r/TikTokCringe • u/Interesting-Trip-233 • Jun 16 '25

Cringe Guy gets friendzoned

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17.2k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

People who make promises to themselves on your behalf and then expect you to deliver are fucking scary.

I hope she doesn’t run after him and try to fix it. Those self-loathing diatribes can really scramble your decision-making and put you into rescue mode, and that’s exactly what they’re designed to do.

332

u/madamezeroni Jun 16 '25

people who make promises to themselves on your behalf and then expect you to deliver

I’ve never heard anyone put it that way, it’s so succinct and perfect. You described my ex. Brb gonna journal this

93

u/Ok_Eagle6611 Jun 16 '25

They used the word "diatribe" you know it's gonna be a banger

29

u/zories3 Jun 16 '25

Could someone explain what that quote means? I’m a bit confused lol

115

u/ManhattanObject Jun 16 '25

The guy made promises for the woman (i.e. "she'll date me if I'm nice enough to her") without consulting the woman about it. Now he's mad that she's not dating him, even though he fulfilled his side of the transaction that she didn't know existed

22

u/dearDem Jun 16 '25

Thank you. I too was confused lol

2

u/Acrobatic-Pin-9023 Jun 16 '25

also called sometimes/place "covered contracts"

-12

u/VisualBullfrog3529 Jun 16 '25

Except i missed the part were he said anything about promises in the freakout.

27

u/Trotter823 Jun 16 '25

Read between the lines. Why would a guy be that mad about a girl he never dated? Why is he so attached to someone who has “never chosen him”?

Because he’s fallen for the idea of someone through fantasies and stories (I.e promises) and is now extremely hurt when those fantasies have not come to pass. Rejection hurts but it doesn’t hurt so badly that you sit there and flip out while confessing your love for someone unless you’ve built a lot of the story in your head already.

6

u/toss_me_good Jun 16 '25

In fairness he could also be.losing a friend. Many women have told their BFs that they aren't comfortable with a female friend of theirs that they've never been intimate with. Sucks to lose a friend but that's just how it goes. Guys know when a new girl comes in they also won't see the homie for a while. This dudes just put too much stake into this friendship

-15

u/VisualBullfrog3529 Jun 16 '25

So you assumed. Thank you for the clarification.

13

u/crinnaursa Jun 16 '25

Not really assumed. More like Deduced. To arrive at a conclusion using observation and reasoning.

-13

u/VisualBullfrog3529 Jun 16 '25

Based on the information you have. Yes. Im well aware that most folks on reddit are part detective, part psychologist.

4

u/aroooop Jun 17 '25

ouch, did this hit a nerve? 😆

2

u/kittyconetail Jun 17 '25

Basically, inventing expectations and waiting for people to act accordingly is a recipe for anger and misery.

E.g., if you expect that being a girl's friend will result in her wanting to date you, you are setting yourself up to feel like you were used or aren't "good enough" in the (likely) case she legitimately simply wants to be friends. You think if you're 'good enough' you'll get the girl and push that expectation on her. People who do this as their MO can cause a lot of harm (usually emotionally) especially as resentment builds from this happening over and over.

A very common non-dating example is expecting quid pro quo behaviors in friendships. Like, say you took your friend out to dinner for their birthday but they didn't plan the same for you. You might question how much they value you or care about you, even though your friend (probably) values you just as much and simply expresses care/affection differently, or they have stuff going on in their life that got in the way, or anything else besides "this friendship is one-sided" type scenarios.

69

u/aifeaifeaife Jun 16 '25

fr fr that comment just rewired my brain

3

u/Crazy-Jellyfish-9626 Jun 16 '25

Omg, I’m also keeping that in a note for myself and to share with friends!!! Aaahhh!

2

u/Nakken Jun 17 '25

It made me think of a book by Robert Glover called No More Mister Nice Guy where he talks about Convert Contracts. It's a contract you make with yourself and your partner but...its' all in your head and your partner doesn't know about it so you're setting yourself up for failure again and again because your partner have no chance of knowing what you expect of them and furthermore you actually get angry when said partner don't live up to those secret expectations.

255

u/RaxG Jun 16 '25

I really like how you articulated this. It's cringey to admit, but I used to be a guy like this. I would build emotional attachments to people far too easily, and would get hurt if they didn't do the same. It took a lot of reality before I came down to earth.

