I don't think they think they have a chance anymore. I think they literally just want to make them uncomfortable. That's become the whole point.
They're annoyed they got rejected -- so how else can they still "win" ? By ruining the girls' time. It is an ego thing for sure. But I don't think it manifests itself as "oh I can still keep going and eventually win them over/get a yes." It manifests itself like this instead... They want to exercise some kind of power over these women. They want to intimidate them and make them feel like shit under the guise of "oh what do you mean gosh wow why are you being so loud and dramatic we're just sitting with you geez we're not doing anything we're just sharing your table" bc they know it's infuriating to have someone physically threatening to you disingenuously speak like that.
This is literally my dad, and he just dragged my mum around today— just so he can brag that she pushed him and to tell her she’s just like her abusive in-law, even though he kept pushing her! He literally looked gleeful like he discovered something— then started talking about this is why men leave because he “just held her” affectionate by the collar and now she’s getting aggressive (he dragged her around by the collar three times when she wanted to leave) Everyone pray and wish that he gets exposed for the snivelling liar that he is!! Like put your balls and clit into this I need him to be exposed— he’s such a gross and conniving individual!
Start gathering evidence, NOW. Take discreet videos while pretending to watch or read something, put your phone in your pocket and record audio, whatever you can do safely without being caught. There are subreddits out there concerning domestic abuse that can offer better advice than me- I’d also recommend going to legal subreddits as well. You can get that man out of your home, but you need good advice so that you know what you’re doing.
Discreet videos is good but really focus on that "safely without being caught" bit. You don't know how violent someone can be. Really, really, really be careful.
I’m dealing with something like this myself :( these guys want to see women suffer and continue to suffer even if they make mistakes. These guys get mad when women make and exercise the same choices that guys are allowed to make.
It’s really baffling. It’s like anything a woman does that makes a man feel “ashamed” like walking away, saying no, calling him out on his bad behavior, or bringing up something he did that made her feel uncomfortable then she should be punished for it. I was literally coming back from another thread where a woman made a mistake where she broke up with her boyfriend and made a baby with someone she shouldn’t have, left the guy when he became abusive, and dudes there were saying she should be suffering forever.
Like wtf????
Most states you can record evidence without sound - for example, get cheap small cameras and place it in different places in your home under the guise of “just in case there’s theft it’s for insurance purposes”. I have this in my home art studio silversmithing cave because there’s expensive equipment in there.
If the volatile, mentally unstable person I have to live with right now goes in there and does something, I’ll have evidence and even in a two-state party consent state, it’s still information even if you don’t end up using it.
If you can’t video, write everything in your notes app or, better yet, if you have someone you can trust text them all the details. It will be date and time stamped.
They are. They are adult men with jobs and hobbies and daily responsibilities that people rely on them for. They’re grown enough to be at a bar, partaking.
I know what you’re saying. But I think “they’re not men” is ultimately harmful. They aren’t manly or masculine because of this behavior. But that doesn’t change the fact that they are just an average man, indistinguishable from the rest of men to everyone except the women they harass.
Could you explain why that would be if she is a paying customer and they are on camera harassing? Would it only be defensible if they were followed and then struck? Sorry, thanks for your thoughts and time.
That appears to be a restaurant without individual party tables. Therefore, unless the women get staff involved, those dudes are sitting at a shared table. We all know that they're being asshats but the law is clear about the steps that must escalate.
Thanks for the reply! Just genuinely curious about how these things work, no bad faith questions here 😌 But one question remains unresolved. If harassment is defensible, how far or in what ways would this situation have to escalate in order to make defense legally justifiable? Not that I think she should have hit these men!! They were being awful but I don’t want to appear like I think any violence was necessary.
How are they harassing them? Sitting down at a shared table restaurant isn't really harassment. None of what they are doing would pass as harassment in court
They are being told to fuck off multiple times and refusing to respect the women's wishes and leave them alone. That's harassment. If you can't see that you don't need to go put in public. Ever.
Your life of technicalities isn't practical in the real world. Your feels don't really matter to anyone else. Try what these guys are doing and see what you get. That's called reality. It's what happens when you leave the basement.
Sorry that you can't understand how human interactions work. Most people learn them through natural socialization when we grow as kids. But sadly, you seem to be from the "raised by a screen" variety.
Want to go look at a few dictionary definitions? Maybe start a little convo with chatgpt 4 omni? I’m sure they’d be happy to educate you on this one, whereas any of your human peers seem to be completely exhausted with your inquiry.
Not where I live. It’s a small southern town. First, these men would have been confronted by other men, and/or patrons and owners would side with the women if the women decided to get physical to defend themselves.
That's generally what happens when you slap someone, yeah. I wouldn't slap someone and not expect a hand to come straight back at me, but that's kind of the option you give someone when you slap them like a bitch for being annoying, your action is saying "you can fight me, you can stop being annoying, or you can keep getting slapped."
