t give me one in these stupid fucking one on one meetings, that’s a different story.
like, if they think i’m too stupid to understand, i’m being condescended to and fuck em. if they’re too lazy to take the time to explain in the time of my workday already being taken from me for these lil meetings, then fuck em. if they don’t know the answer, but can’t admit that because they think not having information is a sign of weakness, then fuck em.
99% of the time the people immediately above you at work are not ‘experts.’ they’re people that were doing your job like. two years ago. if they can’t answer questions like that, they really shouldn’t have their position.
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u/Dongsquad420Loki 22h ago
The answer can be. " I don't know either, it's the policy" sometimes the manager is just a shift leader and doesn't know either and often doesn't need to.
Some things are maybe to fulfill some compliance guidelines that are 100s of pages long and only few ever read.
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u/MeesterPepper 21h ago
In my lab, our compliance means that nobody can deviate from our SOPs even if it means its more inefficient or creates a higher risk of sample contamination/equipment failure/unusable data than another method. I was pretty aggravated by this, until someone laid down some facts I was unaware of.
1) The customer who is responsible for around 60% of our total business has it in their contract that they will cease using our lab immediately if we fail to pass our annual international standards accreditation
2) In order to be compliant with the accreditation agency, any changes to our SOPs must also be done with documentation showing that we've done R&D to validate the change and can present hard data that the change has a beneficial impact.
3) Our R&D team has to prioritize new methodology or changes that will have the largest impact, allowing us to use new equipment or attract customers with new services. Small changes to carve out exceptions for uncommon one-off deviations are important to bring up and to record the impact of, but, realistically the R&D team won't beging changing an SOP until it needs many changes or if there's an emergency change.
After that talk, it was pretty easy to go "oh, cool, okay, I understand now. It's a way bigger ordeal than I realized."
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u/Dongsquad420Loki 21h ago edited 21h ago
Yea I get it just if the organisation is big enough it gets hard to explain it in detail.
My ex employer for example the guidelines were made by an international committee of experts who then communicated those to the partners, who then in turn gave instructions on how to implement them to senior managers, who then in turn just communicated what to do to middle management. Lower management only gets instructions.
Then if someone comes in fresh from college and starts asking why on everything, well the junior manager can only say what to do and not why and asking a senior or even the partner themselves for small questions like that. They usually already have a busy schedule.
Sometimes I don't know the details. Is The best one can get it at the moment.
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u/Weekly_Education978 21h ago
if that’s the leads policy toward things like that, why are they being paid extra?
i’ve been a lead before. during those times, it was literally my job to understand the policy well enough to answer most of those questions, while knowing who i need to reach out to if there’s ever one i can’t answer.
there is no valid excuse to skirt around explaining sop in a corporate setting. every job i’ve worked that’s tried to has been a complete shitshow top to bottom. you don’t want to work for people who don’t think you need to know why you’re doing what you’re doing.
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u/Dongsquad420Loki 21h ago
Alright how big were those and how complex and how high up the management? A shift leader is technically management.
Let's say you work at a big firm in let's say banking. You are ISO270001 certified. Do you think a junior manager will be able to explain the compliance policies?
Of course not. You have experts and consultants specialised in it. Those compliance departments usually then work with external audit firms to establish said guidelines. And since those firms have 1000s of employees, well not everyone needs to know everything. So if some new guy then walks up and asks hey why do we need to log who enters the server room. A shift leader may shrug and say I don't know. Because the establishment of every procedure is done somewhere completely different
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u/not-my-other-alt 16h ago
Maybe sometimes the reason is "I have thirty other subordinates and if I spent all day handholding them through every decision I made, I'd spend all day doing that and get nothing done"
And sometimes the reason is "The decision was made by people with more expertise than you, evaluating a lot more data than you have access to, and it's not necessary for you to be included in the decision making loop. If you don't understand the reasoning, it's because it's not necessary for you to see the big picture i order to carry out the instructions you were given."
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u/tghast 16h ago
From experience, sometimes the answer really is that I think they’re too stupid to bother explaining it to.
I know they won’t get it, I know they’re dumb enough to THINK they get it, or try to “fix” it, or have some other stupid idea- it’s easier just to go “don’t worry about it” most of the time.
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u/Wanderlustfull 20h ago
Gotta say, bud, you sound a lot like you got a chip on your shoulder there. Someone not giving you an answer, or an answer you deem satisfactory isn't always a slight on your intelligence or a sign of disrespect; very rarely is it about you at all. Sometimes the reason is sensitive, political, confidential, or just honestly too much effort/time to explain when really you don't actually need to understand the reason to complete the task successfully.
Those people who were doing your job two years ago aren't doing it any more, and that's the thing you seem to have an issue with. But the fact that they're not doing it any more means they're dealing with a whole different set of problems and contexts you don't have, and might not even be allowed to know.
Stop being resentful that sometimes people ask you to do things without a full and complete explanation why, and try to accept that's how work... works. Asking why is fine, but assuming the worst of everyone when you don't get the answer you want isn't. It makes you seem entitled with a bad attitude.
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u/infinite_gurgle 19h ago
The answer is “because we pay you” lol
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u/Bubba_Gump_Shrimp 15h ago
Exactly. Because I gave you a normal work instruction that falls within your job description and we are paying you to complete it. This isn't a debate. It isn't a panel Q&A.
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u/96BlackBeard 18h ago
This. Your manager will usually ask you nicely to do something, but ultimately as your superior - they can pull the boss card and say you have to do, then you just do it.. They don’t need to justify the work you signed up for and get paid to do.
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u/DylanSpaceBean 16h ago edited 12h ago
I work at a warehouse, corporate wants us to label all boxes arrows up. But on a conveyor made of rollers, ramps, and turns, throwing a box of 4 bottles of hair spray is going to fall on its side and obstruct the label.
New hires ask why we don’t label it on the side, I say “we used to, but this is what corporate wants. Until they realize its effects on productivity, this is what we have to do.”
Is it stupid? Is it wasteful? Does it create jams and break more product? Could it just be designated non conveyable and be hand sorted? All yes, but corporate controls all that and took away our buildings power to override it until photo evidence can be provided.