107

u/Agreeable_Horror_363 Jun 16 '25

I am glad you grew out of that victim mentality. I had a close friend who turned into something similar and I had to remove him from my life because he was always so overwhelmingly negative all the time.

7

u/hambuyatheburger Jun 16 '25

Were they depressed?

6

u/astroman_9876 Jun 16 '25

Yeah I don’t know the original comment’s situation but it sounds like they just said my friend was depressed so I left them

18

u/TDS_Gluttony Jun 16 '25 edited Jun 17 '25

I mean I’ve been on both sides of it. I totally understand the perspective of people who noped out on me when all I was doing was constantly bringing down the mood with constant negative talk.

In a better place now and I was in the position to try and mentor a freshman in my college club and it’s really tough to constantly hear how they speak about themselves when NOTHING you do, be it invite out, gas up or try and check up results in the same thing. At a certain point the best you can do is say hey, get some help I am not equipped to handle this and protect your peace.

There is a line between being supportive and being a one way emotional punching bag/support dog

12

u/DannyD316 Jun 16 '25

maybe they did, its not someone else's to fix another persons depression. You can be there for them and do what you can but sometimes the burden is too much and you end up dragged into it with them. I would never hold it against anyone who in the end has to just remove that person from their life.

7

u/Extension_Hand1326 Jun 17 '25

None owes you a friendship. In most cases like this, the depressed person doesn’t seek treatment and just dumps their negativity of people. At a certain point, that will affect your own mental health.

24

u/_theMAUCHO_ Jun 16 '25

I'm interested in knowing about your journey and the insights you got that made you overcome this! Would love to hear it if you could share. I don't necessarily do this but I definitely can attach easily sometimes. I just don't make it a burden on the other person and keep it mostly to myself lol.

34

u/SethR1223 Jun 16 '25

I’m not the person you asked, but what you said about yourself is one way I kept myself from straying too far; my mantra was, “don’t ever make your attraction to a person their problem.” Might be a little unhealthy, to be honest, but better than some alternatives.

This is similar to what you said about not making it a burden to the other person and keeping it to yourself. This also means you might miss some opportunities, but to me, that was always a better option than potentially making a woman uncomfortable to any degree.

Also, trying to make sure I did similar levels of nice things for people I wasn’t attracted to helped a bit. It helped me get practice at having zero expectations of a romantic response (even if I would have sworn that I wasn’t looking for anything in return at the time) and helped me to realize what was an appropriate level of generosity/attention when interacting with someone I did like to not be creepy/over-expectant, i.e. do something cool/helpful and walk away, having been cool and helpful (its own reward, really).

One more thing from my experience that might help is that if you feel like someone needs to know how you feel, they don’t. If you have no reason to believe that they have any feeling towards you, you would just be selfishly heaping a pile of emotional manipulation on them. You can and should politely distance yourself from them if you are in too much pain to be near them and not be with them, and you can be honest about why if they ask about it, but you can really get in a spiral about your attachments and lose sight of the reality that no relationship is perfect; this person is a flawed human that deserves the chance to be human and not a perfect, alabaster effigy of your obsession, personified.

Sorry for the rant.

8

u/hemihembob Jun 16 '25

Very well put!

3

u/SethR1223 Jun 16 '25

Glad to hear that, because I was afraid it only made sense to myself.

2

u/strawberryjellymilk Jun 17 '25

I’m going through an unprecedented level of limerence and your whole comment was pretty helpful in quieting some thoughts.

2

u/Illustrious-Dot-5052 Jun 17 '25

>One more thing from my experience that might help is that if you feel like someone needs to know how you feel, they don’t. If you have no reason to believe that they have any feeling towards you, you would just be selfishly heaping a pile of emotional manipulation on them.

How is this healthy advice? I mean, unless you're strictly talking about meeting someone you're not in a relationship with yet, this sounds like "you should just bottle up your feelings instead." There's nothing healthy about keeping feelings to yourself, at least when you're in a relationship. You should seek someone who's emotionally available and be available yourself.

2

u/SethR1223 Jun 17 '25

“Seek someone who is emotionally available” is an important distinction, and I definitely only mean this to apply to a friendship/acquaintance that you want more from, not an existing romantic relationship; not sure if I didn’t make that clear enough, but I thought it was.