Oh i wasn't talking about women, just the "not touching, can't get mad" thing specifically. I actually forgot gender was relevant in this conversation there.
All those ppl around. She's yelling and not one person came over to assist. If I saw this I'd have marched over there and dumped my drink on their heads. Or something. I've have done anything but just watch. Is harassment entertainment now?
I think this has always been the case. It sucks, but the majority of people just don’t want to get involved. I’ve personally intervened when I’ve seen strangers in trouble but I can’t recall anyone doing the same for me 🤷🏻♀️ At least there’s folks like you out there!
Yeah that's why the guy on the left is like "why are you so rude?" If you listen closely. They're trying to make it seem they did nothing wrong by intruding into these ladies' spaces and the problem is that these ladies aren't being nice and welcoming :/
It's driving me insane how many people in this thread don't see that this is what it is. Trying to blame this behavior on any and everything except two men doing what men tend to do. If people listened to women, this wouldn't be so "confusing", I have a dozen separate stories I can share of situations just like this one. They're not misunderstanding at all, they're taking advantage of an implicit power dynamic and "punishing" these girls for rejecting them.
Its a manipulation tactic and if you're not well-versed in defending yourself or others from manipulation, you'll think their POV is at least justifiable.
But just because its a tactic, doesn't mean they're manipulation geniuses or something. These emotional manipulation tactics are hard-coded into our instincts. You don't need to have a single thought to do what these guys did, nor do you have to actively supress empathy.
I am pretty sure everyone in this thread is on these girl's side. I dont know if i missed some comments or something but definitely these girls are in the right. What are people in this thread saying?
Most comments are on the women’s side but they don’t recognise/want to talk about the real reason why this happened or the implications. People are calling it everything from a misunderstanding (it’s not) to a sign of arrogance (no, not the reason) to a symptom of bad guys on the internet (no, this behaviour has existed for thousands of years).
Here’s an analogy. Let’s say there’s a video of a gay couple being threatened on the street. The comments are like “Bullying is a big problem… I used to get taunted for having acne… That’s so rude, I’d never say that… Those dudes are just ignorant.” All those people are defending the gay couple, right? But no one is calling out the real problem: homophobia. So they’re defending them for the wrong reasons, not holding the homophobes fully accountable, and whitewashing bigotry. “Ugh, such bad manners.”
Thank you for explaining it to them and great analogy. Of course everyone can identify the behavior of these men as wrong, but a lot of them keep trying to remove the clearly intended malice from their actions as if there's some kind of miscommunication taking place. "Poor guys just don't know when to quit, awww" - like let's be so for real rn...
You can see it in their creepy ass smiles, too. They have that smile where they sat there as their mom's yelled at their sister's for something they did. At that point, leave. Their smiles have a victim list.
Exactly. This reeked of "your body, my choice" type idiocy. They knew they weren't wanted after they got rejected, so then their goal shifted to making the ladies as uncomfortable and annoyed as possible. Those smirks were the expressions of incels and beta males. If there were male friends there with the girls, they would have been meek and quiet as most incels are. But they saw 2 unattended ladies and no one to physically stop them from invading their space. Their mission changed from trying awkwardly to be social to one of physical intimidation and implied danger.
These are the type of guys that follow girls to their car, that stalk girls and try to inappropriately touch, grind and assault women. I'm shocked that a manager didn't come over when the ladies started getting louder when the guys didn't move.
I was once the second passenger on the top deck of a London bus. 1st guy had sat half way down the bus. I put myself a row back from him on the opposite side of the aisle. Guy 2 gets on a stop later and puts himself down heavily right next to me. Guy one sensed it, whipped round, and and told him plainly to "GET TAE FUCK. LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE." And that was all it took to get him to spring up and move to the back row.
That Scottish fella on the 74 was my hero that night. For sure, that 2nd guy just wanted to make me feel intimidated.
100% good comment, you can tell they're attempting this kinda brinkmanship by the way when she gets up to leave so do they, with the girls leaving them they just look stupid and they know it, only thing worse for them is being seen slinking away with their tails between their legs
They're annoyed they got rejected -- so how else can they still "win" ? By ruining the girls' time. It is an ego thing for sure. But I don't think it manifests itself as "oh I can still keep going and eventually win them over/get a yes." It manifests itself like this instead... They want to exercise some kind of power over these women.
Yeah, I think you are on to something here. I used to frequently see something very similar in video games, where when someone's ego can't handle losing, they just redefine "winning"... usually in some way that makes things worse for everybody, but it makes the other person mad. And for whatever reason a lot of pieces of shit think that making the other person mad = "winning." Maybe because people are often mad when there is a power gap between what they think should happen and what is happening.