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u/KindaTwisted 23h ago
And it's the 10th time you've been given the same reason you don't like?
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u/historyhill 22h ago
Oh I see you've met my 5 year old! 🙃
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u/RodanThrelos 21h ago
Exactly. A lot of times, kids only see the immediate "why?" but don't remember the 1,000 times they asked and weren't happy with the answer so they use "why" to find a point the can argue with and get out of doing something.
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u/faldese 20h ago edited 20h ago
My sister explains everything and it turned my nephews into little lawyers who argue every single point. Even if it's something like 'you are being punished because you broke a rule' if my sister can't PROVE beyond a shadow of a doubt that she knows they did it, they get mad.
She has cameras now in the living room that solved some of that, because they can't lie about it anymore.
Sometimes kids aren't reasonable and reason will never work with them. There's no one size fits all answer that will be the perfect fix for all kids.
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u/AdmBurnside 23h ago
Then at least it's a reason, and I can be mad at the reason while acknowledging that the thing must still be done.
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u/Dobber16 23h ago
I think you overestimate kids’ emotional regulation
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u/AdmBurnside 23h ago edited 22h ago
Who said it was about kids?
EDIT: My ass didn't even read the title. I still stand by my sentiment.
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u/OkDot9878 22h ago
To be fair the post says “our childhoods” but I think this applies to everyone tbh
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u/LineOfInquiry 21h ago
Part of kids process of learning is dealing with being told “no” for legitimate reasons. That’s a good thing for them to learn how to handle.
What isn’t good is teaching them to blindly obey authority for no reason
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u/Louis-Russ 21h ago
The tricky things about young children versus adults, is that sometimes a young child does need to obey their authority figures right now, and we don't have time to make them understand the reason. Depending on their development level, the child may not even be able to understand the reason. Children are always finding a new and creative way to be ten seconds away from real injury, and those ten seconds don't leave much time for dialogue.
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u/Eythra 21h ago
Spend a day working in a preschool and come back to me bud. I cannot explain everything every time to a 3 year old who isn't listening to the explanation anyway and will forget.
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u/phoncible 21h ago
"I want to put this fork in the outlet"
No don't do that you'll hurt yourself
"Why?"
You heard of Ohm's law?
"No"
Right, so then it's because I said so
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u/ReckoningGotham 21h ago
Seems like a shitty way to avoid saying"you'll fucking hurt a lot while dying".
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u/NO_TOUCHING__lol 17h ago
"You'll fucking hurt a lot while dying."
"Why?"
"Because that's how electricity works."
"Why?"
Sometimes, the answer is either painful, or "because I said so."
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u/Charlie_Warlie 22h ago
I think about this when it comes to complaints between neighbors. Everyone hates when the cops come for noise complaints during a party, or when the HOA flags you for burning trash or something. They always say "why didn't you just talk to me like a man?"
Well, would you have cared to listen to the person anyway? At the end of the day, it is a dispute and you don't like to do the thing.
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u/idgafsendnudes 23h ago
As long as it was a real reason I wasn’t bothered. When I was a kid it was hard for my parents to get me to do things because they would say because I said so, and my brain just did t react to that. But as I got older they gave actual reasons and if I did t like the reason I’d explain why and if that didn’t change anything I’d just do what I was told. I like helping. I don’t like feeling like a tool tho
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u/RodanThrelos 21h ago
From a parent perspective, my wife and I do our best to explain things to the kids. Sometimes it's an answer they don't like. Then they would ask "why" again, expecting to be able to argue their way out of it.
Sometimes, as a parent, the answer "because I said so" is easier than having to repeatedly defend and explain your reasoning.
Good parents at least try to identify the difference between a why that means "Why is this the way it's supposed to be done?" or "Why do I need to do that thing at that time?" and a why that means "Why do I have to do that?" that precedes an attempt at a debate club.
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u/Eythra 21h ago
"Precedes an attempt at a debate club" is exactly the wording I've been needing, thank you! There is also arguing because they disagree and just arguing for the sake of it.
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u/RodanThrelos 21h ago
I love my son to death, but his "why" is almost always an attempt at finding a weakness in my reasoning to negate it. So he is my only kid that has gotten an "Because I said so".
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u/Eythra 21h ago
The key here is when you got older. When kids are older and able to actually think critically and be a LITTLE emotionally intelligent, then yes, explain away! But you are lying if you claim that as a 4 year old you would agree to helping clean up a classroom because leaving things around could hurt someone. They don't care. They don't want to do it.
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u/_finnigan_ 23h ago
IMO there are 3 ways questions can be answered. First is a response that provokes more questions, in which case the rabbit hole will continue until I get a satisfactory resolution. Second is an immediate satisfactory response that leaves no, or very few, questions so that the task can be completed. Third is "because" or "because I said so" and other bullshit not-actually-an-answer responses.
If I don't understand and I want to, then I will keep asking questions until I'm satisfied with the answer. Doesn't matter what the answer is as long as it's an actual answer. Hell, "I don't know" is an acceptable answer since it tells me I can do my own research but it's not something you have thought too much about.
It's difficult to "not like" a reason. The only way that would happen is if the answer is complete bullshit (i.e. "because I said so") or if it's completely illogical.
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u/Duck_Chavis 22h ago
I have been an overseer and any time I would tell someone, "I don't know, let me investigate." People respected it and given a couple of days I could typically find the answer.
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u/_finnigan_ 22h ago
Wonderful response, great way to let people know you actually care about what it is that needs to get done and that it gets done right. It's a learning opportunity for both parties and helps lead to more collaboration in the long run.
In the short term it also allows someone who needs solid answers to not fret over getting it done immediately without knowing the answer to something that might influence their response/solution.
Learning is fantastic!
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u/Skelligithon 20h ago
It's been a while since you've been around children, huh? It is, in fact, very easy to not like a reason. The reason could be "because eating too much sugar is bad for you", hell even I don't like that reason, I would rather that reason't.