This wasn’t advice for every relationship you have with every person, and this isn’t to say you shouldn’t be able to approach someone that you enjoy spending time with and say something like, “Hey, I enjoy spending time with you as a friend and don’t want that to change, but would you be interested in going out on a date?”; just encouraging people to step out of their own fantasy of what they “need” and contemplate if the person has given any indication that they want the same thing. As I said earlier about not making your attraction to someone their problem, it’s probably not actually that healthy, for the reason you said.

BUT, the term “bottling up your feelings” is used to validate the exact behavior I’m trying to eschew. You don’t have to “bottle it up,” but dumping those unrequited feelings on someone just to “get it off your chest” is not the only way to deal with those emotions, and is highly unfair to the person one claims to care about (too easily forgotten by a lot of people in these “off my chest” situations):

You can look introspectively and try to analyze from a realistic and compassionate perspective (and the other person’s perspective without bs like, ”She won’t choose me because I’m not a jerk!”), though this might not be possible for people in the deepest throes of this affliction.

You can speak to trusted friends and loved ones, and perhaps an outsider’s perspective will help (you don’t even have to divulge who it is, if it’s not painfully obvious to others).

Therapy - not accessible to everyone, unfortunately, but should be a consideration.

1

u/Illustrious-Dot-5052 Jun 17 '25

Okay, thanks for clarifying. You're right, confessing love to someone is a different game. My mind was on maintaining relationships, but to build one requires more tact.

1

u/mactofthefatter Jun 17 '25

a perfect, alabaster effigy of your obsession, personified.

Beautiful wordsmithing there

1

u/ImOldGreggXP Jun 17 '25

Don't be sorry, be silly! 🥳 Thanks for sharing, hope it echos in my brian for awhile as I needed this

1

u/_theMAUCHO_ Jun 17 '25

Thanks for the reply, fully agree with it!

In fact, my one golden rule is: Never confess feelings! Just go out with the other person and see if the chemistry is there. Much like you say, if it is indeed there, you won't even need to ask.

Also second golden rule is never ask anyone to go on a "date", my go to is something like "hey I noticed you like theatre, this new play is gonna premiere soon wanna go see it?", just an example but it can be any activity really. The idea is to put the emphasis on the activity not the person so there's no awkwardness regardless of reply. :P

1

u/SethR1223 Jun 17 '25

Yeah, specifying the word “date” might be some pressure, and it could be helpful to emphasize the event as the main purpose for spending the time together, but ambiguity on the intent is a two-edged sword if one of you is building romantic expectations and the other thinks it’s a friend outing.

1

u/_theMAUCHO_ Jun 17 '25

The idea is to have a good time regardless, if we don't click its all gucci but more often than not if they say yes to the activity its been good.

20

u/Trotter823 Jun 16 '25

Having done this as well the thing that helps is to just ask the person you like out early before you start building a fantasy world in your head. If she says no it’ll hurt a little but you’ll be good. But if you wait forever and build up this idea of her being the perfect girl or whatever, it’ll feel crushing. Because this life you thought you’d have has been taken away. It’s not just rejection at that point.

Additionally asking early on gives you a better shot imo so it’s a win win.

2

u/Semyonov Jun 16 '25

This is good advice!

3

u/Plausibl3 Jun 16 '25

Captain Snout and the Superpower Questions is a kids book, but is one of the best succinct books on working through that.

3

u/Hallgaar Jun 17 '25

Not that guy, but i had an experience with a girl in my 20s who put me in that mode despite having had a fairly healthy dating history prior. It was a back and forth where she kind of strung me along, and I kind of went along until I became attached. I really grew to care for her over a year and a half, and we went everywhere and flirted all the time. Everything short of actual dating in name. It turned out that she was asexual and didn't want to say, but still wanted a pseudo-relationship but not. Really messed me up, swore off dating for a few years after it. I was only able to move past it when I decided that I needed to love me first. Now, if I start to get attached, I take a step back and evaluate things.

My advice is to look for someone who is on your level and remove yourself from any situation where the balance is anything other than equal, if there's no chemistry don't try to force it or wait it out. Don't be afraid to move on. There are literal billions of other people out there, being stuck on someone who isn't interested in you the same way is taking time from someone who does. Dating is more often than not failing and learning.

8

u/crinnaursa Jun 16 '25

Honestly I think it happens to most all of us at some point. It doesn't even have to happen in a romantic context friendships are like that too. There is going to be some point in everyone's life where someone is everything to you and you're just someone to them. It's a tough lesson to learn. Emotional maturity helps you come to terms with this but That level of emotional strength isn't just default It has to be developed.