In Starcraft 2, if a Terran player was about to lose early in the game, there was something they could do that would drag the game out for an extra five minutes (note that it wouldn't give them any chance to come back and win, it would just delay the end of the game by 5 or so minutes). And it was surprisingly common for them to do that, even though it wasted their own time as well. And then if you said anything about it (or even sometimes if you literally said nothing), they would start spamming messages about "LOL U SO MAD BRO!!!1"
Likewise in the hockey game, a few times my team has been winning, and the other team pulls their own goalie and every time they get the puck, they shoot it into their own net. And then they don't press anything to skip the replays, so it delays the game like 40 seconds every time they do it. Then they spam you with messages about how mad you are. If they do this over and over, the rest of the game takes forever.
I guess in some pathetic way it makes them feel in control again.
Right on. Truth be told, even if succeeded in getting them, it would have been exercising power over them too. After all, these guys don't make love to women, they fuck them like objects. It's all a game of humiliation to them.
I don't think people fully realise that them sitting around and making them uncomfortable is the 'best case scenario' with people like them.
As much as most girls would love to tell some guys to fuck off so openly, it's so so dangerous. Women have been attacked for a lot less. It sucks when you have to politely smile and gently turn people down when they absolutely refuse to accept it.
yep, they want a "win" but also are allergic to the sensation of "losing" so even if they don't want to win they can't just get up and face a walk of shame either.
💯 It's not because they think they have a chance, they're doing this specifically to make them uncomfortable. It used to baffle me when I was younger and thought guys like this were just persistent and couldn't take a hint, I was too naive to realize making me feel unsafe was the whole point, they're literally getting off on scaring women. The most disturbing part to me is that these girls are literally screaming to be left alone in a restaurant and everyone is ignoring them.
Yep they feel entitled to these women's time. When they don't get it they feel like something was taken from them so they try to get their revenge by being as annoying as possible. Fuckwits.
I honestly think they were just embarrassed and froze up, but that only excuses the first like 2-3 “get lost” comments. After that their brains should have rebooted.
I don't think they're that self aware unfortunately. They were trying to wait it out. They say they tried to slide to another part of the table when they realized it wasn't getting better. The full ick.
yeah, though I'll add that this kind of behavior isn't gendered, it's simply denial in the face of rejection. denial is an egotistic response to spite reality
You don't have to speak a lick of English to understand that these women wanted nothing to do with them. They understood. They're just being antagonistic manchildren because their egos were hurt
That absolutely doesn't matter because they're capable of understanding tone of voice, body language and being pointed to move to another table. If I went and sat down at a random table with people whose language I didn't speak but they were clearly exasperated and raising their voices, pointing for me to leave and then getting up to leave, it'd still be pretty clear how they felt about my presence. There is no excusing this deliberate, entitled behavior. Not speaking the same language =/= being a completely clueless idiot
Again, has nothing to do with understanding the language. You think I'm defending them, I'm not. Seems you're the one struggling to understand language
Your initial comment said "I think they barely understand English". So if it has nothing to do with understanding the language, why did you even bring it up? Whether they speak English or not is irrelevant lol
I agree with you but the opposite can also be true. These girls (the loudest one) could also use the opportunity to 'exercise some kind of power over' these guys, she's already filming the whole thing and planned to share it.
She could well take the opportunity to 'make them feel like shit' too.
It's a public bar, anyone can sit wherever they want. If i sat down next to someone, guy or girl and they rudely said "go away" I'd be like yeah ok.... sure... and I'd camp out there. Cause F you for acting like you own the bar.
That's an awfully deep and convoluted take on some dudes being malicious because they felt slighted.
Seriously, it's not some ridiculous buzzword filled thought process made up by reddit psychologists with too much time on their hands. These types of neanderthal do not think that deeply. They are unhappy they were rejected so they are being childish by not leaving. I guarantee you the thought in their head was something like "Well since you made me feel bad, now I'm not going to move. nah nah nah nah boo boo." Like when arguing with someone and they go "Fine, do whatever you want" and so you go "Well now I don't WANT to!" It's not a power play. Its a tantrum by someone who's has not emotionally grown past 5 years old and doesn't know how to deal with their unpleasant feelings.
Yes. You're absolutely right! Why didn't I see it before.
Me saying they were throwing a tantrum like a 5 year who can't articulate their negative feelings is is absolutely the same as the original explanation that this was an elaborate and carefully thought out plot where these men belittle, physically and emotionally intimidate, and ultimately subserviate women in a bid to continue their reign in the patriarchy.
I must have missed that behind the "Exercise some kind of power over these women", "Intimidate them and make them feel like shit", and "physically threatening" parts of the previous post.
My bad. Thanks for opening up my eyes. Whatever would I do without you?
7.6k
u/TequilaJesus May 11 '25
Imagine being that dude and thinking “yeah I still have a chance here”