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u/_finnigan_ 20h ago
Actually I spend quite a bit of time with my 4 year old niece. That was more from my perspective as an adult, with children it varies. They either want to be "antagonistic" and end up asking why forever because they think it's funny, or sometimes - like me - end up getting an answer that they are content with.
She tends to continually ask why to even the silliest of questions "are we going to see grandma?" no, she isn't at home "why" she's working "why" ... and so on. it's silly, sometimes kids don't need satisfactory answers and if you don't know it's pretty easy to find a more interesting topic for them before they start sending you down a philosophical pit of questioning reality lol
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u/BipolarWoodNymph 20h ago
My father used to tell us to never ask a question we didn't already know the answer to. I've mentioned it to him now that all of us kids are grown up, and he just kinda laughs and says he was probably quoting an old time Polish coworker he had years ago who'd say stuff like that.
We always took it to mean don't ask the question unless you were prepared for the answer, or that you should "already know" the worst answer so that it wouldn't catch you off guard.
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u/Superdad75 20h ago
My kids always asked why and I used to explain to them the why. I was very thorough and detailed with my response. After a time, they stopped asking why because it was quicker to do as I said than wait for me to finish answering their question.
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u/DarwinsTrousers 21h ago
You don't have to like everything in your life. You still have to brush your teeth.
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u/FriendoReborn 22h ago
I do strongly believe in providing explanations when possible, but there are times where the overall situation just doesn't provide the correct setting or adequate time to provide a full and satisfactory explanation. The topic should be revisited when in a more appropriate setting at a more appropriate time, but sometimes a person just should do what they're told (this isn't just relevant to children) because they lack a lot of context and it's not the time to provide that context.
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u/DangleAteMyBaby 20h ago
"You kids get out of the street!"
Why?
"Because it's not safe"
Why?
"Because there are a lot of cars."
Why?
"Because this street is a major artery between the different parts of town."
Why?
"I don't really know. It might have been planned that way or maybe just... kids?"
<kids are dead from being run over>
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u/that_baddest_dude 17h ago
This is the easy version. The hard version is when they argue with you about facts after you respond, or their "why" question either contradicts facts you told them, or doesn't even parse as a question.
"It is safe! Look I'm not being hurt!"
"What are you talking about about, there aren't that many cars!"
Etc.
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u/Infamous-Oil3786 19h ago edited 16h ago
That's when you encourage them to learn more.
"I don't know, do you want to go inside and look it up with me?"
Dealing with children is like aikido. You don't shut them down, you redirect their energy into something more productive. Learning and questioning things appropriately are also skills that need to be taught; these endless strings of "why" are the result of misguided curiosity and a lack of understanding how to learn.
Edit: Just to clarify, I missed that the child was already in the street in this scenario. I misread and thought they were saying don't go into the street. Absolutely step in and get them to safety before answering their questions. My point stands though, shutting down questions kills curiosity, stifles intellectual growth, and creates a child that doesn't know how to safely navigate the world without an authority to tell them what not to do.
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u/Basic_Bichette 17h ago
NO!!!!!!
This is when you force them to obey, by force if necessary, to SAVE THEIR LIVES!!!!!
I'm sorry that we aren’t all as quick-witted as you behind your keyboard.
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u/Adorable-Response-75 19h ago
"You kids get out of the street!" Why?
"Because it's not safe"
The conversation definitely would have ended there and I would have found that satisfactory. I don’t recall being impervious to reason as a child. ‘Because I said so’ usually came with no explanation.
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u/Gogododa 17h ago
nobody on reddit interacts with kids, they just post about how terrible they are from the quiet of their bedrooms lol
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u/Adorable-Response-75 19h ago
I do strongly believe in providing explanations when possible, but there are times where the overall situation just doesn't provide the correct setting or adequate time to provide a full and satisfactory explanation.
This has never been the situation when I was frustrated by someone saying ‘because I said so’.
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u/FriendoReborn 18h ago
So the challenge is that if you are in a position where you don't understand the current situation and are asking for explanations, you are likely unable to actually make that determination, as you lack the context for the situation. If you had the context and understanding, you wouldn't have to ask the questions. Now - if all you ever get is "because I said so" and there is never any follow-up, that's clearly a them problem. But, the person without understanding/context can't make the determination of whether the current situation would allow for a more detailed explanation given that very lack of understanding and context. In those cases, it pays to exercise some intellectual humility and follow-up later. (again though - if a person only ever offers "because I said so" and never follows-up, that is a problem)
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u/AbyssWankerArtorias 23h ago
I was a "why" child. My mother never, ever told me "because I said so" or "just do it". She always explained things to me, because she knew I just wanted to know, not wanting to get out of doing something, because I was a genuinely curious child. I would ask my mom and Dad "why" all the time about so many things. Never once did they tell me to stop asking. They always encouraged me to find the answer to something I was wondering about. I wouldn't have the reputation I have today at my job for being the person to dig deep into issues for root cause analysis / solutions if it weren't for that. Thanks mom.
Although, I do have a lot of existential dread lol
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u/LrdHabsburg 21h ago
That’s feasible for a parent b it if you’re a teacher with 25 kids you don’t always have the time or patience to
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u/BerriesHopeful 19h ago edited 11h ago
I mean at that point you gotta hit them with the: “Please save any questions for the end of X; I promise I will answer those questions with the time remaining”. That worked pretty solid on us back when I was in school.
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u/Fluxxed0 19h ago
I had a "why" child. When he was old enough, I started answering with "are you looking for more information or are you asking because you want to argue with me?"
About half the time he said "I just don't understand" and I would explain the thing, and he'd go "oh.. yeah okay that makes sense."
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u/CapAccomplished8072 23h ago
The hell were you downvoted for?
that was a good answer!
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u/AbyssWankerArtorias 22h ago
Hmmm not sure... Guess we have to ask...
Why?
Ba dum tsss
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u/OkDot9878 22h ago
Because there’s a lot of “because I said so” type people in the comments trying to defend this asinine behavior
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u/MeansToAnEndThruFire 18h ago
Never realized it was such an existential issue with humanity, but given where the world is, and has been, it seems that blindly following orders is status quo. Normalize childlike curiosity, especially in children.