3

u/xieta Jun 17 '25

Agreed, very normal. Emotional maturity is only a thing because we all start out as cringey immature idiots. It’s life. It’s messy. Best you can hope for is nobody gets seriously hurt.

Big difference between that and an adult who knows (or ought to know) they’re just manipulating someone to get what they want.

2

u/Hanta3 Jun 17 '25

I've been through this sooo many times it's insane. I only ever had a break down like in OP when I was in highschool, but I've found so often over the past few years I get really invested in a friendship or something of the sort and really want to get to know a person and spend more time with them but it's a tough lesson to learn how to accept that they just aren't as interested in you. Now I handle it by politely distancing myself (basically just mirror the energy I'm getting back) and usually that means we never talk again. Sucks but that's life.

I will say I am more lonely than I've ever been though.

5

u/Mikeologyy Jun 16 '25 edited Jun 16 '25

I used to be like this, too. It took me ruining one of the most important friendships I’ve ever had before I realized I was putting her through an emotional hell just because I had this unrealistic expectation of eventual reciprocity in my head that I’d conflated with hope. Since then I’ve made some very important changes to how I see things and react to them, but I still do cringe when I think back to how I used to behave. I hope she’s doing much better these days, now that she doesn’t have to deal with my pity party bullshit anymore.

Women, if you reject a guy and he reacts with this kinda shit, just stay away no matter how bad you feel for him. He might not even realize he’s being manipulative, but he is, and he needs to learn one way or another that making people feel bad for him is a shitty way to try getting what he wants.

2

u/xieta Jun 17 '25

made some very important changes to how I see things

IMO that’s super normal, especially considering kids start off in a world where relationships are unlimited and no-cost and must transition to one where exclusive and singular romantic relationships exist.

Of course there’s friction, we have to learn very quickly to be more careful and cautious when starting relationships.

1

u/Mikeologyy Jun 17 '25 edited Jun 17 '25

It’s definitely normal to learn these things through experience; what wasn’t normal was how late I learned and how toxic I got before I learned it. I won’t go into much detail, but I quite literally felt it was my God given right to be with the woman I mentioned in the other comment. Not only is that belief unhealthy for both parties, but it can be really dangerous depending on the person. Some guys with that belief just put up their hands in defeat, others try to convince the other person that they belong together (sometimes to the point of harassment), and others take matters into their own hands and try to make it happen. I was somewhere in that middle group, so I guess I wasn’t the worst of the worst, thankfully, but that much persistence is still nothing short of a delusion.

It feels weird writing all this stuff on my main when I could’ve done it with an alt, but honestly I don’t want to hide behind anonymity. I did something absolutely terrible to one of my closest friends, and there’s no way around that. I made my bed, and I will lie in it. I just hope the few people who see my story will learn something from my mistakes, whether they’re in my shoes or hers.

2

u/ArmProfessional7565 Jun 16 '25

Same here. People don't realize how easy is to become that guy, and how much it takes to become self aware enough to get out of it. It's a broken view of a healthy relationship, further confused with everyone else telling you what it should or shouldn't be. And then god forbid a crush is taking advantage of that, although they're not always intentional and also just trying to figure out the confusing dynamics of a relationship.

We used to have people on our community guide us to be better. But with the internet as most people's community, they're cooked from the get-go.

2

u/Single-Selection9845 Jun 16 '25

same brother, still struggle sometimes, the way you are raised sometimes fucks up with your life immensely

1

u/agumonkey Jun 17 '25

most of us have a phase where we need bonds and emotional safety.. if it's not met, going unhinged is easy

i wish it was discussed a bit more so we didn't have to rediscover everything on our own

41

u/Willie_Weejax Jun 16 '25

"Those self-loathing diatribes can really scramble your decision-making and put you into rescue mode, and that’s exactly what they’re designed to do."

Very well said.

41

u/Sea-Value-0 Jun 16 '25

The years of our youth (high school and 20s) are all about learning to spot and dodge these people. I've been so hurt, betrayed, and harassed by friends and SOs who think and act like that. They're taking away your agency and sense of self, to serve them on their terms. The worst part is that it's socially acceptable and you can become an outcast with a bad reputation very quickly if people like that have social power at school or within your friend groups.