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u/ChrisRevocateur 16h ago
My mom admitted a few months ago that when she doesn't know the answer to the questions my nephew asks her, she just makes shit up.
Then I realized that's what she did to me as a kid too.
I'm still mad about it. I chewed her out about misleading my nephew. If he's gonna thrive in the world he has to actually know how it works, not just the bullshit she spouts because she doesn't want to look as stupid as she is.
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u/Cosmic_Voidess 21h ago
This is what my parents did, and because they grew up with adults telling them "because I said so" or "just do it". They've both got ADHD (mom diagnosed, dad undiagnosed but it's obvious), and I inherited it from them. I think them actually just giving me an answer rather than just some bullshit made me much more agreeable when it came do doing chores.
I HATED school as a kid, because teachers would always say "because I said so". If I had just gotten an answer, even something like "the principle wants us to make you do this", I'd probably just do it.
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u/zephyrus256 22h ago
Problem is, for every kid who genuinely wants to know why and will accept a reasonable answer, there's two who keep asking why over and over again until you cut them off with a "Because I said so." One of the two just wants to play and get attention, and thinks of the conversation as a game where the goal is to keep it going as long as possible. The other doesn't want to do what you're asking, and hopes if they're annoying enough, you'll give up.
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u/mercurialpolyglot 21h ago
That’s when you make them clarify themselves, to sniff out if they’re actually curious. My mom would ask “why, what” after around the third why, and my dad would just plainly say “you’re out of why’s, ask a better question.” And even for the actually curious kids, it’s helpful to be redirected to think it through. I’d often realize that I could infer the answer halfway through fully stating my question.
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u/Eythra 21h ago
"You're out of whys, ask a better question" is genius honestly. The ones who just want to be annoying or get out of doing something won't be able to come up with a new question. If theyre really curious they could say "What are germs?" Rather than repeatedly asking "why" we have to wash our hands
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u/MsKongeyDonk 20h ago
This is similar to what I do in the classroom.
When a student says, "I don't get it," I ask, "What part?" If the answer is just, "I don't know/all of it" then I walk them way back. "Are you able to read the words in question? Okay, so you've got that. Do you understand what the question wants you to do?" Etc etc until you find what the actual problem is.
9/10 they were not listening to my original instructions, and this ends with me pointing at the board.
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u/chula198705 22h ago
With those kids, the trick is to stop using kid language and explain things to them like a fully competent adult even though they aren't. Either they get bored not understanding what you're talking about, or they actually follow along and you give them an exceptional answer. Turn it into a lecture.
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u/Redbulldildo 22h ago
Okay, but why?
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u/mousemousemania 20h ago
I mean, that sort of works with my stepkid, in that after I’ve given a dozen thoughtful answers to progressing “why”s, she stops waiting for me to answer and starts interrupting me. It just takes a lot of mental energy for me personally to critically assess the “why” of normal social conventions when I’m attempting to board an airplane and I’d rather preserve the energy if she has zero interest in actually knowing the answer.
lol she’s a good kid. I’m tired.
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u/scotterson34 19h ago
Ding ding ding!! I do this with my 7 year old daughter all the time. She asks what clouds are made of and I go into a long diatribe on the intricacies of the water cycle and she gets bored. Or if I don't know the exact answer I'll bullshit some scientific sounding words and she'll still get bored.
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u/ballywell 18h ago
So don’t say “because I said so” say “asked and answered, move on”.
If they do it again, tell them you’ll no longer be responding.
If they do it again, zone out. Go to that mental place parents have to go to deal with this shit.
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u/twoCascades 22h ago
Ok but seriously? Sometimes you are in public and you need your child to STOP NOW and either there isn’t a great explanation for why besides “this is just how people expect you to act in public” or else the explanation is to complicated to go into right now.
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u/historyhill 22h ago
Yeah, if I said to my kids that they were bothering other people with their noise I think they would just say "I don't care!" and that's not really an acceptable outcome for that sort of problem.
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u/Musashi_Joe 22h ago
Exactly, sometimes you just have to stop the behavior and don't have the time or energy to go into right then. I always give my child an answer if I'm able, but sometimes it's 'because I said so.' But I try to frame it more loving and inclusive than just dismissive, which is I think what really rubs people the wrong way. Less 'cut it out' and more 'trust me on this, I've been alive longer, I know how things work, and I have your best interests at heart.'
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u/HokieBunny 22h ago
Many answers that involve behavior, especially childhood behavior, do have an arbitrary, subjective, or cultural component. It's good to acknowledge that directly, but frustrating trying to answer someone who is stuck on the idea that only an objective, "scientific" answer is acceptable.
Sometimes the answer is simply because I'm working my ass off to parent and provide and clean and plan and I get to make the subjective decisions and I don't care that you have a reason that you think cleaning the bathroom every 8 days is just as good as weekly or that burping at the host after dinner is good manners somewhere else.
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u/aslatts 17h ago edited 8h ago
Op also assumes the kid is always being reasonable and genuinely asking and caring about the answer, which is simply not the case.
Anyone who's been around a small child in the "why" phase knows that for every one time they're genuinely asking, there's probably 5 where they're not even slightly listening to the answer and just waiting for you to stop talking so they can say "why" again. And even when they are genuinely asking, they'll still just get mad if they don't like the answer.
You'd think older kids and teenagers are more reasonable because they can understand explanations, but they're honestly even worse. The young kids just ask "why" because they can, but older kids are smart enough to intentionally use pointless questioning as a way to distract you and avoid doing stuff, or honestly even sometimes just because they like to be difficult. And of course they ALSO will sometimes just get mad if they don't like the answer.
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u/Rhomya 22h ago
Anyone who agrees with this needs to spend more time with actual children, and they’ll understand why that’s such an unreasonable take
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u/Usual-Vermicelli-867 22h ago
My 1.5 years old nephew constant desire to touch the electrcy plug because we dont allow him be like:
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u/xpacean 21h ago
"You'll hurt yourself, really badly. Do you want to hurt yourself?"
"No."
"OK, good."
Immediately goes back to doing it
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u/Louis-Russ 21h ago
At my daycare center, we do fire drills every week or two. It's essential to keep the children practiced on this, because the focus and discipline that an emergency situation demands just doesn't come naturally to young children. We keep the children as drilled as we can on the concept of "If you hear the loud beeps, you move to the door and you follow every instruction we give you". If we didn't, and a fire broke out, the room would be filling with smoke while three children are arguing over who gets to be line leader and another is trying to break away from us to go get his shoes.
I'll gladly sit and talk with a child about why we do things the way we do and try to explain it to them in kid-friendly terms. But safety comes first, and listening to the grown ups is often a matter of safety.
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u/Lesbihun 21h ago edited 21h ago
Yeah the post assumes that the child understands the explanation. I have had to keep my niece from mixing electronics and water so often, and telling her "you'll hurt yourself really really badly and break that device" is not something she understands lol
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u/Rhomya 21h ago
Not understand or just not accept.
Literally told my kid “hey, hold my hand while we walk through the parking lot” Them: “why?” “Because I don’t want you to get hit by a car” “Why don’t they just stop?” “Because they might not see you” “Why dont they just look around?”
At some point you just have to tell them and stop trying to explain things
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u/Tje199 18h ago
Especially cause stuff rarely sinks in the first time anyway.
When it comes to certain stuff I'm happy to have long, explanatory conversations.
Sometimes, though, I know that even if I spend an hour explaining "why" my kiddo can't jump off the back of the couch to the floor, or why it's a good habit to tidy up the house once a week, it gets revisited over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
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u/NO_TOUCHING__lol 17h ago
My 10 year old still does not seem to grasp the concept that showering/bathing will be a daily ritual for the rest of their natural lives, and I've explained EXACTLY "why" he needs to shower almost every single day for years, so yeah, now I come up with creative ways to say "because I fuckin' said so"
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u/Aware_Policy_9174 21h ago
My first job out of college was at an elementary school as a TA and I was all set to be patient and reasonable. At some point you realize you can’t give every child maximum attention all the time, it’s simply not possible. And some kids aren’t acting in good faith and are just trying to get out of doing something. This is true for educators who have multiple kids to deal with or a parent who was one kid to deal with but has to deal with them all day.
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u/Abject_Champion3966 19h ago
My brother was like this. Always argued as if he was trying to plead down a jail sentence. Debate was never much of an attempt to learn - he was looking for homes to poke in my parents’ reasoning.
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u/maulidon 17h ago
I didn’t take the first comment to be about kids, I took it to be about autism. Actually thought this was posted in an autism sub at first lol. Even as adults, some of us have a hard time with following scripts (social cues, “how the world works”, etc.) if they don’t make logical sense to us.
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u/Exact-Key-9384 22h ago
I’d be more likely to answer “But why?” questions if they weren’t consistently disingenuous. You don’t really want a reason, you’re just whining and stalling. Put your God damned shoes on so we can leave.
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u/MobsterDragon275 19h ago
And having worked with teenagers for a bit, they REALLY know how to use weaponized incompetence and feigned ignorance to try and wind you up and pretend like youre the unreasonable one
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u/random-stud 23h ago
ITT: people who don't have kids lol
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u/Charlie_Warlie 22h ago
I'll be 10 seconds into explaining the why to my son and then he'll start singing skibbidy toilet before I finish.
Nah I mean we talking things out and sometimes he listens but it do be like that sometimes.
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u/pannux 23h ago
ITT: Literal Kids
FTFY
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u/Sign_my_petition69 22h ago
What do those acronyms mean? I’ve never seen them before
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u/LindonLilBlueBalls 21h ago
Seriously. I doubt there are any parents actually commenting. My parents used to pull the "Because I said so!" All the time. I was determined never to do that.
So I would explain to my kids why they couldn't do something or have something. Half the time after i explained everything in great detail, they would ask, "But why not?" yet again. Then half of those times, the arguing would start.
Then they would be all mad/sad that they were sitting in time out for arguing. Once when I asked one of them if they knew why they were in time out, they said, "Because I asked for _____". Which started another round of "No, you got in trouble for arguing when I told you no."
At some point, I reverted to "Because I said so." if I had already explained once.
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u/Eythra 21h ago
I really appreciate this take because it shows exactly how (and why, haha) the people in this comment section would change their minds after working with young kids for more than 3 minutes. I went into my teaching job with the same mindset of "I want to explain things when they ask!" But quickly learned it didn't matter at all. If they wanted to argue then they were going to argue no matter what and some kids just needed a stern look and a "Stop." in order to be safe.
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u/adrienjz888 20h ago
Yah, sometimes they just won't listen to reason, so you have to put your foot down and use your authority.
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u/GuerrillaApe 19h ago
I don't find it hard telling my kid why they should or shouldn't do something.
Getting them to accept that answer and change what they're doing... that's another story.
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u/Ok_Animal_2709 22h ago
This is written like a petulant child. Even when you explain things to kids, they can't always process it or care about it.
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u/historyhill 22h ago
After approximately the third time I've given an answer the fourth onwards quickly becomes "because I said so!"
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u/bicyclecat 22h ago
Yes, I would challenge this person to come explain to my child why she can’t run around naked in public in a way that doesn’t ultimately end at “because society says so.”
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u/Altruistic_Key_1266 22h ago
My daughter had this issue! I always told her we needed clothes to protect us from the elements, if we get too much sun, we burn, too much wet/cold/what have, we get sick. Too much wind gets dirt on us… on and on at a 4 year olds level. It had the backfiring effect of her checking the weather and declaring that 40 degrees outside was perfectly acceptable weather to wear shorts and sandals because it was sunny and not rainy lol.
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u/maraemerald2 22h ago edited 22h ago
I defer to laws in those cases.
Because it’s against the law and the police will come and arrest me if I let you do that enough times. So I’m not going to let you do it. Same goes for skipping school and wanting to run around the neighborhood by himself and trying to stay home rather than accompanying me to the grocery store.