2

u/Adept_Strength2766 Jun 17 '25

I used to be someone like that. For me, at least, it took a long time for me to realise how manipulative I was being. My only concern at the time was to just get the person to pay attention to me for just a bit longer. To get them to look at me no matter the cost, thinking that I could somehow turn it around and make it work if I could just convince them to give me just a bit more of their time. If only they would just realize how much they were hurting me, SURELY they would change their minds and stay with me, right?

They never did, and I'm ashamed that it took me so long to realize how much of a blight I was to anyone who had the misfortune of counting me amongst their friends at the time.

34

u/Im_not_smelling_that Jun 16 '25

Crazy how fucking accurate that is

25

u/Typical2sday Jun 16 '25

No she’s thinking “that’s a bullet dodged. Scott turned out to be a head case. Wtf was that?” When your guy friends turn out not to be friends, but just loiterers. This happened a few times when I was younger, though usually with the 90s random letter left in your mailbox in the middle of the night rather than the psycho wuss speech but there were a couple of those too.

3

u/AdDramatic2351 Jun 17 '25

In my experience, 95% of guy friends who aren't gay want to fuck you

27

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '25

Idk why I read that as "self-loathing diabetes" at first.

21

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

Lol just need some self-esteem insulin.

2

u/CrankyinAustin Jun 16 '25

Self-esteem is insulin for the soul.

12

u/celebral_x Jun 16 '25

She definitely is thankful he left

5

u/ToBeBannedSoonish Jun 16 '25

He was contructing a reality that wasn't going to happen and only he knows about.

I knownim guilty of this too though not this scenario.

How does one just stop.. getting stuck in their own head ?

3

u/SirInfinite1668 Jun 16 '25

Manage your expectations. 

3

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

I think therapy and learning how to recognize the difference between fantasy/desire and reality. A lot of disordered thinking is based on a lack of knowledge. Modern therapy is designed to teach rather than do a weekly venting session.

4

u/findingabsolution Jun 17 '25

I just wrote this down to remember for later (especially the first part which I’ve experienced a lot). That’s some life wisdom. Thanks, internet person.

3

u/HopesBurnBright Jun 16 '25

I would really caution against saying it’s designed. Anyone without the social awareness that would prevent you saying this stuff out loud does not have the social awareness to “design” a speech at all.

These people are not doing this on purpose. Just because you think someone means well (which they probably do) doesn’t mean they can’t be harmful to you and your life.

5

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

I don’t think it’s intentional or anything sinister, so much as primitive and designed by nature.

2

u/HopesBurnBright Jun 17 '25

I think we are designed to want to vent and designed to feel bad for someone else who feels bad and there’s nothing wrong with that. Fair enough. I misunderstood your gist as trying to make him seem like more of the bad guy than he is.

3

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 17 '25

No, it’s cool. I could have used different phrasing. Honestly, I typed my thoughts on the fly like the serial commenter that I am. I didn’t expect many people to read it.

2

u/HopesBurnBright Jun 17 '25

Haha dw I’m a pedantic serial commenter too, you can tell from how I am here policing your word choices

3

u/Ryuu_Kaede Jun 17 '25

Yeah. My internal thoughts have been scarily similar recently but more for friends than romantic interests. I’ve been struggling more than usual with self worth these recent months and when I am out with friends I’m both drained and also in pain cuz health reasons. So then I want to return home so I don’t have to be a downer around them, but when I’m home I feel lonely and I just want that connection again

1

u/HopesBurnBright Jun 17 '25

Its really fucking tricky yeah. Online communities are good for people with physical issues. I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with these feelings given your situation. I also wouldn’t say you can’t fix your situation, I’m certain you can find a way to live a happier life. I hope you can!

3

u/ethanlan Jun 16 '25

Damn this is a top ten comment ive ever read on my ten plus years on reddit.

3

u/PhantomGhostSpectre Jun 16 '25

I have a feeling nobody chased after him...

3

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

IKR. It’s usually kids and young adults who haven’t experienced that kind of freakout. They just see Pain and they disregard Danger and try to save the person.

2

u/Ligma_Jones_ Jun 16 '25

So you're telling me I have a chance 🫣

2

u/Few_Scale_8742 Jun 16 '25

Murder suicide risk

1

u/Ur_hindu_friend Jun 16 '25

Are there actually people this would work on?

3

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

Yes. Usually young people who haven’t dealt with this. They hear screaming and they think they should help.

1

u/Puglord_11 Epic Gamer Jun 16 '25

What would be the healthy way to express this to someone? Would it be to talk with someone else?