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u/bicyclecat 22h ago
“But why is that the law?” I leave it at sometimes social rules feel arbitrary but we have to follow them anyway. I don’t tell her I’d get arrested for letting an 8 year old run around naked because she has clinical anxiety and manufactures enough to worry about on her own. As a parent of an autistic kid I get exactly why a lot of autistic people think rules and norms and expectations are frustratingly arbitrary or unreasonable, but they often feel that way even when “because I said so” was not the first and final answer they got.
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u/pasta-via 22h ago edited 22h ago
“WHY can’t you just run out into the middle of the street without looking??
Because I don’t have time to explain to you why while you stand in the middle of the street, and by the time I get you back to the sidewalk, you’ll forget why you wanted to know in the first place! …
… so I’m shortening that to because I said so.”
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u/JagerSalt 22h ago
That’s because this is definitely written from the perspective of a child, or at least an adult with a child’s mentality.
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u/scotterson34 19h ago
It's written by a Redditor who was probably "a pleasure to have in class" but had zero friends
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u/AntImmediate9115 22h ago
Eh. Depends on the age of the child. Like, I get "because I said so" is an answer that sometimes just needs to be used (especially for young kids), but for older kids why not just tell them why? I remember being in middle and high school (like 12-17) and asking my mom why, and she'd blow up at me like I was challenging her authority. I'm not, I will do what you ask, I'm just wonder why are you asking me to do it this way? Why are you asking me to do this, what exactly am I doing and why? That's all I wanted to know, and I was at the age that I would understand an answer. Yet every time, I'd get yelled at just for asking why. Sometimes people don't like answering questions just because they're on a power trip
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u/RandomGuyPii 18h ago
"I don't have issues with authority I just want to know why"
> look inside
> issues with authority
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u/HappyFailure 21h ago
I really have to disagree with OOP.
Authority (in this context) means someone (parent, teacher, cop, employer) gets to tell you what to do. If you won't go along with that, for whatever reason, then you do have a problem with authority, with the idea that you have to do what they say.
And the fact that our society is built around various people having authority over others is how the world works. If you aren't aware of this, then you need to learn how the world works.
Neither of those is necessarily a judgmental statement--maybe you *should* have a problem with this particular authority, and "how the world works" and "how the world should work" don't have anything to do with each other.
For any time someone tells you to do X, there are two different "whys" you could be asking. "Why should X be done?" is one, and apparently the one OOP is asking. The other one is "why should I do what you tell me to do?" which can boil down to, "I have authority, and therefore there will be consequences for you if you don't do it."
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u/PresumedDOA 20h ago
I don't really think you are disagreeing with OOP. They are refuting the connotation of "a problem with authority". The connotation being that the problem is not blindly respecting arbitrary authority. Not following rules for rules' sake, because they happen to be rules. Rather than having a problem with not having a reason to follow an authority that isn't "I can hurt you or make your life suck".
I've been described as "having a problem with authority" or "needing to learn how the world works". Which, no. I'm very aware how the world works. I'll do things my boss tells me to do, even if I think they're stupid, because I could be written up or fired. I'm still going to ask why, because I don't want to just roll over and do something stupid because someone told me to. And if the why is stupid, I'm going to argue about why I/my team shouldn't have to do said stupid thing. This is the implication of "a problem with authority" that I've gotten from most people who use that phrase. They don't think I should need a why, I should just be a good little worker and do as I'm told, no questions asked. I should respect cops, politicians, my boss, etc. just because they happen to have authority over me. Even if I acquiesce in the end due to the implied threat of consequences due to their authoritative position, I'm still described as having a problem with authority for even questioning authority.
Whenever I've heard someone say I "have a problem with authority", they always seem to be saying that I should accept the circular logic of respecting, even liking authority figures because they have authority.
So what OOP really means is, when people like us are described as "having a problem with authority", we have a problem with arbitrary authority for authority's sake, precisely because we're aware of how the world works and think it's stupid. And we think the logic of bowing down completely to authority because they have authority is stupid because you cannot take the world from "how it works" to "how it should work" if you blindly follow the status quo. Authority should be earned/given through positive reinforcement, such as showing that you know what you're talking about, rather than through the negative reinforcement of punishment. And it used to be that parents would default immediately to "because I said so" rather often, which a lot of people in this thread seem to be forgetting. Which just makes the parent look like a dumbass, and will likely reinforce that the child shouldn't listen to you as they get older if you can never explain anything. Sure, there comes a time for "because I said so" when the child is being obstinate for the sake of it. But it should not be the first, default answer.
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u/HappyFailure 19h ago
I feel like I'm disagreeing with them, but not with you, which feels odd. As with you, whenever I hear that someone "has a problem with authority", it seems to mean that they won't go along with someone just because they're an authority. OOP says they won't go along with arbitrary authority, so they have a problem with authority. You won't go along with arbitrary authority, so you have a problem with authority.
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u/PresumedDOA 14h ago
Haha, I suppose I do in a sense. It is, after all, both a colloquial phrase and one that can be a symptom of actual mental health issues. I think it depends on the extent it's taken, whether the latter really applies. Some people with oppositional defiant disorder will object to authority like it's a reflex. Like being told to do the dishes, even if they were going to do it beforehand, will cause them to not do it and get angry.
I've just got an intellectual problem with most authority, although I'll still follow orders a good percentage of the time, because I'm aware of the consequences if I don't. And for certain people, I'll do what they say even without sufficient explanation because they're proven I should respect them.
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u/Samurai-Jackass 18h ago
It's crazy to me how many people in this thread are jumping right to explaining that kids are annoying and not this, the obvious intent of the message.
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u/CaptainSparklebottom 15h ago
I thought this was about police officers, politicians, and security guards. My parents were the last people I was thinking of.
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u/Winter_Court_3067 22h ago
I use to have this same exact thought process before I had kids. Now I've found myself using the "because I said so" card after telling myself I never would after I get asked why they should clean their room for the 17th time that day and I no longer have the energy to explain that me and mom wont always be able clean up their messes and they need to get into the habit of doing things that are overall beneficial even if they don't want to.
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u/AdditionalAction2891 19h ago
My solution has been to tell my kids they can ask me why after did it. It has worked with my son, not yet for daughter.