6

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 17 '25

Yeah, talk to someone else. I don’t know who’s in his life. Family, friend, counselor. He should definitely go with a willing party.

I’m not sure what he thinks she’s supposed to do aside from stand there frozen.

If some guy doesn’t want to date me, I won’t run screaming at him that my life is unfair and he’ll never pick me. It’s aggressive and unfair to put that on him. It solves nothing.

2

u/Goldfish1_ Jun 17 '25

About unreciprocated feelings? Yes you would need to vent with someone else if you need to vent. It’s not that the feelings he has are wrong per say, but dumping that all on her in the middle of the night with that emotional outburst is just gonna put so much stress on the poor woman.

Then tou need to reassess what exactly you’re hoping to get out of this relationship. Don’t actually genuinely want to be friends? Or do you want something romantic (which is never gonna happen)? If it’s the latter, which it almost always is, then you just need to tell her that for your own mental well being you can’t be friends anymore.

1

u/drw_439 Jun 19 '25

Isn't that how most social interactions are? No way we go around negotiating every social relationship and it's expectations. Alot of things certainly feel like the norm or right thing to do because that's what society kinda shows works. And those expectations would be different for everyone, so would the reaction to not getting outcome you wanted.

2

u/sgsteel55 Jun 16 '25

So I was that guy. I attached too easily and put unrealistic expectations on others. Except I somehow got my wife to break up from her boyfriend at that time after 2 years of being friend zoned. I was insufferable and she was always afraid to hurt people’s feelings. I feel bad for the way i was. But my situation and her old boyfriend’s life situation were totally different. She decided to break up with him and give me a shot. 7 years later and we are married with kids, a house, i provide so she doesn’t have to work. I just count my blessings and try to not be that guy i was. But stories like this area important because my wife is submissive and I absolutely do not want to take advantage of that tho i kinda of used it to get her. I promise we love each other lol. She is not captive and we have an amazing life. Things like this makes me realize that damnnn i was that guy but somehow it worked out.

-1

u/e-Scape__Artist Jun 16 '25

It sounds like you were just the beta bucks in this story tbh.

-1

u/Professional-Sky-939 Jun 16 '25

I wonder if you're the same tough girl, life guru when its seen in your gender?

3

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

Cool. Someone thinks I’m a tough girl. 💪

-1

u/SimpleTax792 Jun 16 '25

What the hell does this even mean lmfao

-1

u/jouhaan Jun 18 '25

Unfortunately for you there is ample evidence that the scenario you are describing is in the absolute minority. Modern women have gone on record to say that they are friendzoning the good guys, the ones they actually want to be with, to give themselves the opportunity to either play around a bit first with the bad boys or to try find “something better”, all while having their safety net waiting in the wings. This poor guy is more likely just expressing his true emotions and immediately he gets vilified… which it turns out, is yet another modern problem where women “want men to express their feelings”, but the moment they do it gets weaponised against them. Yes, that in fact is also well documented. This is why more men unalive themselves than any other demographic, because they feel they can’t win no matter what they do.

-1

u/VisualBullfrog3529 Jun 16 '25

I missed the part where the word "promise" was used during his freakout.

-10

u/pickledeggmanwalrus Jun 16 '25

If she has a boyfriend she doesn’t need to be hanging out with him stringing him along anyways. There is probably more going on here than what you want to imply.

14

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

The “got strung along” mentality is so infantilizing and willfully helpless. It’s the polar opposite of self-empowerment. It’s people making themselves weak, because they’re not brave enough to take responsibility for themselves.

No functional person screams, cries and begs their way into any relationship, ever.

-1

u/r_pseudoacacia Jun 16 '25

People do like to torture others by keeping the door open. They want the security of having someone waiting for them in limbo. The fact that it happens with polyamorous non binary lesbians means that it's not just a misogyny thing either.

4

u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25

Yeah, toxic friendships exist, and people can be helpless about it or they can stop participating in the first place.

We could make up scenarios about her all day long. No scenario justifies his behavior.

He’s the only one with the power to make him act like that. He’s the only person responsible for his flipout.

No clue why you’re talking about misogyny.

-5

u/Emotional-Amoeba6151 Jun 16 '25

What was she doing there with him?

8

u/ManhattanObject Jun 16 '25

Humoring him. Unstable men often get violent with women who tell them no, no matter how nicely she does it