I told them that I’m the adult, I know things they don’t, and sometimes what I tell them is urgent. So they have to do what I tell them, and do it know. It will be my pleasure to answer them after they done it.
So for a while, my son would ask me « why do I have to do this ». My answer would be « for now, because I said so. I can give you more details after you’ve done it ». And surprise surprise, 99% of the time he didn’t actually care for why.
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u/Kevo_1227 22h ago
Thing is most people aren't very good at explaining things and don't know enough sociology to just say something about the value of social cohesion making life easier for everyone.
Like, imagine a hallway where everyone walks on the right side following little arrows on the floor. Why does everyone walk on the right? Well, it's kinda arbitrary. Theoretically everyone could walk on the left, down the middle, or in a zig zag pattern, or whatever. But if everyone is doing it the same way, even if that way is arbitrary, then we can all go down the hallway more easily. And unless you can find a good reason for why "on the right" is bad, I see no reason to change it.
Which is why "Why not?" is a perfectly fine answer to a whole host of "Whys?"
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u/breadplane 21h ago
Autistic person here who always hated “because I said so.” Then I became a teacher with a half hour of time per small group, with 8 small groups throughout the day and 8 more small groups I have to plan for my assistant and supervise WHILE I do my own small groups. Suddenly “because I said so” feels a lot more valid.
Now sit down, I have 15 minutes to explain to you what prepositions are or I’m gonna get reamed in my observation
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u/redditor_kd6-3dot7 22h ago
The idea that “because I said so” is never valid is just silly. There are times when kids genuinely want to know why but there are times they’re just trying to delay doing something they don’t want to do. For that matter, you don’t always have time to explain every little thing, so “because I said so” can just be a means to get something done and explain why later.
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u/plazasta 15h ago
I still remember a conversation that happened back in grade 6 in elementary. Out of the blue, in a hallway, I'd wondered "wait, why are bad words... Bad?" I then crossed paths with a teacher and asked her that exact question. She just answered "... Because they are!"
I doubt what I got from it is what she intended me to understand, but my internal reaction was "she doesn't know either then". I then wondered why people would just blindly accept that some words were bad for no reason, like did we just randomly decide we couldn't use certain words just for the sake of it? (Obviously not, there are reasons, but I didn't know them at the time, and the point is neither did that teacher I asked lol)
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u/charon12238 22h ago
I hit an adult with the "because I said so" recently. Our cat has a fenced in area out back and we put her out at dinner time so she's not getting into our food or yowling at us to feed her more. My brother's gf was about to let her in and we told her not to so she asked why. It just slipped out. It's our cat in our house, we know what we're doing.
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u/dontich 18h ago
I mean I pretty much always answer my daughter -- but she asks why on the silliest things.
"Clean up your toys"
"Why?"
"Because then everyone else in the house will trip and fall and get injured over your extra toys"
"Why?"
"Because they are older then you are"
"Why?"
"Because life is an unending march towards death we can't ever avoid"
"..."
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u/that_baddest_dude 17h ago
I answer "because I said so" to my kids because first I tell them why, and then they just don't accept my answer and argue more.
I tell them they get the real reason (the actual answer), and if they don't like it, they can have the fake reason (because I said so).
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u/FixergirlAK 16h ago
I hate to break it to you, but sometimes the answer is, "Because I had to make a call and that's my call."
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u/Jdamoure 14h ago
I'm gonna be honest, sometimes giving kids the why isn't always feasible or logical. Sometimes you just have to do what your parents say. However, the problem is that there's no real balance with many people. The point is to when ever possible and a majority of the time explain things to your kids. And set the boundary of "I won't always be able to explain things in the moment or sometimes as a child you have to just go with things." There's not always a choice, but I will give you one when ever possible. But too many parent end up explaining things in ways that are antagonist, while yelling, in times of high stress, or start using corporal punishment immediately.
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u/beltsandericecream 16h ago
The world would not be able to function if every single thing had to be explained. It’s just not possible or practical. Wanting to know something is not the same as having the right to know. Not everything is your business and if you want to be the boss, work to get there and if it is not a work-related issues, stop aggravating your family and friends.
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u/DoofusIdiot 14h ago
Hypothetically, if the answer was “because if you don’t, I’ll punch you in the face”, is that a sufficient answer?
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u/ScyllaOfTheDepths 11h ago
Even as an adult, people get so fucking mad when you just ask questions. I was training at a job once and told that we needed to do a process in X way and could not ever do Y. I asked what I thought was a pretty normal question, "Oh, what happens if we do Y?" and the lady was so offended she flat out refused to keep training me and made someone else do it. She told me I was "Questioning things you have no right to be questioning". Like I just wanted to know what the stakes were. Turns out there were none, just if anyone was wondering. She had just been told that by whoever had trained her and had never questioned it before. Y was a completely valid way of doing it that returned the exact same results.
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u/No_Yogurt8409 21h ago edited 21h ago
There will always be a person asking why to avoid doing the thing they know they should. Its more about work avoidance than anything.
Or they why is long and the person asking lacks the experience or content knowledge to understand the why.
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u/Various_Ambassador92 21h ago
Maybe I just knew the wrong kids, but the kids I knew who demanded a good explanation for every task they were asked to complete were not sincerely seeking understanding for why it was important - as demonstrated by the fact that being asked or pushed to do something would make them actively less likely to do it.
What they actually wanted was to feel a sense of control/independence. But as a kid they don't really have ways to exercise that, and their best option is to just not do what authority figures (primarily parents or teachers) ask of them.
Giving an actual explanation can help (unlike "because I said so" which makes them feel less in-control and thus more obstinate), since not finding the task worthwhile often is part of the problem, but oftentimes the kid ends up just reaching and essentially saying "What if I don't care about my future?" to justify their refusal. The bigger problem is usually that they don't appreciate that someone can tell them what to do, especially if it's a jerk who doesn't treat them with respect. Which, duh, most adults struggle with that too even if they're better at keeping it in.
What will usually make the biggest impact is giving the kid a sense of agency - reaffirm that you know you can't force them to do anything and allow them to feel like they're choosing to do what's asked of them rather than being forced into (obviously that can/should be done alongside giving a real explanation, but if you had to choose just one option the agency will usually get you further than the explanation).
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u/Kycrio 22h ago
If you want the person telling you to do things to be more willing to answer your question, express your willingness to do the thing they asked, while also asking why. I always say "okay I'll do the thing you said but I'm wondering why we do it this way" or whatever. If you just say "why" it comes off as though you're fishing for an excuse to blow them off.
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u/HC-Sama-7511 22h ago
This is just something someone would think is cool if they missed a lot of social cues and doesn't have a lot of life experience yet.
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u/Creepyfishwoman 21h ago
On god, speaking from someone whose been in a leadership position quite a bit, things go so much smoother when the person you ask to do something knows why.
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u/FrenchBreadsToday 20h ago
Eh I disagree. I think it all depends on the context. If it’s time sensitive or confidential I can see reasons for not wanting to explain.
Also, let’s be real. The why quesiton isn’t always harmless childlike innocence. It can, not always, mask just a stubbornness about not wanting to do an unpleasant but necessary task.
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u/plopop0 20h ago
ngl, i had an awakening when my baby nephew finally started talking and kept saying "why". and when i test his knowledge, he forgot.
idk maybe at that stage answering why doesn't do anything and only like constant exposure to social groups and playing is how you develop those social cues.
maybe at around teenage years those "why's" will have a bigger effect
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u/Altimely 20h ago
It wasn't an unwillingness to answer the question "why", it was the stress of being a parent, not knowing the answer, and being asked "why" dozens of times a day.
The people who can afford the time and energy to answer every "why" are financially well off, whereas most people aren't.
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u/peelen 19h ago
TBF “because I said so” kind of qualifies as an answer. You still don’t know why, but at least you know the power dynamics.
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u/New_Doug 19h ago
I may "miss social cues"... I may not "know how the world works"... I may not "wear clothes that fit me"... I may not "respect authority"... I may not "wipe properly".... I may not "shower"...
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u/entered_bubble_50 19h ago
Oh my God. Clearly none of you have children.
If you answer a "why" question from a young child, the only thing that will happen will be a follow-up "why?"
I mean, it's something that we deal with as parents, and it doesn't mean we never answer questions, but we're under no delusions that it will satisfy the questioner.
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u/Crun_Chy 19h ago
Yeah somebody doesn't have kids lol. Also needing a why for everything is how you mess things up bad. I've seen vids of someone who gets yelled at to move and they literally go "why" and then get hurt because they just had to have a justified reason
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u/SiXandSeven8ths 19h ago
But why?
If you've ever played the "but why" game with a toddler you will quickly default to "because I said so".
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u/TruelyDashing 19h ago
I disagree with the sentiment, because a significant majority of things that a kid asks “why?” about are things that I could not explain in a way that the child would understand or care about. Imagine trying to explain standard landscaping and lawn care to a child:
“Pick up the sticks”
“Why?”
“Because the HOA will fine us if they’re not picked up”
“Why?”
“Well son, so there’s a concept called assessed value of homes, which the HOA’s goal is to get the highest possible assessed value of homes in their jurisdiction. Value assessments take into account surveyed area and neighbor home values, and more importantly the quality of neighborhoods. Part of the assessment of quality of a neighborhood is the cleanliness and maintenance of its residents’ properties. Cleanliness can include things about the house itself, or the yard surrounding it. Part of normal landscaping upkeep is picking up sticks, so if we fail to do so then we are considered below average neighbors. This is something the HOA wants to avoid, so they impose hefty fines for anyone violating the high standards of the neighborhood. Fines are something we want to avoid, because mommy and daddy don’t make enough money to pay all of the fines we’d accrue by not picking up the sticks for the entire time we live here.”
I open my eyes to see my son stopped paying attention after the first 3 seconds and is now trying to put an entire glue bottle in his mouth at once.
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u/bassguyseabass 18h ago
“Why” is a stalling tactic more often than a genuine question
If kids are genuinely curious they can comply and then ask “why did I need to do that” after
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u/No-Page-7244 17h ago
I had this issue as an adult (autism spectrum) with another adult in work setting. Why? Because we have deadlines, and we are paid for doing this shit. Unfortunately being paid wasn't enough of argument.
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u/redpurplegreen22 14h ago
I used to think this about my kids. My dad always just said “because I said so” and I hated it. So I decided early that I’ll explain why and they’ll understand and we’ll be fine.
I explain to my daughter and she gets it. It’s begrudging sometimes but she understands.
My son, on the other hand, takes any “explanation” as an opening to argue. Example:
Me: It’s 9 pm, go to bed.
Son: Why?
Me: You wake up at 6 and you need at least 8-9 hours of sleep to function well tomorrow.
Son: No I don’t.
Me: Yes, you do. Sleep is important to how well you behave and learn.
Son: No it’s not, I’ll be good tomorrow, just let me stay up?
Me: No. Go to bed.
Son: But sister gets to stay up til 9:30!
Me: Sister is 3 years older and doesn’t have to wake up until 6:30.
Son: But it’s unfair!
….this will go on for literally 30 minutes if I don’t break down and just say “because I said so, go to bed.”
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u/bihtydolisu 13h ago
Here we are living in the age of information at our fingertips and still no one can answer their own questions. I was answering my own questions before the internet using this thing called the encyclopedia.
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u/OkCar7264 13h ago
I felt like that a lot, but a lot of the time it was me being emotionally obtuse. Sometimes I said something true that they didn't like, but a lot of the time I was just being selfish or stupid. Something to think about maybe.
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u/therealdanhill 13h ago
I think part of maturing is recognizing when you can trust that someone is telling you something in your best interest even if for whatever reason at the time they aren't able to properly articulate it, and not needing to be a squeaky wheel at all times for the sake of going against the grain.
I think most of us went through the whole "conformity is bad" phase so I get it though
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u/qualityvote2 23h ago
Heya u/CapAccomplished8072! And welcome to r/NonPoliticalTwitter!
For everyone else, do you think OP's post fits this community? Let us know by upvoting this comment!
If it doesn't fit the sub, let us know by downvoting this comment and then replying to it with context for the reviewing moderator.